眉毛サミット

I mean, it doesn't, but you're allowed to be wrong if you want. I'm against AI on principle and also because my artist friends will probably suffocate me with paper mâché in my sleep if I ever use it, but my brother and I might be able to do something. Start off remixing - which he'll never notice. All those songs have, like, at least a dozen remixes - and then start adding original stuff, hire some bloke off Fiverr for vocals...

[Wait, no, this is kind of genius. How will he react when his entire playlist is songs his own kids wrote and he didn't even realize it? Maybe this is the push Peter needs to finally learn keytar.]

D'ah, okay, I see. Well, like I said, Planet of the Bass sounds AI-generated, so... just hit up an AI bot and prompt it to make more similar songs and post it up on Spotify. Take his playlist into Uncanny Valley territory.

...Yeah, that's what a genre parody is, mate. It sounds like everything and nothing because it copies the styles and tropes so well. Anyways, no. That's missing the joke entirely. I don't want to shake him! The whole point is to find joke songs that sound similar enough and see if he catches on that something's off. Unless it's Rednex, he'll know something's wrong the moment he hears a banjo. And metal would make it too obvious that it's me! They'd both be out of place.

So far, he's gone 42 days without realizing a few of the songs on his playlist are parodies. If I find enough songs that fit, he'll eventually have more parody than genuine and be none the wiser.

[pretending his old Gameboy Advance is a tape recorder]

Day 42 of adding "Planet of the Bass" to my dad's Eurodance and Europop playlist. Subject paused while listening to playlist on day 39, but behavior may be explained by a lot of the songs always seeming longer than you remember each time you listen. No reason to believe cover has been blown, so 'there is nothing to be sad'.

Will update with further observations.

[pretending his old Gameboy Advance is a tape recorder]

Day 42 of adding "Planet of the Bass" to my dad's Eurodance and Europop playlist. Subject paused while listening to playlist on day 39, but behavior may be explained by a lot of the songs always seeming longer than you remember each time you listen. No reason to believe cover has been blown, so 'there is nothing to be sad'.

Will update with further observations.

The British childhood is a rare combination of abject misery and risk of harm.

hmmm

[[ hhhh it's been like, 7 months or so since I updated my fic and I'm trying to finally get the next chapter out but the words. they do not come.

What the fuck is wrong with you? (ic, not ooc. how does your muse react?)

[Oh, that smarts. He's taken aback, eyes wide, before it clicks that this is probably one of those quippy things meant to get a reaction. Well! He can do that. Peter folds his arms with an indignant huff]

I was made by the biggest empire ever, and all he gave me were bad eyebrows and trauma!

[Lies. He also gets a nice gift every Christmas. It does not fill the void.]

literally hate that "it doesn't get any betta than this" pic bc yes it fucking does

Do you know the lore of GLORYHAMMER and Angus McFife?

Obviously!! Plus, his singer/actor is on a song from Grail Knights, too! I've got to say, I've got a teensy preference for him as Angus McSIX over Angus McFife, but Gloryhammer IS a staple of any good power-metal playlist. It's like characters from a comic book!

Have you ever made up songs for your dog?

LOADS! Most are rhymes, but some are more song-like.

Right, so my favorite is

Kooky Kukkamuna Sometimes she smells like tuna Tried a bath but that's a laugh 'cuz now she smells like sewer!

The wet dog smell gets bad in the winter. She can't have baths too often because her skin is very sensitive, plus then she always finds something in the snow to roll in! But the rhyme doesn't work when Berwald or Nils say it since they say the "r" in sewer too hard.

I also have loads of little tunes basically telling her to hurry up and go poo so we can head back inside. One of them's to the tune of Safety Dance! We don't know why, but she doesn't like to poo in our yard, so we have to take her on a leash even when it's super cold or raining sideways! We take turns. Kukki is very high maintenance. Uncle Fin says it's because she's a little princess... and Uncle Den says it's because she's neurotic.

She can be both, I think! Both sound about right.

*punchs you in the back of the head*

OI!

[It doesn't hurt that much, but it spooked him! As for you, anon... you may need your hand x-rayed. You just punched a slab of steel covered only by a thin layer of skin and some hair. Steel's pretty good at rebounding, too, which means it didn't get a chance to jostle his brain]

That was mean! Do you want me to show you what a real punch is like?! 💢

Really?!

[Is that...? Could it be...? Praise? He's trying not to show how downright giddy he is. Play it cool! He's blowing off some of that energy by rocking heel-to-toe, but he's beaming nonetheless]

Of course I'm clever. Living at sea gives a lot of time to think! Why do you think fishermen and lighthouse keepers are so wise? It's all the thinking. I'll bet most lawyers don't spend enough time watching the waves in total silence, all stoic-like.

I wanted a real-life mech. Mr. Honda made me a toy one a long while back, with light-up bits and buttons that made sounds and everything, but it broke down after a good decade or so and I don't want to bother him, yeah? Now, I want one that actually works! If we can make robots breakdance at tech shows, then there is no good reason we can't have robot suits that you fly and shoot lasers. I want something right out of Gurren Lagann but without the doomsday-ness! ...come to think of it, maybe that's up there with hippos in the "not safe gifts" territory.

Sir, I have been caused great distress by my lack of hippopotamus this year. All I received were some dolls and dinky tinker toys. I wanted a hippopotamus to play with and enjoy! I must sue the big man himself, Mr. S. Claus.

I really don't think you have a case, my guy. You can't sue for not receiving the gift you wanted. That's the point of a gift. It's not an obligation.

Hold on, then - what's the the reason? And why would they lick cars in the first place?

This is a friendly reminder, don't let moose lick your car

[He perks RIGHT up, any former dread fully forgotten at hearing the two best words in the world: "you're right."]

I am right, aren't I? We both are, actually! You're right that Santa doesn't have to get a hippo, and I'm right about the letter, because we're both very clever!

[Congrats, Alfred, a ten-year-old thinks you're as smart as he is.

Sir, I have been caused great distress by my lack of hippopotamus this year. All I received were some dolls and dinky tinker toys. I wanted a hippopotamus to play with and enjoy! I must sue the big man himself, Mr. S. Claus.

I really don't think you have a case, my guy. You can't sue for not receiving the gift you wanted. That's the point of a gift. It's not an obligation.

Wait, can-

Can their tongues freeze to your car?! When it gets cold I mean, like if you try to lick metal which I have definitely never tried!

This is a friendly reminder, don't let moose lick your car

...

...Father Christmas didn't totally forget me when I was abandoned, either. Maybe he didn't know I was there for a while, but the Bates showed up on Christmas of '67, so... so I sort of think that maybe they were my Christmas gift for being so patient after so many years forgetting.