forget-me-not-59-blog-blog - Tumblr blog

forget-me-not-59-blog-blog · 6 years

Text

The Counterfeit Princess's Confession

Since when did it all suddenly go downhill? When and what broke in the mechanism of my usual careless life? Why did my existence suddenly become so... pathetic? I used to ask myself these questions so often, I thought about it so much, trying to understand what I was doing wrong. Now I know the answer, but it still doesn’t make it any easier. I realized my mistake, but it seems to be too late to fix it.

I have always enjoyed my wonderful life, from the very childhood – as long as I can remember. My parents are quite wealthy people, and so they allowed themselves to spend money on luxuries and entertainment for me - for their only child. It's quite natural, isn’t it? If you make a lot of honest buck, why not spend this money as you like? There's nothing wrong with that, is it? So I lived, not worrying about anything, and my parents bought me everything I wanted on demand.

Such a carefree existence was so natural to me that I was quite surprised when, having gone to primary school, I found out that not everyone lived their lives as good as I did. To be precise, it should be said this way: no one, none of my classmates came from a family as rich as I was lucky to have. However, it wasn’t like it was too distressing for them. Not at all, they were cheerful and enjoying their lives. They did not seem to think that something was missing for happiness. Yes, they did not. Until I told them about the wealth of my parents and everything I could afford due to this. They must have seen something like that only in their dreams - so I thought then. That’s why I told them about my life, so that they knew how great it could be, so that they were happy for me.

At first, other children really listened attentively to me, getting excited about my stories. Preparing for school I always put on my best dresses, I brought some valuable things to the class so that the guys could look at them and express their thoughts about them. I constantly heard sighs in admiration and envious whispers that caused my joy to grow even more, and the smile on my face stretched out almost from ear to ear. Yes, envy me, look how I live! Now you are unlikely to be so satisfied with your poor life. The realization of my own superiority was exhilarating; it confused my thoughts so I just couldn’t help gloating over it. Perhaps now I'm a bit ashamed for such thoughts.

In those days I was the real princess of my class. Those were wonderful, marvelous days, when I was enjoying my life. Everything was so good, but... alas, happiness was not destined to last long. The reason for my failure was a quarrel with a girl from my class. I cannot even remember its causes - it must have been a trifle, which, however, was of great importance for a young child, as I was then. However, this is not so important now. What’s important is that I told that girl the following: she has no right to object to me, given my extremely high-level position and her miserable position of pauper. It was said in public, with all of our classmates there. I expected support from them, I was sure that they would be on my side. But I was wrong. No one thought to help me. I looked back at them flinching when I saw the undisguised irritation and anger in their eyes. All eyes were on me, literally burning a hole in my body. So, what’s next? Next they defended that girl going up against me, all of them. I was truly perplexed then, I simply couldn’t understand what I had done wrong, and therefore I was mortally offended by their reaction. Shouting insults in their direction for last, I ran out of the class like the wind.

Everything’s changed right after that. The next day, when I entered the classroom, I did not hear the usual cheers. If only that was the end of the problem, but no! They all looked at me angrily and began to whisper among themselves. It was so insulting but I took my seat trying not to pay attention to it. Those who sat nearby immediately winced and turned away from me. The whisper seemed to become so much louder.

And then it was getting even worse. Later they began to throw different kinds of things at me and it often hurt me so much. Jerks, punches, kicks, trips up – all these things became an integral part of my school life. I literally did not have a single quiet moment. These monsters bullied me as best they could; condemning whispers and malicious laughs never subsided behind my back.

My parents did not notice the abrasions all over my body as well as my eyes swollen from tears. And there was no time for them to notice it. They worked late, almost every day, and returned home terribly tired, often unable to even talk to each other, let alone to notice my bad mood and bruises. However, I never took offense at my parents. They worked so hard, and they received well-deserved money for their labor. Did I have the right to blame them for not paying attention to me? After all, no matter what, I was always suited and booted and well-fed. Could I ask for more?

I didn’t dare to tell them everything, and there was usually no time for it. So I suffered, I endured it for a very long time, so long that it seemed I couldn’t bear it. The bullying got worse every day, and the thought of suicide occurred to me repeatedly at that time.

However, one day the problem resolved itself. My parents suddenly decided to move with regard to their work, which meant that I would finally leave this school and the class that caused me so much pain. I was happy, so infinitely happy. And I decided that such kind of suffering would never happen again in the new school.

And, in fact, everything was going well for a while. I fit in rather quickly at new school taking a position rather similar to the one I had initially in my previous school. I bragged about my new belongings again, causing admiration and envy of others. But everything was fine, they communicated with me without any problem, not thinking of mocking or bullying. I wanted so desperately not to repeat my last mistake, so as not to bring everything back to a sad outcome. But it’s a pity that I still didn’t understand then what I was wrong about. I'm such a fool.

I can’t believe I’ve gone down the same road. This happened when I was already in secondary school. However everything was a bit different this time. I didn’t argue with anyone, as I did last time, and I didn’t insult or humiliate anyone. But despite this, I couldn’t avoid that thing I was so afraid of – that is the hatred from my classmates and bullying. That’s when I started to think about why it happened again. I kept thinking it over and over in my mind for a long time remembering all my actions and things I said before the fateful moment. And then I realized it.

Yes, everything became clear to me at last. The same reason led to problems last time. The answer is my boasting. It was so simple but how much time it took me to realize it! This time I just talked too much about my wealth, and eventually everyone started to hate me. I boasted about my position but, in fact, I had no right to do this. After all, wealth is the merit of my parents. But I… have I done something to gain it, have I work hard at least for a while? The answer is no.

Finally I came to the right conclusion, but this could no longer help. It was already too late to correct my mistake. Even I knelt before them and apologized for everything I had done and said they would hardly listen to me. However, I could not even afford to try to do this - still it was too humiliating for me to act in such a way.

In this school, bullying seemed even worse than what I had experienced before. But I found a joy here that helped me to get rid of pain of my everyday life at least for a short time – that was a drama club. Certainly, the best salvation for me would be the opportunity to play the main roles in the performances – well, if not the main ones, then any of the others at least! But... even here I was not allowed to do what I wanted to. I was pushed to make props – that was quite boring, dreary occupation. The other members of the club were constantly involved in various plays, endlessly rehearsing, trying to improve their level of acting, while I could only look at them with envy in my eyes. That was so unfair, and that was killing me – for I was sure that I could play much better than all of them combined. But no one even thought about my candidacy. They only made fun of me assuring me mockingly that there was no better work for me than making props.

It would seem that in such a situation it would be better for me to quit the club, right? But no, I could not. I dreamed about the theater, I wanted to play the main roles – to amaze everyone with my talent, to cause admiration and delight of the public. And, even if I could not afford all these things in reality, rehearsals in front of a mirror in the empty hall of the club late at night was quite enough to brighten up my life a little.

Who am I kidding, though? No, it wasn’t enough, not enough at all! It doesn’t pay my daily sufferings off at all. On the contrary, it’s just getting even worse from the realization that even your humble dream cannot become a reality. There is nothing more terrible than just looking at those who can make come true your own dream!

It’s such a miserable fate, right? If someone found these notes, they would probably think something like "what a worthless, pathetic little girl". It is unlikely that someone would sympathize with me, because the people around me have always given a shit about me. Probably, I'd better just save this world my own existence. That's right; it will be the best decision.

I’m writing these lines, sitting alone in the empty hall of the drama club. I'll leave these notes somewhere here for someone to find out the truth about what has happened to me. It won’t be good if I disappear without a trace, and everyone will consider me missing. No, you will know the whole truth. Now I'll make a few more of props, and then I'll go home. But something will happen to me on the way, and I’ll be never seen at home again. Farewell, everyone. Farewell, my indifferent parents, farewell, my cruel classmates, and farewell, my unfulfilled dream. I will never disturb this world again.

“Let me make your dream a reality. Choose the role you wish and I will give it to you.”

The girl in a beautiful western dress was dancing in front of a huge mirror, looking at her own reflection with happiness in her eyes. Getting carried away by herself, she seemed not to see anyone and anything around her. She was standing in the middle of the empty hall of the drama club though, so there was nothing else to look at except for her own beautiful reflection. She was almost immersed in the marvelous world on the other side of the mirror, where she was standing on the stage, bowing down in front of numerous spectators – they were looking at her with delight, and were applauding loudly without resting for a moment. Turning constantly to the one direction after the other, paying her attention to everyone in the audience, at some point she felt the figure emerged behind her back. It was getting so habitual. Smiling happily, the girl turned to the man standing behind her – the one who was dressed in extremely strange outfit. However, she was already getting used to it too, as well as to the constant cup of tea which seemed to be in hands of this creature all the time.

“I’m so happy, Black Tea Gentleman,” she was looking right into his eyes, still smiling. “Thanks to you I have all these things. Thank you for making my dream come true.”

Yokai smiled to himself hiding his lips behind his cup of tea as they were forming a grin.

“You shouldn’t thank me, Midori. After all, it wasn’t a gift from me. You know very well about the terms of our contract.”

The girl’s shining eyes became a bit glassy for a moment, and the corners of her mouth curved down, but in a second the dazzling smile showed up on her face again, and her eyes lit up even brighter than before.

“I don’t care,” she said happily never taking her eyes off the man. “I feel so good right now,” she looked back to the audience for a moment nodding favorably in response to their enthusiastic shouting, and then she looked at yokai standing in front of her again. “And just for this fact I wouldn’t mind giving my soul, even if I would lose my life right now.”

“Oh no, it can wait,” the one who was called Black Tea Gentleman laughed quietly. “Enjoy your dream while you have time.”

With a broader smile on her face the girl nodded in agreement and turned back to the audience giving herself completely to their attention she longed for. But that was just an illusion in which this pitiful creature dissolved without a trace losing herself completely, forgetting about the outside world. Her fragile soul is so delicious. Black Tea Gentleman grinned, his eyes fixed on the victim who had plunged into her make-believe world.

“You’re disgusting.” Unexpected voice from the door made yokai stop contemplating such a pleasant scene.

“What are you doing here,” he turned his head to the sudden visitor staring at him with piercing eyes, “the thirteenth stair reaper?”

“I’m seeking for a victim,” Izanami grinned glancing over the girl who was bowing down in front of the mirror in the hall of the drama club.

“So that’s it,” Black Tea Gentleman said musingly. “Knowing you, you would probably try to put her on the right track, to make her want to live in reality… Isn’t it how you usually act? You are so kind, Izanami.”

“Shut up,” yokai shrugged his shoulders, irritated. “I don’t care about this pushover, that’s for sure. She would not last even a couple of days. That's why she would be a perfect victim for me,” a spiteful grin appeared on his face. “Her miserable little soul would burn forever in the hell of mine.”

“And you dare call me disgusting,” Black Tea Gentleman mumbled looking at his interlocutor with distaste. “I may be considered as angel, as compared with you.”

Izanami burst out laughing in response. The whole vast room was filled with his loud laughter, but the girl seemed not to notice it at all as she danced in front of the mirror.

“Don’t flatter yourself,” yokai said as he calmed down a bit. “At least I don’t give anyone false hopes while killing them slowly and laughing behind their backs.”

Black Tea Gentleman looked at Izanami, frowning. Was this monster going to lecture him on how to live his life? That was the last thing he needed.

“If you’re uncomfortable to see this, then just disappear,” he hissed without trying to hide his irritation. “You will not get her anyway because she already belongs to me. Or maybe you want to fight me? Come on, let’s see who is stronger.”

Izanami winced rewarding him with a scornful look as his lips stretched forming a scathing grin.

“Sure, but let’s do this another time,” he promised. “Now I have no time for you. But I wouldn’t recommend you to show your face to me when I’m free.”

Izanami’s figure began to vanish into thin air. Black Tea Gentleman only snorted derisively in response.

“So scary.”

He turned to his victim again noting with satisfaction that she was still immersed in her own world not paying attention to any changing in the surrounding reality. He supposed that the girl wouldn’t come out of this state soon, so he continued drinking his tea looking through the nearest window blissfully, noting casually twilight coming. Daytime was passing surprisingly quickly while watching this creature. She likes to call herself ‘princess’, right? Well, he will let her play this role a bit longer.

Getting carried away by such thoughts, yokai missed the moment when the victim approached him and grabbed his hand. When she managed to stop looking at her own reflection? How exciting. What did she need from him now? His thin lips twisted into the grin.

“Is there anything wrong, princess?” he asked looking at her face closely.

“Princess,” she echoed letting go of his hand. “If there’s a princess, then there should be a prince too, right?”

The girl fixed her eyes on his face waiting for an answer but Black Tea Gentleman didn’t know what to say. That was the first time when his victim’s question confused him. He already granted a lot of her wishes plunging her into a sweet illusion where she was receiving attention from artificially created spectators. Even her classmates who were bullying her constantly – in her eyes they were people fascinated by her beauty, kindness and talent. Yokai believed that this would be more than enough, but look, she wanted a prince now. Creating such an illusion would cause some problems.

“No, not at all,” he finally answered, trying to smile as gently as he could to reassure the girl. “Why do you need a creature that wouldn’t be overshadowed by you? Would you really like it?”

Midori frowned and looked away. It seems I haven’t managed to reassure her, Black Tea Gentleman said to himself. Maybe hinting in this way at her vanity was too harsh. But when the girl spoke again, her words surprised him even more.

“It’s just…” she hesitated for a moment, and when she went on, her voice was very quiet, “I feel… a bit lonely, yes. No, I’m not complaining,” she added hastily noticing yokai’s eyes widening in amazement, “I like the attention of the audience and classmates, but... I want someone equal to me to be around – someone who I could share my secrets with, who would be able to understand me.” The girl’s eyes were fixed on the floor – she was obviously so embarrassed to admit this.

His surprise was gone, being finally replaced by awareness of what was happening, and Black Tea Gentleman grinned. So she needed a friend? Or even a lover? He couldn’t create artificially something so sublime. Besides, isn’t it too many wishes for one little girl? Yokai was ready to speak his mind but Midori beat him to it.

“Black Tea Gentleman,” she looked up at him, clutching onto his sleeve “at least for a while, could you… become my prince?”

That was definitely the last thing yokai expected to hear from his victim. He was starting to think how to compel somebody to love this creature but… did she really mean it? She wanted yokai to be her lover? The very thought made him feel like he was about to laugh, loudly and uncontrollably. He suppressed it, though, biting his lip as he remembered just in time about vulnerable soul of this girl. But what was he going to do with her now? If he refused her, it would surely hurt her feelings, and if he accepted… no, it was ridiculous to even think about it.

There was a prolonged silence, and Midori looked down. This child probably regretted saying this.

“You must have misunderstood me,” she stuttered. “I just wanted to say that…”

“There’s no need to explain,” Black Tea Gentleman cut her short. “I think I’ve understood you correctly.”

Midori looked up at him with hope in her eyes, and for some reason this look made yokai feel awkward. Is it for real? Awkward? This was definitely going beyond common sense, and it was quite irritating. The feeling that he had in that moment, it seemed even more ridiculous than the girl’s proposal.

Stop looking at me this way.

“I don’t mind it,” he didn’t know why these words came out. He just couldn’t answer different for some reason as he was looking into her eyes that immediately were starting to shine even brighter than before – when she was carried away by illusion.

“Is it true?” she whispered incredulously. “You don’t mind becoming my prince?”

This time Black Tea Gentleman let himself give a grin. Who would have thought that this creature could be pretty cute sometimes. Now he even felt a bit of pity for the fact that she would be disappointed in the end. However, it would be better for her to realize what she was going to go through. Until then… why not play along with her for a while?

“Sure,” he put on one of his best smiles looking right into her eyes, and then he kissed her hand “my princess.”

Some time later, Midori remembered the farewell letter left in the drama club hall on the day she was ready to kill herself. She wanted to find and destroy it, because now, when her dream is fulfilled, she was no longer thinking about anything like that. However, the letter was not found in the supposed place. The girl was already starting to worry that someone had found and read these notes, but Black Tea Gentleman, who was interested in her search, reassured her that he had destroyed it long ago. Midori sighed with relief smiling gratefully at her savior. There was nothing to worry about. Yes, that's right. She'll be fine while he’s still around.

The girl wasn’t aware that yokai lied to her. He didn’t destroy the letter, but only hid it for a while. He will certainly bring it back on the day he consumes this miserable soul completely.

But she didn’t need to know about this, did she?

#higanbana no saku yoru ni #ryukishi07 #fanfiction

0 notes