Getting back to my “Happy” ending which finally started making actual sense now that I embraced the truth that is JAM.

So, our technological situation shouldn’t be too dire and hopeless now, but what we have left is not nearly as advanced and fancy as what we had at Cerberus. Besides, Shepard left the Hospital before making full recovery, so his struggle continues at home. Kaidan, as the team medic, is monitoring his condition, and Miranda was of huge help, providing some vital knowledge of Shepard’s… modified physiology.

Anyway, Shepard’s recuperation is slow and painful. At times he likely feels weak and useless, and generally has a hard time dealing with his predicament and all the trauma.

That’s where Samara comes in. She teaches Shepard to use his inner reserves and find more strength within himself. Mind over matter!

The way she greets you on Lesuss always felt somewhat patronal (matronal?), and caused me to entertain the idea of Samara teaching Shepard things in ME2. With her experience, she’s got to have a lot to share!

I failed to come up with any way Kaidan or Ashley could interact with her, so she’s only really here for Shepard. Thus, the guys simply try to be good hosts (obviously, the mighty justicar doesn’t need accommodations, but they insisted!); Kaidan is worried about Shepard (with his not-yet-healed injuries) overstraining himself, but Ashley encourages him to just trust Shepard and his friend, believing they both know what they are doing.

Now that relationship problems have been solved, they can hang out and talk all they want (when they take a break from saving the world).

Ashley can finally share some details about her family, tell stories about her sisters and parents, much like in her canon dialogue at Apollo’s.

She mentioned that her father would have liked Shepard. Wonder what he’d say about his daughter’s eventual choice - with Shepard and Kaidan both being career military men...

I’d really like to know what his take on fraternization was.

It’s officially the three of them now!

When Shepard and Kaidan come down to share the “news” with Ashley, she can sense immediately that they worked all their issues out. (They couldn’t hide their happy lovey-dovey vibes even if they wanted to, tbh)

No more secrets, no more doubts.

They all love each other and can finally behave like an OT3 :D

Back in the day I was very surprised to learn from a wiki article that Ashley felt that Tali was like a little sister to her (you only get those lines of dialogue under specific circumstances, so I couldn’t hear them in my game). Originally I wanted them to hug, but I don’t know, were they really that close? The reunion I witnessed was somewhat underwhelming, too, so…

Welcome back Tali! It’s so good to see you again!

Talking about their relationship.

No one gets left behind.

Shepard and Kaidan are a physical couple, and I don’t necessarily mean that in a sexual way.

They’re the kind of couple that holds hands as often as possible or touches each other reassuringly on the face and arms and legs.

They’re the kind of couple that purposely brushes up against or bumps into each other and then laughingly pretends they didn’t after.

They’re the kind of couple that greets with an embrace and interrupts conversation by pulling the other into a hug.

They’re the kind of couple that has their arms wrapped around each other and their legs entangled while vids play in the background.

Shepard and Kaidan are physical.  They’re always looking for an excuse to be close, to be touching—because then they know that they’re both really there and it isn’t just some dream.

Out of the battlefield, these three are huge cuddlers, and nothing can convince me otherwise.

THE THING IS, OBI-WAN ISN’T WRONG ABOUT THIS. It’s Anakin’s inability to let go, that he’ll engage in reckless and foolhardy behavior to save someone he cares about, that will lead directly to his fall, his loyalty to those he cares about over the safety of the rest of the galaxy is exactly what leads to the death of the Jedi and the rise of the Empire. This is why I love TCW so much–in pretty much any other story I’ve seen, the high-risk-high-reward type of behavior from the hero ultimately always pays off, that minor set-backs are eventually overcome and we’re meant to think that it’s the right thing to do.  In and of itself, maybe we even should think that about Anakin’s style–I mean, who doesn’t want to get R2 back??  I love R2!  Of course we should risk everything for him! But TCW doesn’t exist in a vaccuum, we’re aware that we’re watching Future Darth Vader here and knowing that changes a whole lot about the context of Anakin being willing to risk the safety of everyone else for the one he wants to save.  And Obi-Wan’s definitely not wrong to try to get him to see the danger that lies in that kind of thinking–usually, the one who tries to hold the hero back is wrong, ultimately risking everything for friendship saves the day!!  And it will this time.  But one day…. One day Darth Vader’s going to do the same and it’s going to fuck everything up.

do u actually have like, a list of reasons why canon shep is autistic, bc if so i'd love to hear it

YES! Thank you for asking. :)

Okay, so!

Shepard’s social interactions with people are very purpose-oriented. They (I’ll use “they” for pronoun, since I’m referring to all Shepards, male or female or other genders) go into a conversation, ask a bunch of questions, and then leave. They have scripts–’I should go’ being one of them–to get them through social situations. (See also: ‘I’m Commander Shepard, and this is my favorite store on the Citadel.’) They are very often oblivious to social niceties, depending on how you play them, but even the most suave Shepard kind of fumbles things from time to time. (I love Shepard going “wait, I don’t really sound like that, do I?” to the VI made of them.)

Shepard also clearly sees the world as being a Certain Way. I got the Prothean beacon message, why can’t everyone else believe me? I know the Reapers are real, why don’t you? I talked to Vigil, why don’t you automatically trust what I’m saying is true? It evidences a certain inability to fully see things from another’s perspective, to fully understand that, no, other people don’t always know what you know (something I struggle with myself.)

Shepard is very very good at certain things. Shepard is an amazing soldier, knows all sorts of military things, guns, technology (even a not-tech Shepard), etc. etc. But other things? Very bad. And clearly so; their squadmates make fun of them for it.

See also: Shep’s inability to dance well. The Shakarian tango is exempted, but let me tell you, it’s far easier, as an autistic person, to do a dance that has steps to follow than “move your body however you feel!”

Fish. Hamsters. Tell me Shepard doesn’t have special interests there. The kiosks, I’m sure, show you what you might be interested in. So Shepard’s buying/omni-tool history implies that.

The lack of obvious struggle with dying and coming back to life fits here too–a certain lack of affect, a way in which all of that is in the inside, down deep. And some of that, too, is Being a Good Leader. You’re not supposed to break down to your crew, so you don’t. Even when you died. Even when you’re having horrible dreams. You just… don’t.

Really, so much about Shepard just suddenly clicks into place and makes sense if they’re autistic. Saying the same shit over and over, having narrow but deep interests, asking inappropriate questions about people five minutes after meeting them, having weirdness about movements in some ways but not in others (I bet that hardsuit is great for dealing with perioperceptive issues).

Also, biotics are neurodivergent by definition, so any biotic Shepard is ND at least.

Could all of this add up to something else? Sure. But I love the idea of an autistic character that’s the charming badass that everyone wants to be friends with. I love the autistic character being the hero, the galaxy-saving space marine. I see myself in Shepard, in so many ways. And I get tired of fanfic or fandom in general portraying Shepard as being super-suave or whatever… they’re not. They’re charming and friendly and compelling, but autistic people can be all these things if we learn how.

Hell, we can be really good at social stuff if we learn all the right words and scripts and ways to act–it’s just tiring. And no, not all of us can do it. Shepard clearly has a lot of spoons and the ability to socialize. Get them off-script, though, and suddenly it “time for guns” because that’s their default script in hard times and someone gave them a license to kill.

Basically: Shepard is Space James Bond, Shepard is also autistic, I love both of these ideas, and I’ll push them until the day I die. ;)

Slow dancing is cool, because you don’t have to be a good dancer to pull it off.

Talking about his resurrection, Shepard shared some of his most serious doubts, which darkened the mood significantly.

Ashley isn’t a “word person” (it was always Kaidan’s speciality). She couldn’t think of anything to say to reassure Shepard, so she opted to distract him instead.

When she stood up, Shepard thought she was going to leave, but she just moved to put some music on to break that heavy silence.

So on the pictures above…

She pulls him up, and for a while they’re just swaying to the music, holding each other close and moving together. It’s relaxing and helps gather their thoughts.

Ashley tells Shepard that she believes he’s real. She has faith and believes in miracles.Therefore, for her Shepard’s return is a miracle, and she doesn’t need anything else. She doesn’t doubt him.

Shepard is willing to trust Ashley’s judgement. He tells her that he always greatly admired her determination and resolve. How she never just gives up (for reasons that differ from Shepard’s own: she does her best for her family, to honor her father and grandfather, to protect her sisters; Shepard never had anything like that, in a way, he does what he does to justify his existence), it’s truly inspirational.

So, if Ashley believes in Shepard being real, he can believe it too. He can write it off as a miracle.

These two are such horrible saps when they reconcile in ME3, they probably talk some more about how much they love each other.

At some point though, Ashley addresses the threesome thing, brings up Kaidan, and gently encourages Shepard to act on his feelings for him.

Now that both Shepard and Kaidan have Ashley’s blessing, mshenko can finally happen.

Shepard and Ashley have their cut conversation about afterlife, and Shepard expresses some of his doubts.

Ash will need to cheer him up after this.

Deleted scene with Ashley

Ashley: Hey Commander, I was just about to go look for you. I have a question for you. Shepard: What’s up? Ashley: I wasn’t sure…well, it’s not exactly regulation. Shepard: I’m curious. Shoot. Ashley: Laying there in the hospital, I had a lot of time to think. Lots of stuff going on, lots to try and deal with. Shepard: I understand. I’ve spent more time in hospitals then my own ship. Ashley: …and thanks for coming by. Hospitals always make me nervous. Something about shuffling off our mortal coil, y’know? I couldn’t wait to get out of there. I hate hospitals. Hate the smell. Hate the colors. Hate the reminder of…the end, Y’know? Shepard: You…had a question? Ashley: Yeah…well, I guess I’ll come out and ask; you were dead…weren’t you? I mean…really dead. Right? Shepard: So I heard. I couldn’t say for sure, but I think so. Ashley: {Long pause} What did you see? Bright light? Dark tunnel? Anything? Shepard: That’s a big question, Ash. I’m not sure the answer will be what you’re looking for. Ashley: It is what it is, Shepard. There’s no right or wrong. Shepard: I was wondering when you would come out and ask me. People haven’t really asked. Ashley: That’s hard to believe. You died! You saw what’s next. How can anyone not be curious about that?

> Shepard: All right. I’ll tell you what I know. The truth is…I don’t remember much. Ashley: What do you mean? Shepard: I remember floating after an explosion in the Normandy pushed me out into space. There was a sharp pain in my chest. I couldn’t breath but could feel air being leeched from my lungs. I struggled, tried to stop the air from leaking- all pointless…but it doesn’t take long before it was all blackness. Ashley: Did you see anything? Shepard: I did see a light. Ashley: Really? Shepard: It was the Cerberus lab, Ash. Nothing else. I heard voices, muffled for a bit. The next time I woke up, I had to escape the facility. Ashley: So you don’t know. Shepard: I don’t know. I’m sorry. Ashley: I guess the big question won’t get answered today. Shepard: I’m afraid not. Ashley: Well, crap. You failed as my life-after-death inside source. Shepard: I could dance for you. Ashley: Please don’t.

> Shepard: To tell the truth, I don’t remember anything. Ashley: Nothing at all? Shepard: Even with my experience, I don’t think I should be answering questions about your beliefs. When I realized what had happened. What Cerberus had done to bring me back…I panicked. I shut down. I pushed the fear away just long enough to deal with the Collectors…but it didn’t stay away. The time alone in Alliance lock-up I had to confront what I was. Ashley: What are you afraid of? Shepard: Ash, I don’t know if I died and came back…or simply died. Ashley: What do you mean? Shepard: I don’t know if this is the Shepard you knew, or some incomplete copy. Ashley: Does it matter? Shepard: I don’t know.

I’ve had to make hard decisions before, but this time I couldn’t.

I think I finally found the missing link I felt my AU was lacking.

This is supposed to take place just after Virmire debriefing and report to the Council. When done with all formalities, Shepard finally collapses from exhaustion and all the stress, because he totally strained himself on Virmire. Kaidan sees and rushes to his side.

Although Shepard kept assuring his team he had it all under control, in truth, he did not at all. He just really wanted to believe he could pull it off and keep both his friends with him.

So, once that adrenaline rush has passed, he’s having a meltdown and feels a need to confess. For the first time in his military career, he failed so hard. Even knowing what was on the line he risked the mission because of personal feelings. That’s a blow to his confidence, but he can’t bring himself to regret his choice (or the lack of thereof :P).

And this moment, I believe, cements Kaidan’s trust in Shepard that shows later in ME3. Shepard finally shows a bit of vulnerability, and proves how much he values his comrades. And Kaidan appreciates that, even if he recognizes Shepard’s stunt as unacceptable. But it all worked out in the end, so why dwell on it?

So, instead of “going through Ash’s death together“, they have this. The romantic undertones are supposed to be very subtle. This is mostly about friends sharing a private moment and coming clean to each other after a near death experience. They can now be more honest about their affection for each other. So there’s almost hugging and smiling.

(I can’t believe I’m editing a modded romance scene to make it appear platonic. Preposterous!)

Ugh, I’m so sorry about the dialogue! This isn’t exactly how I like to imagine it, but there’s only so much I can put in a gif set on tumblr and make it legible.

Lovely as the imagery of all three human spectres walking into the casino hand in hand is, I can’t see it happening even if the game mechanics made it possible.

It would be rude to leave Brooks out, having her walk alone. We don’t yet know who she really is, so at the moment she is a lady who is helping us, and should be respected. Because Shepard and Kaidan are such gentlemen (though, honestly, Kaidan is the real gentleman - Shepard doesn’t really care, but tries to keep up, not wanting to disappoint him) they have to act accordingly.

It’s very hard for me to make pure Willenko, because I’m constantly reminded that NONE of the living ME characters will ever love and appreciate the VS as much as the other VS could.

When Shepard leaves, Ashley and Kaidan can talk.

Let’s just say they embrace their complicated feelings.

Mass Effect 1 Elevator Dialogues

All right, here it is!

First, some disclaimers:

I believe these transcripts to be accurate, but some errors may have crept in.

I do not believe these transcripts to be complete. You can see for yourselves that some pairs of characters have more dialogues than others; I’m fairly sure some exchanges are missing, in spite of my attempts to find them on youtube.

If you know of exchanges that I have missed, I would be happy to know about transcripts or video of them so I can add them to this post. I am not, however, in a position to play the game endlessly to get particular exchanges to fire.

I could not resist adding brief commentary, which represents only my own opinions.

You will notice that there is some repeated dialogue – some characters’ lines can occur in combination with several other characters. I would guess this is partly an economy on Bioware’s part, and partly to increase the probability that certain information comes across.

Thank you to @hoarous, @syzara, and @thelastunicorg for helping point me toward relevant video. Also for @jadesabre301 and @omegastation, who expressed interest in seeing transcripts.

The following post is long, about 3600 words, and is after the cut, with exchanges sorted by pair of characters. The numbers are just for reference; I don’t think the dialogue necessarily triggers in that order.

Keep reading