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Florida Feminists
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The Troubling Trend in Teenage Sex
Peggy Orenstein out here doing God's work
NY Times 4/12/24
By Peggy Orenstein
Ms. Orenstein is the author of “Boys & Sex: Young Men on Hookups, Love, Porn, Consent and Navigating the New Masculinity” and “Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape.”
Debby Herbenick is one of the foremost researchers on American sexual behavior. The director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University and the author of the pointedly titled book “Yes, Your Kid,” she usually shares her data, no matter how explicit, without judgment. So I was surprised by how concerned she seemed when we checked in on Zoom recently: “I haven’t often felt so strongly about getting research out there,” she told me. “But this is lifesaving.”
For the past four years, Dr. Herbenick has been tracking the rapid rise of “rough sex” among college students, particularly sexual strangulation, or what is colloquially referred to as choking. Nearly two-thirds of women in her most recent campus-representative survey of 5,000 students at an anonymized “major Midwestern university” said a partner had choked them during sex (one-third in their most recent encounter). The rate of those women who said they were between the ages 12 and 17 the first time that happened had shot up to 40 percent from one in four.
As someone who’s been writing for well over a decade about young people’s attitudes and early experience with sex in all its forms, I’d also begun clocking this phenomenon. I was initially startled in early 2020 when, during a post-talk Q. and A. at an independent high school, a 16-year-old girl asked, “How come boys all want to choke you?” In a different class, a 15-year-old boy wanted to know, “Why do girls all want to be choked?” They do? Not long after, a college sophomore (and longtime interview subject) contacted me after her roommate came home in tears because a hookup partner, without warning, had put both hands on her throat and squeezed.
I started to ask more, and the stories piled up. Another sophomore confided that she enjoyed being choked by her boyfriend, though it was important for a partner to be “properly educated” — pressing on the sides of the neck, for example, rather than the trachea. (Note: There is no safe way to strangle someone.) A male freshman said “girls expected” to be choked and, even though he didn’t want to do it, refusing would make him seem like a “simp.” And a senior in high school was angry that her friends called her “vanilla” when she complained that her boyfriend had choked her.
Sexual strangulation, nearly always of women in heterosexual pornography, has long been a staple on free sites, those default sources of sex ed for teens. As with anything else, repeat exposure can render the once appalling appealing. It’s not uncommon for behaviors to be normalized in porn, move within a few years to mainstream media, then, in what may become a feedback loop, be adopted in the bedroom or the dorm room.
Choking, Dr. Herbenick said, seems to have made that first leap in a 2008 episode of Showtime’s “Californication,” where it was still depicted as outré, then accelerated after the success of “Fifty Shades of Grey.” By 2019, when a high school girl was choked in the pilot of HBO’s “Euphoria,” it was standard fare. A young woman was choked in the opener of “The Idol” (again on HBO and also, like “Euphoria,” created by Sam Levinson; what’s with him?). Ali Wong plays the proclivity for laughs in a Netflix special, and it’s a punchline in Tina Fey’s new “Mean Girls.” The chorus of Jack Harlow’s “Lovin On Me,” which topped Billboard’s Hot 100 chart for six nonconsecutive weeks this winter and has been viewed over 99 million times on YouTube, starts with, “I’m vanilla, baby, I’ll choke you, but I ain’t no killer, baby.” How-to articles abound on the internet, and social media algorithms feed young people (but typically not their unsuspecting parents) hundreds of #chokemedaddy memes along with memes that mock — even celebrate — the potential for hurting or killing female partners.
I’m not here to kink-shame (or anything-shame). And, anyway, many experienced BDSM practitioners discourage choking, believing it to be too dangerous. There are still relatively few studies on the subject, and most have been done by Dr. Herbenick and her colleagues. Reports among adolescents are now trickling out from the United Kingdom, Australia, Iceland, New Zealand and Italy.
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Twenty years ago, sexual asphyxiation appears to have been unusual among any demographic, let alone young people who were new to sex and iffy at communication. That’s changed radically in a short time, with health consequences that parents, educators, medical professionals, sexual consent advocates and teens themselves urgently need to understand.
Sexual trends can spread quickly on campus and, to an extent, in every direction. But, at least among straight kids, I’ve sometimes noticed a pattern: Those that involve basic physical gratification — like receiving oral sex in hookups — tend to favor men. Those that might entail pain or submission, like choking, are generally more for women.
So, while undergrads of all genders and sexualities in Dr. Herbenick’s surveys report both choking and being choked, straight and bisexual young women are far more likely to have been the subjects of the behavior; the gap widens with greater occurrences. (In a separate study, Dr. Herbenick and her colleagues found the behavior repeated across the United States, particularly for adults under 40, and not just among college students.) Alcohol may well be involved, and while the act is often engaged in with a steady partner, a quarter of young women said partners they’d had sex with on the day they’d met also choked them.
Either way, most say that their partners never or only sometimes asked before grabbing their necks. For many, there had been moments when they couldn’t breathe or speak, compromising the ability to withdraw consent, if they’d given it. No wonder that, in a separate study by Dr. Herbenick, choking was among the most frequently listed sex acts young women said had scared them, reporting that it sometimes made them worry whether they’d survive.
Among girls and women I’ve spoken with, many did not want or like to be sexually strangled, though in an otherwise desired encounter they didn’t name it as assault. Still, a sizable number were enthusiastic; they requested it. It is exciting to feel so vulnerable, a college junior explained. The power dynamic turns her on; oxygen deprivation to the brain can trigger euphoria.
That same young woman, incidentally, had never climaxed with a partner: While the prevalence of choking has skyrocketed, rates of orgasm among young women have not increased, nor has the “orgasm gap” disappeared among heterosexual couples. “It indicates they’re not doing other things to enhance female arousal or pleasure,” Dr. Herbenick said.
When, for instance, she asked one male student who said he choked his partner whether he’d ever tried using a vibrator instead, he recoiled. “Why would I do that?” he asked.
Perhaps, she responded, because it would be more likely to produce orgasm without risking, you know, death.
In my interviews, college students have seen male orgasm as a given; women’s is nice if it happens, but certainly not expected or necessarily prioritized (by either partner). It makes sense, then, that fulfillment would be less the motivator for choking than appearing adventurous or kinky. Such performances don’t always feel good.
“Personally, my hypothesis is that this is one of the reasons young people are delaying or having less sex,” Dr. Herbenick said. “Because it’s uncomfortable and weird and scary. At times some of them literally think someone is assaulting them but they don’t know. Those are the only sexual experiences for some people. And it’s not just once they’ve gotten naked. They’ll say things like, ‘I’ve only tried to make out with someone once because he started choking and hitting me.’”
Keisuke Kawata, a neuroscientist at Indiana University’s School of Public Health, was one of the first researchers to sound the alarm on how the cumulative, seemingly inconsequential, sub-concussive hits football players sustain (as opposed to the occasional hard blow) were key to triggering C.T.E., the degenerative brain disease. He’s a good judge of serious threats to the brain. In response to Dr. Herbenick’s work, he’s turning his attention to sexual strangulation. “I see a similarity” to C.T.E., he told me, “though the mechanism of injury is very different.” In this case, it is oxygen-blocking pressure to the throat, frequently in light, repeated bursts of a few seconds each.
Strangulation — sexual or otherwise — often leaves few visible marks and can be easily overlooked as a cause of death. Those whose experiences are nonlethal rarely seek medical attention, because any injuries seem minor: Young women Dr. Herbenick studied mostly reported lightheadedness, headaches, neck pain, temporary loss of coordination and ear ringing. The symptoms resolve, and all seems well. But, as with those N.F.L. players, the true effects are silent, potentially not showing up for days, weeks, even years.
According to the American Academy of Neurology, restricting blood flow to the brain, even briefly, can cause permanent injury, including stroke and cognitive impairment. In M.R.I.s conducted by Dr. Kawata and his colleagues (including Dr. Herbenick, who is a co-author of his papers on strangulation), undergraduate women who have been repeatedly choked show a reduction in cortical folding in the brain compared with a never-choked control group. They also showed widespread cortical thickening, an inflammation response that is associated with elevated risk of later-onset mental illness. In completing simple memory tasks, their brains had to work far harder than the control group, recruiting from more regions to achieve the same level of accuracy.
The hemispheres in the choked group’s brains, too, were badly skewed, with the right side hyperactive and the left underperforming. A similar imbalance is associated with mood disorders — and indeed in Dr. Herbenick’s surveys girls and women who had been choked were more likely than others (or choked men) to have experienced overwhelming anxiety, as well as sadness and loneliness, with the effect more pronounced as the incidence rose: Women who had experienced more than five instances of choking were two and a half times as likely as those who had never been choked to say they had been so depressed within the previous 30 days they couldn’t function. Whether girls and women with mental health challenges are more likely to seek out (or be subjected to) choking, choking causes mood disorders, or some combination of the two is still unclear. But hypoxia, or oxygen deprivation — judging by what research has shown about other types of traumatic brain injury — could be a contributing factor. Given the soaring rates of depression and anxiety among young women, that warrants concern.
Now consider that every year Dr. Herbenick has done her survey, the number of females reporting extreme effects from strangulation (neck swelling, loss of consciousness, losing control of urinary function) has crept up. Among those who’ve been choked, the rate of becoming what students call “cloudy” — close to passing out, but not crossing the line — is now one in five, a huge proportion. All of this indicates partners are pressing on necks longer and harder.
The physical, cognitive and psychological impacts of sexual choking are disturbing. So is the idea that at a time when women’s social, economic, educational and political power are in ascent (even if some of those rights may be in jeopardy), when #MeToo has made progress against harassment and assault, there has been the popularization of a sex act that can damage our brains, impair intellectual functioning, undermine mental health, even kill us. Nonfatal strangulation, one of the most significant indicators that a man will murder his female partner (strangulation is also one of the most common methods used for doing so), has somehow been eroticized and made consensual, at least consensual enough. Yet, the outcomes are largely the same: Women’s brains and bodies don’t distinguish whether they are being harmed out of hate or out of love.
By now I’m guessing that parents are curled under their chairs in a fetal position. Or perhaps thinking, “No, not my kid!” (see: title of Dr. Herbenick’s book above, which, by the way, contains an entire chapter on how to talk to your teen about “rough sex”).
I get it. It’s scary stuff. Dr. Herbenick is worried; I am, too. And we are hardly some anti-sex, wait-till-marriage crusaders. But I don’t think our only option is to wring our hands over what young people are doing.
Parents should take a beat and consider how they might give their children relevant information in a way that they can hear it. Maybe reiterate that they want them to have a pleasurable sex life — you have already said that, right? — and also want them to be safe. Tell them that misinformation about certain practices, including choking, is rampant, that in reality it has grave health consequences. Plus, whether or not a partner initially requested it, if things go wrong, you’re generally criminally on the hook.
Dr. Herbenick suggests reminding them that there are other, lower-risk ways to be exploratory or adventurous if that is what they are after, but it would be wisest to delay any “rough sex” until they are older and more skilled at communicating. She offers language when negotiating with a new partner, such as, “By the way, I’m not comfortable with” — choking, or other escalating behaviors such as name-calling, spitting and genital slapping — “so please don’t do it/don’t ask me to do it to you.” They could also add what they are into and want to do together.
I’d like to point high school health teachers to evidence-based porn literacy curricula, but I realize that incorporating such lessons into their classrooms could cost them their jobs. Shafia Zaloom, a lecturer at the Harvard Graduate School of Education, recommends, if that’s the case, grounding discussions in mainstream and social media. There are plenty of opportunities. “You can use it to deconstruct gender norms, power dynamics in relationships, ‘performative’ trends that don’t represent most people’s healthy behaviors,” she said, “especially depictions of people putting pressure on someone’s neck or chest.”
I also know that pediatricians, like other adults, struggle when talking to adolescents about sex (the typical conversation, if it happens, lasts 40 seconds). Then again, they already caution younger children to use a helmet when they ride a bike (because heads and necks are delicate!); they can mention that teens might hear about things people do in sexual situations, including choking, then explain the impact on brain health and why such behavior is best avoided. They should emphasize that if, for any reason — a fall, a sports mishap or anything else — a young person develops symptoms of head trauma, they should come in immediately, no judgment, for help in healing.
The role and responsibility of the entertainment industry is a tangled knot: Media reflects behavior but also drives it, either expanding possibilities or increasing risks. There is precedent for accountability. The European Union now requires age verification on the world’s largest porn sites (in ways that preserve user privacy, whatever that means on the internet); that discussion, unsurprisingly, had been politicized here. Social media platforms have already been pushed to ban content promoting eating disorders, self-harm and suicide — they should likewise be pressured to ban content promoting choking. Traditional formats can stop glamorizing strangulation, making light of it, spreading false information, using it to signal female characters’ complexity or sexual awakening. Young people’s sexual scripts are shaped by what they watch, scroll by and listen to — unprecedentedly so. They deserve, and desperately need, models of interactions that are respectful, communicative, mutual and, at the very least, safe.
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Why I Stopped Believing in Male Supremacy- Extended: Fitness Edition
Recently I made a list of reasons I outgrew the myth of female inferiority (which has since been removed by staff). A handful of people have expressed interest in more thorough elaborations as well as sources. I will be replying to this feedback and explaining how I came to the contested fitness claims specifically.
Modern conceptions of the limits of female strength are restricted.
The first piece of supporting evidence for this is a study in which the bones of modern female athletes are compared to those from a number of women who lived between ~5300 BC and 850 AD. The researchers measured strength differences between the groups by looking at humeral and tibial cross-sectional rigidity, shape, and interlimb loading. The modern athletes studied are considered semi-elite and are mutually exclusive participants of rowing, running, and (European) football.
“The Neolithic women analysed in the study (from 7400-7000 years ago) had similar leg bone strength to modern rowers, but their arm bones were 11-16% stronger for their size than the rowers, and almost 30% stronger than typical Cambridge students.” (X)
“The loading of the upper limbs was even more dominant in the study’s Bronze Age women (from 4300-3500 years ago), who had 9-13% stronger arm bones than the rowers but 12% weaker leg bones.” (X)
The data from the subjects who lived between ~5300 BC and 850 AD reflects the average woman from those times whereas the modern athletes presumably represent some of today’s most specialized specimens. Modern athletes are not constricted by survival-centered lifestyles, rather able to intentionally and strategically work towards fitness. With this in mind, the gap between rowers, who possess the strongest arms out of the modern athletes, and Neolithic women is curious.
Behavioral variation is cited as the determining factor for differences in strength.
A conservative conclusion to draw is that modern women are not expanding what is known to be women’s biological capacity for fitness as previously unrecorded women from past millennia surpass current elite athletes in some measures of strength.
2. The cultural suppression of female body fat artificially inflates the sexually dimorphic muscle disparity.
Essential fat is the fat needed for your body to function normally and differs from stored fat. The predominant factor determining an individual’s essential fat percentage is sex. Women should not maintain less than 10-13% body fat, whereas men should not maintain less than 2-5% body fat.
While the numbers vary slightly from source to source, the following standards from the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition are well agreed upon:
For people aged 20 to 39, women should aim for 21% to 32% of body fat. Men should have 8% to 19%.
For people 40 to 59, women should fall between 23% to 33% and men should fall around 11% to 21%.
If you’re aged 60 to 79, women should have 24% to 35% body fat and men should have 13% to 24%.
This is significant as a 25 year old woman with 26% body fat would be considered of average health, yet a man of the same age and body fat percentage would be considered obese.
The role of fat in muscle building is best demonstrated with bulking and cutting. Bulking and cutting are phases in muscle growth commonly used among people who frequent the gym or participate in bodybuilding. Bulking refers to the growth stage where calorie consumption exceeds your body’s maintenance needs. This promotes muscle growth as well as increases body fat. It is significantly harder to increase muscle mass without this. Cutting is the fat loss stage where calorie intake is decreased below your body’s maintenance needs in order to deplete the fat preserves built up during bulking, thus giving your body more definition. This is largely motivated by aesthetic desire and not a necessary second step.
In light of the aforementioned data, it is clear that the cultural standards regarding women’s body fat do not reflect what is physiologically appropriate. The psychological pressure to stay thin subjugates many women to maintaining a lower than average body fat percentage. By refraining from consistently engaging in a caloric surplus for any sustained period, women do not enter the phase where muscle gain is more easily accomplished.
All of this is to say that the promotion of women’s fat gain is not akin to advocating for women to surpass male weight gain and enter the range of obesity, but to catch up as women naturally maintain more fat and thus cannot not be compared to men with standardized percentages or pounds.
If you are familiar with obesity rates, the points above may seem irrevelant as women and men are overweight at similar rates, so how could fat differences impact the muscle disparity?
One answer lies in the long term health effects of eating disorders. This is to say that even after weight is regained, young women–the population most afflicted by eating disorders–may be permanently affected. Particularly your hormonal, heart, brain, and bone health are at risk.
A related point is that exercise is easiest when you are young. Young women and girls are largely discouraged from it and these behavioral habits persist throughout life. X. Even if habits are changed, new research has discovered lifelong benefits of childhood exercise, including for inactive adults.
Both a lack of propensity to move and the rates of disordered eating are compounded by constant psychological attacks on the female form by male media. This has greatly increased as the public sphere has shifted into a digital world. Data supports the idea that young women and girls are most targeted by ‘beauty’ culture conditioning with female obesity rates rapidly increasing only after the age of 30.
All of this is suggest that we are losing the battle early–and our athletes are far from unscathed:
One survey of female college athletes found that 68% reported pressure to be pretty and 30% said they were afraid of becoming too muscular. (X)
Nearly half of female athletes – 45% – particularly in sports where a lean body is considered important, have disordered eating or an eating disorder. (X)
Another source reported the following:
35% of female college athletes struggle with anorexia
Disordered eating impacts 62% of female athletes
Athletes who struggle with disordered eating are 8 times more likely to be injured
58% of female college athletes meet criteria for bulimia
No one can reasonably argue that modern female athletes reflect women’s potential in light of these numbers. They are likely even higher as this topic largely relies on self-reporting and carries a significant cultural taboo.
Fat and exercise need to be most encouraged in younger women and girls. Phsyical development is not completed until the age of 30. This means managing your health matters most during these years.
An interesting sidenote to help put an end to fat fearmongering is that we have reason to believe that fat may not even be antithetical to athleticism in the first place.
All of this ties back to the first point–Modern conceptions of the limits of female strength are restricted. To take it one step further, I would argue all women have been restricted psychologically, physically, or medically in a way that affects their physical fitness by the age of 30.
For example, millions of women have used an oral contraceptive pill. Oral contraceptives have been found to greatly affect fitness. In fact, women who don’t take the pill, gain about 60% more muscle than their drugged counterparts. Another study found that the potency of estradiol in oral contraceptives correlated directly to muscle hypertrophy alone, meaning that women taking it did see an increase in their muscle size, but without an increase in strength.
It doesn’t stop there, however, medicine harming women is too deep of a rabbit hole for this thread for various reasons.
Let’s talk about how women are being poisoned.
56% of foundations, 48% of lip products and 47% of mascaras were found to contain high levels of fluorine, which is an indicator of PFAS. All of these cosmetics are applied around the eyes and mouth which face potential absorption through the skin or tear duct, as well as inhalation and ingestion. (ABC News)
“A smart consumer would read the label and avoid it, it is not possible to do that, it is not on the label.”
PFAS is a ‘forever chemical’ meaning it does not naturally degrade. Because of its longevity, it can contaminate groundwater for decades. The chemical has been linked to kidney cancer, hypertension, thyroid disease, low birth weight and immunotoxicity.
While the numbers vary, most sources peg the amount of women who wear makeup between 77-90%. If you are familiar with cosmetic practices, you will know that women most commonly own a combination of products. This would suggest that even though high levels of fluorine are in half of all common beauty products, likely more than half of those 77-90% of women own at least one of those contaminated products. The extent is unknown.
While the implications of all of this deserve attention, this data does directly relate to fitness so let’s circle back around to the phsyical ailments mentioned above, starting with thyroid disease. Among other symptoms, thyroid issues are associated with muscle weakness and fatigue. Hypertension, or high blood pressure, is characterized by shortness of breath, lightheadedness, fatigue, and heart palpitations. Immunotoxicity is an adverse effect on the immune system and thus overall health. When studies suggest most women may be disproportionately burdened by such conditions, there is to room to ask “What if”. What if most women were never exposed to toxins? What if the contamination wasn’t focalized around sensitive areas of our body? What if the age at which girls are indoctrinated into beauty culture continues to lower?
Our clothing is our enemy too.
Did you know that high heels cause a great deal of stress on your body?
The American Podiatric Medical Association found that 72% of women wear high-heeled shoes (39% wear heels daily, while 33% wear them less often). 59% report toe pain as a result of wearing uncomfortable shoes; 54% report pain in the ball of the foot. But that is from an article published in 2009 and we have since seen an even more strict resurgence of femininity.
One article writes “Bras Linked to Minor Health Problems”:
“Research suggests [bras] can cause breathing, skin and circulation problems; back pain; and even digestive disorders.”
That may not surprise you, but did you know that athletes are even more at risk?
“Sports bras are also dangerous if worn too often or for too long. The pressure used to hold the breasts in place while exercising can constrict the rib cage and cause breathing difficulties and circulation problems. This is especially dangerous because during exercise, one breathes deeply more often and blood circulates faster than when resting or pursuing normal activities.”
You do not need a bra. Search up if you do and you will be bombarded by misogynistic propaganda shaming “saggy breasts”. Bras are a modern invention. They are estimated to date back at the earliest to ancient Greece. Two thousand years is a mere blip in the span of human evolution.
One long term french study of women ages 18-35 found that bras actually cause breasts to sag as well as prevent muscle growth: (Source)
“Women who did not wear bras had a 7 millimeter lift as measured from their nipples each year. Their breasts were also firmer, and their stretch marks faded. There was also no evidence that the bras helped get rid of back pain.”
“The researchers believed that wearing bras prevented the growth of breast tissue, which lead to deterioration of the muscles that support the breasts. If you don’t wear a bra, the muscles are worked-out more, the findings suggest.”
Recent findings have brought more bad news about bras:
New testing on a variety of popular branded sports bras and athletic wear has revealed high levels of BPA, a chemical compound that’s used to make certain types of plastic and can lead to harmful health effects such as asthma, cardiovascular disease and obesity. (CNN)
Going back to the cultural/societal sector:
Hobbies and lifestyles are also passed down from mother to daughter and father to son. Even in the 1960s, American girls were barred from sports. Their schools simply did not have sports teams they were allowed on, except for the rare school which featured volleyball.
The cultural value we give to male sports also creates an environment very different for boys than that in which girls grow up when winning female soccer teams weren’t even paid as much as losing male teams until this year (2022).
This graphic highlights the disparity in viewing women’s sports:
X
It doesn’t stop there:
The underlying research that makes good nutrition and effective training possible has also all been done on men, says exercise physiologist and nutrition scientist Stacy Sims in her TEDxTauranga Talk. “[During my early research I was told] ‘women are an anomaly, so we don’t necessarily study women in sport nutrition or exercise science’… I looked around and I thought surely with 50 percent or more of the population being female, aren’t the men the anomaly and they don’t know it yet?”
Sports as we know them today were also created by men, for men, at a time when men subjugated women to the domestic sphere thus they accentuate male strengths.
In total, female athletes face an overwhelming amount of handicaps mentally, phsyically, and systemically which are flat out not imposed onto their male peers. We simply do not know how strong women can be. I’m tired of hearing patriarchal lies of “female limits” which we are bullied into accepting under the guise of “rationality” when there is so much evidence to the contrary. Female oppression artifically inflates any sexually dimorphic strength disparity. Do not let unprovable beliefs about the extent of sexual dimorphism discourage you from fitness. No studies unaffected by the factors mentioned above exist in part because you cannot kidnap human babies and raise them for 20 years inside a facility closed to the outside world without any adults who will still propagate the social construct of gender. Some of the factors such as disparity in nutrition information will take years to overcome, if it ever happens. Every nutrition label is still labeled with the recommended male dietary percentages only. Science and studies are not a reflection of objective truths. They reflect our current world with a few controlled variables and that is it. At the end of the day, we have enough pieces of evidence, such as prehistoric big game hunters being 30-50% female, to remain suspiscious of claims of female weakness. Mammoths did not choose to die at the hands of both female and male hunters because of affirmative action. Despite this noncomprehensive breakdown of culturally imposed obstacles to female health and fitness, women currently do exceed male limits of athleticism in a number of ways, however because of how long this is getting, it will be a separate post.
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I think buccal fat removal in a young person is a great way to create a returning customer. It’s like adding planned obsolescence into a face. Without the support of this fat, your face and jowls will sag and your face will (according to your plastic surgeon and your insta friends and your shitty woman hating boyfriend) NEED more surgeries.
Making an adjustment to someone’s face (for money) that will all but guarantee this person’s cascading self-esteem and “need” for more plastic surgeries (for money) is just doctors being hip to capitalism.
Elective plastic surgery will always be a tool of capitalism, because the most resellable commodity is always your dream self. They create more false standards of femininity, they charge you to meet them, then they change them, then they charge you to meet them again.
But don’t worry! Capitalism also teaches Market Segmentation. You know, how they figured out that aggressively gendering toys and selling separate fantasies to male and female children resulted in greater revenue?
Huh, I wonder how you create market segmentation when it comes to profiting off of bodies? Oh of course, you create new identities with new surgeries and new clothes and new makeup looks and new hair products and pins, and suddenly you have a whole new market.
You know ow what private medical practice is like, right? You have to drum up patients somehow! You can see them on TikTok, telling us which celebrities would look “better” with which products, telling us which random person in a video would look “better” with thousands of dollars worth of medical treatment.
And people die!! Under the knife or from infections, these are REAL surgeries. Can you imagine wiping out the rest of your life because some man said you had chubby cheeks? Because somebody told you your breasts were wrong? Because your thighs committed the sin of touching? You really want to meet your ancestors because the vibes were off on your boobs???
None of us are immune to propaganda. But we can try our hardest not to constantly consume it!! Find women you know and look for their histories in their faces. Romanticize everything that makes you unique. REJECT THE NOTION THAT FACES AND BODIES CAN GO OUT OF FASHION. That is just some male garbage made up to steal our fucking money, time, and energy.
Plastic surgery is about fear of life and of ourselves.
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International Working Women's Day 2024
The first Working Women's Day in 1917, which marked the beginning of the February revolution and was declared a national holiday in the Soviet Union the same year, thanks to comrades like Clara Zetkin and Alexandra Kollontai. It remained a communist holiday until its adoption in the 70s by the UN, of course, dropping the "working" part in the name of the holiday.
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“Statistically, a woman is more likely to be hurt by a man than she is to ever be eaten by a shark, hit by a car, be attacked by a bear, crash in a plane, or be bitten by a spider. When a woman expresses fear of any of these events, she is still seen as a rational person. When I tell people that I am afraid of swimming in the ocean because I’m afraid of sharks, they accept it almost without question. But, when I tell people that I’m afraid of men, that men scare me more than sharks and spiders and freak plane accidents all combined, I immediately lose their respect. I am considered elitist. I am considered sub-human.”
— A Benediction For My Daughter (via oeua)
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So you joined a region based discord server, now what?
Here are some tips for getting the most out of joining a regional feminist discord server.
Get verified! The sooner you get verified the better. Work with the server owner to make it happen.
Introduce yourself! Writing an intro can be daunting but it doesn't have to be a Pulitzer winning intro. A template you can use: "My name is (your name/handle). I'm from (town/city/state). I enjoy (hobby, TV show, book series, etc). Some feminist topics that interest me are (female spaces, women in stem, etc). I'm most excited to (make new friends here, connect with like minded women, engage in feminist activism, etc)." This is an intro that tells everyone a little bit about you and gives you an opportunity to make connections which leads to...
Read everyone else's intros! Most servers have an intros channel. This is a great way to get a feel for who else is out there. If you find a person with similar interests, ping them in the discord using the @ feature. It's going to feel cheesy and forced but this is a great way to get conversations started.
Attend meetup opportunities, if you're an adult. The reason you joined a regional discord is to make connections. Take the first step and go to a meetup.
Create meetup opportunities, if you're an adult. More likely than not, there won't be a plethora of meetups; especially if the group is small. Meetups don't have to be fancy. "I'm going to check out (coffee shop/theater/park/local protest/etc) in (town/city). Would anyone like to join?"
Attend/Create virtual meetup opportunities. In person meetups may not be as feasible for smaller groups or groups that span a large area. Utilize discord features like group voice calls and screen shares to talk, watch shows together, and simply hang.
Embrace new members! When new members join, read their intro and give them a hello.
Ultimately, you get out of these discord groups what you put in. It will take effort but you will be rewarded. Looking forward to seeing you out there! If you have any questions feel free to message me and as always, if you're a radical feminist in Florida please feel free to message me to join our discord!
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Radfem Meetup Ideas
I've noticed many radfems join online discord groups with the intent of meeting up with like-minded women but then never take the initiative to setup meetups. Maybe it's fear of meeting strangers or lack of ideas for safe and fun meetups; so here are some ideas.
Attend a protest, demonstration or rally for women's rights. This is an easy one if such events exist in your area. You're likely to meet other like-minded women who may not call themselves radical feminists. Bonus, you can meet beforehand to create signs for the protest.
Invite women to meetup with you in a public venue such as coffee shops, restaurants, theaters, museums, libraries, gardens, parks, etc. Not all meetups have to be political or even serious. Doing fun things is also important to building community. Search online for "events near me" or "free events near me" to find things to do. Anything you might enjoy doing can become a meetup. This is also a great way to support your local women owned businesses.
Take a trip to your nearest women's land. This is probably the most difficult one to do, but definitely one of the most rewarding ones. Look for lands near you. Reach out to them about visiting and get your group together.
We have done all of these types of meetups in the Florida Feminists group and have found them to be rewarding and fulfilling. I hope you find some of these ideas helpful and they encourage you to setup a meetup today!
And as always, if you're a radical feminist in Florida, message me about joining our group!
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this entire discourse is when I finally realized that lefties are trying to guilt women into deprogramming our natural survival instincts. there were people saying women should invite random homeless men into their homes for dinner and when I responded with “obviously you should do what you can to help the homeless but this is not good advice” the one and only male leftist follower I had blocked me lol
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Radfem Meetup Ideas
I've noticed many radfems join online discord groups with the intent of meeting up with like-minded women but then never take the initiative to setup meetups. Maybe it's fear of meeting strangers or lack of ideas for safe and fun meetups; so here are some ideas.
Attend a protest, demonstration or rally for women's rights. This is an easy one if such events exist in your area. You're likely to meet other like-minded women who may not call themselves radical feminists. Bonus, you can meet beforehand to create signs for the protest.
Invite women to meetup with you in a public venue such as coffee shops, restaurants, theaters, museums, libraries, gardens, parks, etc. Not all meetups have to be political or even serious. Doing fun things is also important to building community. Search online for "events near me" or "free events near me" to find things to do. Anything you might enjoy doing can become a meetup. This is also a great way to support your local women owned businesses.
Take a trip to your nearest women's land. This is probably the most difficult one to do, but definitely one of the most rewarding ones. Look for lands near you. Reach out to them about visiting and get your group together.
We have done all of these types of meetups in the Florida Feminists group and have found them to be rewarding and fulfilling. I hope you find some of these ideas helpful and they encourage you to setup a meetup today!
And as always, if you're a radical feminist in Florida, message me about joining our group!
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Active Womyn's Lands
Alabama
Alapine Village
Arizona
Adobeland
Arkansas
Ozark Land Holding Association (OLHA)
Florida
The North Forty/Long Leaf
Pagoda
Sugar Loaf Women's Village
Missouri
Dragon/DW Outpost
Hawk Hill Community Land Trusto
New Mexico
Outland; New Mexico Women's Retreat
Oregon
Cabbage Lane Land Trust
Fly Away Home
Oregon Women's Land Trust
Rainbow's End
Raven Song/Rainbow's Other End
Rootworks
Steppingwoods
We'moon Land/We'Moon Healing Ground (WHO Farm)
Whispering Oaks
Tennessee
Belly Acres
Virginia
Maat Dompim Womyn of Color Land Project
Wisconsin
Daughters of the Earth (DOE)
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Taking a short vacation. I will get back to everyone's messages very soon. And will have availability for verification calls again when I get back. Thank you for your patience and understanding
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So you joined a region based discord server, now what?
Here are some tips for getting the most out of joining a regional feminist discord server.
Get verified! The sooner you get verified the better. Work with the server owner to make it happen.
Introduce yourself! Writing an intro can be daunting but it doesn't have to be a Pulitzer winning intro. A template you can use: "My name is (your name/handle). I'm from (town/city/state). I enjoy (hobby, TV show, book series, etc). Some feminist topics that interest me are (female spaces, women in stem, etc). I'm most excited to (make new friends here, connect with like minded women, engage in feminist activism, etc)." This is an intro that tells everyone a little bit about you and gives you an opportunity to make connections which leads to...
Read everyone else's intros! Most servers have an intros channel. This is a great way to get a feel for who else is out there. If you find a person with similar interests, ping them in the discord using the @ feature. It's going to feel cheesy and forced but this is a great way to get conversations started.
Attend meetup opportunities, if you're an adult. The reason you joined a regional discord is to make connections. Take the first step and go to a meetup.
Create meetup opportunities, if you're an adult. More likely than not, there won't be a plethora of meetups; especially if the group is small. Meetups don't have to be fancy. "I'm going to check out (coffee shop/theater/park/local protest/etc) in (town/city). Would anyone like to join?"
Attend/Create virtual meetup opportunities. In person meetups may not be as feasible for smaller groups or groups that span a large area. Utilize discord features like group voice calls and screen shares to talk, watch shows together, and simply hang.
Embrace new members! When new members join, read their intro and give them a hello.
Ultimately, you get out of these discord groups what you put in. It will take effort but you will be rewarded. Looking forward to seeing you out there! If you have any questions feel free to message me and as always, if you're a radical feminist in Florida please feel free to message me to join our discord!
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Better believe it, we are going for year 3 🌞💌🏖️
Florida Feminists 💌 Secret Postcard Exchange!
Florida Feminists will be having our first ever secret postcard exchange–just in time for the holidays! If you’re a feminist in Florida and haven’t yet joined our discord–what are you waiting for? Message this blog for a link to the discord and join our secret postcard exchange 🌞 🌴 🐊
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Are you a radical feminist or a radfem-adjacent feminist in Arizona, New Mexico, Utah, Nevada, Colorado, California, or Texas?
If so, there is a Discord server for you!
Radical Southwest is a meetup and general chat server for womyn in the US southwest.
Female only
18+ for safeguarding purposes
Voice verification required (to confirm you are female and a radfem)
Aimed at womyn interested in feminist praxis and/or simply making local friends!
Please shoot me a message or an ask here on @radicalsouthwest or at @girlboss-enthusiast for more info!
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