J. Neil Garcia, Gift, 2

rich people do ‘being rich’ wrong for many reasons, many humanitarian reasons, but also importantly for the reason that theyre so boring and unfunny about it, if i was rich i would have a normally sized house for my husband and i except we would have a guest room called “the clown room” which consists of no windows, four walls with floor to cieling shelves and a single bed in the middle, on every shelf there are just hundreds of clown dolls, and if anyone comes to visit me i tell them they can have a share of my wealth if they can house sit for us but they MUST under NO CIRCUMSTANCES sleep anywhere but the clown room, but obviously this means they will try to leave the clown room at some point in which i will chase them around the house with an axe in a clown fursuit. i feel like you can be really creative with such exhorbanent resources and yet what do rich people do besides like, hate poor people and also try to larp as poor people

my dick game is awful. its killing people.

orpheus looks back at eurydice and it’s not a tragedy. eurydice knows she’s loved.

Selective mutism is funny cause you try to figure out how it works and you're like "oh okay so it only happens when I get real anxious, but at home I'm fine" and then you're chillin at home totally relaxed and you try to greet your kitty cat who just trotted up to you and all you get is "h...!" Like okay. Alright. Vocal chords just feelin like comedians tonight huh lmao

the grocery store should be open 24/7 but they should let the employees go home and just trust us

should I get salad n go today for my birthday 😳

i may have ghosted most of my friends a little bit when i started going out with Anna but to be fair to me i only have enough social energy to interact with like 2 people per day tops

I knew what this recipe was going in. You don’t see a recipe bragging about how few ingredients it uses and think “surely this will be delicious.” You think “It’s 1 AM and this looks like a vehicle to carry sugar into my body.” So none of what I’m about to say is on Ms. Davison, or her recipe.

There is a place in Terry Pratchet’s Discworld called the Great Nef desert. This is a desert so dry that even water isn’t wet in the Great Nef. Within this desert is the Dehydrated Ocean, a body of water in an uncommon fourth state of matter. This dry water forms silvery grains and resembles a powder more than a liquid.

There is a kind of wizard in Discworld called a hydrophobe. These wizards are raised from birth without ever coming into contact with liquid water. They are sustained only by the dry water from the Dehydrated Ocean. The result is a fear and hatred of water so ingrained that it allows these individuals to literally repel water, which is then used to power hover craft for crossing lakes and oceans.

When I first read this description in The Color of Magic, years ago, I wondered what kind of food the hydrophobes ate. When a hydrophobe sits down to their breakfast of corn flakes and a mummified orange, with what do they butter their stale, overdone toast?

Finally, in the pile of yellow dust I pulled from my oven after 7 minutes at 180 degrees Celsius, I have my answer.

what do red pandas even do

since were all too old to do tumblr prom at this point does anyone wanna do tumblr potluck or smth.

my gf is in the shower right now listening to classical music in total darkness

they call it spongebob the musical because they sing song

hannibal owning an ipad is the wildest aspect of the entire show hands down. what do u think he does on there. i bet his screen time usage is 26% notes app to rave about how in love with his unkempt bisexual derealizing client he is. and the last 74% is cookie clicker

my personal reason for saying tiktok sucks is everything has to be a performance there. impossible to be anything but try-hard. even if I were saying the same stupid shit I post here suddenly I'd have to perform it? on camera? hair clothes makeup so i can film myself saying something that takes 4 seconds to type? "it's raining absolute penis" while im wearing my sunday best? you couldn't pay me