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findingthe1 · 12 years

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US TV Shows: Renewals and Cancellations.

Its that time of the year again when TV programs learn their fate, whether they'll get RENEWED or CANCELLED.

One of my favourite entertainment/gay themed blog: HOMORAZZI, compiled the list of all the TV programs that gets the "go-signal" and the axed from the top TV networks (ABC, NBC, CBS, CW, and Fox). Being a self confessed TV Addict, personally I'm surprised with some of the cancellations because I really thought those shows got HUGE POTENTIALS (Read: GCB)

Below are the complete LIST of Renewals and Cancellations WITH MY Ts:

ABC

Renewed

Once Upon a Time (YEY! I really have a connection with this show, maybe because the stories are from my childhood fairy tales)

Revenge (intrigued by this show, watched by my former colleagues in media and even my University student council president was hooked! hmmm better look for streaming then!)

Grey’s Anatomy

Modern Family

Castle

Suburgatory

The Middle

Dancing With the Stars

Shark Tank

Happy Endings

America’s Funniest Home Videos

Wife Swap

Scandal (same with Revenge, I read its plot bout not that impressed will see...)

Body of Proof

Don’t Trust the B in Apt 23

Private Practice

Last Man Standing

Cancelled:

Desperate Housewives (Final Season) (can't wait to have the complete box set!)

Charlie’s Angels

Man Up!

Extreme Makeover: Home Edition

Work It

Cougar Town (Transfered to TBS)

GCB (Sad... I love Ms.Chenoweth :'( )

Pan Am (got potential too...I honestly thought this will compete with the popular: Mad Men)

Missing (aww I knew it... Ashley Judd's not enough to carry the whole show, sad..:'( plus it doesn't help that their action scenes/ car chases are all CGIs)

The River (I got bored with this one so its not a loss)

NBC

Renewed:

Grimm

The Voice

Smash (LOVE this show!)

Law & Order: SVU

Parenthood

30 Rock

Community

The Office

Parks and Recreation

Whitney

Up all Night

Fashion Star (I saw the pilot, I like that its a new concept...new take from the usual fashion reality shows that we learned to love. Im just a bit disappointed with the judges but i like the buyers being in the mix)

Cancelled:

Chuck (Final Season)

Free Agents

The Playboy Club

Prime Suspect

The Firm

Best Friends Forever

Bent

Are You There Chelsea?

Awake

Harry’s Law

CBS

Renewed:

Survivor

The Amazing Race

Big Bang Theory

How I Met Your Mother

Blue Bloods

NCIS

NCIS: LA

Person of Interest (a good show as well...totally different from all the crime shows we are seeing at the moment)

The Mentalist

Criminal Minds (Will watch this soon... I read good reviews about it, its been on for 7 seasons already so its about time to be on my to "watch list")

The Good Wife

Hawaii Five-0

CSI

2 Broke Girls (I LOVE THIS SHOW! HILARIOUS TEAM UP!)

Mike and Molly

The Amazing Race

60 Minutes

48 Hours Mystery

Two & A Half Men

Cancelled:

How to Be a Gentleman

A Gifted Man

The CW

Renewed:

America’s Next Top Model (Tyra...YOU BETTER WORK IT! Naomi's coming...)

Supernatural

90210

The Vampire Diaries

Gossip Girl (Better plot and please give us a strong story Arc!)

Nikita

Hart of Dixie

Cancelled:

H8R

One Tree Hill (Final Season)

The Secret Circle (I was just about to go and compile all the pending episodes and then have a marathon!? then this...cancelled?! well does this mean that supernatural themed shows are slowly fading away? )

Ringer (no more Sarah Michelle Gellar? :'( )

FOX

Renewed:

Family Guy

The Simpsons

The Cleveland Show

American Dad

Kitchen Nightmares

The X Factor (Britney Spears to be a mentor?!...cant wait!)

Bones

Glee (I'm a GLEEK! 'nuff said...)

New Girl

Raising Hope

Hell’s Kitchen

Fringe (one of my current favourite TV shows, better start compiling its latest episodes soon)

Touch (will do a separate post about this one but I'm loving this Tim Kring produced show)

Cancelled:

House (Final Season)

Allen Gregory

Terra Nova (this show even before it started had a lot of problems, c'mon millions of dollars wasted during its conception?! thats no good! so its about time to cancel it)

Alcatraz (a story about the Alcatraz inmates who disappeared in the past now returning in the present time, good concept but too soft for a crime/mystery show)

The Finder

I Hate My Teenage Daughter

Breaking In

So do you agree with the network's decisions or not? What shows should have been given a second chance?

picture courtesy of http://www.cs.cmu.edu/~tcortina/15-121sp10/lab11.html

#ABC #NBC #CBS #FOX #THE CW

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findingthe1 · 12 years

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TV SERIES <3

im obsessed! At home or at work I still manage to watch and keep up with all of these TV series... they are my stress-reliever or my therapy after a busy day.

check out my faves and see if we have the same list!

Drama/comedy

Touch. jane by design. pretty little liars. gossip girl. Smash. Glee. Secret Circle. Avatar the last Airbender

Crime/Suspense

Unforgettable. Homeland. Walking dead. Person of Interest. The Killing.

Reality

Project Runway. RuPaul Drag Race. ANTM. American Idol. X factor. The Voice. Britain's Got Talent. Tabatha Take over.

Revisiting

Heroes. Prison break. Desperate Housewives. Lost. Nip/Tuck. Dexter. Queer as Folk. Charmed. American Horror Story

Waiting for their next season

Game of thornes. True Blood. The Killing.

....I am a certified TV addict that is why when I used to work for a network I felt really at home. I know someday I can comeback and do that again but for the mean time Ill focus on blogging my insights about these TV series. I will share not just about my favourites but everything (ill do my best :D) about TV entertainment: latest news, gossips, updates and the likes!

with this plan in mind im actually considering to have another separate blog to have more focus... yes I know ANOTHER BLOG! LOL.

well it will be something to look forward from me! im actually inspired by the idea i just hope i can really manage to do it...

LOVE LOTS...

#chapter3-TV

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findingthe1 · 12 years

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Me at work, goofing around on a Valentines Day.

#Chapter2-me #valentinesday

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findingthe1 · 12 years

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So far...

so good.

january 2012 just ended and i must say i accomplished A LOT! remember my 2012 GOALS?

...well they all are starting to happen!

a. condo- i purchased it last year and ive been paying the dues for 3 months na so basically 28 months to go and settled na siya....this early nga im already planning or looking at some design ideas so that when the time comes for me to furnished it ready-ing ready na! :D and also it makes me inspired like i have something to look forward too.

b. driving lessons- I just did my assessment! i must say super scary siya but at the same time exciting! on going ang lessons ko i booked a 10 hours course and hopefully it will be enough for me to learn. i read an article before sabi it only takes 10 hours to master anything for as long as you put yourself to it. i never thought i could drive a car but because for 2012 i want to learn new stuff so here i am facing my fear and driving!

c. business- on going and i think this will be a goal na talagang LONG TERM... i presented na my ideas to my partners (ehem miles and jmar!) so hopefully they can do their share but im glad i initiated it na so eventually when our sked meet again we can fully discuss ng bongga.

d. change of work- i did set up a meeting with my company to discuss my career possibilities. i actually considered staying now if ill be given a chance to perform a different role. i am still waiting for the result but base on his feedback...positive naman but i dont want to be disappointed so i try to not think about it as much. my job at the moment may not be an ideal one for me but its still pays the bills, but i am still looking for other options. i am just glad ive expressed my thoughts and presented myself in such a way that the company thinks of me as an asset.

e. lastly... NEW LOVE (?)- i started dating again! yey! kinikilig na naman po ako and this time not just when i pee :P. this is something new why? for once same age. i seldom date guys around my age, either older or younger sa akin and i must say...refreshing because i feel like i dont need to exert so much effort to be "smart" or to be "proper" dahil i know he can relate and understand because nga we are of the same generation. i just hope this will be something na mag tutuloy tuloy because im not getting any younger i mean hello?! in APRIL quarter of a century na ko! 25 na!

that's it for me so far... this post may not be as inspired comapred to my previous ones but i feel like i have to share or at least give an update as to where i am when it comes to me fulfilling my 2012 GOALS.

love lots,

#chapter2-updates

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findingthe1 · 12 years

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Iron Lady: Review.

The first time i saw the trailer, i was intrigued. honest to God first reaction was "who is she again?, her name sounds familiar?? at napa google.com ako... then there it was

Margaret Thatcher- first female Prime Minister of Britain. Most Hated; controversial; Most Love; the leader who made Britain...Great.

BOOM! na excite pa ako lalo because its no less than THE Meryl Streep to play the famous leader. I cant wait. this must be another Oscar-worthy performance.

*this review is based on what i saw, on what i felt and on what i thought and understood. i will not pretend to be a critic but just someone who knows to appreciate.

_ _ _ _ _

Before i saw the film i read the reviews, watched some short documentation of how Meryl Streep became Mrs. Thatcher..photo shoots and even read comments by the present officials about the film -which was all politicised. well the film is related to politics BUT i must say not quite, and because as I observe before British are not keen on the idea of Americans-playing-British characters in this case famous figures kaya i kinda expected ang nega words from them.

_ _ _ _ _

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD!

- the film started with an old lady purchasing a milk. how she tries to adapt/ react with the present situation, at first i didn't realise that that lady is Mrs. Thatcher (she just look normal, ni hindi ko nga na realize na si chang meryl na pala iyon!) because of how she look: plain clothes with old scarf, no signature pearls and her striking- authoritative stance are all gone. she looked weak and fragile, a typical old english woman, totally different from the leader who once lead Britain. From the beginning it was already revealed that Mrs.Thatcher is suffering from a sickness and as the film progress it was understood to be dementia.

The film was told through series of flashbacks, from her childhood: humble beginnings as the daughter of a small shop owner who dreams of making a difference to an ambitious oxford graduate who married got twins and granted a membership to the conservative party to the only active member who is not afraid to tell what she thinks and put herself forward to be the party president that eventually lead her to be the prime minister.

Through those flashbacks Mrs. Thatcher was depicted as a strong-willed woman who is very firm and stands by what she believes in. who never quits and always made sure that her ideas or thoughts are said and put into actions. But it was not an easy ride for her, she struggled and worked her way up before she achieved what she wanted.

At first no one believes in her, who would? if you came from a family that owns a small grocery store. So what she did was she allowed herself to be transformed and just kept those essential things that she believed defined who she is. (this is one my favourite part of the film READ: MAKE OVER- kasi dito pinakita na tao siya. na she's willing to work hard and do things just like everyone of us. no luck, no powers just determination and will.)

she became the first and so far only prime minister of Great Britain. she got what she wanted. now she needs to do her promise and face her responsibilities. (dito na ko naloka! i never thought Britain could be so chaotic and o.a sa dami ng naging problems-unemloyment and poverty are the main issues like third world, no offence but true.) She became the most controversial leader. she never bends to what the minority wanted but always sticks with what the majority should have.

seeing all the rallies and protestors, she was hated. loathed by the people. even her cabinet members secretly saying nasty things to her but despite of it all she remained firm. she is indeed an Iron Lady.

Back to the present. she's not the PM anymore, no more wars to lead, no more people to please but she still struggles... she is facing the fact that she is alone, no more colleagues/friends and no children to be always there plus with the death of his husband-who continuously haunts (more of visits, interacts) her make things worse.

_ _ _ _ _

Technically I like how the director choose to do both linear (chronology of events) and non linear (alternating: flashbacks and present events) way of story telling, it enhances the parallelism of the problems of Mrs. Thatcher the PM and the problems of the present Mrs. Thatcher. The attention to details as well (like ung pangungutya ng rich girls sa kanya-"shoe shot" that showed her insecurities- which again made her human), that made me root for her till the end (na she will survive kahit pa she decides to let go of his husband) was so strong na kahit ako ay pinoy or isang ordinary audience ay makaka relate sa kung anong pinag dadaanan niya sa mga oras na iyon.

Meryl Streep more than delivered. she gave a performance na pwede niyang sabihing ito na ang aking final film. ganun ka strong! ay nakakaloka... a lot of her scenes teary eyed ako., as in affected! ung level na gusto mong kasama ka sa eksena at yakapin siya or pagsasampalin ung mga taong umaapi sa kanya ganun... wow there are two scenes na talaga namang kinilabutan ako talaga ng bongga!

a. cabinet meeting- binengga niya ung secreatry niya as in pinahiya niya in front of her colleague coz of failing to deliver to what he was expected, then after saying her thoughts at pinaalis niya by saying "GOOD MORNING! NOW GO!" once every one left...BOOM! shifting ng acting kita mo ung guilt na ayaw niya naman gawin un pero kailangan mali eh so dapat i address. she was shaking and you can see in her eyes na she was sorry and she's just doing her job then cut scene to present.

a.1 the scene you need to look forward too.

b. letting go of the husband- ay dito na ko naiyak. she didn't do it na hysterical hindi TV patrol acting! basta powerful ung scene! and ito ung part na kung saan una nilang pinakitang umiyak si Mrs. Thatcher pero iba. isang patak lang pero alam mong katumbas ay balde! balde!

you can tell that Meryl Streep studied Mrs. Thatcher from her nuances the way she speaks, moves even ung level ng ukot niya kuhang kuha! Method Acting at its finest!

_ _ _ _ _

A critic from a London newspaper had a review saying that the film "doesn't have balls" and "the steel isn't strong enough" (READ: nag expect na ilalabas ang mga totoong issues at controversies ni Mrs. Thatcher, diba nga most hated din siya?) well i beg to disagree to that. i believe they thought the film was a biopic, a "complete" account of Mrs. Thatcher's governance...well sa ganoong aspeto kasi nila tinangnan ung pelikula. I totally saw a different side of it, what i saw was a woman who dreamed, a woman who wanted to make a difference na ayaw tumanda at mamatay ng naghuhugas ng plato lang. I saw a dreamer, who had ambitions, who worked hard to achieved it. who is determined na nagsacrifice kahit pa sariling happiness just to serve the many na kahit sa last minute kapakanan parin ng iba ang iniisip...thats what i saw. so for me the film didn't just show balls and presented the strongest steel but it also showed the compassion. the heart.

So BRAVO to the whole team of the "Iron Lady"

and to chang Meryl Streep! alam mo na! hello daw sabi ni Tsong OSCARS!

clap! clap! clap!

xxx

#chapter1-movies

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findingthe1 · 12 years

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The Year That Was: 2011 (yes, this is another Year-Ender Post But...)

this is MINE.

_________

up to now i still remember this line from the longest running saturday-afternoon-showbiz-program from the kapuso channel; with their very annoying yet funny voice overs: "GRABE NA THE YEAR THAT WAS!" -they used to say this after giving the summary of all the showbiz happenings for the whole year... from newly loves/marriages to break ups, to giving births to deaths, to scandalous videos/pix to the best fashions of that year. wala silang pinalalampas...(pati pag split ni Mystica pinapatulan!)

so for this version of year ender, which is MY YEAR ENDER! i believe it is only fitting to borrow that line for I DID HAVE A "GRABE NA THE YEAR THAT WAS!" and that year was 2011...

_________

ang daming nangyari, at dahil sa sobrang dami i even thought of categorising them in order for me to have a clear post to share, but i dare changed it and just allow all my thoughts to flow, so here it goes...

the beginning of 2011 was not easy for me, i have to be relieved from my previous job because of the company's financial situation (read: muntik magdeclare ng BANCRUPTCY), so yes i became JOBLESS and during this time im seeing someone na not so rin ang naging result, si Boraguy (scroll down to read previous posts! fact: he was actually the original reason why i made this blog, i know, HOW PATHETIC! :S) so in short jobless na, LOVELESS pa! how cruel life can be diba!? but as they say you cannot have everything, in my case hindi naman lahat dapat nega, so their should be some good moments din... and being part of a charity organization called SPEAR was a blessing for me, they helped me get back on track and thru them i got my first qualification for retail that eventually leads to my current job. i must say it was never easy to get a job here ha! u really have to work hard lahat: COMPETITIVE.

new job comes new love life. yes dapat this post could have been posted before pa eh besides being busy sa work i became busy rin in this relationship. YET AGAIN i thought he was my THE ONE pero hindi...despite me introducing him to my parents it still didn't work out. sad but true, umiikot na nga sa kanya ang mundo ko eh and thinking about it now, (theatre pause) shocks... i think i became anti social pa! well as they say, in every failed relationships are broken hearts lessons to be learned. (quota na ko dito PH D na nga ata ako!)

2011 made me miss my friends EVEN MORE...lalo pa when we started this ASTURIAS NEXT TOP MODEL na it only started as a joke, then now we are actually producing episodes and photoshoots na talaga namang pumatok...hay HOME-SICK EVER! but good thing i managed to still meet friends along the way. so thanks to twitter and fashion, im glad i met my fave designer/celebrity: Veejay Floresca. he came over to london to study and do a short course, we became close friends- he even inspire me to pursue more/advanced studies. sabi nga ni inang marya (what i call him now bilang siya si teacher "mila"- maricel s. played a character before): "ARAL, ARAL, ARAL." that is why i put it as my long term goal for 2012 which i will share later.

it was not all about me, 2011 gave my family our toughest challenge yet. my mum had to donate her kidney for my step dad to survive and avoid kidney dialysis. my family and i are grateful for those who prayed and forever thanking God for the success of the operation. now both of them are recovering very well but the dangers are not yet over, dad is diabetic and insulin dependent so there will be a chance for his new kidney to fail again and mum, being "incomplete" now will have higher risks for other illnesses and contaminations. I am just hoping and continuously praying that this new year will be less challenging for us.

hindi rin naman ako nagpahuli sa pagfulfill ng dream ko to see the world! 2011 allow me to see 2 new countries: switzerland and morocco. both were with someone, na now my exes. well they were good memories worth cherishing so kahit pa failed relationships sila the experiences i had with them in those countries, still remains the same.

i also did a lot of things during 2011 that will be carried over this 2012 and im sooooo excited about it... so before i share it allow me to show you first MY NEXT CHAPTER- 2012 plans and goals.

A- for effort right? :P INSPIRED BY MISS OPRAH WINFREY. i divided it into 2: long term and short term.

LONG TERM GOALS

a. family car- we don't pay parking in our area and because my mum misses driving so we talked about buying a family car.

b. travel the world- well i did visit 2 countries last year, so hopefully 2 again this year? i have my top 5 dream destinations: marrakech-morocco, santorini-greece, venice-italy, barcelona-spain and new york-usa. 4 to go :)

c. condominium/ studio flat- i just purchased this and im currently paying for it monthly. this is one of those things i did before the year ends. finally my own HOME.

d. back to school- as i previously mentioned im inspired/planning to go back to school either doing more qualifications or advanced studies im definitely pursuing this. tourism, retail, fashion or film/tv, just have to choose.

e. small business- im most excited about this one. i just talked to my closest friends, hopefully soon-to-be business partners. everything starts from small so talagang dapat wag IS-MULIN diba jaymar and miles!?

f. mac air- di po siya priority... but it wouldn't hurt to buy have a new one. thats why i put it in my long term goals.

SHORT TERM GOALS

a. new love- haha im sure natawa ka rin. well if you know me, you know na i cant stay single for a long time actually i said na this should be in my long term goals but i know myself too... so short term lang siya.

b. driving lessons- yes the reason for the new car! i got my provisional driving license so now i have to study how to drive, another thing i did before the year ended. sooo excited and scared at the same time... will see about this. (i can only drive automatic :))

c. family holiday- 2011 made me closer to my family, i bonded with them so much that im actually dreaming to treat them all to a nice holiday. seaside or just by the country will be perfect especially to my parents who are currently recovering.

d. new job- im okay with my present one but im looking for more challenge and to do something i really like. so hopefully before my birthday i will have a new one.

_________________

i miss blogging!

i miss writing!

sana tuloy tuloy na ito...looking forward to this new year. 2012 please be good to me.

ALL THE BEST TO THIS NEW YEAR!

#CHAPTER1-2012

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findingthe1 · 12 years

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HAPPY NEW YEAR!

#CHAPTER1-2012

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findingthe1 · 13 years

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Sunday at Work.

Dear THE ONE,

its sunday and im working. :S well not really, more of waiting-at-work. im just thinking of the day of our meet up! hoping it will be sooner than we both think.

X

-jay

#work #the1

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findingthe1 · 13 years

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Random Papas

dear THE ONE,

I'm so busy lately that i actually forgot about you. sorry for that, my schedule does not permit me to stretch more in order for me to still update. I know its not an excuse but again im sorry and will try to make it up to you...I have something to share, its one of my interests/hobby.

I remember when I was still in the philippines i have this hobby of taking pictures (discretely) of guys...very random guys that i find cute or HOT! lol. I actually posted some pics online to share to my friends...it was a hit!

From MRTs/LRTs, tricycle, jeepneys, parks and at school i take my time in capturing the beauty of these guys and now I'm actually thinking of bringing it back. putting it on a proper blog to share (hoping i wont get caught! :S)

Please don't get mad. this is just a pass-time.

Yah so now i'm collating everything and starting it.

hugsxxx

-jay

p.s. Hoping to see you soon. :P

_ _ _ _ _

#blog #gay #the1

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findingthe1 · 13 years

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S_X

dear THE ONE,

Ive been checking gay social apps in my phone...the ones which can tell you the distance of guys in your area... i use it if i feel horny...yah yah... for s_x! lately been receiving invites as well, mostly they are bears! (scary) u know they are not my type! if only your here... (insert naughty ideas here) haha... well i receive another one today. I met him last week for a quickie... he is good looking average body with a Huge... yes GIFTED! but i said no, i'm not feeling it, not in the mood...it's the second time i've been invited and i declined. i don't know why but maybe he is not you?

hugs xxx

-jay

#gay #sex #the1

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findingthe1 · 13 years

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chapter 2.

hello... i wonder if i still have it?

my reason before y I started this blog is to share my past relationships - lessons ive learned and basically i want you to join me in my quest in finding THE ONE. it is still the same, the blog is still for my search it will be just different.

----------

dear THE ONE,

It's been awhile...been busy and not as inspired as before, lately i felt like i need to go back and write. I have lots of stories!!! more on life, not much on YOU. hello?! i haven't met you.

today is my ME time. been contemplating again coz I have nothing to do...I hate it when im alone i tend to think and assess my present situation...hayyyyy if only i have you now I can tell you all of it.

Life's been so complicated since I moved here (UK). a lot of changes! yes i know its been a year but i feel like im still adjusting. where are you kasi? when I needed somebody, lalo na in times like this...when i'm alone. I thought i met you but unfortunately...wrong guy again.

oh well, hey by the way on monday I have new opportunity...yes it's a new job. it's not really what i wanted but at least it is start. wish me luck okay?

hugs xxx

-jay

#beginning #chapter2 #the1

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findingthe1 · 13 years

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yes i'm Single and NOT available.

its been a week since the "actual" heartbreak.

Im still hurting from the experience pero ready na ako to share what happened.

Prior to boraguy's arrival last week for our monthly meet ups... we had a discussion about the future.

On skype ito... and during this time im having issues na with his lack-of-time to see or talk to me. mind u bago palang kami and we need to make most of whatever medium ng communication meron kami.. getting to know stage nga diba... so kahit skype lang yan or WhatsApp (isang chat application sa Iphone) dapat will make most out of it... pero, hindi kasi siyang ganung type. hindi siya ma "cyber" at hindi rin siya yung type na he would spend with someone na wala physically.

I must admit I thought he will make an exemption... hello!? ako naman ito ako ang kinakausap niya at nakikita niya so medio nagexpect ako ng konting pag effort...EH WALA.

so balik sa skype... bilang ako ito...agad agad i want answer syempre gusto ko straight to the point... i was that time thinking na saan pa ba papunta ito kundi sa future diba? i mean in any relationship, un naman ang iniisip mo diba? ung next level!????? no? hindi ka ba ganun mag isip? fine baka mabilis lang talaga ata ako... pero un ang nararamdaman ko eh... u cant deal with emotions diba?

so tinanong ko siya... derechahan ito ung tanong na sabi nga make it or break it!

tinanong ko siya: "Do u see US in the future?" natahimik lang siya...pang weekend daw ito.. pero i felt something na medio nagulat siya.. no shock.. ganyan ang reaction na nabasa ko... sa pagkakataong ito.. MAS NA BOTHER NA AKO...PATAY!

morning came i msg him...i said sorry na nafufrustrate ako kasi i feel like i failed. i fail sa pag deliver ng english saloobin ko. then i said again d words na mas nagpaka complicated ng situation..."I feel like im loosing you"

The Weekend...

airport scene.

pagdating niya palang awkward na...alam mong may mali... may nagbago...at pagdating nga namin sa hotel... awkward sobra...mas gusto niyang lumabas agad kaysa magspend kami ng intimate moments sa room...yes di kami nagJUG! ano ang JUG????: S*x!

dinner time.

over this brazilian bbq! na infairness, first time to experience churrascaria ha! winner.. so while im eating this sumptuous meal we discuss d skype incident and talked about d msgd i left him... the "I feel like im loosing you"

i talked, ako lang ang kumuda ng kumuda...and very unusual ito na hindi siya nagsasalita kasi lagi siya/kaming may opinion sa sinasabi ng bawat isa thats what i like about him...i mean may sense kausap. matalino at mature mag isip.

then when his turn na and after kong mag insist na hey its ur turn this is the time for u to talk... BOOM! dito na ko na hurt...unang HURT ng bongga!

sabi niya: first of all You are not loosing me (dito medio para akong nabuhayan...kasi he will say something na would make me feel better...NOT!) coz in the first place YOU DID NOT HAVE!

para akong sinampal Charo...ang sakit. napatahimik ako sa sinabi niyang ito...im sure na feel niya un so medio kumambyo ang kuya mo then he explained what he meant...na it all boils down sa idea na we are in a stage sa aming relasyon na getting-to-know pa nga lang... (deep inside ko: this is bullshit! exclusive tayo et al diba? then ur telling me this na as if parang waland tayo? ) i didnt bother to react na... im HURT na e... and i dont want to make this trip na puro drama... relaxation ito dapat eh and not about issues...

natulog kami na parang hindi talaga naayos ang dapat maayos at ma-iclear and mga malabo... LESSON: wag matulog ng hindi niyo naaayos ang ano mang problema...

tulog kami: unsual set up na naman... hindi kami magkayakap... and he wanted to face d other side...

Morning came... i tried to pretend na okay ang lahat... na parang walang problema actually im willing to forget na nga lang everything eh.. like its a new day na dapat positive kami pareho...hindi parin nangyari...

dinala ko siya sa Notting Hill---portabello market...setting of the Film with the same title Notting hill, na isa sa pinaka successful na love stories starred by julia roberts and hugh grant pero ilbis na kiligin...FAIL! tahimik we almost didnt talk. dinala ko siya sa another fascinating tourist spot CAMDEN MARKET. wala fail DEADMA!

ilang beses ko siyang tinatanong kung bakit siya tahimik at kung okay siya and he said yes...until we had a break had beer...dito nagsalita na ang lolo mo...na sa totoo lang inexpect ko na, na mangyayari...

"I FEEL SOMETHING DIFFERENT, THAT SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT..." then un na sinabi niya na na hindi pala siya ready to commit! OUCH! round 2 ang sakit Sh*t!

natahimik ako mga kuya at teh! as in parang gusto ko mag laho sa mga oras na iyon...di ko madescribe ang feelings...Sh*t

nagsasalita siya, he explained things pero ako mismo di ko siya maalala...nagsara ang utak ko...hindi ako makahinga...

then we decided to go back sa hotel...

habang nasa train...nilayuan ko siya...hindi kami nagusap...then naisip ko: bakit ba ko dapat maging ganito? magpaka apekto...so even though im hurting, NO bleeding inside... sh*t! ang sakit! pilit kong dinedma! i sucked it up... we reached the hotel i smiled...made kwentos, trivias about london and the then up coming royal wedding...siya tahimik.

then i asked him: "why so quiet?" he said annoyed daw siya kasi im not being honest...bakit daw im not mad.. he prefer daw na magwalk out ako, umiyak, saktan siya pero mas pinili ko daw na magsmile...

natahimik ako...then i said "there is nothing for me to say...I AM MAD... but whats the use of showing/ saying it... (by this time bliv it or not, kapakanan niya parin, nang trip niya ang iniisip ko...kahit obvious ng sira na ito...) there is nothing happening with us anyway, u already made it clear"

dead silent...then i went to the toilet... ill be honest, im so devastated i wanted to cry... but no tears...im bleeding inside but no tears... i was questioning myself wala akong maiyak kahit ang bigat bigat at sakit ng nararamdamn ko...tapos mas madrama pa ang nangyari... lumabas ako at nag impake!

ill be honest ulit! habang nagiimpake ay nako nageexpect ako na ppigilan nia ako..pero deadma! then i made a very stupid gesture... humingi ako ng sorry, na parang im begging him na bawiin ung sinabi niya... (nilunok ko na ang pride!) then he hugged me. he said sorry too but he insisted na umalis na raw ako...na we both need space.

i left the hotel... then umulan...ma-drama ito. parang pelikula! (see my previous post)

i reached home... then un dun na ko umiyak...i had my fair share of MARICEL SORIANO-LORNA TOLENTINO-TITA SHAWIE moments before but this one im sure grand slam ako! O.A hagulgul ako! ay grabe ngayong naiisip ko siya... shocks! malala! nasaktan talaga ako...at nasasaktan parin ako hanggang ngayon.

-----

Sunday, i was expecting a text from him na he wanted na to see me... pero wala eh.. so ako ang nag text...lunok pride again. then we met up that evening...why ako nakipagkita? di ko rin alam... di ko magawang magalit...ayun.

so nagusap kami...explained things...so eto ang dahilan...

he dumped me because...

1. he can't handle the Pinoy love--yung all giving. na pressure siya.

2. he chooses his career.di siya ready to commit.

3. we don't have the same level of emotions towards each other...in short mas commited ako sa present situation namin kaysa sa kanya. mas mahal ko siya kaysa sa mahal niya ako.

then he asked me na matulog na ko with him sa hotel. i said okay... pero weird...akala ko kaya ko hindi pala... i let him sleep then i left.

un ang pinaka masakit sa lahat...ung katabi ko siya pero hindi ko siya mayakap. hindi ko siya mahalikan.

----

his last night in london was the date i prepared bago mangyari ang lahat ng ito... we watched priscilla queen of the dessert the musical. i dont know what to feel... medio naka inom nako bago ang play... para may lakas ng loob to see him. buti nalang tlaga comedy ang play! at baklaan siya lalo na ang music ay panalo...nakabawas sa tension...

natapos ang play...i said goodbye. pero he insist na samahan ko raw siya matulog ulit sa hotel at this time he mean it daw na gusto niya talaga kong makasama... medio tipsy nako at nafefeel ko na ang alak na nainom namin... so may courage ako so i said yes.

d last night we spent it kissing.

yes kiniss ko siya for the last time. u know that kiss, that particular one, i know i gave it all... then we fell asleep just like old times...his head on my chest and our hands are holding each other...

----

morning came. we said goodbye.

----

nagpaalam akong hindi ko siya tiningnan...hindi ako lumingon pagkatapos ko magpaalam...nalungkot ako, sobra...

----

Moving on stage nako...parang hindi nga eh.... move forward na agad... i want to forget na agad the heartaches...ayaw ko ng irecognize pa ito ulit... mahihirapan lang ako eh...hayaan na nating matabunan... enough na sakin to think about the happy memories namin together na kahit short time lang i know it was meaningful...it was something. dun nalang ako... :( sobrang sakit po....hindi ko kasi inexpect na im capable of loving na ganun kagrabe...kaya nga kahit anong sakit i want to thank him parin kasi grabe pala ang love na kaya kong i-ooffer.

----

pero pahinga na muna nga ako talaga...hence the title Yes i'm single but not available kasi ayaw ko muna... sarili ko na muna this time... one famous drag queen (rupaul) always say "if u cant love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love somebody else?"

so ako na muna ito, ako na muna this time...

and the chapter of boraguy ends here narin muna for now.

----

so there...because of this change of events...is it time narin ata for a new season sa blog kong ito, wachatink???

X.j

p.s. thanks for continuously reading...more to come.

#X-men #boraguy #love #heartache #movingon

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findingthe1 · 13 years

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Sh*t: its complicated or SINGLE?

Sh*t! ang sakit!

at present: i just got home. umalis ako sa hotel na tinutulyan namin...at habang papauw ako ang maaraw na london. UMULAN. nakakaloka diba? umiyak ang langit for me. Sh*t!

hindi ko nanaman nakita ang sign ng SAFETY FIRST! Sh*t! ang laki laki nung sign binaliwala ko! ayan tuloy...nasaktan ako. ramdam ko ung durog, ung pagdudugo! (sugat te! as in malalim ganun!)

ilang beses nako nasaktan. ilang beses na...akala ko makakaya ko pero hindi parin pala. para kang tuliro hindi mo alam kung anong gagawin, saan pupunta... (para kong tanga na nagiikot kanina sa kalsada as in ung at lost hindi alam kung nasan papunta) ang sakit,sakit.

LESSON: totoo talaga ito "Unang mahulog, unang mag ILY. Sh*t! talo!"

gulo ka na ba sa sinasabi ko???

wala na... wala ng kami ni boraguy...ata!? Sh*T ang sakit!

#boraguy #heartache #?#love

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findingthe1 · 13 years

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Time.

TIME- Isa sa mga usual issues na pinagtatalunan ng mga taong in a relationship. Straight man or gay.

Pero ako, hindi ito ang isyung pwedeng isumbat sa akin. I always make time.

I remember during college, ako na ata ang isa sa pinaka busy bee na tao juggling not just my academics but also my extra curricular (ECA) or shall i say co curricular activities. Nakakaloka ang sked ko nun i was a student and a leader.

My friends used to joke, ang course ko daw AB communication arts major in ECA. E kasi halos hindi nako pumapasok..well pumapaso just to have my attendance checked. (up to now nga i dont know how i passed college- dinaan ko naman sa intelligence pero i must admit charm and lots of PR un din ang sandata ko--- sabi nga ng lola lea salonga mo, "ginawa ko ang lahat ng ito...ng naka ngiti!"

But despite everything pag dating sa love ay mga te!!! I make time!

Third year, i dated someone from a college where beauty queens are usually born. He holds the highest position sa kanyang organization at may dating Stalker siya. Lets call him "black beauty" oh yes maitim siya, my first black guy ever!

Weird kung paano kmi nag meet. Mala ito at di mo kakayanin... I got his number sa isa sa mga tables sa botanical garden! Lol (o nang huhusga?! Wag! Ipagpatuloy lng ang pagbabasa ng maintindihan)

I was with friends, lunch time. Napagtripan kong i-dial at i miss call ang number sa isang nangangalawang na table. Nag ring then i stopped. Nang akoy na sa klase na...

Beep beep beep. Ang sabi ng cellphone ko.

"hu u po?"

"im jay 22 (philippines! Ching!) care to be textmates?" -yan ang sabi ko ang cheap noh?! Ahaha kadiri! Well yan talaga pero walang halong eching ang purpose ko lang talaga is malaman kung papatol at totoo b un number thats it, eh nagreply...so ayun! Nagexchange details at nagpakilala sa text.

Black beauty's PROFILE. -matangkad (isa siya sa ilang naging x ko na kasing height ko) -maitim (yes first black! Ching! Maitim lang talaga pero walang lahi) -mahilig sa bags (nag eexchange kami ng bags, how sweet diba?! At sabay kaming nangangarap na sana our favorite branded bags ay mapasaamin someday...baklang bakla diba?!) -officer (chairman ng local branch ng isang uni wide "neautral" org) -vain (pix ng pix! Emotera din!)

Our love story... Or kung matatawag mo nga ba siyang LOVE STORY.

After the exchanges of texts then came tge EB yes tge eye ball by this time nagkita kami sa kung saan ko nakuha ang number niya...sa botanical garden. Lunch time.

Awkward kasi sa school, magka school kayong nagkita so walang pwedeng maitagong lihim. D pwedeng mag pa-mhin!

Chika galore.. Then reveal!

He said: "alam mo ang galing mataal na kasi kitang nakikita, actually crush nga kita..." (ganda ko diba?!)

Me: "????"

him: "kasi from our window kita kitang nag papractice ng play nio sa AA..." (boom! Kita niya dina ang kalandian ko?!) fyi.colayco park niya ko nakikita, AA is artistang artlets my theatre org.

So more reveal ang lolo... At yun na nga crushy crushy niya pala ako...again ganda! Dinaan ko sa natural na ganda!

Date galore...nagskip pako ng meetings at class ha para makasabay ko siya...see? I make time.

I remember one date (actually after class na namin ito) dun kami sa may dapitan area... Isang place i think its called casa-something or the pits pero baka mali ako basta ito ung lugar where ull rent a room to watch films parang mini cinehan.. But the truth is, pang kemehan lang ito! Very private kasi and yes nagkamoment kami dito pero di tinuloy dahil muntik kaming nahuli...and its bad. Period.

Fast forward... Di rin kami nagtagal. Ang issue: hindi time ha! Actually thinking about it now...di ko alam ang real reason but i guess di talaga kami compatible.

Looking back wala rin ako masabi sa sarili ko coz even with my busy schedule, nilalaban ko talaga na magka oras parin sa lovelife. I do resked mtgs. Or Skip mtgs. Pa talaga!

Sa ngayon ako ulit ang may time. Si boraguy kasi very busy and indemand sa work plus he is planning to put up his own business. Own firm. (recruitment consultant siya)

Ang hirap ng estado namin getting to know each other but only one has more time to get to know...lately ive been asking, thinking... Is there a "future" for us?. Di magandang ganito magisip but i cant help it... Kaya nga parang its really better to be super busy in order to NOT think/contemplate things...hay do i make things complicated now? Or kasi ako ang hindi ganun ka busy... Kaya naiisip ko ang mga ganito...

Now napaisip pa ulit ako... Bad ba na i make time? Should i be like him na live the moment, live kung nasan ka at dun lang dapat ang attention mo?

Even if i make time and seems like i was able to manage everything, pumapalpak parin ako... Down fall: meron paring bagay na nasa-suffer.

Hay... X.j

P.s honestly, I dont really get the point of this post, its all over the place. Well to sum this up.. Ang gusto ko lang naman sabihin is ako may time, si boraguy---hindi naman wala pero he struggles. Ang hirap. Nakakalungkot. :(

#boraguy #issues #x-men #profiles #collegelife

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findingthe1 · 13 years

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