Tim: Oh, officer it’s just awful! He just suddenly dropped dead! I think he had a heart attack or something!

Based on a post made by @gunpowderdtim because I just couldn’t help myself

Bonus:

Marius: Yup, totally dead. Heart attacks am I right? Welp nothing to do about it now, looks like our job here is done.

anyone around me in any context: my main goal…

me to myself for the next ten seconds: don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it

"Isn't it weird that [thing humans commonly eat] is poisonous to literally every domesticated animal" I mean, there's a pretty good chance that [thing humans commonly eat] is at least mildly poisonous to humans, too. One of our quirks as a species is that we think our food is bland if it doesn't have enough poison in it.

HEY HEY HEY

Hi

Hello

I just need everyone to see this picture of the Toy Soldier

Thanks 🫶

rͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬaͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣtͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭ  rͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬaͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣtͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭ rͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬaͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣtͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭ rͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬaͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣtͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭ rͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬaͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣtͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭ

where is the rat? bring him to me. 

sometimes you dont eat fruit for awhile and then you eat some fruit and you're like oh fuck its fruit

what could he do? Should've been a rockstar

I've been listening to this on repeat and couldn't get my mind off tim, I had to draw just a little thing with him

you can imagine girls covered in alarming amounts of blood for free any time you want. they cant stop you from doing this

plagues history and global epidemiology as an autistic special interest was already a heavy topic but not a day goes by I dont briefly recall drunkenly telling people at the bar in autumn 2019 “yeah the next pandemic will probably be a coronavirus and we’re due for one”

if they remember that i have to wonder if they think they met the devil at the club that night

what the actual fuck

we did it everyone. we’re no longer allowed to talk about the CISGENDER MALE CHEST because it’s sexually explicit

Well you see minors under 25 years old should not be allowed to get gender reassignment surgery because what if they go to the clinic but instead of giving them a normal penis the nurses mess up and give them the evil penis. That's irreversible

Tasteful bulge? Yeah I would like a taste f- [I am interrupted by the sound of a dry twig snapping. This is impossible, as I am in the infinite linoleum bathroom dimension for this joke.]

*walks up to a polyamorous triad* so which one of you is the stars, which one of you is the night, and which one of you ain’t sayin’ this preacher man’s crusade ain’t right?

vampires have been drinking human blood for centuries they don't give a fuck about guys on eight different antidepressants. they were sucking on asbestos factory workers