women can not be blamed for having hundreds of screenshots we’ll never use in our camera roll. it’s the gatherer instinct

Alexa Demie for Aidan Euan

Being the new person at the job is so frustrating 😂

Now that I’m more sober I thought I wouldn’t be as irritated but I still am. I hate these experiences with men. They can be so cruel and yet expect you to be so gentle and understanding towards them.

working out

so ive been months into this workout journey and going to the gym makes me feel productive and feeling like im working towards sometihng. It feels great honestly. but its also this aspect thats funny....  you will never be satisfied with your body lmfaoooo you will always want something different. Im in a completely different place from where i was a couple months ago and im not satisfied. I would have loved my body a couple months ago outside looking in but you know how it goes. 

if u guys wanna hear a long spiel about my luv life.

so its the weirdest experiencing being a pretty attractive woman who really only dates in the blk community. You meet alot of broken men with great auras and personalities thats very attractive. These are not the men you want in your life long term but again... they have that charm so its hard to get away from em so now you in this situation you know you dont need to be in... anyways yeah ... so four years later after a couple situaitons you trying to walk away from it but you thinking you so madly in love that u dont wanna fully walk away. So i did and we werent talking for a week or two and i was doing my own thing and it was nice. but at the nd of the day you miss your partner ofcourse ( we never had beef we aways been friends). But during our times off ive met men who  are in a better place mentally, physically and emotionally. So like, yesterday I went on this date with this guy and he was a sweet heart. And meeting him was honestly a breath of  fresh air. its nice knowing that their are men who just arent fully unhinged. lfmaooo you know i looked at his page to gather what i could and basically he comes from this amazing tight family unit that talks about everythign together. parents still inlove. I think a church house hold. Both children in college. just great. I hope i can give my children this feeling of stability. You know? that they have a family unit... a good family unit theyre excited to see. A family that can talk to with out feeling judgement. I hope they have this amazing idea of a family. And see what love is without the negative aspects of it... yk so when they get bullshit they arent apt to accept it. But anyways yeah back to what i was saying. Meeting this dude i felt like i was to fucked up for him. like i was just gonna ruin him and ive never been on that other end. Ive always wanted to remain this pure soul that was able to love easily and not be deceptive and ....idk maybe im not this person any more but i guess ill just see. thank u for reading my confession 

update

damn, so its a couple years removed from this tumblr. but new years i said i would try and journal more. I’ve made my way into med school and thats super exciting. I am scared to end up in a situation where I feel as if i peaked.. like after finishing medical school. But honestly i should be fine. ill just have to find different projects to keep myself busy. 

MY SAD LIFE RN

I’m still hoping to have sex for my birthday (bc who doesn’t want to have sex for their birthday), butttt I have a feeling like that won’t happen :/

by Kotori Kawashima