pillow princess this, passenger princess that, what about lap princess? I want to be pulled into a butch's lap every time we sit together

This is part rant, part sex advice so read at your own discretion. Also one of those posts I'll get a lot of flak for.

In lesbian nsfw content on tumblr dot com one of the most prevalent sentiments is 'I want to pleasure my partner' (insert any variation on it) which is fair and all, and there are a lot of service tops around so it makes sense really. But. For some of us who have difficulty experiencing orgasm or even enjoying sex at all, making our pleasure the focal point of the experience is the absolute worst thing you could do.

It's a nice sentiment, I guess, but if it doesn't actually produce pleasure, is it really that nice? And before you come at me with 'some people really are just service tops and they get their pleasure from pleasuring their partner' - I get it, I do. As a top (or dom/me) you have the right to your preferences and you may absolutely refuse to tell your partner 'Your orgasm is inconsequential, I'm gonna fuck you anyway'. Not to mention that approach is verging on kinky and getting near mindfuck territory, which not every top (as in the person doing the penetration in this case) is comfortable with. Heck, not every dom/me is comfortable with that either - pretending to disregard your partner's pleasure can be a particular flavor of kink not everyone is into.

Buuut.. a lot of what I'm seeing here comes across more as a lack of real-world experience rather than a self-aware preference to focus on your partner's pleasure. Like for example, the amount of 'overstimulation' posts I'm seeing is just wildly disproportionate compared to the amount of women who can be forced to orgasm again and again, and again. This has never been my experience on either side of the dynamic, nor the experience of any of my friends or acquaintances. More often than not, women have trouble reaching a climax and can't really be "forced" into it.

Orgasms are not just a bodily sensation triggered by a certain type of mechanical stimulation. They require you to be in the right headspace as well. So if you actually want to bring about an orgasm, dropping the pressure may be (I want to say usually is) your best bet.

Look, I get it. I've been with women who come from a 2-minute clit rub. I didn't feel particularly accomplished with them... but they do exist! How wonderful for them and the people who just love pleasuring them. The rest of us however? 'Your pleasure is my pleasure' is the worst approach with us. Like, thanks, now if I don't come not only am I bruising your ego but also diminishing your pleasure? That's A LOT of pressure put on my fickle mental focus and unreliable vagina.

All of this is to say: it's fine to have your fantasies of overstimulating a partner to the point of incoherence. But be prepared that the reality of sex may be very, very different depending on how your partner's body and mind work. And sometimes, if your partner's pleasure really is that important to you, pretending it's the complete opposite might be the key to the castle - if you can get with that of course. Nothing's done a better job at helping me let go and experience actual pleasure than a partner's response to my 'I'm not sure if I can come though...':

"That's okay, baby. I don't need you to come for me to enjoy your body."

Um. Yes, Sir.

*I use the word 'woman' here purely based on my actual real-life experience so far but I'm sure this is applicable to a number of different identities. Even for some cis men orgasms are not as easy and effortless as porn makes it seem, I've been told.

There's nothing like being half asleep and reaching out for your lover. Pulling their warm soft body against you. Ducking your head slowly under the covers to rest heavily on their chest. And to hide from the drowsy light of the morning. Feeling their skin against yours. Pressing soft kisses to their ribs. Their stomach. Their hips. Smiling as they shift and turn and sigh contentedly. Rasing yourself up with a stretch and moving deeper under the covers to rest between their legs. Kissing your way from ankle to the inside of their knee to that soft skin where their thighs meet. And you linger. And smile. And give a teasing bite. And they groan softly and raise their hips impatiently.

Nothing like bringing your lover to ecstasy with sleepy morning head.

wheres the grinding and cramming post

Jennifer Tilly, 1992

ugh I just miss physical intimacy. hold my hand?? put your hands on my waist?? tuck my hair behind my ear?? kiss my neck??

not a want but a need, applications are open

hi. non penetrative sex is often more intimate. more on this later

slow pussy licks >>

Jute on baby blue 🩵

That first swipe of someones fingers under the hem of your shirt during a make out session where they're asking for more but giving you a chance to lean into it?? Um yeah I'll lean into that a thousand times and also can you put your fingers in my mouth next please

dykes

instagram | website

hey can i see your hands for one sec? i promise ill be super normal about them. i promise i wont kiss them and lick and put the fingers in my mouth im so normal about hands i promise-

consensual somnophilia is like a surprise party. you’ve talked to your partner about what you like and they know what you would and wouldn’t want, and then all that’s left is to fall asleep one night not knowing they’re planning anything for you, but then you slowly wake up and surprise! you don’t know how long they’ve been fingering you but you feel amazing and you’re comfy and sleepy and someone you love is making you feel so good.

butch, sucking femme tits

Rb if you agree

PSA: i’m a whoreeeeeeeeee