My one friend group can't stop saying, "See you in hell!" in a cheerful voice instead of, "Talk to you later!" and my other friend group can't stop calling things "penis" instead of "cool" or "good", so I just unironically uttered the phrase, "Sounds penis, see you in hell," as I got off the phone.

Mr. Qi is a very fun character

bro goes down to lv.100 of skull cavern, calls you a pussy for using more than 10 ladders, and says "drink my snake milk chief"

bro fucking sends you on a scavenger hunt to enter his casino, the club card is hidden in your fucking house, and the final step is to explode his bouncer with the card

bro fucking kills you for going up a mountain too early

bro has a "walnut room"

Mods? Take him to the stump of his favorite childhood tree.

The good thing of not having the new update yet is I can easily stock up on soup ingredients.

link: no one knows who i am or what i did for hyrule. i feel so invisible.

yiga clan: hey. don’t cry. 100 haters hunting you for sport ok?

she has a uti

Vierapril day 28: Set (Sail)

the second i start thinking about stardew valley heart events in real life terms it becomes such a chaotic telenovela, demetrius is trying to lecture me about not dating his daughter when ive been dating his son for months, abigail invites me for a oujia board sesh but the board starts spelling out "i love you" so she gets embarrased and stops but the next day comes to me like "sorry about yesterday, im sure you know what it means 😳👉👈" all while standing in front of my house which i share with my husband who i got married to YESTERDAY, one of emily's heart events ends with clint walking in on us literally just talking and he's like "oh sorry i must be interrupting.. congratulations man" CLINT STOP IMPLYING SHIT IM MARRIED TO A MAN

i was cuddling with my boyfriend last night when his shoulder started tensing up (like he was readjusting or gently pushing me off) and when i asked him if he was okay or needed me to move or something he went “no you’re fine, i was just imagining myself pulling a large rope. i didn’t even realize my shoulder was doing that lmao” then refused to elaborate and i have never been as attracted to him as i was in that moment.

When I was a kid my family pretended to get raptured so I would think I was left behind on earth while they all went to heaven.

I was like 8 years old and my sister and mom had gotten really into the Left Behind novels (bible fan fic about the rapture). In the books when the rapture happened the clothes that people were wearing when they got raptured were left behind in neatly folded piles.

One day when I was getting home from school my family decided that they would leave piles of neatly folded clothes around the house, and then hide in the basement.

The intended effect was that I would get home and see the clothes then, think that my family had been raptured and that I wasn’t good enough to get into heaven… or something?

The problem was that I had never read these books, and didn’t really think about the rapture very often. There was no reason that I would see some laundry on the floor and think “The rapture happened and I’ve been abandoned by God! I’ll never see my family again!! Oh nooo!!!!”

I just sat down and watched cartoons and eventually my family got bored and revealed that they were all hiding in the basement.

It’s a good thing I didn’t understand the joke, otherwise that shit would have been traumatic.

Vierapril Day 25: Wave (Also ty to my boyfriend for letting me use Orion again <3)