• feel they could've made the people around them more proud of them
• feel like they could've made a better use of their situations and opportunities
• regret the chances that they didn't take
Don't beat yourself up for it, you did the best you could at the moment to survive, and you did, and I'm proud of you for surviving. Sometimes its hard to see opportunities when you're focused on just making it through. Your time will come, a time where you feel like you can live and don't constantly have to survive and feel like every day is another hardship. Im proud at you for surviving.
spending enough time creating things with your hands (baking, drawing, scrapbooking, doodling, crocheting, journaling and so on)
keeping track of things like pretty skies, milestones, happy memories, appointments you're looking forward to
listening to music that genuinely makes you feel happy and energetic
making a habit of reaching out to people in a way that's comfortable to you (i send my dad songs he might like, my friend sends me monthly life updates)
being kind to all your five senses → like investing in a scented candle or essential oil dispenser or body mist, having a soft blanket or socks (or a soft animal to pet), listening to birdsong or the rain, looking at the sky more often, and having your favorite foods enough times
Aku selalu terkagum dengan cara-caranya untuk tidak membuatku marah atau mengatasi amarahku. Semua yang ia lakukan membuatku terasa begitu istimewa dan merasa begitu beruntung di cintainya.
Namun, semua hal manis tidak lagi sama, ia berubah. Lalu aku berfikir apa aku yang salah?, ku perbaiki semua cara-caraku mencintainya, meredam setiap amarah atau kekecewaan sendiri, membicarakan setiap ada sesuatu yang mengganggu hati. Tapi ia tetap dingin, nyatanya semua rasa ada masanya, yang terlalu menggebu-gebu di awal akan cepat menghambar.
Pada akhirnya hanya aku yang terus berharap ia kembali, terus dan terus namun lagi-lagi tidak ada lagi hangat untukku. Hingga aku berada pada satu titik sadar bahwa cinta yang sungguh tidak akan membiarkamu mengemis.
Rinduku telah bebas, ia terbang mengawang-ngawang di tiang awan, melepaskan satu persatu rasa hingga perlahan menghilang. Ku lepas segala yang menyedihkan, rindu yang dulu menggembirakan seketika berubah menjadi rasa yang menyakitkan.
“You don’t always realize it, but sometimes you aren’t in love with a person. You’re in love with the way they make you feel. That’s what makes it difficult when they leave. You begin to miss the way you felt, as if nobody could make you feel that way again.”
I am layers deep in the ghost of my past. What I used to think was a coating turns out to be hiding under my skin. How do you scrub clean something you can’t see but only feel?