hi its been forever but im actually healing i think? I want to be healthy? Ill either leave this blog up how it is or go to a bit more fitspo style idk yet

behind every girl with ana is an overweight 8yo who just wants to be loved

waking up to stars on the ceiling and bruises on pale skin and battered feet on & off the scale and almonds in ziploc baggies and bite marks on fingers and hair down the drain and measuring crunches by the spots left on the spine and enough water to drown organs and eating an apple with a knife and fork and battered feet on & off the scale and desperate hands clutching ribs and standing up & the world goes dark and carrying an emergency rice cake in your purse for weak spells and enough green tea to drown organs and how many calories are in toothpaste and whatever nail polish color covers yellow and battered feet on & off the scale and is today the day my heart gives out and how many calories do you burn when you sneeze and pillows squeezed between thighs and waking up in a new body everyday and fingers clasped around wrists and notebooks filled with numbers and purple crescents below the eyes and accidentally knocking your elbow on your hip bone and being afraid of your own reflection and i’m not hungry or i already ate or i’ll eat later or i don’t feel well and oxygen that tastes like splenda and battered feet on & off the scale

20% is better than 0%.

Brushing your teeth at least once every day is better than none at all.

A few hours of sleep is better than none.

A few minutes outside for fresh air is better than none.

Writing a few paragraphs of the essay today is better than procrastinating till later.

Doing something is better than nothing (of course there is exception for some cases).

Do things at a pace which makes you comfortable whilst allowing you to make progress.

You can do this!

Neuro-chemically, fasting increases levels of things called catecholamines — such as dopamine — which elevates your happiness and confidence while reducing your anxiety.

Fasting is good for you. ⭐️rving makes you happy.

stuffing yourself with food? binging? makes us unhappy.

the choice is clear? skinny = happy

dang it’s almost like a pattern or something

relapsed in purging oop

feeling. Like it’s over for me

i wish someone would just kll me so i wouldt have to do any of this anymore

2/3/24

cals: 650

spicy chips (140)

mango + coconut (170)

pork + ginger soup dumplings (270)

frozen berries (70)

wanted to binge so bad but ate 1/2 c frozen berries and that solved it

It’s always either nothing or binging XD

ednos is fr crazy