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famouswritings-blog · 5 years

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Twenty Reasons Why a Son Must Be an “Allos”

The purpose of having a son is to produce another person of the same kind as you. God’s unique plan for sons is that they should be another of the same kind. Actually, God’s unique plan for all creation is that all parents should bring forth species of the same kind.

There is an important Greek word “Allos” which means “another of the same kind”. This is in sharp contrast to “heteros” which means “another of a different kind”. Heteros is used to describe something or someone who is similar but a little different.

One of the strong delusions of sons is the delusion that, “I am something special, new and original that the world has been waiting for.” The deception is that “I am better than my fathers and I am going to do something very different from what the fathers could do.” But our aim must be to love the Lord and to do whatever He wants us to do. Our aim must not be to be special or unique in any way. We must desire to learn from the fathers God has put in front of us. Why do you despise everything your father stands for? Why do you want to be so different and so special? Is it not the pride of life that drives this need to be totally different from everyone ahead of you? I have come to see that I am not different from any other minister. I am not some rare species whom Christ has chosen for the end-time move. Such thoughts only lead to error. I am a member of the Lord’s army. I am so glad to be one of the many who are trying to serve the Lord.

Do you want to be a teacher in the house of the Lord? God has been raising up teachers for many years. If God is going to give you a teaching gift, you will simply be another teacher of the same kind. Do you want to raise up a great church? Don’t start your ministry in deception. Your church will simply be another church of the same kind.

Thoughts of being unique and totally different from everything that has existed before, only leads to delusions. It is time to learn from fathers who stand right before you. God wants to raise up more shepherds like the fathers of old. Shepherds who humbly received and learnt from experienced fathers! I use the word “allos” to mean another of the same kind. I believe that sons must aspire to be at least another of the same kind. There are many good things about your father and you can at least learn those good things and perhaps do even better.

1. A son must be an allos because it is GOD’S PLAN as revealed in the creation. And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness... Genesis 1:26

When the Lord created man, he created something that was like Himself. He said that let us make something that is like us: another of the same kind. We were all created as alloses. There are many similarities between man and God because we are made in His image. God is a Spirit and the Father of

2. A son must be an allos because it is A GOOD THING. And the earth brought forth grass, and herb yielding seed after his kind... and God saw that it was good. And God created... every living creature ... after their kind... and God saw that it was good. And God made the beast of the earth after his kind... and God saw that it was good. Genesis 1:12, 21, 25

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good... Genesis 1:27, 31

Human beings are also spirits living in bodies. God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit make up the Trinity we know. Man as spirit, soul and body also makes up a triune being. When men walk in their creative and inventive elements they are clearly exhibiting the likeness of God. Allos: another of the same kind!

It is a good thing to be another of the same kind. Almighty God created things to produce after their kind. The grass produces another of the same kind, the herbs produce another of the same kind, and the whales produce another of the same kind. Even man produces another of the same kind. The Lord God saw that another of the same kind was a good thing! Instead of being preoccupied with producing another of a different kind, let us do what is good.

Do you want to be a good singer? Aim at something you can achieve. Desire something that you can lay hold on. Desire to be an allos of someone who is already a great singer.

3. A son must be an allos because everyone is an allos of someone else. If you are not an allos of your father you will be an allos of someone else. People who claim they are not following anyone are simply following someone they have not acknowledged. Everyone that is great in ministry is an allos of someone else. Everyone who is a great worship leader is an allos of some worship leader somewhere. Everyone who is a great evangelist is an allos of another evangelist. Every great man of God is an allos of some man of God somewhere.

Every anointing is the allos of another anointing. The anointing that came on Peter, James and John was simply an allos of the anointing that was on Jesus their master. The anointing that was on Elisha was simply another of the same kind of what was on Elijah.

Recently, I was having breakfast in a hotel in South Africa. Here came a famous Christian singer whose music and CDs were played all over the world. As we sat together, one of my pastors, Pastor Oko asked him a question, “Who has influenced you in your music ministry?”

He answered, “Oh, Andrae Crouch has been my greatest inspiration.” I immediately understood why this fellow was doing so well. He was a shameless allos! He was proud to be another of the same kind. I have noticed that all those who do well in any field, are alloses who closely follow after someone of the same kind. Whether it is preaching, singing, healing, or to pastor, the principle is the same. God is producing another of the same kind and He continually says that it is a good thing.

4. It is a good thing that a son must be an allos because it makes him humble. It is a good thing to be an allos because it is a humble thing! It is a good thing to have to humbly learn from those ahead of you.

It is a good thing for the young to show respect to those who have made a way for them.

When sons are humble, the blessings of God pass on to the next generation. Not only will there be one great man of God for this generation, but there will be another of the same kind for the next generation. Not only will there be one great singer, but many of the same kind. Everywhere those gifted voices are needed to help the anointing flow, there will be an allos.

5. A son must become an allos because it will make him a great person. Decide to be a great man of God; decide to become a great worship leader. Become a choir leader or a shepherd people will not forget. How can you do this? The answer is simple: become another of the same kind. Let us not become mystical about the formula to greatness in God. Let us not beat about the bush. Let’s go directly to God’s method of producing another of the same kind. If it is great, another of the same kind will also be great. If it is anointed, another of the same kind will be anointed. If it is powerful, another of the same kind will be powerful.

I believe that God has called me to serve Him. I am not special and I am not different. I am simply another of the kind that God has raised up already. I want to find someone with a similar calling and follow hard after him. It won’t be long and we will be going home. I don’t have much time for trial and error. I cannot afford any time for experiments. I may be in the middle of an experiment when the Lord calls me. I need to get straight to the point. I need the anointing and I need it fast! I need to preach well and I need to preach well now! I need to heal the sick and to raise the dead and I want it to happen within the time the Lord has given me.

How about you? How many years of experimentation are you going to dabble with until you become humble enough to become another of the same kind? Churches that work are pastored by pastors of a certain kind. Churches that grow are pastored by men and women of a certain kind. Since that is also your vision, why don’t you become another of the same kind? Allos is the way to the anointing. Allos is the key to greatness in God. Allos is the open door for you to enter the things of the kingdom. I cannot pretend. What I do is what I have learnt from others. What I teach is what has been taught by another of the same kind. How I minister is what I learnt from someone else.

I have no shame about pressing hard after others of the same kind. God said it was good so it must be very good. If it is good for God, it is good for me.

6. A son must become an allos because there is nothing new under the sun. When you become an allos, you discover the truth that there is nothing new under the sun. The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun. Is there any thing whereof it may be said, See, this is new? It hath been already of old time, which was before us. Ecclesiastes 1:9-10

Indeed, there is nothing new under the sun. This is a fact that you must accept. You have nothing new to offer and your life will not really introduce anything special. Like most ministers, I once thought I was introducing something new. I thought I had some new gifts and ideas, which no one else had ever had.

ANOTHER (ALLOS) reapeth.

John 4:37

With time, I discovered that all that I was doing had been done before. Every single thing I am doing and saying I have found people who said them before I did.

The truth about my ministry is that I am simply following hard after others I genuinely admire. I want to be like them and I am not ashamed to say so! I like their spirit! I like their flow! If I can be another of the same kind, I think it would be a great achievement for me.

7. A son must become an allos because you become something that is already SUCCESSFUL AND WORKING. You are free from the disadvantage of experimentation. You are free from years of wasting time as you discover principles that have worked over and over again.

8. A son must become an allos because it saves you from the difficulty of having to create a new name. Making a name is not easy. That is why names are sold for lots of money. A good name is one of the most valuable things on earth. Becoming another of the same kind means you are another with the same kind of name. When you do not mind the association, you can truly benefit from being an allos.

9. A son must become an allos because it makes you understand your place in the team. It takes humility to admit that you are just part of a team. When people are impressed with your ministry, it is not easy to reveal that your message is not original. When people are impressed with your style it is not easy to reveal that you learnt everything from someone else. Thank God for the humility that becoming an allos gives. And herein is that saying true, One soweth, and When people of the same kind work together, it is possible to truly play as a team: “One soweth and another reapeth”. When people are not of the same kind, it is very difficult to work together. Conflicts in church leadership are caused when people with different visions work together.

If I have ambitions for wealth, my decisions will be different from someone who has ambitions for bearing fruit. There will be continuous conflict because we are of different kinds.

Transferring pastors from one church to another is much easier when pastors of the same kind work together. When another of the same kind takes over a church, there is great encouragement for the church. Both pastors realize they are transitional servants of the Lord with a “limited lease period” in which to please the Lord. No one is there forever and no one is there for personal gain. Each pastor wants to do his best for the Lord in his season. One plants the church, and another of the same kind waters it. Because they are of the same kind, they all recognize when it is time for the change. However such changes in church structure do not work where there are people with different ambitions.

Paul and Apollos were alloses: they were of the same kind. According to the grace of God which is given unto me, as a wise masterbuilder,

I have laid the foundation, and another (ALLOS) buildeth thereon. But let every man take heed how he buildeth thereupon

1 Corinthians 3:10

Paul did not mind laying a foundation for another to build upon. He did not mind starting up and allowing someone else to continue the work. Paul planted the church and another of the same kind (Apollos) watered it. When you are an allos you will understand that you are just part of a team.

10. A son must become an allos because it makes you dependent and sheep-like. The sheep nature is different from the serpent nature. It is the nature of snakes to be independent and solitary. This is the very opposite of how you must be if you want to walk with the Lord. To be another of the same kind, you will have to depend on someone, you will have to learn from someone and you will have to follow someone.

11. A son must become an allos because it gives you access to methods and formulae that have worked for your kind. When I decide to become another of the same kind, all I need are the methods which are used by my allos. What worked for him will work for me. I simply copy the systems and techniques that have produced results in my allos. Since I am going to be the same kind, the same kind of methods that worked for him will surely work for me!

12. A son must become an allos because it makes him a member of a particular group. A unique group of people who are of the same kind, have many things in common. You can now fellowship freely because you have similar challenges and similar experiences. Whenever I meet allos pastors, I can relax and enjoy their company. I can share my challenges and be encouraged by others with similar experiences.

13. A son must become an allos because that is how you will find your way in the ministry. Many who are called to the ministry do not know how to walk the road of ministry. They know God has called them but don’t have a clue as to how to progress. Many men of God do not know how to climb into higher heights in ministry. They see other men of God accomplishing great things but don’t know that they can do the same!

The road to accomplishing the same things is clear now. Don’t try to be unique, special or different. Just become an allos. Become another of the same kind. Use the techniques they used.

Follow them very closely.

Preach what they preached.

Pray in the same way that they prayed.

Seek God in the same way that they did.

Have the kind of close relationship with God. You will surely become another of the same kind.

14. A son must become an allos because it helps you to move faster into new areas of ministry.

Becoming an allos quickens your rate of advancement in life and ministry. Because you are following a well-chartered road, you have the benefit of those who went on before you.

You will not be slowed down by the things that slowed others down. You will overcome obstacles faster because your kind will give you tips on how to overcome them.

People go faster when they do not have to experiment with things.

One day, I was going somewhere with someone. He was in his car ahead and I was in mine. When he got into traffic, he called me and told me not to come the way he had gone because there was too much traffic. I ended up getting there faster than he did because he saved me from having to go through his problem. It is common sense to receive inputs from someone just ahead of you. Becoming an allos is actually the art of using common sense

thousand to flight...

Deuteronomy 32:30

15. A son must become an allos because it will help you when you encounter difficulties. Have you ever wondered why doctors are calm in the face of apparent emergencies? It is because they have seen many other situations of the same kind (allos). When you meet an allos problem or crisis, you are calm because you know this kind. You overcome it faster because you have been taught about this kind of situation.

16. A son must become an allos because an army of multiplied force is created thereby. The joint effort of people of the same kind produces greater results. Bible teaches that two are better than one. It goes on to say that a threefold cord is not easily broken.

And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:12

Two of the same kind are better than one! Three of the same kind, are not easily broken. The multiplied strength of allos is phenomenal. When people of the same mind walk and work together, great power is released. How should one chase a thousand, and two put ten One of a kind shall put to flight a thousand but two of the same kind shall put to flight ten thousand.

17. A son must become an allos because that is the natural way to increase. The natural way that all of creation multiplies is by producing another of the same kind.

And the earth brought forth grass, and herb yielding seed after his kind...and God saw that it was good. And God created...every living CREATURE...after their KIND...and God saw that it was good. And God made the beast of the earth after his kind...and God saw that it was good. Genesis 1:12, 21, 25

The natural way that the church will grow from glory to glory is to produce pastors of the same kind, leaders of the same kind, and shepherds of the same kind. I do not dispute that there are other ways to move forward. But I can share what I see in the Bible. Allos! Allos! Allos! I want to be like the fathers God has given me. I want to be exactly like Him.

Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment: because as he is, so are we in this world. 1 John 4:17

18. A son must become an allos because it is the key to the anointing.

And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another (ALLOS) Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever; John 14:16

In the Scripture above, Jesus calls the Comforter, another of the same kind. The word another in this verse, is the Greek word allos. This means another comforter of the same kind. Jesus could have used the word heteros which would also have been translated another. But heteros would have meant a help of a different kind.

The Holy Spirit (Comforter) is the anointing. When Jesus promised another comforter of the same kind, He was promising another anointing of the same kind. The same kind of anointing with which He had ministered would be available to the apostles.

Most pastors would hasten their progress in the ministry if they would understand this simple truth. There is no new and special anointing that God wants to give you. He is simply going to give you another of the same kind. Even the apostles were promised another of the same kind. The world’s system teaches that the way to be qualified is to go to school. But the biblical pattern of becoming anything in the ministry is to become an allos. Becoming an allos is the natural way by which God produces ministers. Pride and presumption often keep us from becoming alloses.

The ministry is a very difficult thing. It takes a lot of grace to even please God. Humility is the greatest achievement in the ministry, yet it is so elusive. Most of us follow after human indicators of greatness. But Christ has shown what true greatness is. To humbly follow a man, to be obedient and to bear fruit in humility is no mean task. God does not require much from us. He expects us to become an allos of something that is working.

Elijah, Elisha and John-the-Baptist

Elijah had two well-known alloses: Elisha and John the Baptist. The Bible is clear on this fact. Elisha asked for a double portion of the anointing that was on Elijah and he got it (2 Kings 2:9). Jesus described John the Baptist as Elijah. He actually said, “This is Elias, which was for to come” (Matthew 11:14). Whenever you have another of the same kind of anointing, it produces the same kind of works. A closer look at the ministries of these two alloses will show you how true this is. This revelation should inspire you to get an allos anointing. Six Reasons Why Elisha Was an Allos of Elijah 1. Elijah prayed for the bringing back to life of a little boy (1 Kings 17:17-24) and Elisha also prayed for the raising up of a dead boy (2 Kings 4:32-37).

2. Elijah made miraculous utterances (1 Kings 21:28-29) and Elisha also made miraculous utterances (2 Kings 8:12). 3. Elijah had sixteen miracles in his ministry whilst Elisha had thirty-two miracles in his ministry. 4. Elijah caused a famine for three and a half years (1 Kings 17:1; James 5:17) and Elisha also prayed and there was a famine for seven years (2 Kings 8:1-2). 5. Elijah multiplied the meal and oil for a widow (1 Kings 17:8-16) and Elisha also increased the oil of a widow (2 Kings 4:1-7). 6. Elijah dried up the river Jordan (2 Kings 2:8) and Elisha also dried up the river Jordan (2 Kings 2:13-15).

Eleven Reasons Why John the Baptist Was an Allos of Elijah

1. Elijah was anointed with the Spirit and power (2 Kings 1:9- 10) and John the Baptist was also filled with the Spirit and with power (Luke 1:17). 2. Elijah lived in the desert at a point (1 Kings 17:3, 19:4) whilst John the Baptist was also known to dwell in the wilderness (Luke 1:80). 3. Elijah had a peculiar appearance (2 Kings 1:8) whilst John the Baptist was also known to dress in camel skirt (Matthew 3:4). 4. Elijah ate strange food from the mouth of ravens (1 Kings 17:4) whilst John the Baptist ate locusts and wild honey (Matthew 3:4). 5. Elijah confronted the king of his day, King Ahab (1 Kings 18:17-18) and John the Baptist also confronted the ruler of his day, King Herod (Matthew 14:3-4). 6. The king desired to kill Elijah (2 Kings 1:9) and the king sought to kill John the Baptist also (Matthew 14:3-5).

7. Elijah preached righteousness (1 Kings 18:20-24) and John the Baptist’s main message was repentance (Matthew 21:32). 8. Elijah was hated by the king’s wife, Jezebel (1 Kings 19:1- 7) and John the Baptist was also hated by Herod’s wife (Matthew 14:3-10). 9. Elijah was very influential in the land (1 Kings 18:25-41) and John the Baptist also had great influence in the land in his day (Mark11:32). 10.Elijah and John the Baptist were linked in prophecy (Malachi 3:1; Malachi 4:5-6; Isaiah 40:3). 11.Elijah will be the forerunner to the second coming of Christ (Malachi 4:5-6) and John the Baptist was the forerunner to the first coming of Christ (Malachi 3:1).

19. A son must become an allos because it is the key to the art of teaching and preaching. Hear another [ALLOS] parable: There was a certain householder, which planted a vineyard, and hedged it round about, and digged a winepress in it, and built a tower, and let it out to husbandmen, and went into a far country: Matthew 21:33

Jesus taught the Word of God in the most beautiful and anointed style ever known to man. His stories are remembered by little children long after they stop reading the Bible. His teachings are relevant two thousand years after He gave them. The teachings of Jesus are read by more people, quoted by more authors, translated into more languages, set to more music and represented in more art than any other teachings. As someone said, comparing the teachings of Socrates, Plato and Aristotle to those of Jesus is like comparing an enquiry with a revelation!

Years ago, I told my beloved that I wanted to be a teacher of the Word like Jesus. I thought to myself, “The teachings of Jesus are not easily forgotten, even by children.” I decided to become an allos. Years ago, before I became a pastor, I decided to teach and preach with stories. Jesus told so many stories. He would say: “A certain man had two sons...” “A certain man made a great party...” “There was a certain rich man which was clothed in purple...” “A certain rich man died...” “A certain man went up from Jericho...” “There was a certain rich man which had a steward...” “The ground of a certain rich man brought forth bountifully...” “A certain noble man went into a far country...” I decided that I wanted to be a teacher like Jesus. I didn’t want to be anything new; I just wanted to be an allos.

The key to becoming a great preacher is to become another of the same kind. Just find a preacher whose ministry touches lives and become another of the same kind. Learn how to preach by becoming the same as he is. Preach in the same way, teach in the same way and you will be very successful. Don’t try anything new because there is nothing new. Learn how to honourably “copy, photocopy, photograph, replay, rewind, repeat” what is good until it becomes a part of you. You will find yourself becoming an allos. The reality is that whether you do this deliberately or not, you are becoming the allos of somebody. So why not choose to become the allos of somebody you admire?

20. A son must become an allos because it will help him to recognize the principle of allos in many other areas of ministry. When you understand the principle of allos you understand that it is at work in many areas of life and ministry.

When you understand the principle of allos you understand that it is at work in many areas of life and ministry. Just as you are another of the same kind, you will recognize that many things are just one of a kind.

Dear friend, there is nothing special about you. There is nothing special about the problems you encounter in ministry. Someone has experienced it before and you are just the next one to discover it.

In the book of Revelation, John saw a terrible beast (problem) rising out of the sea. He was amazed at the strange and frightening appearance of this beast.

And I stood upon the sand of the sea, and saw a beast rise up out of the sea, having seven heads and ten horns, and upon his horns ten crowns, and upon his heads the name of blasphemy. And the beast which I saw was like unto a leopard, and his feet were as the feet of a bear, and his mouth as the mouth of a lion: and the dragon gave him his power, and his seat, and great authority.

Revelation 13:1-2

But this was not the end. He suddenly saw an allos! Another of the same kind! The Scripture describes how he saw another beast of the same kind emerging from beneath the sea.

And I beheld another (ALLOS) beast coming up out of the earth; and he had two horns like a lamb, and he spake as a dragon

Revelations 13:11

It is important to recognize problems of a similar nature when they arise. This will help you to calmly deal with the problems.

I once preached at a church in which the people were really blessed. The pastor of the church was also happy with the message. However, a few days later, this pastor told me that he was not happy about certain things I had said in his church. I was taken aback because he had initially said that he was very happy with the message.

This pastor continued to take up the issue, explaining that certain people among his pastors and congregation were not happy with my preaching. I came to realize that there was a political spirit at work in that congregation. The church was run on the strength of rumours, criticism and gossip. The different groups and factions always had an opinion about what was going on in the church. It was a church fraught with division, politics and infighting.

On another occasion, I preached in another church elsewhere. After the message, the pastor was very happy and congratulated me. He went on to say that he would have liked me to preach that very same message in his church at a larger Sunday service. He wanted the whole church to hear it. But I explained that I would not be available for that service.

The next day however, this pastor called me up and rebuked me for things that I had said in the message. I was taken aback but I apologized immediately for the wrong things that I had said. He explained that after I left, some of his leaders had voiced their objection to parts of my message

But I had already noticed similarities between this church and the other political church I had been in. I was therefore not too surprised by what had happened. It was an allos of the other political church where I had also been rebuked for my preaching. I was just having another of the same kind of experience. The pool of Siloam was surrounded by ill people with similar problems.

The impotent man answered him, Sir, I have no man, when the water is troubled, to put me into the pool: but while I am coming, another (ALLOS) steppeth down before me.

John 5:7

by Dag Heward - Mills

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famouswritings-blog · 5 years

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Typical Questions of Married Couples and the Answers

Introduction

The principle of acceptance is the key to resolving many marital problems. Remember, that you and your spouse have two differing perspectives that may not necessarily be wrong. Compromise must work in your marriage by each party esteeming the other as better than himself/herself. A good compromise is created when you respect your spouse’s views and ideas and you consider them to be better than yours.

Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.

Philippians 2:3

God expects you, as a married person, to endeavour to do your best in all that is expected of you, while accepting the reality that you cannot personally resolve every problem in your marriage––only God can. Know that you are not called to be a personal “Holy Spirit” to your spouse; specifically, to convict of sin, of righteousness and of judgement (that is the work of the Holy Spirit). Your duty is to inform your spouse of your concerns in a loving way and to leave the rest to God after much prayer. Only God can change a person. It will also help you to seek pastoral counsel and assistance.

Marriage often means that you may have to live with and contain an unpleasant aspect of your marriage that has not changed yet. It may be compared to living with a chronic disease such as asthma or diabetes. A person just contains or manages the disease so that it does not destroy the rest of his life, which is good.

Mistrust

Q. I believe my husband is hiding things from me. He says he’ll be back in 10 minutes, but returns hours later with various excuses, like he went to look for an ATM machine.

A. Trust is built over a period, it does not just happen. What appears to be happening in this relationship is that communication has broken or is breaking down. When that happens, each person tends to second-guess the other’s motives and actions. It might well be that the “excuses” are genuine; however, because of the lack of communication and a general atmosphere of mistrust, he cannot be believed.

On the other hand, these may be signs of possible unfaithfulness developing.

Both parties are advised to improve upon communication in the marriage. A wife must boldly ask her husband where he goes, without arousing controversy. There must be more openness/transparency. Furthermore, the wife must examine herself and see if there is something she is doing that makes her husband want to stay out instead of remaining at home.

(Refer to Chapter 6 pg. 20 “Openness”; Chapter 9 pg. 32-36 “Communication in Marriage”; Chapter 10 pg. 3739,“Faithfulness and Unfaithfulness in Marriage”).

Q. My wife does not relate well with my friends: especially those of the opposite sex. What do I do?

A. I believe it is an issue of insecurity. It is the responsibility of every husband to make sure his wife feels secure and firm in the driving seat. When this is absent, it shows sometimes in her hostile reaction towards the husband’s female friends.

It is recommended that married people must have mutual friends as much as possible. If a husband’s female friends do not get on well with his wife and vice versa, such friendships must be discontinued to ensure stability of the marriage. The couple should work out a compromise.

The most important remedy, however, is to ensure that everything is done to make the wife feel secure. Trust in the relationship must be nurtured. The wife should also work on her insecurities.

(Refer to Chapter 7 pg. 22-27 “Christian Home”; Chapter 10 pg. 37-39 “Faithfulness and Unfaithfulness in Marriage”).

Q. I have a fear that my wife will one day be in the hands of another lover. How can I deal with this?

A. You must first be able to place a finger on exactly what gives you such fears. Is it what you have experienced in the past, or in your background? Is it that she appears to be happier and more comfortable in the company of other men? Or that you believe you are not able to satisfy her enough?

Whatever it is, you should try and identify the source of the fear and deal with it. Here again, communication, when good, will be able to unearth the problem. The husband must vent his fears in the appropriate manner and atmosphere.

Furthermore, whenever he sees himself falling short, he must redouble his efforts to ensure that his wife is happy. Suspicion indicates the absence of real love (agape), for perfect love casts out all fear.

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.

1 John 4:18

Unfaithfulness is also a spirit, so it must be tackled spiritually through prayer. Finally, the husband must deal with his insecurity by forging closer friendship with his wife.

(Refer to Chapter 8 pg. 28-31 “Love in Marriage––Agape”; Chapter 10 pg. 37-39 “Faithfulness and Unfaithfulness in Marriage”).

Q. He is always reminding me of my past life. How do I deal with it?

A. A married couple is counselled to be historically naked before each other. That means that as much as possible, each party must be sufficiently exposed to the other’s past. The effect of this is to avoid surprises in the marriage. The aim, however, is not to make one despise the other and hold them to ransom because of their past. Even Christ forgives us our numerous indiscretions hidden in our past.

It is obvious that the husband who is always holding his wife’s past before her eyes lacks confidence and would want to hang on to that past as a means of making her feel guilty, perhaps as an antidote for his own insecurity. Do not use your spouse’s openness to taunt, control, or manipulate her, or she will stop confiding in you.

The wife is counselled to ignore the taunting and encourage herself by the fact that Christ forgave our past. Above all, she must pray about the situation, and continually repay her husband’s “evil” with good.

(Refer to Chapter 6 pg. 20 “Openness”; Chapter 8 pg. 28-31 “Love in Marriage––Agape”).

Q. He has a female friend I am worried about, but he seems not to care about it.

A. The issue is why the worry. Is it because you do not trust that he can take care of himself or that the relationship is manifestly dangerous?

In any case, every husband must understand that women have instincts to smell “danger” in the air when another woman is drawing too close.

Where there is lack of trust because there is absence of communication, these fears usually thrive. In our counselling, each party is told that for there to be cleaving there must be a leaving. Examples of those we must leave are close friends, especially of the opposite sex. (Refer to Chapter 6 pg. 24-26, “The God-Type of Marriage”).

Furthermore, unfaithfulness in marriage is a gradual thing. It starts with spending more time with someone not your spouse, even on the phone.

Selfishness in the marriage creates that situation being complained of. The husband may not be getting enough attention from the wife and therefore may be getting it somewhere else. It is the responsibility of both partners to create a place they can both call a home. Each must think more about the other spouse’s happiness than his/hers.

Improve upon the communication and romantic life with your husband and find an appropriate time to raise the matter for discussion in a non-confrontational and unemotional manner. Most men feel accused of infidelity when such issues are raised, so you need to tread cautiously.

(Refer to Chapter 7 pg. 22-27, “Christian Home”; Chapter 10 pg. 37-39, “Faithfulness and Unfaithfulness in Marriage”).

Q. He speaks to female friends late into the night on the phone.

A. Trust is very important if your marriage is going to last or to be harmonious and sweet. Suspicion is very unhealthy. “Love...believes all things, hopes all things...” (1Corinthians 13:7). “...perfect love casts away all fears...” (1John 4:18).

Your husband should of course be able to open up his telephone conversation to you unless he feels threatened or accused. Husbands should also “flee all appearances of evil” and give no room for questions, as “the servant of God should be blameless”.

A compelling need to call or engage in long, intimate conversation with the opposite sex deep into the night on a consistent basis is questionable. Check your heart and motives carefully and sincerely. Learn to also consider deeply the concerns of your wife––love does not insist on its own way.

(Refer to Chapter 6 pg. 20,“Openness”, Chapter 8 pg. 38-31, “Love in Marriage––Agape”).

Q. She keeps suspecting me.

A. Where this kind of suspicion is present, the explanation can be one of two things. The first is that there might be a history of betrayal or unfaithfulness. The second might be that one party feels very insecure in the relationship.

If the issue is the first, that is trust betrayed, then the only counsel is that there must be total forgiveness from the party who has been betrayed and the guilty party must work extra hard to regain the trust of his spouse. Don’t let the past colour your future actions. Find and absorb appropriate Christian material on insecurity in order to be healed.

(Refer to Chapter 8 pg. 28-31, “Love in Marriage––Agape”; Chapter 21 pg. 89-92, “Problem Solving in Marriage”).

Q. He gets angry when he sees me chatting with someone.

A. This means that the husband feels insecure and jealous. The principles of love must be brought to bear on the situation. “Love does not seek her own”. If these insecurities are also based on something in the past then forgiveness must be applied and the record wiped out: “Love does not keep a record of wrongs suffered.”

(Refer to Chapter 8 pg. 28-31, “Love in Marriage––Agape”).

Q. When he is going out he does not say where he is going.

A. It appears that not much effective communication is going on here. Furthermore, the husband is not showing enough respect for his wife. Sometimes these things happen because he knows his wife will not like where he is going, and he does not want to tell lies about it, so he just leaves.

The solution might be that there must be more transparency in that marriage. Both parties must encourage conversation. The wife must not appear to be an “investigative journalist” asking only probing questions. That attitude does not encourage conversation.

(Refer to Chapter 6 pg. 19-21, “The God-Type of Marriage”).

Looks

Q. He has a pot belly.

A. It is true that in marriage, what is most important is the character of the person one is marrying. However, the packaging is also important, because most of the time it is the packaging that makes the product either attractive or unattractive. It is only after that, that its sweetness or otherwise would be known.

In the same way, the manner in which people carry themselves around, to a large extent determines whether their partners will continue to find them attractive. Unfortunately, many people just lose control of their bodies when they marry.

However, it must also be borne in mind that growing up usually comes with some weight gain as well.

The most important issue is how one goes about telling the spouse about how fat or lean he/she is. Speak to edify and not to break down another’s confidence. Accept your spouse’s looks, and concentrate on the inner qualities rather than the packaging. Partner together on how to help with the weight gain problem.

(Refer to Chapter 9 pg. 32-36, “Communication in Marriage”; Chapter 10 pg. 37-39, “Faithfulness and Unfaithfulness in Marriage”).

Q. He squeezes his face.

A. Probably there is something he is not happy about. Arrange to discuss it or seek counsel from your pastors on the issue if it is a thorny one. It is not easy to live happily with a husband who always presents a squeezed face. The husband is to live joyfully with his wife all the days of his life. Let the issues die and be cheerful.

Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that is thy portion in this life, and in thy labour which thou takest under the sun.

Ecclesiastes 9:9

(Refer to Chapter 11 pg. 45, “Duties of the Husband––Make Her Feel Happy At Home”).

Q. I want her to put on some weight.

A. Putting on weight, or losing weight, are things we cannot allow to be the foundation for happiness in the marriage. Some put on weight easily, others do not; some lose weight easily while others may struggle their whole lifetime to lose even a kilo. The key to happiness and lasting friendship is the key of acceptance. Accept each other and walk in love. Your expectation may or may not come to pass, but pray for the grace to accept what you cannot change.

(Refer to Chapter 25 pg. 109, “The Key of Acceptance––Accept the Physical Structure or Looks of Your Spouse”).

Romance and Sex

Q. My wife does not like kissing.

A. Kissing is encouraged to promote intimacy between a couple. Kissing is a form of communicating and expressing affection. The wife must gradually tune her mind to accept and flow with this form of communication as well.

If your wife doesn’t like to be kissed do not force it on her. It might be due to any of the following reasons:

(a) She may just not be comfortable with it because of her background. After all, it is not everything that you also like.

(b) It might also be because of the husband’s bad oral hygiene. Try and make sure that anytime you want to kiss her your breath is very fresh and inviting enough. Few people can resist something, fresh, minty and possibly, tasty.

(Refer to Chapter 9 pg. 36, “Communication in Marriage––Other Ways of Communicating”; Chapter 38 pg. 171,“Assorted Biblical Principles 1-12––Principle of the Importance of Kissing”).

Q. My wife does not like sex much.

A. It must be understood that generally speaking, women do not like sex as much as men do.

The greatest sex organ all of us have is our minds and therefore there must be a proper conditioning of the mind for it.

In fact for women, sex is more than just an act. 1 Peter 3:7 encourages husbands to dwell with their wives according to knowledge. This means that for any marriage to be smooth and peaceful, husbands must know more about their wives and the frustrations will be less.

Wives must also understand that when a man is starved of sex, his potential for adultery is enhanced, so they must perform their God-given duty; something which only they can do for their husbands.

(Refer to Chapter 10 pg. 38, “Faithfulness and Unfaithfulness in Marriage––Conditions that are Likely to Aggravate a Potential for Unfaithfulness”; Chapter 25 pg. 106, The Key of Acceptance––“Accept the “Masculinity” or “Femininity” of Your Spouse”).

Q. My husband does not seem to understand that my libido is not always high i.e. I don’t like sex all the time.

A. Sex in marriage is not just about the libido of one partner. Some of the basic reasons for sex in marriage can help the thinking here.

First, God designed sex in marriage for procreation and whether your libido is high or not is not relevant: there will be no children without sex. It is interesting to note that some couples who have no issue, often allow quarrels and misunderstandings to prevent them from coming together at the time when the wife is most fertile. This unfortunately accounts for some of the childlessness we witness around us.

Second, it is each spouse’s divine duty to satisfy the other sexually and therefore irrespective of either a high or a low libido––the duty must be performed whether we feel like it or not.

Lastly, God created sexual intercourse in marriage for the pleasure and enjoyment of both husband and wife. In this case, a wife may not derive any pleasure if her mind is not tuned to flow with the whole idea.

All three reasons for sex may need to be applied whether your libido is high or low at a particular time. You must fulfil the purpose for marriage.

(Refer to Chapter 28 pg. 132-133, “Introduction to Sexual Happiness––8 Reasons for Sex”; Chapter 31 pg. 140141,“Pleasurable Sex”; Chapter 32 pg. 142-143, “Dutiful Sex”; Chapter 36 pg. 159-160 “Sex for Reproduction”).

Q. My wife is not romantic and she does not like sex at all.

A. First of all, it must be borne in mind that sex is the only thing that differentiates the institution of marriage from an ordinary relationship between friends or even siblings. It is therefore a very vital part of the marriage.

Secondly, every husband ought to know that wives are very different from men in their attitude and response to the sex question. Whereas many a young Christian man enters into marriage primarily for the sexual experience, the motivation for women is completely different. (Refer to Chapter 25 pg. 105 The Key of Acceptance ––“Accept the “Masculinity” or “Femininity” of Your Spouse”).

The net effect of this is that every husband must accept the fact that he is the initiator in the marriage. The husband must therefore dwell with his wife according to knowledge. He must know when to make a move, how to make the advances, when to pursue and when to pause. It is all an art that comes or gets better with dwelling together as a couple.

For the woman, it takes more to be turned on. Indeed, how a husband speaks with his wife in the morning before he leaves for work could influence the kind of reception he receives in the evening in the bedroom. Women are more inclined to harbouring hurts. So in order to have pleasurable, unimpeded and unfettered sexual intercourse with your wife, every husband must virtually woo his wife. Do not behave like a master who is demanding his pound of flesh. Find out what makes your wife feel loved and it will release her sexually.

(Refer to Chapter 31 pg. 140-141, “Pleasurable Sex”).

Q. She lays down too many conditions concerning sex. I have to talk too much before she gives in.

Every wife should bear in mind that it is her God-given duty to satisfy her husband sexually. In fact, she will not be doing him any favour by agreeing to have sex with him. The fact that he is a Christian does not mean he cannot be tempted by a “strange woman” who presents sex to him on a silver platter, without sweat.

A wife must see it as a privilege given by God that she is the only person her husband is permitted to engage in sex with. Once you appreciate it that way, I believe you will not withhold yourself from your husband.

A wife should know that one of her roles as a total wife is to be a sex partner and she must discharge that role with love and excitement. She must also initiate sex with her husband. Laying down conditions concerning sex is not the best way to perform your God-given duty.

If a wife feels there are certain things she needs from her husband, she must not use sex as a weapon to obtain her demands. In the exchange of vows, the wife commits to give herself “fully” to her husband with no strings attached. Learn to discuss issues amicably, without using what you exclusively provide for your spouse as a means to get at him. Love is not self-seeking and does not insist on her own.

(Refer to Chapter 10 pg. 37-39,“Faithfulness and Unfaithfulness in Marriage”; Chapter 12 pg. 48-52, “Duties of the Wife”; Chapter 13 pg. 53-54, “The Total Wife”).

Q. Sex is a scarce commodity in our marriage.

A. One of the basic biblical reasons for marriage is to avoid fornication and so that those who do not have the gift of self-control might marry and keep themselves undefiled members of Christ’s body. We are to conduct our marriages such that Satan does not take advantage of us. When sex becomes a scarce commodity––something you want but cannot get from the legitimate source, it opens the door for various temptations and sins. Do not give place to the devil.

Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

1 Corinthians 7:1-5

(Refer to Chapter 12 pg. 49,“Duties of the Wife––Provide Sexually for Your Husband”; Chapter 13 pg. 53, “The Total Wife––A Sex Partner”).

Q. Sex is no longer exciting. I need more styles.

A. Having exciting sex in a marriage is the responsibility of both husband and wife. You must both be committed to deriving the best from the gift that God has given. If you need more exciting styles, go for it! “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled” (Hebrews 13:4). There is no need to stay with something you are not enjoying when you are allowed to explore the sex act with different positions.

There is no law in Scripture against being innovative sexually, within the context of the marriage. As the marriage grows all things settle into a routine. This usually robs the marriage of excitement. It is therefore the responsibility of the couple to introduce certain things that will rekindle the flame. Try new positions, that is, sexual styles. Do not be content with the old “missionary position”.

When wives introduce some of these innovations it tends to be more exciting. Wives, try and surprise your husband sometimes with some new styles. It will take the monotony and predictability in your sex life away. However, it must be emphasized that being romantic in the marriage is neither a duty for men nor women. It is a responsibility for both parties to ensure that the flame keeps burning.

Encourage your spouse to flow with the exploration and assure him/her that it will take you to higher levels. There is no need to chide your spouse about something that he/she may not be used to. Accept also the fact that as with food, there will be ordinary days and exhilarating (exciting) days. Do not fall into the deception that another woman will be more exciting. She is not a wife yet.

(Refer to Chapter 33 pg. 145-149, “Exciting Sex”).

Q. He wants to have sex weekly.

A. The sexual life of a couple is a thermometer of their relationship and love (see the “Sexometer” in Chapter 28 pg. 127). As a husband, your role as a total husband is to satisfy your wife sexually. To sentence her to once weekly is not fair.

1 Corinthians 7:1-5

However, there may be other reasons that are affecting the husband’s libido: medical, stress from work, tiredness, or even unfaithfulness.

(Refer to Chapter 11 pg. 43-47, “Duties of the Husband; Chapter 35 pg. 158, “Common Fears about Sex––Fear of Impotence”)

Q. He prefers sleeping on the sofa instead of with me in our bed.

A. When a husband’s attitude is to sleep apart from his wife it may be that he is avoiding intimacy with her or it may be just a bad habit he has acquired of preferring the sofa to the bedroom. If the former is the case, then it is possible that he does not enjoy sex with his wife. This may be because he is getting satisfaction somewhere else or that his wife just does not turn him on any longer.

Sometimes, people behave this way when they are engaging in extra-marital relationships and are feeling guilty about it. They therefore avoid getting close to their wives.

The couple must find a conducive time and atmosphere and talk about the problem. The wife can adopt an attitude of being with him in the sitting room when he is there and coax him gradually into the bedroom, that is, if the latter reason is the cause of his sleeping on the sofa.

This attitude can also point to the fact that the husband is no longer interested in sex. It is not a normal thing. The wife must therefore redouble her efforts, in addition to talking about it and identifying what is going wrong, to attract and hold him once again. Become sexy again, if you think you lost it.

(Refer to Chapter 8 pg. 28-30,“Love in Marriage––Agape”; Chapter 9 pg. 32-36 “Communication in Marriage”).

Q. She will not have sex with me at dawn.

A. There is no particular time laid down for having sex. If your wife does not like dawn, one must compromise and initiate it at at the times when the wife is amenable to the whole idea. Think in terms of two and not one. These things are solved by compromising. The qualities of love will win. The wife must also think in the same way.

(Refer to Chapter 8 pg. 28-30,“Love in Marriage––Agape”).

Q. He does not compliment me. He is only expressive in the bedroom. He says, “I love you” once in 2 months.

A. Husbands must understand that wives respond very much to things they hear while they (men) respond more to things they see and touch. What this means is that the more you say things they like, to their hearing, the more they open up to you.

Complimenting wives is so important a gesture that all husbands must learn to do it. When it is only done at times when you want to have sex, it exposes the manipulative intent of the compliment. Be liberal with complimenting your wife and let your actions back your words.

Wives must also understand that by their upbringing, some husbands struggle very much with giving compliments. Know your man and help him to learn it if he is that type. Learn also to be confident in who God says you are, even if you are not complimented.

(Refer to Chapter 25 pg.106, “The Key of Acceptance––Accept the ‘Masculinity’ or ‘Femininity’of Your Spouse”).

Q. My husband’s penis does not get hard enough and sometimes does not get hard at all.

A. These may be signs of temporary or “permanent” impotence. They are conditions that may require the help of a doctor. Wives must however bear in mind that there are several things that can also create such results. For example, too much stress, guilt and tiredness. It is therefore the responsibility of the wife to be reassuring during these times. The worst a wife can do is to taunt the husband. If it persists, then it is time to see a doctor. If it happens that he is diagnosed impotent then you must accept him in love and believe God for a miracle or the strength to live joyfully with the situation.

(Refer to Chapter 8 pg. 28-30, “Love in Marriage––Agape”; Chapter 35 pg. 158, “Common Fears about Sex––Fear of Impotence”).

Q. My husband’s penis softens in the course of sex.

A. There are probably a lot of things on his mind. The mind is the greatest sex organ and when a person’s mind is loaded with stresses from work, tiredness, financial pressures, quarrels, etc. the ability to achieve an erection is affected. The wife should be very reassuring and not condemning. Try to make the home a place for peace and refreshing. Seek medical help.

(Refer to Chapter 7 pg. 23, “The Christian Home––The Importance of the Home to the Husband and Wife”; Chapter 35 pg. 158, “Common Fears about Sex––Fear of Impotence”).

Q. She doesn’t like talking about sex.

A. Virtually all women do not like talking about sex. Indeed, some men also fall into this category. People will only engage in such conversation in an atmosphere of friendship, trust and total security. If you want your wife to discuss sex freely make sure she can discuss other things more freely with you. If you provide an atmosphere of trust and security, then it is likely that she can relax sufficiently to talk about sex.

(Refer to Chapter 25 pg. 106, “The Key of Acceptance––Accept the ‘Masculinity’ or ‘Femininity’ of Your Spouse”).

Q. He refuses to bath in the evenings, which I find irritating and uncomfortable.

A. Pleasurable sex demands that both parties must be relaxed and comfortable. If one party refuses to go the extra mile to make the other comfortable, they will be sowing the seeds of discord, which will also rob them of pleasure in sex.

Marriage is about making compromises. If the husband does not like bathing, for the sake of his wife and the marriage, he could begin bathing in the evening also. He must think in terms of two and not one.

(Refer to Chapter 8 pg. 28-30, “Love in Marriage––Agape”).

Q. She does not keep good hygiene so sex is an ordeal.

The husband must also find a nice non-offensive and loving way to draw his wife’s attention to the unhygienic practices he complains of and help her to surmount them. After all, this is what marriage is about––to make each other better than when we met. She must think in terms of two and not one.

(Refer to Chapter 8 pg. 28-30, “Love in Marriage––Agape”).

Communication

Q. She’s always quarrelling with me, and threatens to leave the marriage afterwards.

A. This wife has violated the basic biblical principles of communication: “speaking the truth in love”. She must know that in dealing with her spouse, there are still things she should not allow to proceed from her mouth. Let the love of Christ constrain your speech and actions. Never threaten to quit the marriage; you are opening the door for Satan to have an advantage over you.

Neither give place to the devil.

Ephesians 4:27

Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. Ephesians 4:29

(Refer to Chapter 9 pg. 35,“Communication in Marriage––Some Examples of Things Not To Say”).

Q. She speaks disrespectfully to me when she is angry and corrects me in anger.

A. The wife must learn the rules of agape love: love is not rude, unruly; does not behave itself unseemly, etc). As a wife you are not likely not be able to change your husband with your angry outbursts. This behaviour may cause your husband to withdraw and keep to himself.

(Refer to Chapter 8 pg. 28-30, “Love in Marriage––Agape”).

Q. She easily takes offence and refuses to talk for days.

A. The characteristics of agape love emphasize that love is not easily provoked, and to live in silence for days only deepens the strain in the relationship. Make the effort to get your offence off your chest, by walking in forgiveness. A Christian is commanded by God to forgive.

Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:

Ephesians 4:26

(Refer to Chapter 8 pg. 28-30, “Love in Marriage––Agape”, Chapter 9 pg. 32-33, “Comunication in Marriage ––Speak”).

Q. Sometimes the way my wife talks to me is very bad. She talks back anyhow and even raises her voice in ordinary conversation.

A. This depicts a husband frustrated about the apparent show of disrespect and lack of circumspection in the attitude of his wife when talking to him.

It must be borne in mind that at least two things determine the manner in which people speak: upbringing and temperament. These two situations however, ought to be influenced by the Word of God once a person becomes saved.

The husband must first examine himself and see if he himself treats his wife with respect. This is seen by the way you talk to her and also, by whether you include her in making decisions. People usually respond to people who treat them with respect and decency, with an equal or more dose(s) of respect.

On the other hand, a few warped thinkers take the position that the harsher and more uncontrollable a wife is, the more she can get her husband to do things for her.

Wives are enjoined to submit to their own husbands in everything. The Bible says it is better to dwell at the corner of a roof than to dwell in the same house with a loud, contentious woman.

The husband must show leadership in the way he speaks to his wife. As he shows this example, his wife, if spiritual, will learn from it and speak well and with respect.

Furthermore, the husband should identify a conducive time and raise the issue with his wife. Talk about the conduct and not the woman and learn to forgive each other.

(Refer to Chapter 8 pg. 28-30,“Love in Marriage––Agape”; Chapter 9 pg. 32-36, “Communication in Marriage”).

Q. She corrects me in anger and is very disrespectful when she is angry and can say things that a Christian should not say.

A. No matter how much you are provoked you should, “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers” (Ephesians 4:29).

It is not appropriate for the wife to throw all Christian etiquette out of the window and just follow her anger and bitterness into talking carelessly and behaving disrespectfully. If on the other hand your wife is sensitive about certain issues then pray for the grace to be able to speak a word in its season so as not to generate much provocation. “Let us consider how to provoke one another to love and good works” (Hebrews 10:24) rather than to provoke one another to hatred and bitterness.

(Refer to Chapter 8 pg. 28-30, “Love in Marriage––Agape”; Chapter 9 pg. 32-36, “Communication in Marriage”).

Q. My wife likes shouting at the children.

A. Sometimes wives/mothers shout at children because they get tired of saying the same things over and over again. It may also be that they feel frustrated about the fact that they do not receive enough help from the husband/father. Out of a feeling of impatience, they may take it out on the poor child.

The chapter on The Total Wife needs to be re-emphasised here. As a mother, a wife must be tender and accommodating. She must be patient even though she is tired from her several other roles. She must resist the temptation to vent her anger with her husband and frustration with other issues, on the vulnerable and usually defenceless and impressionable children.

(Refer to Chapter 13 pg. 53-54, “The Total Wife”).

Q. He does not respect my decisions and thinks I talk too much.

A. Every husband ought to understand the ways in which his wife is different from him. One of the fundamental differences is that women naturally have more to say about things than men do. They are also interested in details whereas men like the headlines.

Once this difference is appreciated, a husband will be able to accommodate the seemingly endless chatter of a wife. This is how women are; they are happier when they know that there is someone to listen to them. (Refer to Chapter 11 pg. 43-47, “Duties of the Husband”).

Inasmuch as husbands ought to listen to their wives and seek their input in decision-making, it is the duty of the wife to ensure that her input is usually helpful. (Refer to Chapter 12 pg. 50-52, “Be a Virtuous Woman”).

Q. He is too busy for us to talk about ourselves and our marriage.

A. It is normally not easy to hear a critique about one’s performance. Every normal person tries to avoid situations in which his/her performance in an endeavour is going to be put on the carpet for scrutiny. This might explain why your husband cannot seem to make time for you to talk about “ourselves and our marriage”. The wife may probably be making the mistake called “putting up sign posts”. This is a situation in which one advertises their intention to hold a discussion about serious things, thus scaring away the other party who believes his conduct will be up for discussion.

The best thing to do might be to look for an opportune time when you know the other party is quite relaxed and even happy and, through the employment of wisdom and subtlety, introduce the particular subject you want to discuss without raising sign posts such as, “ I think we should talk”, “we have to talk” etc.

(Refer to Chapter 8 pg. 28-30, “Love in Marriage ––Agape”; Chapter 9 pg. 32-36,“Communication in Marriage”).

Q. She picks up a quarrel with me at dawn.

A. Picking up a quarrel at anytime is not healthy, not just at dawn. However, it takes two to quarrel so if a wife wants to quarrel and a husband has nothing to say to fuel the quarrel, the quarrel cannot last. Remember that it is only by pride that we have contention. If only the husband could avoid pride and listen to whatever his wife has to say, there will be no quarrel.

(Refer to Chapter 25 pg. 107, “The Key of Acceptance––Accept Peace and Decide Not to Quarrel”).

Q. He doesn’t talk to me the way he talks with others. He ensures that discussions and transactions he holds with others are kept from me.

A. A situation such as the above may point to a lack of trust in the relationship and a feeling of familiarity, which, it is said, breeds contempt. Is it possible to critically assess oneself and see if there is a cause for this absence of trust? Have you been sharing things he shares with you in confidence with other people? Or are you also in the habit of keeping things away from him?

If there is no trust in a relationship, it will usually not be a lasting one. If you can locate the reason for the lack or loss of trust, try and repair the damage. Talk about it with your spouse, at an opportune time. If there is the need for apology, render it and redouble your efforts to repair the trust lost.

(Refer to Chapter 6 pg. 20, “The God-Type of Marriage––Openness”, Chapter 8 pg. 38-30, “Love in Marriage–– Agape”).

Q. My husband does not appreciate me in my hearing.

A. Another thing that marriage thrives on is honour (1 Peter 3:7). Honouring somebody is something that is done openly. Honouring someone secretly does not make much sense. Husbands must therefore honour their wives openly. If her food is good, say so openly to encourage her. Don’t only rebuke, but show appreciation openly to encourage her to do better.

(Refer to Chapter 9 pg. 33, “Communication in Marriage––Choose to Speak Life”).

Q. My husband does not listen to me.

A. Wives feel happy when they are listened to. In fact, listening is a sign of love. It is the duty of a husband to make his wife feel happy. One of the ways to achieve this result is to listen to her talk. Most women enjoy talking. Wives, your duty is to inform and not to transform. So do that and prayerfully leave the rest to God.

(Refer to Chapter 9 pg. 35, “Communication in Marriage––Avoid these things (e)”).

Q. My wife says I don’t communicate.

A. Communication is made up of both the verbal and the non-verbal. There are people who do well in one and not in the other. In other words, sometimes the things that we say are negated by the things we do. In every marriage there must be as much speaking as there is non-verbal communication. There must be a balance. Even though it is said that actions speak louder than words, words also have their place.

It must however be borne in mind that men don’t talk as much as women do, generally speaking. It may therefore be the duty of a wife to get her husband to converse by leading him on and asking him follow-up questions without appearing to be an investigative journalist or a lawyer cross-examining a witness.

(Refer to Chapter 9 pg. 32-33, “Communication in Marriage––Speak”).

Q. He likes shouting at me.

A. This is usually a sign of disrespect if it is the normal way he speaks. On the other hand, if it is not his usual way of speaking to you, then it is likely that he is being eaten up by something. Leave him a little and then later on get back to him and begin another conversation or discussion altogether. At the appropriate time let him know that it is in bad taste for him to shout at you.

(Refer to Chapter 9 pg. 35, “Communication in Marriage––Avoid these things (a)”).

Q. He speaks to me anyhow and gets angry about little things.

A. Ephesians 5:25 enjoins husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it. If you love your wife the way Christ loved/loves us and died for us, you will be careful about the way you talk to your wife. That is the standard. Are you speaking to your wife the way Christ would have spoken to the church?

(Refer to Chapter 9 pg. 33, “Communication in Marriage––Choose to Speak Life”).

Q. He does not chat with me. He prefers to speak to friends on phone. I only get information from such conversations he holds with friends.

A. A couple must make every effort to speak to each other (Ephesians 4:15). It is a sign that there is friendship in the marriage. Sometimes it is difficult for the two to converse, and this is because they may not have learnt to do so during courtship. It may also be a sign of a deteriorating relationship. It is not right that a husband reduces his wife to somebody who must only eavesdrop in order to know what is going on in his life.

If there was speaking before and it is now gone, take your time and identify the causes and deal with them. On the other hand, if it has never been a feature of the marriage, then it is something that you must work hard at getting in the marriage. At least there must be something that both of you may be interested in. If not, take time to learn the things your husband is interested in and converse intelligently with him. Don’t leave out prayer. Gradually things will become better. Remember though, that a man also needs male friends he can talk to.

(Refer to Chapter 9 pg. 33, “Communication in Marriage––Choose to Speak Life”).

Q. He does not talk to me about his family issues. His siblings do not leave important messages with me even when he is absent.

A. It is unfortunate that you do not feel included. You must however bear in mind that at the end of the day he is the one you are married to, so if he is not letting you into his external family matters concentrate on what concerns your home.

Don’t complain too much about it. Make yourself happy in your own home. The problem arises where he chooses his family above you or does not protect you against offences from his family. If he does not allow anyone to maltreat or disrespect you, but he only does not tell you things about his family, be content. Some people take longer to open up. It is probably not fatal to your marriage.

(Refer to Chapter 22 pg. 93-95, “In-laws”).

Q. She does not agree with me often and misunderstands me though others don’t.

A. Others who understand you don’t live with you. They may not see all your shortcomings. What you communicate is made up of the verbal and non-verbal. You may be negating your verbal with your non-verbal attitude, hence the difficulty your wife has. Take your time, explain things, and let your sincerity about issues never be in doubt.

(Refer to Chapter 9 pg. 32-35, “Communication in Marriage”).

Q. We quarrel when we talk for just an hour.

A. It is obvious that the two of you are not friends. Communication in marriage is not about who can win an argument to prove that he is smarter. Furthermore, marriage is not a competition between a husband and a wife. It is a relationship based on love for the purpose of helping each other fulfil their God-given dreams.

It is only when marriage is viewed as a competition that any conversation within it will be reduced to a battle of words. Take your time and talk to each other, just to enjoy each other’s company and not to assess whether the other party is speaking sensibly or not. A critical spirit is a sign that there is no love. Love believes all things. Take your time and develop true friendship in your marriage.

(Refer to Chapter 25 pg. 107, “The Key of Acceptance–-Accept Peace and Decide Not to Quarrel”).

Q. He says very little, if anything at all. I feel like divorcing him.

A. Learn to accept that men are usually like that. Try solving the problem by leading him on to talk. Be content if he listens to you talk. He can never talk as much as you do. Don’t let this drive you to divorce. Find ways and means of making yourself happy in the marriage. As he sees that you are happy without him, he is likely to open up more into your world.

Divorce has only one basis in Scripture which is adultery. There is no reason such as lack of communication. Work hard at communication, it will work. Don’t leave prayer out and don’t nag. Do not use divorce as a threat to resolve any issue: “Neither give place to the devil”.

(Refer to Chapter 25 pg. 106, “The Key of Acceptance––Accept the ‘Masculinity’ or ‘Femininity’ of Your Spouse”; Chapter 24 pg. 98-102, “What Every Christian Should know about Divorce”).

Q. He thinks I complain too much and behave rudely when people come to the house.

A. If that is true then you must change your attitude. Maintain a sweet spirit. That is the only way you can make yourself attractive to your husband and not by throwing tantrums and being rude. Walk in love. Love does not behave itself unseemly.

(Refer to Chapter 8 pg. 28-30, “Love in Marriage––Agape”).

Q. She is always, second-guessing me.

A. This is a sign of lack of trust in the marriage. Make every effort to be transparent and communicate clearly and unambiguously about issues and make sure that you have been understood. It is a sign that there is no love in the relationship if there is suspicion all the time. Love believes all things.

(Refer to Chapter 6 pg. 20, “The God-Type of Marriage––Openness”, Chapter 8 pg. 28-30, “Love in Marriage ––Agape”).

Q. She wants me to talk to only people she likes.

A. This sounds like a case of control and manipulation. It can never be possible that a husband will only talk to people that his wife likes. The cardinal principle in having a marriage that is godly and also for fostering faithfulness in marriage is to leave all friends especially those of the opposite sex and to cleave to your spouse. Furthermore, it is counselled that couples must have mutual friends.

This is certainly not an injunction on anyone to only speak to people the other approves of. Where this situation exists, there is a clear lack of trust. Examine what has engendered this unhealthy posture and deal with it.

(Refer to Chapter 6 pg. 20, “The God Type of Marriage––Openness”).

Q. She /He doesn’t like to talk about problems we are having, but prefers keeping quiet over issues.

A. If you can keep quiet over the issues and let it go, then that is fine. But it is widely accepted that people are better able to deal with problems once they are able to talk about them.

When you keep quiet you may be feeding your mind on some misunderstanding whereas if you spoke about it, some light could be shed on the problem for a solution to arrive more easily. Make every effort to speak so that there can be some relief.

(Refer to Chapter 9 pg. 32-33, “Communication in Marriage––Speak”).

Q. She tends to talk down to me if I don’t agree with something.

A. The principles in God’s Word that govern the marriage covenant cannot be flouted with impunity and overlooked. Husbands and wives are to observe certain rules of conduct stated in the Bible. As a wife you must “...be in subjection to your own husband ...”

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;

1 Peter 3:1

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

Ephesians 5:22

(Refer to Chapter 12 pg. 48-52, “Duties of the Wife”).

Finances

Q. He is selfish. He does not give me enough money.

A. Finances or the use of money is one of the areas in marriage capable of being controversial. In certain cultures, it is the responsibility of the husband to provide all the money needed. When that is the case, he seems to wield power to determine absolutely what money will be used for.

With our present economic realities, both husbands and wives contribute to the upkeep of the home. It therefore implies that whereas he is the head of the home, he does not reserve the right to unilaterally decide on what money will be used for in a home. Husbands are encouraged to give their wives enough spending money for the house as well as some to spend on themselves. Please do not be “arm-strong” or stingy.

(Refer to Chapter 15 pg. 58-60, “Principles of Finance in Marriage”).

Q. He counts his pennies and talks too much about money.

A. Where it appears that he is the sole breadwinner, he may complain sometimes about money and its use. It is however not a bad thing in itself that a man counts his pennies. It is a sign of frugality. However, if it leads to a situation where he is a miser, then something is wrong.

(Refer to Chapter 15 pg. 58-60, “Principles of Finance in Marriage”; See also the book “Frugality” by Dr. D.C. Heward-Mills).

Q. We cannot decide on how much to spend on clothes for ourselves.

A. It must be by consensus and discussion. It must be done rather scientifically and logically through the use of a budget. The point that is being made is that for there to be peace and joy at home, the use of money must be planned jointly bearing in mind that as stewards of God’s money we will render account some day.

(Refer to Chapter 15 pg. 58-60, “Principles of Finance in Marriage”).

Q. Should we have a joint bank account?

A. There is no rule that once married a couple must maintain a joint account. What is important is that they must operate their finances based on the principle that what each one has is for both. Furthermore, there must be transparency.

This means that whereas physically they may be operating from different bank accounts, substantially they will be operating a joint account because of the transparency.

(Refer to Chapter 15 pg. 58-60, “Principles of Finance in Marriage”).

Q. He is so careful with money he makes life uncomfortable sometimes.

A. Being careful with money is supposed to be a good thing. When we are able to plug all leakages around our finances we are able to have more, so it is a sign of good management.

However, if it makes life uncomfortable for the wife then another look ought to be taken at the manner in which it is done. Handling of finances at home must be a mutual joint effort through discussion and dialogue. No one should feel left out. Encourage transparency.

(Refer to Chapter 15 pg. 58-60, “Principles of Finance in Marriage”).

Attitude

Q. He is not helpful and has an “I don’t care” attitude.

A. It is one of the duties of every husband to love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it (Ephesians 5:25). If a husband truly loves his wife, one of the things that he will do will be to protect her from the strain of housework. What this means is that he will help and support his wife in order that she does not crush under the weight of responsibilities she has to carry. (Refer to Chapter 11 pg. 43-47, “Duties of the Husband”).

The wife must also bear in mind that as a Christian wife her roles are many, so she must ask for help nicely from her husband. Let him feel that you are appreciative of the little things he does around the house. Furthermore, even if she does not agree with this, she must make the husband believe that she is grateful for his help at home with domestic chores.

This approach massages the ego of the man and makes him want to do more. Resist the urge to bark out instructions about who should do what and who should not do what.

(Refer to Chapter 8 pg. 28-30, “Love in Marriage––Agape”).

Q. She is not submissive.

A. It is the duty of wives to submit to their own husbands in all things (Ephesians 5:22). Being submissive means to respect, yield, comply, and agree with. It is usually not very easy to do, but since it is a scriptural requirement, wives must strive to obey it.

Husbands must however bear in mind that submitting to them becomes easier for wives when the husbands love them as Christ loves the church.

Wives ought to know that submitting is not a weakness, but a sign of strength. A submissive wife is usually easier to dwell with than a contentious, fighting wife.

(Refer to Chapter 12 pg. 49, “Duties of the Wife––Submit to Your Husband”).

Q. She is quick-tempered.

A. As leaders in the home, if a husband is dealing with a quick-tempered wife he must handle her as a weaker vessel and as one who needs to be helped. As the head, love her and accommodate and teach her from the Word of God and by your example.

Q. He does not show appreciation.

A. Again, it is the duty of every husband to make his wife feel happy at home. One can achieve this onerous task by among other things, letting her feel accepted; refraining from being harsh and staying at home as often as possible, and by being a companion.

In the absence of the above, it is not likely that any husband will have a contented wife to deal with. A husband must not behave as if his wife’s sole preoccupation is to make him comfortable. Therefore, anything that she does to make his life more comfortable should be seen as something worthy of commendation and appreciation. The more he says “thank you”, the more service he is likely to receive.

(Refer to Chapter 11 pg. 43-47, “Duties of the Husband”).

Q. He does not stay at home often. He comes home late.

A. Is there a reason to believe that he goes to places where you suspect he may be having an affair or you are just uncomfortable with his nocturnal activities? Trust is very important if your marriage is going to last or to be harmonious and sweet. Suspicion is very unhealthy. “Love believes all things, hopes all things...” and “perfect love casts away all fears”.

There must be openness about his movements to remove all doubts handle the issue in a way that does not make it obvious that you are trailing him and are full of suspicion.

(Refer to Chapter 6 pg. 20, “The God-Type of Marriage––Openness”, Chapter 8 pg. 33-35, “Love in Marriage––Agape”).

Q. She lacks initiative and purpose.

A. These are signs of a wife with a particular temperament––most likely a phlegmatic. The duty of her husband is to compliment the effort of his wife. You will notice that where you also have some weaknesses she will also have strengths. Marriage is about complimenting each other.

(Refer to Chapter 8 pg. 28-30, “Love in Marriage––Agape”; Chapter 25 pg. 106, The Key of Acceptance–– “Accept the “Masculinity” or “Femininity” of Your Spouse”).

Q. She is forgetful.

A. It is the duty of a husband to be tolerant of the weaker vessel and to protect her. Remind her of things she is likely to forget, and help her to plan her life. After all, that is why she married you.

(Refer to Chapter 8 pg. 28-30, “Love in Marriage––Agape”; Chapter 25 pg. 104-106,“The Key of Acceptance – Accept the Temperament of Your Spouse”).

Q. She complains too much about household chores.

A. If she is complaining about work, it is likely that she is also not receiving much help. Try helping and joining her to do the chores. As you do things together, you will notice that what she did not enjoy doing will become a bit more enjoyable.

(Refer to Chapter 11 pg. 46, “Duties of the Husband––Protect and Care for Her (a)”).

Q. She is domineering.

A. She is likely to be choleric in temperament. Understand the strengths and weaknesses of a choleric wife and what to do if you are married to one.

(Refer to Chapter 18 pg. 72-74, “Strengths and Weaknesses of a Choleric Wife”; Chapter 43 pg. 190,, “What to do if you are married to a Choleric Husband or Wife”; Chapter 25 pg. 106, “The Key of Acceptance––Accept the Temperament of Your Spouse”).

Q. She insists on doing things I have asked her not to do.

A. (Refer to Chapter 12 pg. 49, “Duties of the Wife––Submit to your Husband”).

Q. He does not take time to find out what is wrong with me when I am troubled.

A. This is an issue pointing to one of the greatest desires of every wife, that is, attention from her husband. As stated earlier, it is the duty of every husband to let his wife feel happy at home. One of the ways to achieve this is to let her feel accepted. There is no way a husband can let his wife feel accepted if he does not spend time with her or factor her into plans he is making.

(Refer to Chapter 11 pg. 46, “Duties of the Husband––Protect and Care for Her (a)”).

Q. He puts me at the bottom of his list of priorities.

A. Furthermore, in order to develop a good Christian home, each person must think in terms of two and not one (Philippians 2:3). The husband must plan his life in such a way that he spends quality time with his wife. The issue is not about quantity, but quality. One can only achieve this by proper planning together and by eschewing selfishness.

(Refer to Chapter 8 pg. 28-30, “Love in Marriage––Agape”; Refer to Chapter 11 pg. 43-47, “Duties of the Husband).

Q. He is always instructing me. He says he is a commander.

A. In a marital home there is no commander. It is neither a battlefield nor a parade ground.

In marriage there are partners. There is a head and a helper––this does not call for a commander/subordinate relationship.

Husbands must honour and respect their wives and treat them as the weaker vessels. Once this is being done, the wife will not need to be ordered about. She will serve with love and contentment. If you have to order your wife around to feel that you are the head, then you are failing woefully as a head. You can achieve that through providing loving leadership and example.

On the other hand, your husband may probably be choleric in temperament and therefore you must understand the strengths and weaknesses of a choleric husband and what to do if you are married to one.

(Refer to Chapter 18 pg. 70-72, “Strengths and Weaknesses of a Choleric Husband”; Chapter 43 pg. 190, “What to do if you are married to a Choleric Husband or Wife”; Chapter 25 pg. 106, “The Key of Acceptance––Accept the Temperament of Your Spouse”).

Q. She does not easily forget about issues.

A. If that means she does not easily forgive then it will be difficult to solve problems and live in harmony in such a home. As for forgetting, one must intentionally forget. It happens over a period, but to forgive is a divine injunction. It is required by God.

In a marriage there will always be offence but forgiveness must also be present to deal with the offences that arise. Unforgiveness is a spiritual matter and God does not forgive those who do not forgive. Husband, help your wife, with the Word of God, to appreciate this. Furthermore, teach her by your example on how to forgive and let go.

(Refer to Chapter 21 pg. 89-92, “Problem Solving in Marriage”; Chapter 9 pg. 32-36, “Communication in Marriage”).

Q. She is very defensive when I confront her about things I do not like.

A. Self-preservation is one of the most powerful instincts in every living being. When your wife senses hostility and the fact that she is under attack, she fights back to preserve herself. This is not the best way to deal with issues in marriage.

You must learn to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15). In other words, when and how you say what you have to say is important. Be guided by this and you will be able to get your wife to accept her shortcomings more easily.

(Refer to Chapter 9 pg. 32-36, “Communication in Marriage”).

Q. She does not say sorry easily.

A. Many times marital conflicts are unresolved because no one wants to say sorry. However, a soft answer turns away wrath and he who confesses and forsakes his sins will obtain mercy.

(Refer to Chapter 21 pg. 89-92,“Problem-Solving in Marriage”).

Q. I do not like the way he talks to me sometimes especially when our domestic help and others are around.

A. Again, we must learn to speak the truth in love. Furthermore, Galatians. 6:1 teaches us how to correct others who may have made mistakes. When you correct your spouse, it is not appropriate for you to do so in the presence of others––wait and do it at a more appropriate time and place. That is what shows that you are doing it in love and not in anger or self-righteousness.

(Refer to Chapter 21 pg. 89-92, “Problem Solving in Marriage”).

Spiritual

Q. She is not spiritual enough.

A. It is the duty of the husband according to Ephesians 5:29 to nourish and cherish his wife with the Word of God. He is also the leader in the home. If the wife is not spiritual enough, the head has the responsibility to discipline her in love, like any new convert, until she becomes spiritual enough. Remember that it is God who does the changing and not the husband.

(Refer to Chapter 8 pg. 28-30, “Love in Marriage––Agape”; Refer to Chapter 25 pg. 105-109, “The Key of Acceptance”).

Q. He does not pray as he used to do before our marriage. I wish he was more godly, that is, prayerful.

A. These are all the cries of a wife about the unspiritual attitude of her husband. In Genesis 2:18 God said He was making a help meet for the man. What this means is that the wife is a helper to her husband. This means she is to help in every way, including spiritually.

The ideal thing in marriage is for the husband, as head, to take the lead in spiritual matters. However, in the instances above, it might appear that the wife is rather the one ahead spiritually.

If you as a wife, try to give him a lecture on how important it is to pray or not to backslide, you may not achieve much. What is sure to work is your prayer for him. Find a good time and be praying while he is around. Try inviting him without being too forceful. Gradually, with prayer and wisdom, I believe you will be able to get him to do what he should do.

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that if any obey not the word, they may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;

1 Peter 3:1

(Refer to Chapter 8 pg. 28-30, “Love in Marriage––Agape”; Refer to Chapter 25 pg. 105-109, “The Key of Acceptance”).

Q. He likes to move with unbeliever friends and sees nothing wrong with being with them.

A. This may be a sign that your husband is backsliding but you must walk in love towards him. “Love never fails”. The duty of a backsliding husband’s wife is first to pray for him. Second, find subtle ways of making him stay at home, or to desire to be at home more than with his friends. As a last resort, create an atmosphere and talk to him.

The thrust of whatever you speak to him about must be the salvation of his soul, and not too much about the safety of your marriage. Once he is restored, his attitude to the marriage and to staying at home will also most likely be affected positively.

(Refer to Chapter 8 pg. 28-30, “Love in Marriage––Agape”).

Q. She seems not to attach much seriousness to serving in church.

A. The truth is that you cannot force your wife to like serving in church. One of the things that may account for this attitude may be that she does not get much help from you with the handling of the household chores.

Furthermore, she may not see the difference in your life even though you are so involved in church work. If however, this is not the case, then there is a genuine cause for concern.

As the head, there must be a way to get your household to follow you in serving God. Have a chat with your wife and know what her real difficulties are and assist her, with patience and love, to surmount them. You must however, bear in mind that it is not everybody who will be zealous in serving in the church. It depends on the degree of conviction, growth, and commitment of the person. Aim at getting your wife to become more mature as a Christian, while you show her a good example as a Christian husband.

(Refer to Chapter 8 pg. 28-30, “Love in Marriage––Agape”; Refer to Chapter 25 pg. 105-109, “The Key of Acceptance”).

Q. I want to be able to pray with my family regularly. He does not pray with me.

A. It is ideal to have both husband and wife praying together with the whole family. The reality is that it may not happen that way. I would first suggest that the wife should be grateful that she has a husband, who, at least prays.

It is important that a couple prays together sometimes. This helps the bonding of the two, and the Bible states that if two agree as touching anything in prayer it has greater effect. It is therefore in the interest of the couple to find time to pray together sometimes.

As the head of the home, it is the responsibility of the husband to be the priest of the home. As a priest, therefore, his duty is to bring his family together occasionally for fellowship. Be like Abraham and command your household after you. You may have separate prayer times and join up on certain issues.

For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord, to do justice and judgment; that the Lord may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him.

Genesis 18:19

This helps the couple to stay together and to obviate certain negative tendencies that may be gaining root among the children.

(Refer to Chapter 7 pg. 22-27, “The Christian Home”).

Q. We are unable to practically apply or involve godly principles in situations that confront us.

A. It is unfortunate that the very thing that can help you solve problems in your marriage is what you have difficulty doing. You can only do this when you consciously decide that God knows better than you do and that if He has said something in His Word concerning the situation, it will definitely be a better solution than yours.

In other words, it takes a commitment to decide that we are going to apply biblical principles to solving problems in the marriage. Even if one party is unwilling, the other can stick to the biblical stance and what the Bible says. Through your obedience to the Word, you may win him to your side.

(Refer to Chapter 7 pg. 27-32,“The Christian Home”).

Family Matters

Q. She listens to her mother more than to me.

A. Trust and confidence is earned, so no one can wish them into being. The husband must work hard to earn the trust of his wife. In other words, if a wife listens to someone else more than to her husband, it could indicate an absence of trust.

On the other hand, a wife ought to know that Genesis 2:24 enjoins “leaving and cleaving” as vital for the success of any marriage. She must leave the influence, direction and control of her parents (mother) in order to cleave to her husband.

She must learn that the marriage concerns both of them more than any other person, hence the counsel of the husband must be deemed more germane to the marriage than the counsel of any other. The husband should try and improve upon friendship and communication in the marriage.

(Refer to Chapter 6 pg. 19-20, “The God Type of Marriage––Leaving and Cleaving”).

Q. She is unable to make time as far as taking care of the home is concerned.

A. Wives are naturally “harassed” people in marriage in this part of the world. Their roles include: worker, cook, sex partner, mother, Christian and hostess. A combination of all these can sometimes prove to be rather overwhelming for many a wife.

What appears to be happening in this case is that the wife is solving her challenges by neglecting some of her roles in a home. This usually creates other problems.

The way to deal with this problem is for the husband to protect her from the strain of housework. She must also learn to ask for help. Furthermore, she must bear in mind that all her roles are equally important. Finally, she must know that she can do all things through Christ who strengthens her.

Husband, talk about the situation with your wife and, together, fashion out a strategy to help her organize her life better.

(Refer to Chapter 12 pg. 48-52,“Duties of the Wife”; Chapter 13 pg. 53-54, “The Total Wife”).

Q. She neglects the children.

A. The response for this will not be any different from the one immediately before this. The wife may need some help in organizing things. If on the other hand, her handicap is the fact that she genuinely does not know how to handle children, then they must seek counselling to resolve the matter to avoid any future problems.

(Refer to Chapter 12 pg. 48-52, “Duties of the Wife”; Chapter 13 pg. 53-54, “The Total Wife”).

Q. He loves his friends and family more than me.

A. This is a rather serious conclusion to arrive at. However, it is possible that he has shown some signs that give his wife the impression that he cares more about his family (extended) and friends more than her. The husband needs to be reminded of the injunction in Genesis 2:24 which requires him to leave all else and cleave to his wife to create a oneness.

The solution to this matter is for the husband to obey Scripture. The wife must also create an atmosphere, which makes it almost compelling for the husband to want to be with her more than with his friends and family. One of the most result-yielding attitudes suggested to the wife is for her to maintain a meek and quiet, and sweet spirit. Such an attitude only attracts.

Furthermore, make your husband know that you are a virtuous woman with wisdom.

(Refer to Chapter 6 pg. 19-20, “Leaving and Cleaving”; Chapter 12 pg. 50-51, “Duties of the Wife––Be a Virtuous Woman”).

Q. He does not rebuke his family members who offend me.

A. It is the duty of every husband to protect and care for his wife. One of the areas that he must protect his wife from is wrong attitudes from his own relatives and friends.

A husband must know that not all of his people will appreciate his choice of a wife. His duty is therefore to ensure that he protects her from those who may not particularly like her. This protection can be done by showing strong disapproval for improper ways in which anyone treats his wife. This sends a message that he will not allow his wife to be mistreated. Any husband who leaves his wife to be harassed by his relatives and friends is failing in his duty to protect his “weaker vessel” wife.

(Refer to Chapter 11 pg. 46, “Duties of the Husband––Protect and Care for Her (a)”; Chapter 22 pg. 93-95, “In-laws”).

Q. His son does not respect me.

A. When dealing with a step-child, it is the responsibility of the husband/father to bring the child to order, so as to strengthen the hand of his wife to instil discipline in the children.

(Refer to Chapter 23 pg. 96-97, “The Step Home”).

Q. She does not relate well with my relatives. She feels my relatives are bad.

A. It is the responsibility of each party to ensure that he/she nurtures a good relationship with his/her in-laws. This relationship, sometimes, tends to be very problematic; either because the spouse in question is difficult and condescending, or that the family does not like their child’s choice of spouse. As far as it lies in your power, try to live at peace with all men, especially with your in-laws. In the long run, this will help the marriage to blossom.

by Dag Heward-Mills

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famouswritings-blog · 5 years

Text

Home Keeping and House Helps

Introduction

A wife must make up her mind to be an excellent home keeper. When this is done properly it enhances her image as a wife and mother, and that of her husband.

To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

Titus 2:5

What Are the Components of Housekeeping?

1. Cooking and provision of food

The saying goes, “The way to a man’s heart, is through his stomach.”

(a) A wife must learn to cook and to do it properly. (It must be realised that not all women have had the benefit of living with a mother who took time to teach them how to cook).

(b) After taking time to learn how to cook, she must actually do it. Confidence comes with knowledge and experience.

2. Hospitality

(a) Be ready to receive and entertain guests at anytime and at your expense.

(b) Make people feel wanted in your home and assured that they are not a bother.

Now it came to pass, as they went, that he entered into a certain village: and a certain woman named Martha received him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, which also sat at Jesus' feet, and heard his word. But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me.

And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.

Luke 10:38-42

(d) Let your visitor(s) feel that you are blessed with the visit.

(e) Do not be overenthusiastic to impress visitors at the expense of your home and husband!

3. Keeping the house

(a) Ensure the laundry is done.

(b) Keep your kitchen very clean.

(d) Your living room must always be ready to receive visitors.

(e) The bedding must be changed as often as possible.

(f) Don’t wait for essentials to run out completely before replenishment e.g. toiletries, milk, bread, sugar, margarine, or butter etc.

4. House Helps

Having a house help is a reality that couples must contend with. Indeed they (house helps) could be described as a necessary evil. At a certain point in the marriage it may be necessary to obtain a helping hand to enable the wife to be free to do other important things e.g. attend church services, concentrating on secular work etc.

7 Things Every Couple Should Know about House Helps

1. The phenomenon of house helps is one that many find very difficult to handle. You must learn about it.

2. Many house helps come untrained and are sometimes unruly. They must therefore be trained and even tamed.

3. The wife is the one who will usually deal with the help. She must thus be fair and firm in her dealings.

Masters, give unto your servants that which is just and equal; knowing that ye also have a Master in heaven.

Colossians 4:1

4. Be aware that female house helps may pose a sexual danger in the house for your husband. As such you must take certain precautions and institute some measures:

(a) Let her dress properly, e.g., wear bras, no wearing of sexy shorts, transparent nighties etc.

(b) When the house help is male, the wife must be careful about the things she wears in his presence.

(c) The female house help must not replace the wife in any way. Note that a gradual replacement in any form can become a permanent (total) replacement.

And Leah said, A troop cometh: and she called his name Gad. And Zilpah Leah’s maid bare Jacob a son.

Genesis 30:11-12

(d) This is because service is beautiful, so as the house help continues to do it for the husband, she gradually becomes attractive to him.

5. Don’t easily dismiss stories of affairs between a husband and the maid. These things are real.

6. Some maids come into the home with an agenda to take over. This may be physical or spiritual (wizards & witches). You must therefore be very spiritual in choosing a house help.

7. In spite of all the negative things that can be said about maids/helps, a good one is very helpful for your continued activity in church and in other areas and also to help you fulfil all your other roles.

by Dag Heward-Mills

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famouswritings-blog · 5 years

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1 Chronicles

1. 1 Chronicles 12:32

And of the children of Issachar, which were men that had understanding of the times, to know what Israel ought to do; the heads of them were two hundred; and all their brethren were at their commandment.

by Dag Heward-Mills

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famouswritings-blog · 5 years

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Overcome in Your Marriage by the Wisdom of Naomi

Then Naomi her mother in law said unto her, my daughter, shall I not seek rest for thee, that it may be well with thee? And now is not Boaz of our kindred, with whose maidens thou wast? Behold, he winnoweth barley to night in the threshingfloor. Wash thyself therefore, and anoint thee, and put thy raiment upon thee, and get thee down to the floor: but make not thyself known unto the man, until he shall have done eating and drinking. And it shall be, when he lieth down, that thou shalt mark the place where he shall lie, and thou shalt go in, and uncover his feet, and lay thee down; and he will tell thee what thou shalt do.And she said unto her, all that thou sayest unto me I will do.

Ruth 3:1-5

Naomi is symbolic of the woman who understands a man and has the humility that is required to be married. Naomi gave Ruth the keys she needed to win the heart of Boaz. Naomi told Ruth exactly how to win Boaz’s favour and get his attention. Naomi was an older woman and she knew much more about how to behave towards a man. Naomi was the right person to teach Ruth what to do. It is always a blessing when an older woman teaches a younger woman.

Perhaps this is why older men often marry older women instead of going for fresh young maidens, just out of school. She may be fresh and exciting but void of wisdom. She may be fresh and exciting but lacking training. Naomi was there to impart wisdom to Ruth. May you have a ‘Naomi’ who will help you in your marriage!

THE AGED WOMEN likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; THAT THEY MAY TEACH THE YOUNG WOMEN … Titus 2:3-4

Naomi’s Seven Steps

Naomi gave Ruth seven steps to follow. Ruth obeyed each one of them and had a successful relationship with Boaz. These are her seven steps.

1. Young lady, choose the man that I choose for you. Then Naomi her mother in law said unto her, my daughter, SHALL I NOT SEEK REST FOR THEE, that it may be well with thee? And NOW IS NOT BOAZ OF OUR KINDRED, with whose maidens thou wast? Behold, he winnoweth barley to night in the threshing floor. Ruth 3:1-2

Naomi sought rest for Ruth. Naomi sought out something good for her daughter-in-law. Naomi chose Boaz for Ruth and Ruth accepted it. Ruth did not say that Boaz was an old, unexciting man. Many people want to choose for themselves. Choosing for yourself at a certain stage of your life can be very tricky. Perhaps, choosing for yourself at a time when you do not understand the issues at stake is the basis for most failed marriages. Because Naomi chose a husband for Ruth, she had a successful marriage.

2. Young lady, wash yourself and be a clean person. WASH THYSELF therefore, and anoint thee, and put thy raiment upon thee, and get thee down to the floor: but make not thyself known unto the man, until he shall have done eating and drinking. Ruth 3:3

Some ladies are not clean. It may surprise you that some ladies do not like bathing. Some ladies have smells and odours they are not even aware of. Naomi, an experienced woman, knew that being clean and washed was very important for an older man. Perhaps young men, in their excitement, would not notice certain smells. But Naomi knew that Ruth needed to be clean if she was to succeed. That is why she told Ruth, “Wash thyself”.

3. Young lady, anoint and improve yourself!

Wash thyself therefore, and ANOINT THEE, and put thy raiment upon thee, and get thee down to the floor: but make not thyself known unto the man, until he shall have done eating and drinking. Ruth 3:3

After washing herself, Naomi wanted Ruth to anoint herself for her man. Naomi wanted Ruth to smell nice to Boaz. She wanted Ruth to enhance her beauty and look very attractive to Boaz. It is important to enhance your beauty, make yourself look attractive and be nice. You may think it is natural for a woman to want to look nice to her husband. Unfortunately, many women just want to look nice in public but not to the man who sees them mostly in private. You will be shocked to see what many of the stunning beauties you know look like at home. At home, the jewellery is taken off and the artificial additions are removed! The beautiful dresses are off! At home, many of the fashionable ladies you see in public are hairless, sweaty, smelly and all dressed up in rags.

4. Young lady, wear the right clothes.

Wash thyself therefore, and anoint thee, and PUT THY RAIMENT UPON THEE, and get thee down to the floor: but make not thyself known unto the man, until he shall have done eating and drinking. Ruth 3:3

Naomi wanted Ruth to wear the right clothes that would make her look more beautiful when Boaz saw her. Some people only look nice at weddings and when going out. But it is also important to look nice at home and in every casual setting.

5. Young lady, understand the man you are married to.

Wash thyself therefore, and anoint thee, and put thy raiment upon thee, and get thee down to the floor: but MAKE NOT THYSELF KNOWN UNTO THE MAN, UNTIL HE SHALL HAVE DONE EATING AND DRINKING. And it shall be, when he lieth down, that thou shalt mark the place where he shall lie, and thou shalt go in, and uncover his feet, and lay thee down; and he will tell thee what thou shalt do. Ruth 3:3-4

A woman is very different from a man. Without training, a woman will never know how to behave towards a man. I am sure the same can be said of men. Without training, a man will never understand a woman. How wonderful it is when an experienced woman teaches the younger lady how to relate to her man!

6. Young lady, do not push the man around.

Wash thyself therefore, and anoint thee, and put thy raiment upon thee, and get thee down to the floor: but make not thyself known unto the man, until he shall have done eating and drinking. And it shall be, when he lieth down, that thou shalt mark the place where he shall lie, and thou shalt go in, and uncover his feet, and LAY THEE DOWN; AND HE WILL TELL THEE WHAT THOU SHALT DO. Ruth 3:3-4

God created the man to be the head. God created the woman to submit to the man. This is the natural and divine order. Every time a woman tries to push a man around, there are problems. You can get your man to do what you want without forcing him around.

Naomi knew that it was important to approach Boaz gently, humbly and submissively. A younger woman may not know how important that is. But the older woman certainly knew this truth! This is why the counsel of Naomi was so important. This is why the teaching of an older woman is critical for a successful marriage.

7. Young lady, choose a marriage that will give you rest.

And he said, Blessed be thou of the Lord, my daughter: for thou hast shewed more kindness in the latter end than at the beginning, inasmuch as THOU FOLLOWEDST NOT YOUNG MEN, whether poor or rich. Ruth 3:10

Naomi chose the kind of marriage that would give rest to Ruth. Ruth may have chosen the kind of man that would impress the world. Ruth could have chosen a young man who was more handsome and not pot-bellied.

It was the fact that she was interested in the old man, Boaz, that really touched his heart. Boaz commented on the fact that she was not looking for a rich young man. Most girls would simply like to marry a rich young man. Naomi’s advice guided Ruth away from following after riches and youthfulness and into the will of God. Only an older woman would advise this young lady to go for the older man, Boaz.

by Dag Heward-Mills

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famouswritings-blog · 5 years

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Stages of Deterioration of Nice Marriages

In the morning it flourisheth, and groweth up; in the evening it is cut down, and withereth. Psalms 90:6

1. STAGE 1: FME STAGE FME stands for FAMILIARITY MINUS EXCITEMENT

Many marriages start with excitement, love, romance, joy and admiration. After the initial excitement of being married to the great, devoted man of God, familiarity sets in. There is nothing so great any more about being married to this “great man of God”. There is nothing so great about being told “I love you” ten times a day! There is nothing so great about receiving love notes. They are even boring! There is nothing so great about having all your needs met. There is nothing so great about being taken out for dinner every week. There is nothing so great about being together and having sex often. As a result of familiarity, wonderful things like receiving breakfast in bed, having your husband cook for you, having your husband show concern, lose their significance.

The lack of honour and awe reduces excitement to almost zero. Devoted husbands struggle with trying to create excitement in their marriage. Indeed, some devoted husbands find it difficult to achieve erections with their uninterested and familiar wives.

Many devoted husbands actively seek to encourage their wives to generate excitement in sexual things. Devoted husbands try hard to convince their wives about the importance of being exciting, delightful, sexual beings as they were in the days of their youth. Several devoted pastors give up on sex after having several fruitless meetings about sexual excitement and the sexual act.

2. STAGE 2: POO STAGE

POO stands for PRIDE and OPPOSITION ORIENTATION

A girl in love is oriented towards supporting the man she loves. When there is deterioration of the relationship, the person who was oriented towards supporting is now oriented towards opposing, resisting and arguing. Pride makes you argumentative. Pride makes you resistant to your spouse. The danger in getting married, and especially getting into a second marriage lies in the probability of POO.

POO is the possibility that the spouse becomes the opposer to all that the husband is trying to do. Before marriage, there will be the greatest flow between the man and the woman. She seems to understand everything and agrees. She is oriented towards flowing, assisting and helping. But when deterioration sets in, she becomes more oriented towards opposing and disagreeing with everything that is suggested.

Watch carefully and you will see how many women are actually their husbands’ greatest opposition. Such devoted husbands will publicly introduce wives as their greatest help, but actually their wives are their greatest hindrance. Opposition is a manifestation of pride. Pride makes you believe that you are as good as the other person. Pride makes you argue.

Many wives are the greatest opposers to all the ideas of their husbands. If the idea comes from elsewhere they will take it. If it comes from their own husbands they will frown on it. Before the marriage, she was probably the greatest supporter. Before marriage, she would see him as a wise man full of the anointing and wisdom. But with deterioration, she becomes the Unyielding Opposer. During the stage of POO, she will never say “Yes”! She will never agree! She will never yield! She will never accept that she is wrong! She will never be soft! She will never obey!

Ask careful questions and you will discover that many wives do not obey their husbands any longer. They do not even believe in the wisdom of their husbands. Indeed, POO is a dangerous swerve from the flowing, yielding, happy and energetic young bride that you once had.

3. STAGE 3: GAP STAGE

GAP stands for GRUDGING AVERAGE PERFORMANCES

A Grudging Average Performance is what many devoted pastors receive when the awe of being married to the man of God dies down. There may be sexual intercourse, but it happens grudgingly and not excitedly.

The lady who used to kiss her husband, initiate sex, adopt exciting styles, move excitedly and vigorously during the sexual act, moan, groan and gasp in pleasure, is now a virtual dead body. She lies there like a cadaver, as the man single-handedly strives on to ejaculate into his unimpressed and uninterested wife. Indeed, the GAP has appeared and has probably come to stay.

I once asked a lady who was giving Grudging Average Performances to her husband to do the same things she did with her previous numerous boyfriends.

I asked. “Who were your boyfriends in the past? Whom did you sleep with in the olden days?”

“Other people’s husbands” she answered. “Every single person I slept with was already married.”

“Do you perform the same energetic and exciting manoeuvres as you did with your boyfriends?” I asked. She smiled and said, “Of course not. No, I don’t.” “What kind of things were you doing with these married men?” She smiled sweetly, “Of course kissing, sweet smiles, exciting styles, oral sex, active movements, groaning, moaning, gasping with vigorous classical orgasms!” Wow!

Somehow, this lady had managed to marry a devoted “A1” husband. She knew in her heart that this devoted “A1” husband would never leave her until she died. The kind of man she had was the everlasting, faithful, “I-will-never-leave-you” kind of person. Because of that, she supplied him with grudging average performances. The men who did not marry her but only gave her a little money had received all her exciting, energetic, acrobatic, gymnastic and romantic sexual performances.

The devoted “A1” husband who had married her did not benefit from her sexual skills. She was too tired to give such performances to this faithful, everlastingly devoted husband. He apparently did not “deserve” such performances. He would only receive Grudging Average Performances (GAP).

4. STAGE 4: ROL STAGE ROL stands for RECEIVER OF LITTLE

Unfortunately, many devoted husbands move into the stage of ROL. ROL means a “Receiver of Little”. In the ROL stage, you will notice that the husband actually receives little from the marriage. After he has provided his name, his ring and his sperms for children, he begins to receive little. ROL is now in full force. The wedding pictures are placed in the living room for all to see and admire.

The devoted husband realises that he has only been used as a profile booster for his wife, a sperm donor for children and a make-me-important puppet for the public.

He has successfully lifted up his wife’s image in society by making her into a well-recognised Madam. Unfortunately, he may never be served at home, never receive any love, never receive any attention or ever receive any care. His sexual needs may not be provided for at all. If they are, he will receive a GAP (Grudging Average Performance).

The devoted “A1” man’s need for excitement as he gets older is never provided. Some wives of devoted husbands travel away and live in different countries for many years. They visit their husbands once a year, knowing that he cannot and will never be unfaithful to her. Of course, such devoted husbands never say anything bad about their wives. They calmly take it in and quietly mention to people that their wives are out of town.

Many devoted husbands have muttered in their quiet moments “I now understand why Mr X (an unbeliever) had many external affairs with so many young girls.” Many unbelievers have no time to become a Receiver of Little (ROL). Many unbelievers will not accept Grudging Average Performances (GAP). They will not stand for that. Unbelievers will go out of their houses to receive the comfort, the softness, the delights, the love, the attention, the interest, the food, the sex, the conversation, the company and the niceness that they need.

Many devoted “A1” husbands, because they are unwilling to have affairs, stay at home without softness, without sexual delights, without any love, without any kindness, without anyone showing attention, without being served food, without exciting sex and even without any conversation at all.

5. STAGE 5: RC STAGE

RC stands for RESPONSIBILITY CONTRACTOR

The stage of being a “Responsibility Contractor” is when the devoted husband realises that he actually receives nothing from the marriage he has entered into. He has basically put himself forth to have and to own certain responsibilities. At this stage, he realises that he is there to be a sperm donor, to look after the children, to pay their school fees, to get a house for everyone and to get nothing in return. This is especially manifest in an older pastor who marries a younger lady who already has children. He becomes a responsibility contractor in charge of her small children, her mother, her father, her cousins, her sisters and all that concerns her life.

6. STAGE 6: NCP STAGE NCP stands for NEGATIVITY of CONTINUOUS PRESENCE

In addition to the woes that come from GAPs, ROLs and RCs, NCPs also set in. Some women are very negative in their presence. How is this possible? Their presence invokes quarrels, accusations, contention, debate, anger, confusion, tension and unhappiness. Imagine that! After being a Receiver of Little (ROL), experiencing Grudging Average Performances (GAPs) becoming a Responsibility Contractor (RC) and losing all excitement through familiarity, you now have to endure the negativity of the person’s presence.

The “Negativity of Continuous Presence” speaks of the negative effect of having somebody who is always around. The negativity of this continuous presence is manifested when you are unable to pray or be spiritual because of the continuous presence of a spouse.

There are many devoted husbands who are grateful when their wives travel away. Each trip is a relief from the negativity of the continuous presence of this woman. It is often not a problem for such pastors to be separated from their spouses for long periods. After all, they are Responsibility Contractors and there is no excitement but only responsibilities.

7. STAGE 7: HRD STAGE HRD stands for HEIGHTENED REBOUND DEPRESSION

There is usually depression and sadness when people want to get married but have no one to marry. This sadness is heightened when a brother actually marries but ends up as a Receiver of Little. Some husbands suffer a lot from rebound depression because they receive little.

Second marriages can have “Heightened Rebound Depression”. Unfortunately, people marrying a second time have many delusions. The mere sight of their new wife turns them on and flashes of excitement pass through their spine. They develop dreamy eyes and imagine floating away on pink clouds of ecstasy.

Unfortunately, this is often not the case. The person who is coming along to be the bride has no intention of fulfilling such dreams. She has her own mind of having a child and receiving the financial security she needs. Her mind is on how her social status in life will improve by the marriage. Soon enough, the devoted husband becomes a Receiver of Little (ROL) and a Responsibility Contractor (RC). These realities can lead to a return of the sadness that was there before marriage. Indeed, “Loveless Oldies” suffer greatly from Heightened Rebound Depression

by Dag Heward-Mills

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famouswritings-blog · 5 years

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Daughter, Catch the Anointing

And when Jesus was passed over again by ship unto the other side, much people gathered unto him: and he was nigh unto the sea. And, behold, there cometh one of the rulers of the synagogue, Jairus by name; and when he saw him, he fell at his feet, And besought him greatly, saying, My little daughter lieth at the point of death: I pray thee, come and lay thy hands on her, that she may be healed; and she shall live. And Jesus went with him; and much people followed him, and thronged him.

And a certain woman, which had an issue of blood twelve years, And had suffered many things of many physicians, and had spent all that she had, and was nothing bettered, but rather grew worse, When she had heard of Jesus, came in the press behind, and touched his garment. For she said, If I may touch but his clothes, I shall be whole. And straightway the fountain of her blood was dried up; and she felt in her body that she was healed of that plague.

And Jesus, immediately knowing in himself that virtue had gone out of him, turned him about in the press, and said, Who touched my clothes? And his disciples said unto him, Thou seest the multitude thronging thee, and sayest thou, Who touched me? And he looked round about to see her that had done this thing.

But the woman fearing and trembling, knowing what was done in her, came and fell down before him, and told him all the truth. And he said unto her, Daughter, thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace, and be whole of thy plague.

Mark 5:30-31

Daughters Are Receptive

I am a firm believer in the ability of women to catch the anointing. Many people brand women as being emotional. With the passage of years, I think I can say that women are more receptive to the Holy Spirit than men. This receptivity is often misunderstood.

Dear sister, the anointing is yours for the taking. You must reach out with your spirit and take what God has for you. Do not be intimidated any longer by the brothers who are stiff and unyielding to the Holy Spirit. There is a difference between a man and a woman. I have noticed that difference when it comes to the things of the Lord.

If you look closely at the story of the woman with the issue of blood, you will learn certain things about women catching the anointing. Jesus was surrounded by his disciples.

On that day in particular, the anointing was flowing at a very high level. A few hours earlier, Jesus had cast out six thousand demons from a mad man in Gadara. He had crossed the river and was on his way to raise the dead.

The twelve disciples were very close to the anointing but did not have what it took to connect to the power. A certain smelly, nameless woman (unnamed up till today) came up to Jesus. She had what it took to connect to the anointing that was on Jesus.

As soon as she touched the hem of Jesus’ garment, something happened to her. The anointing passed into her. Jesus felt it and she did as well.

And Jesus, immediately knowing in himself that virtue had gone out of him, turned him about in the press, and said, Who touched my clothes?

Mark 5:30

When Jesus asked his disciples who had tapped into the anointing, they were very surprised. They asked the Lord, “What are you talking about?” They stuttered, “Which power is flowing where?” They were confused and they asked one another, “What is he talking about? I don’t feel anything, do you?” They turned on Jesus, defending their insensitivity to the things of the Spirit.

They said to him, “Can’t you see that the masses are jostling you? What you felt was not the anointing. You were just feeling the pressure of the crowds surrounding us. It seems that you are becoming emotional.” Merzee!*

But Jesus knew that the anointing was flowing. He also knew that somebody had received it. The nameless woman in the crowd had already begun to rejoice because she had received the power.

And straightway the fountain of her blood was dried up; and she felt in her body that she was healed of that plague.

Mark 5:29

Is it not amazing that the disciples did not recognize or feel the flow of the Spirit in the service? An unidentified person from nowhere came up and received it all. This is a common pattern I have noticed.

*The expression “Merzee” is the author’s colloquial exclamation.

Sometimes, when I pray for people at the altar, I notice that the women are more receptive. They feel the power of God. They sense the Spirit moving. Sometimes, the men are like marble statues covered with plaster of Paris. Some people cannot receive anything. You see, the power of God can be felt. Jesus felt it going out of him. The woman with the issue of blood also felt the power coming into her. You may see all these things as emotionalism. I can assure you that there is more to it than the emotions of a woman. Daughter you are receptive.

Sometimes women become intimidated by the people around them. They feel that they are being hysterical. Daughter, you are not hysterical. You are just receptive to the Spirit of God! However, you will notice that there seem to be more men actively involved in ministry. Why is this? There are a few reasons why more men come into ministry. You will notice that this woman with the issue of blood never became a minister. If she did, it is not mentioned in the Bible.

However, we see the disciples becoming successful apostles, prophets, and teachers. In the second chapter of Acts, we see the disciples receiving the anointing and speaking in tongues. It took them longer to receive the anointing. But when they did, the results were dramatic. We watched them become ministers in the book of Acts. I believe that women receive the anointing far quicker than men do, but the cares of this world choke the Word and it becomes unfruitful.

And the cares of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, and the lusts of other things entering in, choke the word, and it becometh unfruitful.

Mark 4:19

There are three areas where women are particularly affected. First of all, in the area of finding husbands. Secondly, ensuring that their marriages are successful and peaceful. And thirdly, the bearing and raising of children. I have watched women with great anointing lose their ministry as they succumbed to these realities.

Woman, through no fault of yours, you will have to grapple with these realities. It is only if you are determined that you will remain in ministry.

In my church, I have found that women are very good shepherds and pastors. Some of my best pastors are women. When they are able to overcome these three challenges, they become extremely useful. Daughter, you received the anointing. You must prevail with the anointing.

Daughter, Take These Steps

Daughter, it is important to study the steps that this unnamed woman took as she came to the anointing. You must study closely what this unnamed woman did in order to receive from God. God has many things in store for you. Notice the four steps that this woman took to receive the anointing. I learnt these steps from Kenneth Hagin.

Step number one, she heard it.

Step number two, she believed it.

Step number three, she said it.

Step number four, she did it.

She Heard It!

When she had heard of Jesus, came in the press behind, and touched his garment.

Mark 5:27

A daughter of destiny must expose herself to the Word of God so that she will hear the right things. The more you hear, the more you believe. The more you believe, the more you are open to the blessings of God. Woman with direction, are you someone who listens to tapes? Do you watch videos? Do you read books? Or are you just seeking after blessings?

She Believed It!

This woman did certain things that brought her a certain blessing. She believed. The more you hear, the more you will believe. I want you to believe that God has answered your prayers. I want you to believe that you will prosper. It is more beneficial for you to believe than to doubt. Believe that God has given you a good husband and a good marriage. Do not doubt it, no matter your age.

She Said It!

Thirdly, this woman said it. I want you to say positive things from today. Speak positively. You are anointed. Speak positively. With the heart you believe and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. You must make positive confessions about your life. For practical help on making positive confessions, see Bishop Heward-Mills’ book, “Name It! Claim It! and Take It.”

She Did It!

The fourth and final step is to do something. Stretch out your heart and hand and receive from the Lord. If you want a husband, do something about it. After hearing and believing that God is going to bless you, dress nicely, look smart and be friendly. Everybody wants to marry someone who is warm and has feelings. Daughter, never forget these four steps to your blessing. Hear it, believe it, say it and do it!

by Dag Heward-Mills

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famouswritings-blog · 5 years

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Confessions for Capturing Happiness and Peace

I know the Lord and the Lord knows me!

Because I have found Christ, my life is peaceful and happy!

I have no more worries!

My lips shall greatly rejoice in the Lord!

I will sing praises unto my King. Because I have found the Lord, I have need of nothing else!

God has done great things for me. God is doing great things for me!

Although men take counsel against me and say, "God has forsaken him", I know that

God has not forsaken me!

Jesus has promised that He will not forsake me!

The conclusion of my life is simple - to serve God and to keep His commandments. From today, my life is to serve God and to keep His commandments!

Peace is mine. Joy is mine. Everlasting happiness is mine!

I am surrounded by the excellent beauty of God!

God has given me riches and wealth!

God has given me the power to eat thereof and to take my portion!

God has given me the ability to rejoice in my labour and to be happy in my life!

God has blessed me so much that my soul wants nothing!

My soul is filled with God!

I shall die in a good old age. And I shall go to my grave in honour!

I have applied my heart to know wisdom!

The end of my life is better than the beginning!

Better things are in store for me. I have great hopes for the future!

I shall lie down and experience the rest of God!

When I sleep I have only good and sweet dreams!

I do not experience frightening dreams that cause me to panic. I do not see cows, snakes or antelopes chasing me!

I absolutely reject every dream of myself in a coffin. I am not in a coffin. I am alive. I am well. And I am blessed!

Although many people are envious of me, I continue to prosper!

I succeed in spite of the hatred of my enemies!

I will not die suddenly!

The doors that have been shut in my life are beginning to open. Doors of marriage, doors of happiness, doors of peace, and doors of riches!

I will live to a good old age!

I see into the future!

I am becoming a leader in the house of God!

I am respected in the church. I am respected in the Christian community!

I see the way forward now!

I have peace all around me. I am no longer frightened by the giants around me. I am not a grasshopper!

I see solutions. I see solutions. I see breakthroughs. I see breakthroughs!

I see happiness. I see joy. I see peace. I see blessings. I see promotion. I see a lifting. I see answers. I see contentment. I see tranquility all around. I am truly in green pastures. I am truly by the still waters!

by Dag Heward-Mills

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famouswritings-blog · 5 years

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Confessions for Overcoming Wicked and Unreasonable People

I believe and confess that I have good friends in my life!

My friends are more than my enemies. My enemies have no power over my life!

In spite of what people say against me I am prospering and succeeding!

I proclaim that my enemies are disappointed and disgraced!

I have overcome unreasonable and wicked men!

People who have made themselves into impossible and unmovable elements will suddenly be removed. I predict their sudden transfer. I pronounce that every unreasonable and impossible human being in my life is being divinely displaced from his secure position. I see them being replaced!

Wicked tormentors all around are being displaced and replaced on a daily basis!

Confusion has entered into the camp of my enemy!

I declare that my enemies shall reap what they sow!

They that sow lies against me shall reap confusion, hatred and death!

The neck of my enemy is broken. The tongue of my tormentor is crushed!

I have the mastery and the victory over unyielding men and women who use their authority against me!

I am divinely protected from the hatred of powerful people!

I cannot lose my job suddenly. I shall not lose my position!

God has established me. What God has given to me, no one on earth can take from me!

Those that betray me shall be executed!

All things are working together for my good!

God is exposing my enemies. I see my enemies fighting against each other. They will come against me in one way, but they will scatter in seven different ways!

God is revenging all evil that has been done against me!

For every bad story that has been spread against me, God is giving me ten more good testimonies!

God is giving me a good name to supernaturally replace the poison that has been spoken against me!

Every setback I have experienced will work out for my promotion!

The sword of the Lord is in my hand!

Like David, I shall destroy every Goliath in my life. I see every Goliath falling down before me. It is difficult to fight against me because God is on my side!

Greater is He that is in me, than he that is in the world. Because He is in me I cannot fail. I have overcome them because He is in me!

Anybody who rejects me will regret it later. Those that despise me will bow down before me. Some of my enemies will live to see my day of promotion and exaltation. Some of my enemies will not see my promotion, for they shall be cut off in the midst of their years!

by Dag Heward-Mills

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famouswritings-blog · 5 years

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Pray Every Day: Jesus Promised Great Things

1. Jesus promised to answer those who pray with faith. And Jesus answering saith unto them, HAVE FAITH IN GOD. For verily I say unto you, That whosoever shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; and shall not doubt in his heart, but shall believe that those things which he saith shall come to pass; he shall have whatsoever he saith. Therefore I say unto you, what things soever ye desire, when ye pray, BELIEVE THAT YE RECEIVE THEM, AND YE SHALL HAVE THEM. Mark 11:22-24

2. Jesus promised to give good things to those who ask Him. If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give GOOD THINGS to them that ask him? Matthew 7:11

3. Jesus promised to give you whatsoever you ask for. And in that day ye shall ask me nothing. Verily, verily, I say unto you, WHATSOEVER YE SHALL ASK THE FATHER IN MY NAME, HE WILL GIVE IT YOU. Hitherto have ye asked nothing in my name: ask, and ye shall receive, that your joy may be full. John 16:23-24

4. Jesus promised to do anything for those who abide in Him. If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, YE SHALL ASK WHAT YE WILL, and it shall be done unto you. John 15:7

5. Jesus promised to answer those who are persistent in prayer. And he spake a parable unto them to this end, that men ought always to PRAY, AND NOT TO FAINT; Luke 18:1

6. Jesus promised to answer those who are humble in prayer. Two men went up into the temple to pray; the one a Pharisee, and the other a publican. The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, God, I thank thee, that I am not as other men are, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican. I fast twice in the week, I give tithes of all that I possess. And the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, BUT SMOTE UPON HIS BREAST, SAYING, GOD BE MERCIFUL TO ME A SINNER. I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other: for every one that exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted.

Luke 18:10-14

7. Jesus promised to answer all the prayers of those who bear fruit.

Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and THAT YOUR FRUIT SHOULD REMAIN: THAT WHATSOEVER YE SHALL ASK OF THE FATHER IN MY NAME, HE MAY GIVE IT YOU. John 15:16

8. Jesus promised to answer those who do greater works. Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me, the works that I do shall he do also; and GREATER WORKS than these shall he do; because I go unto my Father. AND WHATSOEVER YE SHALL ASK in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. 14 If ye shall ask any thing in my name, I will do it. John 14:12-14

9. Jesus promised to give you your desires when you pray. Therefore I say unto you, what THINGS SOEVER YE DESIRE, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them. Mark 11:24

10. Jesus promised to give you the Holy Spirit. If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children: how much more shall your HEAVENLY FATHER GIVE THE HOLY SPIRIT to them that ask him? Luke 11:13

by Dag Heward-Mills

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famouswritings-blog · 5 years

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How Tithers Fulfil the Laws of Wealth Creation

Health creation is not as straightforward as it may seem. There are many studies that look into how rich countries became rich and why poor countries stay poor. The poverty of the peoples of the world and its causes have been studied and analysed by many different people. Human beings have tried many times to pinpoint the causes of the inequalities in this world.

All these different studies have revealed certain patterns in the lives of wealthy people. Studies that analyse large numbers of people reveal new and valuable information to seekers of truth. It is interesting that the legendary wealth of Jews has been noted all over the world for centuries. This wealth has generated a lot of jealousy and persecution for Jews, culminating in the holocaust. Wealth is mysterious! Generating wealth is even more mysterious! What you may think makes somebody wealthy is often not what has made him wealthy. One of the mystical contributions to wealth creation is actually the giving away of wealth. Giving away money should actually reduce your wealth. This is simple arithmetic. Amazingly, giving away wealth seems to create wealth. This is a reality proven by many secular and historic facts.

In this chapter, I will share with you why wealth is created by people who tithe and give away money.

1. Tithing Christians fulfil the law of humility, which creates wealth. For promotion cometh neither from the east, nor from the west, nor from the south. But God is the judge: he putteth down one, and setteth up another. Psalm 75:6-7

It is the fool who says in his heart that there is no God. Wealth comes from God. Blessing comes from God. Except the Lord build the house they labour in vain. When a person tithes, he demonstrates his recognition of the God-factor in his very existence. He demonstrates his respect for God’s input in his life. He declares his gratitude to God for helping him. A person who tithes therefore fulfils the law of humility.

Humility has been shown to be an important factor in wealth creation. Arrogant wealthy empires have crumbled through their pride. Political parties have lost their power through pride and complacency. Successful companies have been wiped out when the management lost their original humble attitudes. Paying tithes helps you remember that you did not make it on your own. Paying tithes causes you to bow your knees to your Creator each time you receive money. Paying tithes causes you to humble yourself before a priest whom you may have otherwise despised.

Many arrogant and rich people have no time for priests or pastors. They see them as hyenas and vultures scavenging for the scraps of the successful and wealthy. When wealthy people have to pay tithes for the upkeep of these “irrelevant members of society”, it will help them to stay humble. Any business man who stays humble will generate wealth for himself. Any Christian who maintains a humble attitude will create wealth for himself. Paying tithes forces you to humbly submit to the priest and the pastor of the day for your own good.

2. Tithing Christians fulfil the law of sowing and reaping, which creates wealth. Every farmer creates wealth for himself when he sows his seeds in the right season. The oldest law of wealth creation is embodied in the principle of sowing and reaping. Ancient farmers who did not know modern economic theories at least knew that they would reap a harvest if they sowed the right seeds. The Bible is replete with Scriptures that teach on the principles of sowing and reaping.

Paying tithes activates the laws of sowing and reaping because the tithe is a seed that you sow in the house of God. Everyone therefore who pays tithes, sows a seed and qualifies for a harvest. The Scriptures below show the blessings which result from sowing seeds. These Scriptures predict that after sowing your tithes in sorrow, you will reap in joy. They also show why the tithe will be multiplied and given back to you many times over.

They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. Psalm 126:5

Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again. Luke 6:38

3. Tithing Christians fulfil the law of prioritisation, which creates wealth. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Matthew 6:33

There is no prosperous person who does not fulfil the law of prioritisation. When you are young, you need to prioritise your education and put first things first. Without prioritising education, your youthful years will pass away and you will be bereft of a much-needed education. You will therefore inflict upon yourself a severe debilitating poverty that lasts a lifetime. Failing to prioritise education in your youthful life can lead to poverty.

Failing to prioritise in any sphere of life always leads to failure. If you filled your stomach with sweets first and were therefore unable to eat proper food, you would not have a balanced diet and you would not be healthy. Once again, it is all about priorities.

Companies that fail to remember their priorities always end up in disaster. Churches can likewise forget the reasons why they exist and start to emphasize secular things like success and wealth. But the priority of the church is Christ Jesus and the salvation of this world. The ability to get your priorities right is important and will always lead to wealth. Tithing presents an important test in prioritisation. When a person learns to pay his tithes, he learns to put God first. Tithing helps you acquire the habit of dealing with the most important thing first. This habit of prioritisation will extend to other areas and lead to success in life. This is one of the reasons why tithers become wealthy people.

4. Tithing Christians fulfil the law of emulation, which creates wealth. That ye be not slothful, but followers of them who through faith and patience inherit the promises. Hebrews 6:12

Emulation is the art of copying something others are doing. Abramovitz, the economist, spoke of surging forward and catching up with those ahead. This is emulation and is what rich nations did to become wealthy. Simply put, rich nations became rich by copying what successful nations around them did. For instance in 1957, when the Soviet Union stepped ahead of the world with the Sputnik programme (a series of robotic spacecraft missions), America emulated the activities of Russia by setting up NASA the following year in 1958. America did not decide to specialise in farming and leave Russia to develop space technology. They decided to surge forward and catch up with the Soviet Union.

It is through such acts of emulation that most of the rich and developed world became who they are today. Countries like Korea that shamelessly copied industrial secrets and practices of western countries have equally caught up and become rich. Emulation is therefore a well-known strategy for developing wealth. Do what the rich people did to become rich! Don’t bother with what they say; just do what they did to become wealthy! Copying is the most primitive and uninhibited form of learning. It is therefore nature’s highest and best way of learning because it is the method created by God. Emulation or copying occurs throughout nature and leads to speedy development.

The Jews are known for their legendary wealth. They are actually hated because of their success and riches. One of the chief practices of Jews is tithing. Tithing, therefore is an activity of the legendarily rich. If you want to be rich you must emulate rich people. I am sure whoever is reading this book has a desire to be successful and even rich. Why don’t you emulate the Jews whose legendary wealth has brought them such fame and jealousy? The Bible teaches about emulation in Hebrews 6:12. It teaches us to follow people who have succeeded in what they did. Famous Bible characters like Abraham and Jacob tithed.

Solomon, the richest man who ever lived, practised tithing. Is it any wonder to you if tithing is recommended as a practice that can lead to wealth? After all, the rich, successful people you wish to be like practised tithing!

5. Tithing Christians understand the law of seasons, and this creates wealth. The earth has been created to operate in seasons. There is a time to sow seeds and there is a time to reap what is sown. There is a time when it is cold and there is a time when it is hot. It is only those who have understood the concept of the seasons who truly prosper. A farmer who goes out to sow his seeds in winter is wasting his time. He will not prosper and he will not be successful. His failure is because he does not understand the season. Similarly, there are political seasons and even financial cycles. If you understand these cycles, you will operate very successfully within them.

Joseph warned Pharaoh of a coming season which would wipe out the prosperity of the day. Pharaoh listened to him and survived the coming season of lean cows. “Behold, there come seven years of great plenty throughout all the land of Egypt: and there shall arise after them seven years of famine; and all the plenty shall be forgotten in the land of Egypt; and the famine shall consume the land; and the plenty shall not be known in the land by reason of that famine following; for it shall be very grievous” (Genesis 41:29-31). The practise of tithing calls for recognition of seasons. If you do not understand how life operates in seasons you will not make optimum use of the season you are in.

A person who practises tithing demonstrates that he recognizes the season for sowing seeds. He demonstrates that he will be expecting a season of harvest in the future. He shows that he is fully aware of the fact that things do not remain the same forever. Everything we have is for a season. All enduring wealth is created by men who took advantage of the season of sowing when it came. God is teaching you about tithing so that you will become one of the people who flows successfully with the seasons of life.

There is a right time for everything: a time to be born; a time to die; A TIME TO PLANT; A TIME TO HARVEST; Ecclesiastes 3:1-2 (TLB)

God is giving you a season to plant the seed of the tithe. The “tithe seeds” you have sown will give you a harvest in the future. You will benefit greatly when others are struggling because you sowed the seed of the tithe.

6. Tithing Christians understand the law of a willing attitude, which creates wealth. IF YE BE WILLING and obedient, YE SHALL EAT THE GOOD OF THE LAND: But if ye refuse and rebel, ye shall be devoured with the sword: for the mouth of the LORD hath spoken it. Isaiah 1:19-20

The attitude of a person determines his altitude. As an employer, I long to work with people who have a good attitude. Your willingness and flowing attitude are more important than your real abilities. Everyone loves to work with eager positive people. Perhaps, a willing attitude has taken more people higher than anything else.

The attitude of a person is always shown when he is asked to do things he does not understand. There are many jobs and tasks that will require your willingness rather than your understanding.

Tithing calls upon that essential willing attitude! Without a positive willing attitude, you cannot give away ten percent of your hard-earned income. Most of us need more than a hundred percent of our incomes to just survive. It does not make sense to give away ten percent of your income to vague, undefined spiritual causes. Without a willing attitude you will not practise tithing! Tithing therefore develops within you a flowing willing attitude for something you cannot fully understand. It is this same willing attitude that will take you higher in other spheres of life. There is more hope for a willing person than a stubborn unyielding personality.

7. Tithing Christians understand the law of obedience, which creates wealth. The ability to obey instructions is another quality that generates wealth. Obedient people go further than disobedient ones. This is easy to see. I love people who obey my instructions. Don’t you? Many of the greatest tests of your life are simply tests of obedience. Tithing is yet another test of obedience. It is a test that you will have to pass if you are going to do well. Obey God and give him ten percent of everything you have. Perhaps, the great harvest of the tither is the harvest of the seeds of obedience.

Dear friend, tithing is an important exercise even if it is just an exercise in blind obedience. You cannot be trusted with certain positions if you are not obedient. You cannot be trusted with certain amounts of money if you are not obedient to the one who gives it to you. The blessing is for the obedient. Jesus said, “if you love me you will obey me.” You prove your love for God by your obedience. Saul lost his right to the throne because of disobedience. Perhaps you will lose your right to certain great positions of authority because you failed to obey God in the matter of tithing. Do not let tithing be the stumbling block over which you lose your blessing and promotion. Do not be like Saul who was rejected because he disobeyed God in a simple matter.

And Samuel said, Hath the LORD as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the LORD? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams. For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry. Because thou hast rejected the word of the LORD, he hath also rejected thee from being king. 1 Samuel 15:22-23

by Dag Heward-Mills

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famouswritings-blog · 5 years

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How the Names of God Release the Power of God

God has always introduced Himself by different names. Why does He do this? To show different aspects of Himself! These different names explain the different dimensions of God’s power.

Different names are used for the Lord in the Bible. He introduced Himself as El Shaddai to Abraham. On another occasion, He introduced Himself to Abraham as Jehovah Jireh. Then He introduced Himself to Moses as I am that I am. On another occasion, He introduced Himself to Moses as Jehovah Rophe. Yet again, He introduced Himself as Jehovah Shalom to Gideon. Each time God introduced Himself by a different name He did different things.

You may call a man you know your brother, your father, your uncle, your friend, your husband, your colleague, your partner or your buddy. Each of these titles reflects a different kind of relationship. Each of these titles reflects a different experience that you have with the same person. It is important to get to know God by His different names. If you get to know God as El Shaddai, you will know Him as the all-providing and all-sufficient God. If you get to know God as Jehovah Rophe, you will experience Him as a healer. God is many things and it is up to us to develop our faith to receive God in His different roles.

Twelve Names of God

1. Elohim In the beginning God (Elohim) created the heaven and the earth. Genesis 1:1

In the very beginning of the Bible, God’s name is mentioned repeatedly. The name of God that is used in Genesis Chapter One is “Elohim”. Elohim describes God as the Creator. Creativity is an aspect of God’s character. Man’s creative ability is from God. The power of invention is God-given. When man was created in the image of God, he was also blessed with God’s creative nature. The creation story therefore reveals God’s creative nature.

2. El Shaddai

And when Abram was ninety years old and nine, the Lord appeared to Abram, and said unto him, I am the Almighty God (El Shaddai); walk before me, and be thou perfect. Genesis 17:1

Later on in the Bible, we see God introducing Himself to Abraham as El Shaddai. The name of God used in this Scripture is “El Shaddai”. El Shaddai means “the mighty one with a lot of breasts”, or “the mighty breasted one”. You see, the breast meets every need of the baby. It is the baby’s meat, cereal, vitamins, minerals, milk, porridge and drinking water. A baby on breast milk does not need to take in anything else. So when God introduced Himself to Abraham as El Shaddai, He was saying that, “I’m the Almighty One who has everything that you will ever need.” I see God giving you all that you will ever need!

3. Jehovah And God spake unto Moses, and said unto him, I am the Lord: And I appeared unto Abraham, unto Isaac, and unto Jacob, by the name of God Almighty, but by my name JEHOVAH was I not known to them. Exodus 6:2-3

Later, God confirms the name “Jehovah”, the Hebrew “YHWH”, which is the equivalent of “I am”, the promise-keeper, to Moses. His name “Jehovah” is combined with other words to reveal the many aspects of His promise-keeping nature and the different ways He fulfils His promises.

4. I Am That I Am And Moses said unto God, Behold, when I come unto the children of Israel, and shall say unto them, The God of your fathers hath sent me unto you; and they shall say to me, What is his name? what shall I say unto them? And God said unto Moses, I AM THAT I AM (Ehayeh Asher Ehayeh): and he said, Thus shalt thou say unto the children of Israel, I AM hath sent me unto you. Exodus 3: 13, 14

At another time, we see God revealing Himself to Moses in a different way. He described Himself as, “I am that I am,” which in Hebrew is “Ehayeh Asher Ehayeh”. “I am that I am” means “the God who is existing”. But it also means “the Lord who keeps promises”. God was going to bring Moses and the Israelites into the Promised Land and He was telling him, “I’m the God who keeps covenants and makes agreements. I don’t break my agreements.” We see God therefore in the Scriptures, introducing Himself in different ways as different situations came up.

5. Jehovah-Nissi: The Lord Our Banner And Moses built an altar, and called the name of it JEHOVAHNISSI: “For he said, because the LORD hath sworn that the LORD will have war with Amalek from generation to generation. Exodus 17:15-16

When you know God as Jehovah Nissi, you know Him as the victorious one who is a banner over you in all your battles. God will help you to fight and win the war of ministry.

6. Jehovah-Jireh: The Lord Will See or Provide And Abraham said, My son, God will provide himself a lamb for a burnt offering: so they went both of them together. And they came to the place which God had told him of; and Abraham built an altar there, and laid the wood in order, and bound Isaac his son, and laid him on the altar upon the wood.

And Abraham stretched forth his hand, and took the knife to slay his son. And the angel of the LORD called unto him out of heaven, and said, Abraham, Abraham: and he said, Here am I.

And he said, Lay not thine hand upon the lad, neither do thou any thing unto him: for now I know that thou fearest God, seeing thou hast not withheld thy son, thine only son from me. And Abraham lifted up his eyes, and looked, and behold behind him a ram caught in a thicket by his horns: and Abraham went and took the ram, and offered him up for a burnt offering in the stead of his son. And Abraham called the name of that place JEHOVAH JIREH: as it is said to this day, In the mount of the LORD it shall be seen. Genesis 22:8-14

Abraham encountered God as a provider. In recent years, the church of God had experienced God as Jehovah Jireh, the provider of wealth and material blessings. Unfortunately, these material blessings have also led to the backsliding of the church. There is no doubt that in years past the church did not know God as a provider. We saw God as someone who wanted us to be poor and to suffer loss in all areas. Through the teaching on prosperity the church has opened herself up to accept God as a provider, Jehovah Jireh.

7. Jehovah-Shalom: The Lord Our Peace And Gideon went in, and made ready a kid, and unleavened cakes of an ephah of flour: the flesh he put in a basket, and he put the broth in a pot, and brought it out unto him under the oak, and presented it. And the angel of God said unto him, Take the flesh and the unleavened cakes, and lay them upon this rock, and pour out the broth. And he did so. Then the angel of the LORD put forth the end of the staff that was in his hand, and touched the flesh and the unleavened cakes; and there rose up fire out of the rock, and consumed the flesh and the unleavened cakes. Then the angel of the LORD departed out of his sight. And when Gideon perceived that he was an angel of the LORD, Gideon said, Alas, O Lord God! for because I have seen an angel of the LORD face to face.” And the LORD said unto him, Peace be unto thee; fear not: thou shalt not die. Then Gideon built an altar there unto the LORD, and called it JEHOVAH SHALOM: unto this day it is yet in Ophrah of the Abiezrites. Judges 6:19-24

Gideon, who judged Israel, came to know the Lord as someone who brought peace into his life. Some people are unable to live at peace with each other even though they are Christians. They may know God as a provider of riches and wealth but not as someone who brings peace into their lives. It is important to put aside conflict even though you may come from a tribe or nation that is always in conflict with others. God is a God of peace. You must get to know Him as Jehovah Shalom.

8. Jehovah-Tsidqenuw: The Lord Our Righteousness In his days Judah shall be saved, and Israel shall dwell safely: and this is his name whereby he shall be called, THE LORD OUR RIGHTEOUSNESS (JEHOVAH-TSIDQENUW). Jeremiah 23:6

God is a righteous God and it is important to know Him as the one who makes you righteous. There is none righteous, no not one. Except the Lord make us righteous through the blood of Jesus, we remain in our filth. 9. Jehovah-Sabaoth: The Lord of Hosts And this man went up out of his city yearly to worship and to sacrifice unto the Lord of hosts (JEHOVAH SABAOTH) in Shiloh. And the two sons of Eli, Hophni and Phinehas, the priests of the Lord, were there. 1 Samuel 1:3

When you grow in the ministry, you will recognize that ministry is just a war. The Lord of hosts is the commander of the armies of the Lord. He is a soldier and He understands war. When you grow in your understanding and your commitment to the will of God, you will find yourself experiencing God as a leader of His armies, with you as one of His principal soldiers.

10. Jehovah-Shammah: The Lord Is Present And the gates of the city shall be after the names of the tribes of Israel: three gates northward; one gate of Reuben, one gate of Judah, one gate of Levi. And at the east side four thousand and five hundred: and three gates; and one gate of Joseph, one gate of Benjamin, one gate of Dan. And at the south side four thousand and five hundred measures: and three gates; one gate of Simeon, one gate of Issachar, one gate of Zebulun. At the west side four thousand and five hundred, with their three gates; one gate of Gad, one gate of Asher, one gate of Naphtali. It was round about eighteen thousand measures: and the name of the city from that day shall be, The Lord is there (JEHOVAH SHAMMAH). Ezekiel 48:31-35

To experience the presence of the Lord is a great and important thing. The presence of the Lord is often the only sign you can look out for to know when someone is walking with God. You must grow up and begin to know God as someone who is really present in a demonstrable way. Few people know God as Jehovah Shammah. They may know Him as Jehovah Jireh or El Shaddai. But few people know His presence.

11. Jehovah Rohi: The LORD is my shepherd (JEHOVAH ROHI); I shall not want Psalms 23:1 Knowing the Lord as a shepherd is to know the Lord as a guide, a comforter and a leader. Many people are not led by the Lord in a personal way. God can lead you every day and show you where to go, what to say and what to do. Knowing God as Jehovah Rohi and learning to be led by the Spirit is perhaps the most important skill every Christian must have. I recommend God to you as Jehovah Rohi: the one who leads you like a shepherd. 12. Jehovah Rophe: The Lord Our Healer And said, If thou wilt diligently hearken to the voice of the Lord thy God, and wilt do that which is right in his sight, and wilt give ear to his commandments, and keep all his statutes, I will put none of these diseases upon thee, which I have brought upon the Egyptians: for I am THE LORD THAT HEALETH THEE (JEHOVAH ROPHE) Exodus 15:26

Finally, we come to Jehovah as a healer. We have known Him as a provider of money, finances and resources. We have known Him as a guide. We have known Him as a shepherd. We have known His presence. We have known Him as a creator. We have known Him as a commander of armies. We have known Him as someone who gives us peace in this life. It is now time to know Him as a healer. As the Lord was bringing the Israelites out of Egypt, He shocked them by introducing Himself to them as a physician, a specialist and a healer. What a shock! When you know God as a healer you can minister to people like Jesus did. Jesus is not just a Jesus who teaches. He is a Jesus who heals, He is a healing Jesus: Jehovah Rophe!

How to Receive from Jehovah Rophe

When God saved His people Israel from Egypt, He introduced Himself to them as “the Lord that healeth thee”. The Hebrew words for the phrase “God that healeth thee,” are “Jehovah Rophe.” The name “Jehovah Rophe” means, “the Lord your doctor”, “the Lord your physician”, or “the Lord your healer”. When God introduced Himself here in Exodus, He was saying, “Let me show you a new aspect of myself; let me show you another side of my nature. I am Jehovah the physician, a specialist.” He is the Lord your healer and your specialist!

When we speak of healing, most of us think of physical ailments only. However, there are many areas in our lives that need healing. God wants to heal every aspect of our lives. He wants to come into our lives as Jehovah the specialist. So what does “Rophe” mean? “Rophe” is a Hebrew word that means “to heal”, or “to repair”.

Seven Dimensions of Jehovah Rophe

1. “Rophe” means to prevent disease. Jehovah Rophe said He would prevent the diseases that are on the Egyptians, from coming on Israel. The ability to be alive is from the Lord. If you find yourself alive, you must know that it is God who has allowed you to be here. The breath in you, my brother, is from the Lord. It is God who keeps you from getting sick. If you don’t get a particular disease, it means that Jehovah Rophe, the Lord that healeth thee, has prevented you from getting that disease!

2. “Rophe” means “to heal.” “To heal”, means “to become or make something healthy again”, “to cure somebody who is ill”, “to make someone feel happy again”, “to put an end to something or make something easier to bear.” It means “to heal and to restore health.” This is what Jehovah Rophe does for you. Many diseases have no physical cure, especially diseases that have to do with the mind and the emotions. God is able to heal the complex burdens of the human race. As you can see, “to heal” also means, “to make someone feel happy again”. It also means to make something easier to bear. This amazing dictionary definition of the word “to heal” opens up many new dimensions to the healing ministry. God will make you happy again.

3. “Rophe” means “to repair.” “To repair”, means “to mend something that is broken, damaged or torn”; it also means “to say or do something in order to improve a bad or unpleasant situation”. When God revealed Himself as Jehovah Rophe, He was saying that “I am the Lord that repairs”. You may regret some of your actions and wish that things hadn’t happened the way they did. But God is introducing Himself as the one who can repair. God desires to repair his damaged and blotched handiwork. He wants to repair broken men and restore them. This is because men are the crowning glory of His work. God has pledged to completely repair the Earth and the creation.

4. “Rophe” means “to restore.” “To restore”, means “to bring back a situation or a feeling that existed before” or “to bring something back to a former condition, place or position”. When God manifests as Jehovah Rophe, He will bring back a feeling of well-being.

5. “Rophe” means “to mend.” “To mend”, means “to repair something that has been damaged or broken so that it can be used again”, or “to improve in health after being sick”. God is repairing your life so that you can be used again for His glory. God is repairing your broken life and your damaged relationships for His glory.

6. “Rophe” means “to fix.” “To fix”, means “to repair or correct something”. Jehovah Rophe means, “I’m the Lord that mends every situation and the Lord that fixes things”. Many of us have situations in our lives that need some fixing and adjusting. God introduces circumstances into our lives to adjust and to fix things. I see the Lord correcting every crooked situation in your life.

7. “Rophe” means “to cure.” “To cure”, means “to make someone healthy again after an illness”, and “to make an illness go away”. It also means, “to deal with a problem successfully”, or “to stop somebody from behaving in a particular way, especially in a way that is bad”. God is in the process of making you healthy again. God is the one who has the power to make an illness go away and to deal with your problem successfully.

by Dag Heward-Mills

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