failedbyfanime - Tumblr blog

failedbyfanime · 15 days

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Hi, I'm choosing to remain anonymous but you can call me TL (not my real name nor my initials), I go by she/her and identify as an asexual cis-female. I do not wear cosplay when I go to Fanime and prefer to just dress in comfortable jeans, t-shirt, and tennis shoes. When Fanime came back in 2022, I was excited and was enjoying myself by going to all the usual things but most of all, I love going to panels. I love seeing all the passion that panelists put into putting on a great show and giving us a space to connect and laugh.

One panel about a certain childhood cartoon game and show had a trivia show Saturday night and I volunteered to play in one of their mini games involving cornhole. There were three other attendees and me for a total of four and we were split into two teams.There was me and a lovely gentleman and the other team consisted of two other male attendees, one of whom was wearing a corn cob costume, whom I will refer to as Corncob. While my teammate and I were duking it out over the cornhole games, the panelists were getting things set up for the next mini game.

Eventually the game ended and my teammate and I won so after we high fived each other and celebrated, we went to give the other team fist bumps for a game well played. The audience saw earlier some fake outs of the fist bumps but it was all in good fun and smiles as people went back to properly give people their deserved fist bumps. I decided to do that to Corncob knowing that I was always going to give him one after faking him out. Instead, after I faked out fist bump, as I walked by I felt a very hard and jarring smack to my gluteal area. Or in layman's terms, he hit my ass with his hand without my consent. Now, I'm not big or tall by any means. I'm a very slender and average sized woman but the impact of the hit jolted me forward and I instantly cried out very loudly and repeatedly "That's not okay, THAT'S NOT OKAY." I said that in front of the audience who were talking amongst themselves and right in front of the long table of panelists who were engrossed in their laptops or talking to each other getting the next thing on their agenda ready.

No one reacted. NO ONE IN THE AUDIENCE IN FRONT OF ME REACTED. No one except my teammate who saw the whole thing happen and came to my defense. I had never lost my faith in humanity and the Fanime community as I did in that moment. He was just as in shock as I was. I remember him saying "Did you really just hit her?" I kept saying the same three words because I couldn't process what had just happened to me. He was trying to understand the situation and thought that Corncob and I knew each other. Corncob was shocked when someone saw what happened and spoke up and he immediately said he was sorry but his intent was clear. Corncob was trying to get out of the situation and escape responsibility for his actions of sexually assaulting me.

My teammate helped me get my stuff and we left the room to find a staff member. I was pretty much still in shock and close to having a panic attack. We left the room and told a staff member what happened who then radioed for someone. My teammate gave them the story and wished me well before heading back into the room to watch the rest of the panel.

I was led to the panelists' room where there was a female staff member and refreshments for all the panelists. I sat down, feeling everything at this point. I had brought with me a plushy of one of the marine/arctic creatures (based on a mythical creature from Scotland) of the childhood game that I grew up playing and just hugged her and started sobbing. I could feel the impact of the hit to my gluteal area, his hand on my body from the split second, and the pain from my bad left knee from when I braced myself after being hit to prevent me from falling. Soon after, a male staff member and a female staff member from con ops came and introduced themselves and took my story. I couldn't get through it without crying and the female staff member comforted me and held my hand as I recounted the story. After we were done, I received both their phone numbers and the female staff member and a different male staff member escorted me out to my car.

As we were leaving, I saw that the panel was just letting people out but there was the male con op staffer and his superior as well as security who were right by the door as attendees were leaving. The female staff member told me that they were there to kick Corncob out for the rest of Fanime for that year. She quickly rushed me out as I didn't want to see him or start crying again in public. I made it to my car and drove home.

The next morning, after I spent the night not sleeping, I texted the male con op staffer and asked if I would be safe to come back to the con. I also enquired what had happened to Corncob. He texted saying that he wasn't allowed to give me any further information other than Corncob was talked to and escorted out of the convention. He also stated that I was safe from him. I sure as hell did not feel safe whatsoever.

Fast forward to 2023, I was excited but cautiously optimistic about going back to Fanime and enjoying myself. I was walking back from the parking garage from dropping off some Artist Alley goodies and Vendor Hall purchases to my car when I saw Corncob. He was still in the exact same costume that he had assaulted me in. I instantly froze and started to hold my breath to the point of nearly passing out. I waited for Corncob and his friend who was wheelchair bound to walk out of my sight before I tried to calm myself down. I wasn't able to so I found the closest person to con-ops I could who was a lady in a yellow polo from the contracted security Fanime hired who saw that I was very clearly in a panic attack and helped me behind the curtained area where badge pick up had wrapped up for the day. She caught me as my knees gave out and I was sobbing and hyperventilating. She was incredibly kind and stayed with me while radioing for help and for someone from con-ops to come. From here, I don't remember much other than a female con-ops staffer came and we talked. As I was leaving the curtained off badge pick up area, there he was at a distance. Corncob and his friend were near the main entrance. I fell back into another panic attack and the staff member pulled me into the badge pick up area when she saw him in front of me. Eventually, he left the con for the night and the staff member asked what panels I was going to be attending for the rest of the weekend so she made a note that Corncob wasn't allowed to attend those panels and that I was allowed to enter the rooms early so I can make sure for my safety that he wasn't there.

The next day, I was browsing Idris' closet, doing some thrift shopping because I found some nice clothes and dresses. I was rounding the corner and ran almost smack dab into Corncob and his friend. By smack dab, I mean by five feet from my face. I ran back further into the room to find the alterations staffer whom I had talked to earlier that weekend and was trying to tell her what was happening and helped me hide as she also radioed for help and another staffer helped me into the room adjacent to give me space to have my third panic attack of the weekend. The staffer helped me calm down and took my mind off the situation. A different con-ops staffer came in (she was dressed as Maleficent) and talked to me about what happened. I told her that I thought that Corncob was banned from ever coming back to Fanime after what had happened to me with the sexual assault. She told me that unfortunately unless he has a police report against Corncob, Fanime as an NGO could not permanently ban an attendee from coming every year. She did tell me that Corncob does have a history of offenses at Fanime and this year, there was a staffer who always has eyes on him as he was on his last chance and extremely thin ice for his behavior towards both staff and other attendees. I did not see him for the rest of the convention.

As I finish writing this, I have a few thoughts. Fanime NEEDS TO DO BETTER. It shouldn't take me having to experience being sexually assaulted one year and having three panic attacks the next year just at the sight of the fucking corn costume to know that fundamentally attendees who are victims need to be protected from their perpetrator and to prevent situtions like mine from happening.

Do I realize that I had a relatively "mild" sexual assault compared to other victim who have have much worse crimes comitted against him? Yes, I do. But it does not make me any less vocal about this. If your reaction is that I "just" had a smack on the ass and I need to get over it, I want you to put yourself in my shoes. Or any victim's shoes of having their bodies touched against their will and without their consent. I still have nightmares to this day about that one encounter and I constantly fear for my safety when I go to any cosplay convention or large groups of people.

I was strongly considering becoming a Fanime con-ops staffer this year so I can prevent situations like mine and worse from happening. However, with all the stories of top management screwing things up and departments receiving less support than what even retail workers would get, I'm hesitant. We are just about a month out and I'm still contemplating whether or not to apply for this year, next year, or just waiting until the situation gets better for those who help run Fanime.

Two things to note, the staff who helped me in 2022 and 2023 were nothing less than phenomenal to me. They constantly took care of me, even if they couldn't give me the answers I wanted due to bullshit policies, they people themselves were supportive and I couldn't get through the situations without them. If you are reading this, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I returned back to the panel in 2023 and spoke to the panelists who were shocked to meet me and even more shocked to see that I returned. They were extremely apologetic and made very notable changes after they had learned of my assault right in front of them the year prior and had taken no actions. They learned, they adapted, and they made things better and safer from not just me, but everyone who attended their hilarious panel. That needs to be the standard response that Fanime needs to have towards these kinds of situations. Will that make things hard on attendees for a little bit? Yes, but will it make things safer for everyone? Also yes.

My last thought on all of this is if you see something, DO SOMETHING.

#fanime #failedbyfanime #fanimecon

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