schizo-pilled chaos wizard polydrug addicted Luciferian fallen alien 5d pharma obsessed spiritualist i study medicine and the microbiota*, but I also study the Mysteries
I'm Kalis Yuga, and a death gods bitch :3 your new psychopomp. WOLFGANG
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The window is so dark it looks like a black mirror
The static layer of my vision got denser around my face, the colors popped out more, and something with black eyes was staring back at me while dancing
Integrating things for me in the long-run
It's literally just a technology to enhance what somebody already has within them
Religious delusions are the same as the delusions I had from the stimulant induced psychosis I got from those weaponized, fake pills pumped out by some evil people to study psychosis
Anyways somebody accidentally or intentionally woke something up within a ton of
With that said
Hehe those things want more control in the end
Anyways, someting tried taking complete control of my body and mind, and cast me aside and actually took over my mind trying to push me to the back of my mind
Not realizing they couldn't do that because why did that happen again
I looked back in that black mirror
And I pushed something back into it, as it tried to take control - fear-conditioning - but I had to use some tentacles attached to my arms to push that thing out of my mind
As a hypnotic cue to possess myself with whatever those things are, and then return back to who I am
Idk, just to see if I could gain back control over my mind
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The feminine presence who got me clean off of meth (eventually) and got me to quit weed when nobody else did, the woman who was like, "We're from the future," told me that I was one in 600 million. I told my friend Shantely this, she said something along the lines of, "where are the others?"
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The only musician I care about meeting is POPPY for some reason
Wish I had like, money so I can like. Get my hacked, wiped computer restored or something so I can start making music again...
And afford what? Fucking Auto tune
imagine not understanding that musicians use Auto tune all the time without anybody even realizing it
The shitty, terrible things I made while fucking around and learning on the worst digital audio workspace imaginable, bandlab
@lsamide
it's all mid
I plan/planned on just fucking around for years making mid things until I finally make something I vibe with for real
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when i had pathological DID symptoms this random crusty old man names Hermes, made me have visions in my head of him taking my soul back into some mythological story that only exists within the back of our minds as a three dimensional dreamscape. iirc he kept this piece of my soul that is permanently projected from my body, after an out of body experience I had as a baby, somewhere else while protecting it and my life apparently
This random women named Hera - she would always show up screaming, we would always hear her from so far away and then leave, she was so angry she would be screaming and they always knew it was time to leave immediately
Hera is the universe trying to kill me, but me never dying
Its so cringe to try and be like "iM a GoD" so i keep like integrating different polytheistic gods and dead folk into my brain and as i did it, i became more clear headed and the dissociative symptoms got better. good on me for spiritualizing it, after speaking with dead people for YEARS and never truly believing it to be real. even when my friend Chloe visited me after she died. as did my neighbour growing up, AJ, who shot himself in the head in his apartment and was found by his younger brother. i never had a choice to speak with these people, they would see me anyways, and i would see them
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why'd this bitch say
I wanna be in the army
or at least it's trojan horse
maybe it's cuz they also work with God
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anyways, im never killing myself on any of my "angel number years" or any year before 2052. just in case, cuz randoms be getting conveniently suicided sometimes, especially when i make myself vulnerable by saying i might kill myself either this year at this age, or a few years from now, and so on.
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these ancient indigenous spirits kept telling me this random white bitch downstairs was gonna die. they kept saying "she gonn die" and it'd be kinda funny to something in my mind, and they'd go "no, she gonn die," cuz they find it mildly humrous at best not funny enough to laugh at. cuz killing these random ppl who were gonna die no matter what is what dead ppl do sometimes to steer the timeline in a different direction, when relatively, emphasis on the relatively, insignificant unless they're suffering and eventual death teaches other people an important lesson... she has sepsis and was on a breathing tube, they been saying for weeks "she gonn die" and "no, this bitch gone die"
that spell jar i made with some dead indigenous folk, asking them if we could protect them. and they be like "no, they're killing themselves anyway." so that skull shaped glass bottle i made a spell jar with, targeting two people in this house specifically which is why i made it red, with V8 and some other shit, asking if i could protect them somewhat they kept controlling my body and doing something through me, while slowly teaching me how to do it myself because its gatekept for a reason, so i can learn "im not gone do that again" when ppl accidentally die from magick sometimes but its statistically improbable right? and people might just die anyways if people didnt use demons or dead people (both) while learning about them to figure out if they're even real cuz what if they arent?
I told him I can't be physically touched sometimes multiple times, and he did it again, got angry with me and flipped out for my clearly set boundaries so I withdrew emotionally from whoever that random person is who actually means nothing to me right now, because I was explicit with not being focused sometimes when I have sexual trauma
I don't even like him. he's a fucking ogre, man, one of those slobs with blank states that can't process the words said to them, living in a delusional, embarrassing american daydream like the rest of those animalistic people who are manipulated by others, and that's how some people evolved for a long time - like thralls
& some of them need to be freed, and that involves a lot of hard lessons in the near future, throughout the next century
An estimated one billion excess deaths from climate change by 2100 is a significant amount of people. A hard lesson being taught to us by a higher intelligence that has been guiding the development of our species, teaching many to submit to a higher power - regardless - as I already do - while some "wrong" spiritual practices focus on, always submitting to learn but standing up to certain things that people worship and respect as God or godlike figures, when going through a process of individualization and self realization that many people go through, on their own, in different ways when authority figures aren't limiting them from growing into themselves, something I never had restricting me as I grew into myself
Like that untrained dog my mom dropped on my unmedicated ass, I let her grow into her personality and let her be wild while just, messing with her and having fun with her, until she'd get mad and start screeeaaaaming
She always has a different personality when someone knows her
Maybe it's cause of all of that, and her first drug was Diphenhydramine
She licked my underage at the time :( friends nostril when we snorted ketamine and she didn't tell me. she K Holed, most dogs don't accidentally get psychoactive doses of ketamine ever so lucky her for sniffing that ketamine and deciding she wanted to put that into her body for some reason, bitch was actively seeking things out I swear
Random pills on my floor I knew she would never eat like fish oil or vitamin D
I had to actively make sure no Kratom was on the floor, she always managed to find some and sniffs at the bag if it's nearby. she's a crack dog. my friend called her a crack dog
When I was underage :/ (sigh) I stole oxycodone pills from my friends parents stash, they had tons of surgeries and kept hiding those fucking pills bottles from them ... anyways, they'd be loose in my pockets cuz like ... literally retarded sometimes
that shit fell out, in my house, not once but twice both with the same person, Mathieu
we both freaked out, both times, when we see her tossing a little white pill around and playing with it while wagging her tail, BOTH TIMES enough for it to dissolve in her mouth
Again she would never seek out random vitamins and supplements. but Kratom? oxycodone? ketamine? crack dog
I would never let her do that, but the fact that she ignored other things suggests she knew, like damn
I would never
I would only give my dog nootropics sometimes and longevity treatments never like opioids
bitch was self medicating
All of them eventually, in different ways, hundreds to thousands of years into the future
When tons and tons of people start to develop OCD-like symptoms for some reason due to certain forms of education that will be deemed necessary, and those OCD quirks will be cute to a lot of people when it isn't pathologized and labeled a disorder, when it's more integrated and not dysfunctional - some people just end up with specific ways of doing things when they see the world a certain way
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humanity getting factory farmed would teach people an unforgettable lesson that we would carry with us for thousands of years. just like the first nuclear exchange and the pictures and videos of the aftermath online will teach some of humanity an unfortunate, unforgettable lesson. people are not moved by hiroshima and nagasaki the way they should be, and i read first hand accounts of the aftermath while listening to the threnody for the victims of hiroshima, just to feel something that I wouldn't have been capable of feeling without that unsettling music playing in the background. a child walked over peoples bodies because the ground was too hot, and they said sorry to every body they stepped on because they were too young to comprehend what death was
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In the world I'm building, the grey alien looking things that humanity evolved into, that use time travel technology through portals, breaks the fourth wall - and speaks to the audience - to the crazy ones and impressionable ones specifically - that there are actually people from the future communicating with people through art, music, media, dreams, hallucinations, to steer the timeline in a different direction - and that we never evolve into greys unless people choose to have one as some kind of avatar, multiple bodies
To make some people consider the possibility that the future can communicate with the past, without physically traveling to the past with their physical bodies, and that time is non-linear
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a barely comprehensible message that only people with broken pattern recognition can understand unless an AI is trained to have pattern recognition that lets it see patterns in song lyrics in a similar way to a schizophrenic
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I caught a glimpse of "reasons im banned from heaven"
they ain't even mad they are just reaching at this point
Can't tell people to kill themselves or slowly convince people to die on their own terms
"Thoughts of weaponizing diseases" like I thought about making a genetically modified version of calivceps purpurea to resist fungicides and spreading it as far and wide as possible, as if I would actually dedicate my life to that. They don't even let people be having thoughts
Or working with indigenous spirits or other pantheons even when they send all the people they seem sinners, even the ones with just impure thoughts, to all the Pagan underworlds cuz the fuck else they gonna do with all of them
They don't like me cause I asked a Daemon for a job educating people in hell
Me only being allowed to go up there with certain people cuz religious folk are afraid of whatever I've been working with through entheogenic drugs, the WRONG way - by attaching my soul to a psychoactive compound and haunting people through it
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People can choose to reincarnate pieces of themselves into other people, sometimes. Not all the time
But sometimes if you owe something to an entity they can take a piece and give it to somebody of their choosing...
I keep dissociating people into me, the more I practice the more I can share with the right people and siphon from the ones who don't deserve it
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me not caring because when I'm wrong I look delusional and when I look delusional I won't be taken as seriously unlike that man who found a link between the CIA and the 2001 anthrax attacks and had terabytes of child porn put onto his computer after it was hacked
One of the reasons I don't even bother sourcing anything or compiling research for people - it would look too legitimate and I look less crazy in the process
I also don't care if people don't listen to me because the truth will be revealed at some point in time - especially with long COVID, I stopped sourcing things for randoms a while back, I just tell them it causes AIDS and move on with my life when they don't believe me
my PC was hacked years ago when I was paranoid and everything was deleted, because I had blackbird to prevent data mining and protect it from hackers - not because I had anything to hide but because I knew child porn can be used to ruin people's lives if it's put on their PC
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how can something sound the same if its spelt differently? its paraxodical. how can hypothermia burn (in hell) if its supposed to be cold? its paradoxical. how can something successfully time dilate itself and dissociate its mind in simulations to escape the "end" of the universe? It's paradoxical
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I used to listen to this song when i was vulnerable from psychosis and other mental health problems, trying to hypnotize myself to the line "You won't ever break" and using I feel nothing as a mantra to become sociopathic and turn off my emotions for people whenever I need to
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Oh God I wish I could see a psychiatrist to get control over my lifelong kleptomania problem
Another *sniffles* man bathroom sign, from Outback steakhouse
I literally wish I could stop but I'm so limited by this lifelong kleptomania problem of mine that my entire family can attest to and vouch for - as in, a lawyer would have fun with me most of the time, not all the time
Will that happen? God I hope not, I have DID and one of my alters is a Pagan God of Thieves who possesses me and controls the things I do and I literally can't stop it but they abuse my mind when I'm on antipsychotics:( oh no
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This man who is my doctor has his own practice and he be so far away but since hes Nigerian and black and one of many Nigerian princes i keep going back to him - because he doesnt hire white nurses or doctors like my mother because he understands something fundamental about gatekeeping certain things for specific people while still protecting me, when i was younger and trying to get off *tears stream down someone elses face* drugs as a minor. so when my pediatrician called CPS on my moms ass she found a friend who was a black doctor who protected me from whatever the fuck that thing was that went over my head while i continued to self medicate the entire time without getting taken away by CPS like lmfao
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