Jinki has always dealt with his troubles alone. Since he'd recovered from the abandonment of his parents, the young boy decided he would be stronger, not worrying anyone if something happened to be wrong. This mindset has stuck with him through the years, the singer blocking out any loneliness that may have come hand-in-hand. 

The first time Jinki sacrificed his shell for Kibum, it was awkward. He'd broken this mental law in front of the one person he wanted to stay strong for, to protect. Yet time passed, life happens and ten years is a long time to keep the walls tall. They've become closer during the past year so when Kibum kisses him, so soft and loving, his heart is wide open and there's not an ounce of regret. With the gentle touch of lips and hand he's reminded that yes, Kibum is here. Times have been difficult as of late, and their relationship has been challenged, but the understanding and the sincerity and the love is here. It's almost enough to send his worries far away.

"I love you too" He sighs, feeling himself calm down considerably now the hard part's all over. 

Not long after, Jinki calls for another taxi. He smiles at Kibum with a promise for a better destination this time, tucking the younger's hand in his pocket so he'll stay nice and close. The weight of the memories still press against his back as they wait, and he'd be lying if he said he never looked back just one last time. But now it's easier to breath, to admire the nature's scent without choking on the thick smoke that once overtook it. He's found the closure he needed, (even if some more tears escape during the taxi ride, though he's quick to wipe them away) and Jinki feels stronger now because of it.

They arrive at Boseong's infamous green tea fields, the broad grin on Jinki's lips undeniable as he steps out into the cold. The aroma of fresh, true green tea is divine. It reminds him of the precious moments of his childhood, which consisted of running through the vast fields and stretching his arms as if he could fly-- and at times, he really was. All of a sudden Jinki thinks how great life would be if he could just dwell in Boseong and care for the tea like those old grannies he used to befriend, when he feels Kibum's hand in his and is brought back to reality.

Yes, maybe. He chuckles breathily, sneaking a peck on his boyfriend's cheek before heading to the entrance. When we're old and wrinkly, if Kibum gets tired of city life we can move here together. Ah, how sweet.

The sun's still shining though it'll set soon, giving the couple enough time to explore until it turns dark. Jinki greets the people at the entrance (not his beloved grannies, unfortunately) and pays the cheap fare before leading Kibum into his favorite childhood place. 

Down Memory Lane // Jinki & Kibum

( ... )

just a small message to tell you you're awesome~ i hope you had a great day, i am watching over chu. - secret santa

Jinki isn't sure how long he spends by Kibum's side, arms shyly wrapped around his boyfriend's waist. It takes a while for his tears to dry, and though there are many more questions he knows it's better to just let them go. So as he gazes up at that top floor window one last time, Jinki gathers the strength to move on. He won't allow this trauma to hold him back anymore, nor will it haunt him in his dreams. He will stop searching for his parents, and accept the fate they handed to him that day. 

Jinki will never forget what happened on this farm, but no longer will that memory control him. 

As time goes by the day gets colder. Eventually Jinki pulls away from his boyfriend's hold, pushing himself onto his feet. After digging into his backpack he pulls out two winter jackets, silently passing one to Kibum before sliding the other on himself. There's one more thing he wants to do, has to do. Jinki sends a faint smile towards Kibum, then turns away in search for flowers.

When Jinki was a child, there were plenty of flowers scattered around the house. Jinhee loved growing them, playing amongst them, and if her older brother ever dared trip into a patch she would be sure to serve the ultimate punishment. None of those beloved flowers are anywhere to be seen, so Jinki sighs and walks further out into the field. Soon enough he finds a small path of flowers, and a while later two or three more. He picks what he can (meanwhile hearing that familiar scolding) before returning to the house.

He lays the flowers by the doorstep, gathered in a messy attempt of a bouquet. Please don't be mad. Jinki smiles to himself, a hand pressed against the dirt. I picked these for you. I don't know what any of them are... but these blue ones are forget-me-nots, right? His fingers brush gently over the tiny flowers, remembering the sky hue of Jinhee's favourite dress. I hope my worrying hasn't been keeping you awake all this time. I just... still miss you a lot, Jinhee. But sleep peacefully now, okay? I love you. I'll make you proud.

Jinki rubs his eyes, heart still heavy yet so much lighter at the same time. A pause later he stands and faces Kibum, offering the same small smile. His hand, freezing in the cold air, reaches for his boyfriend's for that familiar warmth. "Let's go." 

Down Memory Lane // Jinki & Kibum

( ... )

maybe i'm already the new clark kent. {/ his voice lowers, eyebrows raised at jonghyun trying to appear sly and mysterious. this lasts a total of 1.04 seconds until he's grinning childishly once more, chuckling softly} who does that make you then? robin? {/ yes, he can definitely imagine jonghyun in a robin costume. though it's a little more scarring than he'd originally hoped. the change in tone breaks his thoughts, for better or for worse, and jinki's grin softens at the obvious concern} yeah, i wouldn't do it otherwise. i'll be happier this way. {/ he says with clear sincerity, already feeling so much weight off his shoulders. not only is being a trainee is exhausting mentally and physically, it also takes one away from their beloved family. jinki will find a way to follow his dreams of music without giving up his family and friends along the way} a cute superhero-- what else would i be? {/ he slips his glasses back on, nose wrinkling a little until his sight is totally clear} yes, with windscreen wipers i shall no longer carry any weakness. i will protect seoul from any and all danger. everyone shall know my strength, my song will be sung... {/ his heroic speech comes to halt as he glances towards jonghyun, frowning in deep thought} does superman have a theme song?

░ heartburn ◗ kj/lj

so lemme get this straight: when you didn’t want to wow them with your voice anymore, they sent you to do paperwork? that’s some company you have there. /* rolling his eyes he turns his back one last time to the building and childishly sticks out his tongue, immediately regretting it when it gets as cold as he never wanted it to be, his attention then and again back to jinki */ you’re going to be good, i’m sure. with these glasses and your figure you could be the new clark kent. i’m serious. don’t laugh. /* at the mention of the alcoholic beverage they’re both fan of, jonghyun smiles, a child really, hiding his most precious toy */ you know there’s always soju at home. it’s gonna be a guys night out, i can even braid your hair if you want. /* for a moment he stops being so jokingly about things because above all his playing he also cares about jinki so he needs to be sure he’s okay with whatever he chose to do with his life */ this is for the better for you isn’t it? /* the moment of seriousness doesn’t take long because he’s picturing jinki’s glasses with a pair of windscreen wipers and his laughter is echoing again, he’s now sure his friend is going to be fine above all */ you’re cute. /* winking at him he keeps talking */ i’ll try to find those for you. it’d be my christmas gift for you.

{/ and this is what jinki loves about jonghyun; just how easy it is to confess something and not have it feel like it's the end of the world. he's done it before, so really jinki doesn't know why he was worried in the first place. he's had enough sympathetic looks, pats on the backs, and intensive questioning of "what next, what next?" as if jinki hasn't had this planned out for a while. jinki lets out an honest laugh at the modelling joke, stuffing his hands in his pockets when a gust of chill blows by. he doesn't send one last at the home that once was, nor does he worry about passing that fated road crossing again. jonghyun's too good at talking to let that happen} i didn't expect to be stuck in there so late, but there was a ton of paperwork to do. so if there's soju at your place, i'm definitely in. {/ he reasons, daring to place his trust in the younger as he takes off his glasses. they've started to fog up with the cold, so he rubs at the glass with his sleeves in hopes of saving his sight} are there windscreen wipers for glasses? i could really use some this time of year. 

░ heartburn ◗ kj/lj

/* it’s not one hundred percent surprising that people quit and move on, he thinks but it’s still disappointing when it happens and jonghyun isn’t one to judge people, jinki on top of everything, the guy probably has his reasons and for that he doesn’t question - truth comes in their right time so he just grins back, noticing the loss in the eyes he’s come to know well and stares for more than three seconds before be chuckles */ great news then. really. /* and although he wants to sound sad about it, he isn’t, if one isn’t happy then he shouldn’t push himself to do something just because. jinki’s reasons so far, judging by his words sound good enough so jonghyun supports him, his fingers playing with the thin layers of the coat he’s wearing; right now he’s more worried about the lack of them on his friend’s body */ you’re much better as a model than as a singer. /* he sarcastically adds before he pushes them to keep walking, this time he’s choosing their directions */ can i choose the place where i’m getting that autograph tho? i wanna keep it, since it’s going to be a rare item. by the way, i’m dragging you home. my home to be more precise. you look good enough to play a part in frozen part 2. 

{/ it takes a while for the emotional nostalgia to wear down, so when it does jinki realises just how freaking cold it is and he really should've worn an extra three jumpers at least. he's only just starting to leave when a familiar voice calls out, stopping him in his tracks. jinki grins despite how his body's numbing with cold and shoulders beginning to ache with the his baby (gayageum) and bag on each} idol? {/ jinki scoffs, jabbing jonghyun's stomach with his elbow. for a moment he hesitates with admitting the truth-- jonghyun had been so supportive of him becoming an idol. when he has friends like him it's difficult to find the words, the reason, for giving up. but jinki doesn't want to lie either, so it's with a small shrug that he just says it blatantly} i quit. {/ it's still with a casual smile adorning his lips that he looks over to his friend. it seems that every time they meet, jinki has something new to disappoint jonghyun with} i want to pursue my dreams my own way, you know? it's crazy in there, i wasn't made for it. {/ and the arm around him is more comforting than jonghyun probably intends it to be} i'll still give you my autograph if you want, though. 

░ heartburn ◗ kj/lj

/* it is freezing and that’s the first thing jonghyun notices when he leaves the pub where one mic night was taking place that week and he needs to quickly zip his coat before the cold icy air enters and makes him tremble; he loves and hates that weather with the same passion and that’s one of the hate moments he’s experiencing. the second thing he notices is that a walk home would definitely take less than taking his car because it’s late and the traffic is hideous and he doesn’t know (or doesn’t want to think about) the reason of it. so he walks, it helps his muscles to get warmer and he’s thinking about having a delicious hot shower as soon as he gets home but the fourth fact calls his attention, making him frown before his lips can form a grin as he approaches the figure that’s wandering around (not very far from his working place, he notes) */ if i had my car i’d offer you a ride. what are you doing here instead of inside? /* he points to the trc building behind them */ idols are supposed to be guarded not freezing. /* he smiles, unceremoniously throwing an arm over jinki’s shoulders */ what’s up doc?

{/ jinki loves winter. or rather, jinki loves winter when he can huddle in the teahouse with a hot cup of tea and grandmother's freshly baked treats. he normally dislikes staying outside in the freezing cold for too long, but today he feels fantastic. after being holed in trc's gym for so many months, it's amazing to be outside in the fresh air. this is how jinki loves his exercise, even if he's freezing and exhausted. it didn't take him too long to find a friend, either, which is pleasantly surprising} hm-? {/ jinki tears his gaze from the frosty sky, towards the branch jongup gestures to. now now, jinki is certainly no rebellious teenager and if anything he lives and breathes on the safe side. no broken bones for this man, not ever. but that's also because jinki's got a whole ton of skills up his belt and well, he's not about to let this kid think of him as a grandpa or anything} just you watch, young one. {/ jinki cracks a grin, stepping back his swing, calculations of speed and velocity zooming through his mind before he pushes off the ground. one... two.. on the third swing he flings himself off the swing and goes soaring. granted, as he lands it's barely a toe over the log and it takes less than three seconds for him to stumble and land face first in the frozen grass. still, he springs back onto his feet with a chuckle} that's a pass, i jumped it! now you do it. 

parkourse ep. 1

( ` the mornings have become too cold for children to populate the playground, so jongup sits in the swing with jinki, sipping water and catching his breath—winter makes breaking a sweat five times harder, as a result they’d run their track two times over, and he’s twice as exhausted. eventually, his lungs kick back into gear, and he can breathe without hearing his breathing again. for a few moments, he just stares at the ground, at a fallen tree branch lying on the floor a few feet from them, cheek pressed to the cold metal handles of the swing—then it happens: lightbulb moment! ) dude. you see that branch? i’ll bet you breakfast that you can’t swing three times and jump it. ( ` he looks over at jinki, grin tugging at the end of his lips, to see if he’s going to take the challenge—jongup is all for free meals, after all )

rksxngji replied to your post:[/text - jinki] heyy I heard you came over last...

[/text - jinki] a lot more open? D= what happened? [/text - jinki] I’m a bit caught up with trainee things rn but this week is a lil less stressful so maybe we can meet up for lunch and catch up? =D

{ sms: jieun } I left trc. ^_^ Heading off to a new hospital, so let's hope I don't see you there. 

{ sms: jieun } I understand, stay strong soldier! Lunch works fine, and I know this really nice teahouse with the sweetest owner. 

[/text - jinki] heyy I heard you came over last night? sorry I was already asleep ;; If you want we can meet up whenever you have time? =)

{ sms: jieun } It’s okay! Sleep is important. ^_^

{ sms: jieun } I’d love to. My schedule is a lot more open these days. When are you free next?

ooc: totally open for plotting!

now jinki's left trc his schedule is waaaay more open which = pls plot with me i look like such an inactive, onkey biased rper atm. so let's make some magic, yas? ouo

road to paradise.

x

Jinki stands outside the doors of TRC, gayageum hanging off one shoulder and his small bag of 'training essentials' slung on the other. For one last time he peers up at the tall building, a faint smile playing on the corners of his lips. He's already said farewell to his friends, who were few in number but true in heart. Jinki hopes he can see them someday in the future, whether it be from the audience as they accomplish their dreams on stage, or elsewhere.

This isn't him giving up. 

No, his dream was never about becoming famous and selling music. Jinki's dream is, and always will be, about finding happiness and sharing it with others. Despite how hard he worked and what he gave up along the way he couldn't reach that destination with TRC, so just like before Jinki is carving another path for himself and venturing onwards. 

His time as a trainee wasn't a waste of time, he knows that for sure. Not only did Jinki challenge his strengths, mentally and physically, and discover just how much potential he truly has if he tries. The training returned to his heart. From here onwards he will apply what he has learnt into teaching others. Show those whose spirits are low that the possibilities are endless and there is so much of the world to explore, to indulge. 

Lee Jinki is twenty four years old and still doesn't know exactly what he's doing with himself. However what he does know is that for now he will go back to play therapy at a new hospital, and maybe even take classes for music therapy. To work with children again is something he's craved for so long, and now he knows more of the world he can confidently guide them. He will truly embrace his love for music without the pressure and expectations, without fear of rejection or cruel criticism.

Jinki will sing again.

He will find love and happiness in the warmth of his family. His grandparents, whom he's missed dearly for the past months. They will finally be able to spend more time together as a family should. And Kibum, who he will one day serenade with a clear and sanguine voice.

The future is unpredictable and at times frightening, but Jinki can only see light from here on. 

Their front door was white and wooden. Jinki would run down the dirt road after school, all the way up to that exact wooden door. He'd give the same three knocks and announce his arrival with a merry tune. Jinhee would then wave from the top window and hurry downstairs to let him inside. It was such a sweet, perfect time when they were young and oblivious to the world (to their parents) as they shared drawings and told stories. Jinki can see them now through the top window; playing sword fights as if they really were warriors and could face absolutely anything.

Are you proud of me, Jinhee? They'd dreamt of travelling the world, of exploring jungles and volcanoes. Are you proud of your big, good for nothing, brother?

His thoughts are broken with the touch of a hand, the nostalgic imagery fading for just a moment. Jinki exhales softly, eyes falling shut as he brushes his fingers over Kibum's. "I don't know." He admits softly, refusing to let any tears fall. "I was just so happy... We all were. This happiness is what made me want to help children, you know? Because it fell apart so fast and I had no one to pick up the pieces."

"I needed them." Jinki's parents had left him too soon, too cruelly, without a word of explanation nor comfort. "We both needed them. But they just... How could they do that? How could they abandon me like that, Kibum? Did they not love me anymore? Was my failure to protect Jinhee such a disappointment that they couldn't dare look me in the eye?"

He stares and he sees them again, playing with the swords, Jinki feigning defeat just so he could see his sweet sister cheer and celebrate in her glory. 

It should've been me, not you. He releases Kibum's hand and pulls his knees to his chest, still watching. I'm sorry.

"But whenever I asked mother about Jinhee later on she'd just... Ignore me or hang up." Jinki's head falls in his arms, tears hidden. "I-I don't care why anymore... I just want to know where my sister is. They wouldn't even tell me where her grave is. I have no clue if my sister is sleeping peacefully, Kibum. And it h-hurts. I hate it."

Down Memory Lane // Jinki & Kibum

( ... )

Jinki has never been a loud person, but during the past months he's learnt how to be quiet. Not the type of quiet that evolves around lack of speech or sound, but rather the type that is pure silence; mental solitude. He doesn't say much to Kibum once they exit the airport, fingers sliding down the smooth skin of his boyfriend's arm before intertwining between the gaps of his softer ones.The taxi arrives, but as soon as they're seated his hand finds Kibum's once more. He focuses his gaze outside the window, the trees flashing by in a green blur, seeming both strange and familiar. He tightens his hold on Kibum, because Jinki is more than a little scared.

The taxi pulls up at the gate and Jinki pays with a polite thank you before sending him off. His hand is still in Kibum's as they approach the old gate, creaking the same way it always has when he opens it. They walk along the dirt road, everything so silent (spare the occasional cry of a bird) that one would think nobody lives here. Which is true; there's nobody can be found here anymore.

The road breaks out of the thick bush into a wide expanse of fields. The sun isn't warm but it does shine bright, lighting up the now luscious grass. It's as if the fire never happened. While the smell of nature is the same, everything familiar and almost friendly, Jinki stops in his tracks. He frowns, looking around in confusion before it hits him. "Ah," His heart drops. "They must've knocked the house down."

Jinki looks over to Kibum then, managing a weak smile as he unravels their fingers. "If you don't mind, I need to... Just for a while, can you wait?" He knows he needn't ask, but he does anyway. 

The farm is empty without the large blue house, and even though the absence hurts Jinki can somehow find its original place without a problem. What was once his home has now become a wide patch of dirt, the small patches of grass showing that had he come a few years earlier, the house might have still been standing. When Jinki stares upwards he can almost see Jinhee waving down at him from the top floor window. Only he can't remember her face anymore; her laughter is all that remains. 

He explores the rest of the farm, memories flooding back with blurred faces yet clear voices and laughter. He stops when his legs tire, returning to the patch of dirt and sitting in front of where the front door should be. Jinki isn't sure how to feel. It's all overwhelming yet despite the temptation to let it out he simply stares ahead. 

Down Memory Lane // Jinki & Kibum

( ... )

Down Memory Lane // Jinki & Kibum

Jinki was ten years young when his family crumbled apart. His sister passed away, his parents abandoned him, and Jinki was left alone and confused in the care of his grandparents. Time has moved on since all those years ago, yet the memory remains. So finally, fourteen years later, Jinki decides he won't block out that horrible memory anymore. He's going to face it, accept it, and find peace that should've been found long ago. 

His birthday begins with his grandparents, as always, forcing him to sleep in for once before treating him to lunch. Sleeping in comes easier than usual after how many months of relentless training, so by the time Kibum arrives Jinki is full of restored energy and ready for the day.The four of them fit perfectly around the table and Jinki honestly couldn't be happier with all his loved ones in his favourite place to call home. While he and Kibum have to be discreet about their relationship, it doesn't stop him from sneaking a few pokes at his boyfriend's thighs or fiddling with slender fingers under the table when no one's looking. The lunch ends on a good note, and lucky Elvis gets the leftover chicken.

The plane ride is relatively quiet with not too many passengers, so Jinki finds it easy to simply rest his head on Kibum's shoulder and drift off to sleep. Despite his love for travelling he's never been too great at the actual travelling aspect, and with the destination ahead he'd rather sleep than end up constantly worrying and nervous. Even if he's a man now, it's still kind of scary to go back to Boseong. Jinki's relieved to have Kibum by his side. 

{ sms: kibum<3 } Sure thing. 12 sounds great.

{ sms: kibum<3 } Thank you, Kibum. <3

{ sms: kibum<3 } But do you really miss me? I won't believe it until you prove it. ^_^

{ sms - trot lover <3 } of course

{ sms - trot lover <3 } hehe okay~ i’ll probably be over around 12, then. i miss your grandmother’s cooking almost as much as i miss you ㅋㅋㅋ

{ sms - trot lover <3 } whatever you want to do is fine. it’s your birthday, after all~

This Isn't Goodbye ;; Jinki & Jiwon

"And when I looked that kid in the eye, I thought... What about my children?" Jinki sighs heavily with breath stinking of soju, cheek smushed in his palm. Really, he ought to keep his image up and put away the alcohol, but with Jiwon it's become a norm that he can toss away the polite and refined Jinki for just one night without much judgement. She's cool like that. "I wanna raise a family of my own with as much happiness that I can provide, right? To hold my children and shower them in love. To have sleepovers at their great-grandparents' teahouse so we can keep them in touch with true Korea before it all turns tech-y and flying cars." 

"You're young; you wouldn't understand." He sends a pointed look to the pretty girl, still grinning a little because the soju's buzz is warm and fuzzy. He takes another short chug before continuing. "I'm at that age where the future is important. Caring for my grandparents, having a stable job, living peacefully with stable mentality... It's impossible to achieve all that even if I ever became an idol. So I'm gonna quit. Maybe move to the countryside with trot for company until Kibum is willing to settle down. I can wait..."