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exhibitionher · 7 months
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2023:
-Nothing But the Night
-Stoner
2024:
-the Key
-Devils in Daylight
-Drive Your Plow Over the Bones of the Dead
2023 books read:
-Burntcoat
-Bliss Montage
-Pride and Prejudice
2022 books read:
-The Course of Love
-Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents
2021 books read:
-finished a wild sheep chase
-finished I hate you don't leave me
-finished Anna Karenina
-the Happiness Advantage
-Imperial Bedrooms
-Wuthering Heights
-Jane Eyre
-Let Your life speak
-the Witch of Portobello
-started: Pride and Prejudice, 1Q84
2020:
-Women in Love
-the Stranger
-Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine
-the Plague
-started Anna Karenina
2019:
-Siddartha
-started: a wild sheep chase, fear and trembling
???
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exhibitionher · 3 years
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Also
I leave for my new life in 2 weeks!!!!!!!!! O_O
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exhibitionher · 3 years
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Why do borderlines tend to feel empty and lost if we don’t have a current intense interest in something or someone? I feel like I need something to focus most of my attention on or else I feel like I’m just drifting through life.
The chronic feelings of emptiness that are definitive of Borderline Personality Disorder are literally the result of being disconnected from the following:
Intimacy with the people that matter most to you.
Intimacy with the things that matter most to you (i.e. The things which make you feel most alive).
Literally the moment someone who suffers from BPD is disconnected from these aspects of aliveness, the feelings of emptiness begin to creep in.
If those feelings are not ameliorated for any sustained period of time, the result is always major depressive disorder. This is one of the biggest reasons that severe (and I mean severe) depression is such a prevalent comorbidity with BPD.
Anyone suffering from this terrible condition will suffer immensely when they are disconnected from the following aspects of aliveness: Joy, Vitality, Satisfaction, Self-Expression.
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exhibitionher · 3 years
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Research says you should eat (according to DBT class):
-fatty fish
-dark chocolate
-fermented food
-bananas
-oats
-lentils
-nuts
-coffee
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exhibitionher · 3 years
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Pretty disheartening, the article continues to say that ppl with bpd on the lower rungs of the economic ladder are more disadvantaged because they can't afford the therapy/not educated enough to access self help.
While I don't come from money, I'm grateful to work a job that enables me to afford getting the help I need, plus the time off work. It's expensive but I can afford it.
From everything I've read, this is probably gonna stay with me forever. But I can learn to manage. Just like I've learned to manage living with arthritis to the point where I don't even realise it's there sometimes. Life will be much harder for me than most, I have both a physical and mental disability. But I am strong. I can do this. I mean, what other choice do I have?
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exhibitionher · 3 years
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Whoa, this is such an accurate representation..
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exhibitionher · 3 years
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I'm so in love
I'm crying all the time
It's what I fear the most
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exhibitionher · 4 years
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BPD and “Love Bombing”
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exhibitionher · 4 years
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she thinks that patterns are a result of 
I AM SO DEPRESSED RIGHTNOW holy shit
overwhlemed
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exhibitionher · 4 years
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https://europepmc.org/article/PMC/4145581
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exhibitionher · 4 years
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Reasons an FP/anyone may not have replied to you yet
I know that a lot of us with BPD- and other disorders such as anxiety, DPD, paranoia etc- can get really worried when those we care about don’t reply- or anyone! We worry they hate us, are angry, are leaving us, are hurt. So, here’s a list of possible reasons why they may not be replying that aren’t those! 
They’re asleep. This is kinda subjective to the time they’re in, but this included naps! Sometimes people fall asleep suddenly, or fall asleep before your reply
They’re busy. They made need to focus on something, or not be allowed on their phone. Or, they want to save their reply to you for when they can put their full attention on you and give a proper reply
They’re unsure how to reply yet. sometimes people need time to think of how to reply, and want to give a proper one
They don’t feel like talking to anyone right now. It’s not that they don’t wanna talk to you specifically- they may just be socially drained or want to focus on themselves! 
They’re not in a mental place where they can reply to you. This includes perhaps they’re dissociating, or can’t think straight to reply 
Their phone is dead. Plain and simple
Their wifi dropped. Same again 
They’re taking pleasure time. Video games, reading anything. Sometimes people need time to relax- it doesn’t mean that they don’t enjoy talking to you, they just wanna fully immerse themselves in their activity.
They’re interacting with someone/in a situation where it’s not appropriate to use their phone. Maybe at dinner, church, a lesson, anything
They suddenly have to deal with something urgent.
They forgot. I know this one is scary/hurts- but it doesn’t mean you’re not important to them! Maybe they saw your message whilst busy, thought they need to reply later, then forgot. Some people also have memory issues that mean they forget to reply to things.
They’re not logged into what you talk in. This goes esp for facebook/tumblr
They havn’t got your message. This can be for lots of reasons! Bad connection, app is broken, phone is slow, anything like that
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exhibitionher · 4 years
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here have 10 pieces of writing advice that have stuck with me over the years
every character’s first line should be an introduction to who they are as a person
even if you only wrote one sentence on a really bad day, that’s still one sentence more than you had yesterday
exercise restraint when using swear words and extra punctuation in order for them to pack a punch when you do use them
if your characters have to kiss to show they’re in love, then they’re not in love
make every scene interesting (or make every scene your favorite scene), otherwise your readers will be just as bored as you
if you’re stuck on a scene, delete the last line you wrote and go in a different direction, or leave in brackets as placeholders
don’t compare your first draft to published books that could be anywhere from 3rd to 103rd drafts
i promise you the story you want to tell can fit into 100k words or less
sometimes the book isn’t working because it’s not ready to be written or you’re not ready to write it yet; let it marinate for a bit so the idea can develop as you become a better writer
a story written in chronological order takes a lot more discipline and is usually easier to understand than a story written with flashbacks
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exhibitionher · 4 years
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How the the COVID-19 pandemic changed the world in one week
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exhibitionher · 4 years
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The cracks are starting to show
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exhibitionher · 4 years
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Here is the starting line:
Quit all of your social-media accounts except for your favorite one. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, you can visit your favorite social media for 15 minutes total. Set a timer. If you can’t stick to those limits, you have to quit that account, too.
When you wake up in the morning, exercise for 30 minutes.
Buy or check out two books every week and read them by the end of the week. Squeeze these books into the time you used to spend on social media. If you want to get audiobooks and listen while you exercise, you can do that, but get the other book in print.
Write down ten words to describe yourself. Then write down one reason each trait might exist in you, given your past. At the bottom of the page, write, “I will accept you as you are.” Tape this to the wall. Do this every Monday, until your wall is full. Notice how the words you use to describe yourself start to change for the better. You need to start taking pride in who you are. That includes taking pride in where you’ve been, and how you’ve adapted in ways you never give yourself credit for.
During the day, when you’re tempted to look at social media, when you’re tempted to go on Tinder, when you’re tempted to do something that will hurt you, when you’re thinking in circles, when you’re trying to DECIDE something, stop. Say to yourself, “My first job is to slow down, to be still. My first job is to enjoy this day. My first job is to accept myself and feel my feelings.” Make a vow not to abandon yourself, the way you did with the sleazy guy and the boyfriends of friends. You don’t have to manage your father. You deserve better. Make that your mantra. You deserve better from yourself. You deserve protection from these things that hurt you. I know you don’t think you do. That’s your disordered mind talking.
You are precious, Directionless. When you slow down, you will feel that in your bones. You will feel disgusting and horrible, but slowly you’ll see that it’s beautiful, this moment of knowing how sick you are. You will find your will to go on in spite of how horrible it all is, how horrible you are. You will find your direction. Stop thinking about it and instead, submerge yourself in other people’s work: their art, their books, their lives. Your brilliance is waiting for you to slow down. Your path is waiting for you, patiently. You have to learn to trust yourself. You have to search for your broken, scared self. Not someone else’s idea of you. Not someone else’s approval. Your broken, scared self is the only self that can lead you forward from here.
I know it sounds impossible. I want you to know that I hear you clearly. You want me to know that everything is fucked, that YOU are fucked. I believe you and I know it hurts. I know it’s worse than anyone else can see. I know how it feels to live there.
I also know that you’re ready to live somewhere else now. You’re ready to face the truth. You’re ready to be who you are, even when no one is there to approve of you or give you love or tell you you’re great. You’re going to give yourself what you need now, and it’s going to feel a million times more satisfying than anything else you’ve ever done.
Ask Polly: “I’m Lazy, Reckless, and Addicted to Social Media. Help!”
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exhibitionher · 5 years
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I’m alone now, I can do this
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exhibitionher · 5 years
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I am alone
how do I do this?
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