Taking acid while pregnant to awaken my fetus’s consciousness and make it psychic

me: *rolls over and goes back to sleep*

the necromancer who just spent several days constructing and performing a ritual to raise me from the dead:

"the 'power of love' trope is such an overused and cliche gimmick" i do not care i will love it always and forever. love prevails and explodes the enemy

friend server has changed our nicknames to various things you might find in a haunted house or whatnot so whenever one of us has a tough time it produces really good sentences such as “keep going you can do it creepy spider” and “terrifying shadow i hope you feel better soon” and “thank you sinister glow you’re always there for me”

Communists and anarchists will spend all day talking about abstract concepts and structures like capitalism and the state, but willfully ignore the very real, tangible curse placed upon me by the foul necromancer

yet another slam dunk for the evil wizard

I will genuinely Paypal you 12 dollars if you can prove you can send a bad luck curse to my dance teacher

one twisted ankle coming right up

its important to do this every time a museum or school thinks this is a good idea

im sorry man

they should add a drop of glowing purple fluid to doctor pepper. just one drop

on the one hand, extremely funny to get told “get help” by a fortune cookie, on the other, i can’t believe betterhelp has breached influencers and podcasters and started getting fortune cookies to shill for them

tfw you’re an Evil Tome

extremely weird to think about the fact that the internet is a collection of physical objects, like, if i send a message to a person on another continent, there's a continuous physical path that each packet followed between each of our routers and it probably passes through an undersea cable which doesn't feel like something that should be real how did people manage that

mr beast just bought hundreds of old people skulls from a local cemetery and is having their grandchildren sip soda out of them

My boss is making me work even though theres discord channels to read like morning paper?

keep me updated this is kind of like gambling for me

I will genuinely Paypal you 12 dollars if you can prove you can send a bad luck curse to my dance teacher

one twisted ankle coming right up

I will genuinely Paypal you 12 dollars if you can prove you can send a bad luck curse to my dance teacher

one twisted ankle coming right up

hello and welcome to my etsy shop. i’ll curse anyone for 12 fucking dollars

BRO