etshift
Emergency Temporal Shift
I can't be described. However, you can get bonus points for identifying the creature in the picture. P.S. I'm stalking you with Google Analytics, I might be legally required to say that :p, P.P.S. I lost my image, I'll have to go find it now.
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ah yes i was looking for a soap dispenser labeled “ketchup” with a picture of grapes
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Instead of a stoic hero and a chatty villain or a chatty hero and a stoic villian imagine if they’re both chatty. Just, the villian trying their best to kill the hero while the two of them have a in-depth discussion about their opinion of pumpkin spice
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I’ve just made a behavioral study on birds (aka. I’ve fed bread to pigeons and crows) and I’d like to conserve the results for posterity:
Pigeons can and will fight each other for even the smallest crumb of bread
When a pigeon picked up a bread crumb and other pigeons are nearby it will spread its wings to ensure the other pigeons can’t get close enough to steal the crumb™
The other , bread stealing pigeons might also spread their wings to make sure that no pigeon can steal the breadcrumb before them
They will steal it straight from another pigeons beak
Pigeons have no manners
They WILL fly at you and hover around your head once they realized you’re the one throwing the crumbs
They have no concept of personal space.
Crows on the other hand are civilized.
They will try to get to the crumb first but when another crow has reached the crumb before them they will accept this and leave them be
However if a pigeon reaches the crumb first they WILL go absolutely feral and peck the pigeon until it surrenders the crumb
Pigeons are reasonably scared of crows and won’t try to steal crumbs from their very pointy stabby beaks
Crows will wait for you to throw the crumbs at an appropriate distance because they do have manners
Unlike pigeons they will also watch you and look right into your eyes, expectantly
If a crow looks at you , waiting, and you throw it a crumb it will try to catch it just like a dog would
Pigeons however don’t notice shit until it lies in front of their face or they see another pigeon found something
Crows understand pointing, pigeons don’t
If the crows are satisfied they will fly away
Pigeons are never satisfied and therefore will bother you until the very end (aka. Until you don’t have any bread left)
They always hunger.
In conclusion:
Feeding crows is more fun than feeding pigeons because crows know the rules of society and pigeons don’t.
(Next Time on “birdhavioral studies” : “why seagulls fear neither god nor devil” )
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Is it legal for owners to take the tip jar? Because the burger place i used to work at, the new owners decided we had to put our tips in one jar that was taken and put in the 'party fund'. We never had parties. Me and another register worker decided that was bullshit and kept our tips, never got in trouble for it.
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Ducklings: MOMOMOMOMOMOMOMMMMM
Mama: It’s okay. Just… Jump
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You drop a small piece of food on the floor, and decide to kick it under the oven/couch/whatever because you can’t be bothered to pick it up. As you’re walking away, you hear a very quiet “Thank you!” from under it.
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when i was 12 i babysat this girl for a few years and she would come to me and show me her art, drag me by my wrists and point at the pieces she’d made during the week. and she’d be like “do the voice” and i’d put on a sports-announcer olympics-style voice and be like “such form! this level of coloring! why i haven’t seen such perfection in crayola in a long time. and what is this? why jeff, now this is a true risk… it seems she’s made … a monochrome pink canvas…. i haven’t seen this attempted since winter 1932… and i gotta say, jeff, it’s absolutely splendid” and she’d fall back giggling. at the end of every night she’d check with me: “did you really like it?” and i’d say yes and talk about something i noticed and tucked her in.
she was just accepted into 3 major art schools. she wrote me a letter. inside was a picture from when she was younger. monochrome pink.
“thank you,” it said, “to somebody who saw the best in me.”
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I got the words "jacuzzi" and "yakuza" confused.
Now I’m in hot water with the Japanese mafia.
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