enfant-de-sable
good and quiet
Jehan جيهان | they/them/theirs | 25 | genderqueer genderfuckHopeless romantic
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Think Optimistically
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I think so many people are so deeply alienated from themselves that they have no clue how to exercise their free will and autonomy. For some, this alienation runs so deep that they are afraid of their own autonomy and humanity. It is completely understandable why one would have those feelings, but it can be worrisome.
I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:
Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)
Getting the décor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' décor section and I adore it)
Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often
Eat dessert first
Celebrate well, and often
Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)
Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.
Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate
Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)
Walk without having a specific destination or goal
Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.
I don't want to shame anybody for not feeling as though they have free will or that they are exempt from exercising it. However, I wanted to give ideas so that you might read this list and find your own ways to express your intrinsic autonomy and will. You deserve to be a person, to feel alive, not just living. That is what our lives are for.
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إِنَّ رَبِّي غَفُورٞ رَّحِيمٞ
“Surely my Lord is All-Forgiving, Most Merciful.”
(Quran 12:53)
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Not to be overdramatic but fuck tampons who the hell invented tampons who thought it was a good idea to shove a dry-ass piece of cotton up there it HURTS
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Mahmoud Darwish (trans. Mohammad Shaheen), Like a Hand Tattoo in an Ode by an Ancient Arab Poet
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You have to start noticing things. The direction of the rays of sunshine, how it touches and warms your skin; the sway of a leaf in a mild breeze; the simple beauty of the flowers; the strong smell of your morning coffee; the wind in your hair and on your face; the liveliness of the city; the calm of your soul. You have to start noticing this and start living for it.
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standing in the glade I heard a quiet psithurism, just straddling the line between music and noise.
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Do you know I could break beneath the weight / of the goodness, love, I still carry for you?
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It is August. My life is going to change. I feel it.
1. raymond carver | 2. big fish (2003) | 3. emily brontë | 4. niall mcdiarmid | 5. pj harding, noah cyrus | 6. niall mcdiarmid | 7. ilya kaminsky | 8. call me by your name (2017) | 9. mary oliver | 10. norwegian wood | 11. sylvia plath
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Is it normal to be so tired after a 4.5hr work day or is something wrong with me
Like I genuinely don’t get why I get so tired. It’s not fair. I want to do things when I get home. But instead it’s just easiest to curl up and take a nap because I’m so tired. Fighting it is exhausting
Like I know I stand all the time at work and I walk to and from work but it’s really not that far and just standing can’t be the reason because I can do full day shifts if I have to
It’s just I get home and suddenly all my Doing Things energy is gone
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#no because like i thought prozac was fixing me and it was but now it’s not#and i don’t know what would fix me except sometimes i think it’s top surgery and T and a dick#and sometimes it would maybe just be the ability to feel back like the ability to enter a state beyond resting i feel like i’m acting#emotion and some of them are just entirely out of reach like man i wish i could get excited i wish i could cry i wish i could be horny
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April 16, 2023 - Sunday | Ramadan Challenge 🌙 25/30
Day 25: Who is a sahaba (companion of the prophet ﷺ) that you feel inspired by? Can you share the story that inspires you?
I know it's kind of cliche but khadija r.a. Her emotional intelligence was so great, she always knew the exact right thing to say at the right time. I also learned a few years ago that even before she married the prophet, her house used to have some kind of banner / mark that indicated that it was open for any needy person to come and ask for help. The conviction she had in her values - like seeing the prophet and taking initiative to marry him because her values aligned. Even when the prophet was struggling with the start of prophethood, she herself was always unwavering- she always was a pillar. Strong and not struggling to make any decision subhanallah, She's really inspiring to me in that sense.
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A student I tutor had computer issues which made them late to the zoom so not only did I get to eat my iftar snack and drink my tea in peace before the meeting started, but I was also able to get dinner and finish it down to the last grain of rice before the meeting, truly Allah is merciful
#like i have had such an exhausting week (yeah i know it’s only wednesday 😵💫)#so like truly the ability to come home and nap today and also not have iftar interrupted by my second job just god BLESS
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