endofreality - Tumblr blog

endofreality · 2 years

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A Plea for Peace

I am touched that people would want to help me. In real life, help and camaraderie comes few and far between.

You probably don't have the tools to help me.

My financial situation isn't very good. I need time away from work and responsibility to lick my own wounds. I am touch-starved. I am am deeply depressed.

To get through this, I need someone to invest a lot of time and resources in me. I am going to break down unless this happens. I will probably become homeless.

People in my life aren't willing to treat me with basic respect, much less support me. I don't think you would behave any differently.

I'd rather not be alive than try to navigate homelessness at this time. This isn't an unreasonable thing to say.

Yes, I have tried therapy. I've been in therapy most of my life. Therapists don't help people, they take your money and use the "Baker Act" to send you to a mental hospital.

If I'm going to die, I'm going to die on my own terms. I don't think that's unreasonable. I don't think that's wrong.

I've lived a hard fucking life and I deserve to go out on my own terms.

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endofreality · 2 years

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Why I Wish I Was the Only Woman on Planet Earth

I am trans woman, who doesn't get along with women. In theory, I like women and support #metoo wholeheartedly. In practice, I try to avoid interacting with them in any capacity.

I don't interact with them well. Even though I am well-meaning, women seem to respond very negatively to me.

Women find me "creepy" to a baffling degree. I don't honestly know what I'm doing. Women just don't like me.

Women not liking me has become the defining and central theme in my life. And to be honest, I don't like them either.

I don't catcall, I don't give women compliments, I try not to initiate unnecessary conversation, I go out of my way not to get in their personal space and I try not to look towards them for more than a second or two. I go out of my way to hide any physical attraction to them.

No one else in my life needs to do this.

They aren't nice to me, and I don't like mean people. Most women seem to eat better than me, have more money than me and have more support than me.

Women are bullies.

I respect women, I am a woman, but I don't like them. I'd rather not have bullies in my spaces, but that isn't up to me. Women are going to get into my spaces regardless. And they're going to throw me out.

As a trans woman, with no support, I'd rather they not.

Woman being mean to me is a existential question. I wish you'd stop.

You won't.

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endofreality · 2 years

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Reality's End

I want you to view this event differently. I get you are upset about me no longer being around, and that's okay.

The end will come in about a week.

Please see this in a different way. I am going on strike against my life. In doing so, I have a chance to have my death be a teachable moment. I can influence people who are still alive to reconsider their behavior.

I have had a very difficult, very unhappy last few years. I am not doing well emotionally, physically or financially. Despite my best efforts, people are not treating me better.

In every aspect of my life, I feel unappreciated and mistreated.

I am going on strike against my poor treatment.

I am in a lot of pain. Death will relieve that pain.

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