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I just want you to know that “The lying bitch who probably isn't even made of iron” is the funniest thing I have ever read and i am forever grateful to you for it
The avengers are FALSE ADVERTISING.
1. Captain America
Apparently America doesn’t even have the position of “captain”??? There’s only President America. Are you the president Steve??? ARE YOU??? Yeah. Didn’t fucking think so. Terrible deception. -2/10
2. Iron Man
You’d THINK he’s made of iron but nooOooOO let’s call a superhero “iron man” and not tell anyone he’s actually made of HUMAN FLESH and ANXIETY I’m fucking PISSED 0/10
3. Black widow
Not a spider (smh). As if that’s not bad enough, she’s actually a white and unmarried woman. Disgusting. -4/10
4. Hulk
Definition: an old ship stripped of fittings and permanently moored, especially for use as storage or (formerly) as a prison. NOT a big angry Shrek. The sheer absurdity of it all. -6/10
5. Hawkeye
has human eyes -900/10
6. Winter soldier
He was a soldier so I’ll give him that. But also can be seen during ALL seasons, NOT JUST WINTER. 5/10 for half truth
7. Spiderman
Ok see this is fair because he’s got spider in his DNA. I’ve only got one criticism and it’s that he’s not a man. He babey. 7/10
8. Ant Man
DISGUSTING. HORRIBLE. REVOLTING. NOT MADE OF ANTS. DOESN’T EVEN HAVE ANT IN HIS DNA. JUST BECOMES V SMALL AND V BIG AS PER WILL BECAUSE OF SCIENCE. ANTS D O NO T BECOME V BIG. SHOULD’VE BEEN CALLED ELECTRICAL ENGINEER MAN or ANT IMPOSTOR MAN. -80/10
9. Vision
he can see. 10/10.
10. Scarlet Witch
often seen wearing scarlet things. scarlet magic waves come out of her hands. So that’s nice. Is never seen brewing even one (1) witch potion (paprikash does not count) or casting spells. Does some weird hand wavy thing. Yuck. Not a real witch. 4/10
11. Quicksilver
was v quick. Not made of silver though. Yet another half truth I’m sick of it 5/10
12. Falcon
regular man. Can’t even fly without science wings. Is never even seen swooping down on his prey. Decidedly NOT a falcon. -59/10
13. War Machine
has done like 3 wars at least so that’s good. Unsure whether the “machine” part is referring to the metal onesie or the man inside it. I’m gonna go with the former because James Rhodes is a hero in his own right. 20/10
14. Thor
yeah. 1000/10
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if you ever feel unimportant just read this page on the blues clues wiki
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my allergy medication’s really been kicking in this year
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Bruh the struggle was real even for cartoon supervillain ducks from the 1990s
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