the main reason there exists a proportion of fantasy nerds who love to dunk on elves every chance we get is that elves often boil down to basically just "what if there were a bunch of conventionally attractive white twinks who live forever and are better than everyone else at literally everything" and that's kinda fuckin obnoxious

"elves would actually be way than everyone at--" don't care + didn't ask + throwing your skinny ass through a sewer grate

The vast expanse of the forest is filled to the brim with surprises! Take, for example, this deep hole, which I would never have known of, had I not stumbled upon it by accident no less than a month ago! I'm sure the exit will also be a surprise to me when I come upon it. I will admit that I was rather distressed upon falling into this pit of dirt and injuring my ankle such that I could not hope to climb out of it. However, the forest has provided and I have made remarkable discoveries regarding which leaves are edible and which are not. I suppose one could say that I am having a HOLE lot of merriment. I am certain that you all wish you could join me down here, but alas, I haven't a clue where this hole is. I could not invite anyone even if I wanted to!

Before anyone asks, I am not sorry I said short people DNI and I am not jealous of your superior scuttling ability.

im sorry i said short people dni . . . i was just jealous of your superior scuttling ability

Wait, we what? That is the worst flavor to stuff up one's... I mean, I haven't a clue what this anon speaks of.

Wood elves only want one thing (Tropical Fruit Gushers™️ stuffed in their coochie) and it's disgusting

THEY DO?!

YEAH

The Lord of the Rings will enter the public domain in 2044 and I hope that on January 1st 2044 someone out there publishes a book about Tolkien's elves inventing space travel. Structure it like The Silmarillion or like a regular novel, I don't care. The elves would be amazing astronauts. Oopsies aside, they are immortal. They are into stem. They know about metallurgy. They probably invented astronomy. Give them a couple centuries or millennia where they don't have to fight each other over some shinies or fight a god/his assistant and eventually those pointy-eared fellas are going to realize that there might be other planets out there with trees no one has written a poem about, and a few decades later there will be an elf setting foot in Ithil and saying what a giant leap for elvenkind it is.

Such dexterity and gymnastic prowess is not uncommon among elves. I mean, I myself may not be capable of propelling myself through a hoop in such a fashion... But some are!

H-how do you not care? Does it not bother you in the slightest?! Is there even a heart beneath the pointed hat atop your head?!?!

... I need to go lie down.

Do u think the skinning of trees is moral or immoral

Leaf lovers’l probably throw a fit but honestly we don’ care very much.

How big and silly is the hat of the sorcerer in question. This is not for my own purposes, I ask for a friend. 👀

Long lived characters, but they prefer older partners - a 20 year old human lacks the quialities a 200 year old elf would look for in a relationship. elf: 90 year old sorcerer with a big silly hat: elf: hey

Frolicking in flowers

Ah, a beloved pastime, and a lovely image to accompany it.

“ Frolicking in Flowers “ // John Weatherby

Oh, get over yourself. It is but a simple drawbridge, how strong could it possibly--- eeeEEEAAAAHHH

if you could have any job in a dwarf fortress dwarf fortress what would you want to do?

Guy that's supposed to open and close the drawbridge gates but sometimes crushes people or flings people into the stratosphere because there's way too much torque on that bad boy.

I am still nursing burn wounds on my tongue from the last time I ate with dwarves... and to my knowledge they did not even add any spice to the dish.

you know how most of the things humans use as spices are poisonous or repellent to most other mammals? and you know how anything vaguely d&d inspired has dwarves being way more poison resistant than even humans?

dwarf cuisine shouldn’t be bland, it should be unimaginably spicy and potentially harmful or fatal to humans. like green potato and rhubarb leaf salad with a festive garnish of yew berries and deadly nightshade berries, that kind of thing.

On this, if on nothing else, we can all agree.

Is Krogurr gay? Or does Krogurr like women too?

hole is hole

No, not the beige playhouse! How am I to repair it when the splintered pieces blend in with the beige floor and beige walls such that I cannot find them?!

my brutalist baby just threw a block of concrete into your minimalist baby's bedroom and shattered the beige playhouse

I feel deeply for this beautiful fox. Its ears, majestic and ever so helpful, yet the targets of relentless mockery nonetheless.

I will never forget the time in which my beloved ears became trapped in the hinge of a door and my dearest friends betrayed me with their laughter...

why do bat eared foxes look like they're being bullied ,,,,

by Chironius

There is no such thing as a bad elf name. There are the classic names reminiscent of poetry itself, such as the likes of Eldaerenth, Merellien, and Aerendyl, along with more modern names such as Defenestration, Cacophony, and my personal favorite that I might use if I ever have children of my own, Tylenol.

Well, yes. For what other purpose would we use our supply of baby dragon skulls?

Elves in your standard fantasy setting are like ooh, look at us, we live in perfect harmony with Nature and spend all day doing whimsical dances and drinking moonlight juice, and also we built a nine hundred mile tall tower out of baby dragon skulls, which we use to shoot lasers at God.