Its a big fart and a splash. Pretty much the funniest thing. *hi!*

Alright, you like snakes. My SO had a ball python (like yours) in his room. one night we were getting hot and heavy when I heard PpffffffFFFTTTTT. Me: *stops* "What the hell?? You couldn't warn me?!" Him: "That wasn't me!!" Snake: PPPPFFFFFFFFTTTTT Anyways, that was the first time I learned that snakes can poop loudly.

LMAO omg that’s hilarious!!! 😂😂 I haven’t heard my snakes poo before, they live in the living room.

It's the ship I didn't know I shipped.

* Howling with mirth* I triple dare you to write an drabble of Molly Weasley and Severus Snape dating...*Innocent look* Wonder how well the weasel would take it..heh!, heh!..

No. Nononononononono.

You are a cruel person. What have I ever done to you?

“I didn’t go to college until I was fifty. I was working as a custodian and it just got tiresome. You could find me in the exact same place, at the exact same time, every single day. Clean the halls, clean the classrooms, clean the bathroom. I wasn’t feeling fulfilled. I started going to college classes on the nights and weekends. It was difficult because I was always tired. There’d be times when I didn’t want to do an assignment or I didn’t want to go to school because it was raining. But my professors kept telling me: ‘You’re not looking for a job anymore. You’re looking for a career.’ I graduated five years ago with my BA. Then 2.5 years later I got my Masters. Now I’m a parent coordinator at the same school where I worked as a custodian. I get to counsel parents about how their children can get the most out of school. My confidence has doubled. I used to be unsure about speaking up, because I didn’t feel qualified to offer my opinion, but now I’ll stop parents on the street– just to make sure that their child is on the right track. Some people in my position get stressed when they’re given a heavy workload, like: ‘Why do I have to do this?’ I always think: ‘I get to do this.’ I’ve been working in the Department of Education for thirty years, so I could retire next year with benefits. But I don’t want to. Because I love my job. Every day is different.”

A Ravenclaw themed print commissioned for my cousin’s birthday!

@chiseplushie lol!

I…I-I-I…I need a moment…

YO BITCHEZ, LOVE DUNKAROOS?

WANT TO MAKE A MASS QUANTITY OF IT AND SAVE MONEY AT THE SAME TIME??

WELL HERE YOU FUCKING GO:

1 box funfetti cake mix (DO NOT add the ingredients that you usually would to actually make the cake - you need just the mix) 2 cups plain yogurt ½ container of cool whip. Serve with animal crackers or graham crackers.

  SIGNAL BOOST THIS. HELP ME FEED MY PEOPLE.

me:*trying to find a good fanfiction*

me:i've read that one

me:and that one, too

me:and that one

me:oh, wait, haven't read that one!

me:*halfway through it*

me:yes i have

@chiseplushie I love

Persephone. 2015.

Watercolor, ink, tea.

:)

Sacred Twenty-Eight pureblood families + family mottos

Love

No One Minds | Head Boy/Head Girl Dramione Fanfic

This is AU “there was no Voldemort” fluff of the silliest sort.  There is no angst.  No war.  No misery beyond adolescent insecurity.  I’ll keep reblogging this post until I get to the end of Chapter 5, then I’ll port the whole story to FFN.  You are the alpha reader(s) which means send suggestions/requests :)

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2  | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5

“You’re serious?” Pansy narrowed her eyes and looked at Hermione as she waited for the trick.  "You’ll let me plan the Easter Cotillion?  The whole thing?“

"I don’t want to do it,”  Hermione said.  "And Draco has become obsessed with some project he’s working on with a broken Vanishing Cabinet.  You’d think it was a matter of life or death the way he spends all his time sending apples through that thing.“  She shrugged.  "I mean, if you don’t want to, let me know and I’ll - ”

Keep reading

Chris Evans and his sister Carly on the red carpet for the 2016 Oscars

Fun fact: According to Greek legend there was a famous prostitute who managed to avoid a death sentence by showing the judges her boobs and arguing that it would be a crime against the Gods to destroy something so beautiful. 

Before you ask, yes there are paintings of this. And yes, they’re amazing.

Read more.

Loke, life

awkward how reassuring i find this

Are you a dementor? Because your kisses steal my soul. Source: Nerdgasm