electrificata
REALITY IS A MOVING TARGET
in your ear
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Unfortunately, i think we all just hsve to develop a sense of self respect
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you're a pope?
Oh, very. Fun fact: so are you.
I need to regenerate my pope card, since I'm no longer using they/them as my primary pronouns.
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kinda slug and kinda cat
he will eat a little gnat
hibernating when hes fat
thats the story of slugcat
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local woman who claimed she will "cross that bridge when she comes to it" arrives at said bridge
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First you procrastinate on the task because it is not a big enough deal to get done urgently. Then you procrastinate on the task because it has become such a big deal that doing it is overwhelming. You would think that this implies a middle point where it is just big enough of a deal to get done easily, however the inherent perversity of the universe's causal geometry prevents this
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you came back wrong and i am racked with guilt because i cannot bear to see you like this and i should have let you rest. i loved you so much that i defied death itself but i do not think either of us are happy
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As a Gazan, your legend they speak of, and the courage they sing about, for you, was simply becoming accustomed. The most dangerous thing that can happen to a person is to get used to things, to accept and adapt, to be content with little, and not ask for more than covering.
Mohammed Abu Lebda, Palestinian poet and translator from Gaza, from "To Be a Gazan (Part 1)", published in Democracy in Exile, January 24, 2024
He is organising a Go Fund Me so he and his family may be reunited with his sister in Belgium should you wish to contribute
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things that would be dope to be
the marble in spray paint
boulder at the bottom of a lake
the last leaf of autumn… take your sweet old time
lightbulb filament
grain of sand
pillbug that just discovered an insane composter
cumulonimbus cloud
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So what is Eskew? What does it want?
I’ve been reading some fantastic analysis on this topic which is far more thoughtful and sensible than anything I intended, and it got me trying to write out my thoughts about what, if anything, I actually *did* intend.
To me, Eskew (the city) was always a few different things at once, and it was those in a piecemeal kind of way that became a struggle to make cohesive by the time the finale came around.
I thought I’d share what I wrote in case it’s interesting to anyone - but obviously if it doesn’t mesh with your own ideas on that subject, feel free to ignore:
1) Primarily, I wrote Eskew as an amplified, literalised expression of a particular kind of fear that I’ve experienced in isolation and during past periods of difficult mental health challenges - when you find yourself second-guessing not just the random cruelties and kindnesses and reactions of the people around you, but the chaos of the living environment itself.
Did that car splash me because I’m a bad person? Are those people on the street corner laughing as I pass because they recognise something terrible and mockable innately in me? Why did I spill my dinner on the floor? Is all of this really arbitrary and random or is there a punitive sense to it? And if there’s sense to it, can I out-manoeuvre it?
Sometimes the world’s response to us - as individual entities passing through it - seems to make sense. Sometimes it doesn’t.
Sometimes you seem to be getting adverse results from a certain course of action…so you change your behaviours, but then the adverse results happen anyway.
2) I wrote Eskew as a literalised expression of the isolated person’s inability to just give up - the way that life and human connection keep on happening to us in spite of our best efforts, and we keep on dragging ourselves back to them.
That, to me, is a source of weary, absurd hope. But it’s also a source of terror and despair, because it’s systemic as well as psychological. ‘The real monster is capitalism’ is funny as hell in commentary across contemporary horror fiction, but, well…
I will wake up each morning, and go into the city, back to a job that corrupts me morally, walking past suffering people who are reaching out for my help and will not receive it, and I will pay money to get what I want from vast companies whose horrors will outlive me, and I will return. And the next day, I’ll do it again, and the best hope I have of living well is to stop thinking too hard about it and stop questioning the process.
In other words, I have to find a way of dwelling within the belly of this *thing*, because it won’t let me stop. I have to find a way of not minding that I’m being eaten away even as I carry on - but if I succeed, I’ll be shutting down my ability to understand what’s happening to me.
I think the traditional preoccupations of cosmic horror are ultimately charming and quaint in comparison to that endless atrophy - wouldn’t it be a relief to gaze into the maw of an eldritch god once, confirm the truth of existence, and lose your mind entirely?
At least that’d have a sense of resolution to it. At least then you could stop pretending that everything was fine.
3) Beyond that, insofar as Eskew had motives as I wrote them, they were purely cancerous. This is a harmful, inchoate thing that ‘s dreaming of being a city.
It wants to grow, like a city, and be dwelt in, like a city, and because cities are named, demarcated human territories, it wants to be recognised as a city.
But on some level it doesn’t understand how to be those things; on some level it can only ever wreak havoc upon the things it shapes, and it becomes spiteful when the objects that it’s trying to push around the gameboard don’t react in the right way.
That’s where the connection between the character and his nemesis comes in, for me - while the city of Eskew is not meant to be a literal manifestation of David’s state of mind, it is absolutely an expression of him, or at least a kindred spirit.
Both David and Eskew are struggling with a reality that will not respond logically, or favourably, to their efforts to control it - and they’re struggling with a reality that will never remain still or consistent for enough to become something certain.
My youngest niece plays with that building block game where you have square blocks, circular blocks, and triangular blocks - and correspondingly, you have this base with all the holes where the different shapes slot in.
When you slot the square block successfully into the hole, that’s one of the earliest empowering, orderly experiences that you have.
When the opposite happens, when you take your block and try and fit it into the hole, but it just smacks crudely into the sides and refuses to fit and you start crying your head off because there’s no sense or resolution to your own actions and you don’t know how to interpret this or fix the issue? That’s how I feel a lot of the time, and to me it’s as funny as it is horrible as it is worth writing about.
In all of these senses combined, I think the ending of the show is possibly overly optimistic, and even violates the essential nature of Eskew itself as a ‘character’ - but then perhaps I needed it to, to avoid some kind of Beckettian cliffhanger.
It was meant as expressing the hope that perhaps the dark cloud will lift, that perhaps whatever malign thing has its eye on us will move its attention on to somebody else - and we’ll finally be able to change. We’ll become something capable of moving free and unseen and easy through the darkness. The world won’t get better, but somehow we’ll have what it takes to exist at last.
Anyway, just some random thoughts - hope you’re all doing OK, and best wishes to you and yours x
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what i really need more than anything is a memoir from someone who was deeply involved in the world of ren faires in the 70s
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whats a tv show i can watch that will make me normal. if i watch friends will that make me palatable to the general population
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The person next to me in the train station is eating dicks and it smells so damn good
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