I take back any offers I ever gave to help you over that joke.

That was terrible, how old are you?

What do you get when you cross an angry cow with an angry sheep?

Well, you get a couple of animals that are in a baa-a-a-a-a-d moo-o-o-o-d!

Update: the horse has been found and anyone found trying to steal hay from the barn will be eaten dealt with properly.

He's now being entertained in his stall and working on jumping lessons to get it out of his system in a safer non escape risk manner.

Are there? I don't get out much, obviously. Silent Hooves.

Have you considered putting a lock on the hay? Perhaps an alarm?

I'm at the barn. Stable hand/groom whatever you call it these days. I work nights anyway. Is it only one person that's been skulking around for hay?

I'm at the barn. Stable hand/groom whatever you call it these days. I work nights anyway. Is it only one person that's been skulking around for hay?

No, I don't think I would entrust just anyone with that task, not until I knew them better. On the subject... where is it that you work now?

It's really not worth the effort of chewing. I am a night person. As long as you don't put me in charge of your livestock, I can just sit and keep an eye out for you. I should have a few days off this week.

You've tasted-- That is so bizarre. Just when I think I am beginning to understand people... ah. Are you a night person?

I wish I knew, man. Some chick was talking about wanting to eat hay, I think? I've tasted it and it's not that good. You want me to come take a watch sometime? Trespassers deserve to be eaten a little retribution.

What is wrong with people lately? I just caught the fifth trespasser on the farm last night trying to get into the barn to steal hay. Is there some shortage I don't know about?

What's gonna happen if they catch you?

One of two things...three things. I die. I escape-again. Or somehow they all die. Ideally I live, but my hopes of that have been dwindling for a while now. I don't think I ever really expected to survive this long. I can't say I've enjoyed most of it, but death for vampires isn't kind or quick. Maybe things will get better in the next few years and it'll be worth it to keep hiding. Knowing the clan, I find it hard to believe they'll be satisfied with just taking off my head and being done with it.

What We Do in the Shadows | 3.10 – “The Portrait“

I have no idea who that is so yes.

[ user attempting to google harry hoenselaar, failing, deciding he doesn't care enough ]

Yeah. I'm pretty confident. Try me.

Yeah? You think you can win against Harry Hoenselaar? You think your charges would stand up in the court of law?

Oh no. Do you have any idea what who might've done it? That's a lot of damage for some bread.

I'm sure Jonas or Lil will make a more official post later, but.. shit.

Please excuse the holes currently driven into Bread Cemetery's walls. We're looking into it, but as for right now I can't believe I have to say this we're out of baguettes.

This one in particular. He's been a pain in the ass since he arrived. Clearly no one worked on him as a foal so now there's a thousand pound brat running around. Like a toddler, but capable of murder. It's not a great situation.

So do you have a grudge against all horses, or is it specific to this horse? Sounds like there's more going on there if you hate him, as you claim.

Well that's disgusting and wouldn't even be classified as ham. And you'd probably get sued for stealing and destruction of property? murder of an animal.

Caring about people is for poor people. I'm literally all honey smoked ham in the world [user bullies people on an account dedicated to honey smoked ham with absolutely no personal information on it] I'm turning him into ham.

Hay's at the farm store dumbass. Should be $15 for a bale.

If you find the horse, I'll let you in the feed room.

I want to eat it chew on it why do I want to do any of this oh my god why is this happening to me.

Hay c: You have it? I just saw your post for the missing horse. I don't know anything about it, but I know it might also want hay, so you tell me where it is and I'll help you find it even though I don't trust horses I mean have you seen their eyes?

Oh great. He was headed towards the pond. I'm...relatively confident he's smart enough not to run into the street, but horses are stupid when they're panicked and I don't know if he's ever been exposed to cars before.

Would it be possible to block off the road? And not tell Tess about this?

Animal control, here. I'll keep an eye out and do what I can to bring him back if I see him. Where was he last spotted? We can try to make a perimeter if nothing else.

Y'know what, if you can catch him you can have him. Expect to spend at least $20,000 on him this year alone.

[van's post now makes sense to user.]

I'm going to steal your horse.

He decided he was done with training and took a flying leap out of the arena.

The little shit refuses to step over a single pole, but a six foot fence? No problem. Why. I hate him.

I know absolutely nothing about horses. If I come across him, I'll be sure to do so. How did he get out?

....Why the fuck are you asking? What do you need it for?

Who can sell me hay?