Affirmations to read to your cat:

You are strong, capable, and wise without standing on my keyboard

You are respected and loved without standing on my keyboard

You are capable of accomplishing all things you set your mind to without standing on my keyboard

All things will come to you in time without standing on my keyboard

There is wet-food and toy-time in your future without any need to stand on my keyboard

Get off my keyboard

men can't get other men pregnant lol

Skill issue

Gen X: [raises hand] Can... can we also maybe not get worked to death?

Anyway here’s a poem I wrote about my cat

After “Do not stand at my grave and weep”, author disputed:

Do not stand at your bowl and meow. I gave you food. It’s in there now. I feed you at the dawning light, I feed you at the fall of night. I feed you kibbles mixed with meat And wet food for a special treat. I feed you even though you scoff At all the food within your trough. I feed you and still yet you yell Like as a beast from deepest hell. Do not stand at your bowl and cry. I gave you food. You will not die.

Really hate that the queer community's response to the creation of a gender trinary (girl, boy, and nonbinary, which is still not all-encompassing) was to... reinvent the binary. We just started grouping all genders into "masc/male-aligned" and "fem/female-aligned" and it's so fucking stupid. Even with the occasional allowance of "neutral/unaligned" it still maintains the binary as the standard. And then they don't let you use certain labels if you don't have the "right" gender alignment. The fuck.

I think that there are a lot of cushy, middle-manager type men who honestly believe that they would be some kind of powerful barbarian warlord if it wasn't for all of these pesky constraints of civilization.

Sometimes I like remembering we all have a 10 year old boy inside us, because I think “total eclipse of the fart” is pretty funny.

wehen kittys are just so baby they dont even look like kitty yet they look like this . look at this post with your eyes if you agree

As someone who buys a shit tonne of vintage and retro items all the time I need to tell you about the "shart zone" and "prime nuclear cockroach material"

when buying used items i will do anything in my power to avoid the shart zone, which is in the range of 5-10 years old, this is a short enough amount of time for especially electronic items to have not found a way to fall apart horribly but have become out dated enough to have no support and likely will not retain any value. I do however LOVE the nuclear cockroach material zone which is anything 20+ years old. If it still works after 20 years it is going to work forever. A great example of this is my pc which exists in the shart zone and has to be revved up to turn on lawnmower style, but my N64 works fine.

i love it when people trap the warden in minecraft by making a moving piston that makes noise so the warden just quietly stares at it. ipad baby

what if you’re giving birth to twins and it’s the end of daylights savings day and the older twin was born first but the second twin travels back in time and is born an hour before the first twin, would that be fucked up or what.

So, it's come to this.

The fucking link to the Wikipedia for "cylinder". Brutal.