ebonywhyteincolor
Thoughts Of A Lost Dreamer
The Dream Catcher
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Her heart is being freed from its cages. Her love beginning to shine through. She finally feels true happiness. And yet she still fears what’s new!
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Dreaming of you
Last night I laid my head down to rest,
I said my prayers and gave God thanks
Then I closed my eyes and you wouldn’t believe what happened next.
I woke up in a dream, fighting among thieves.
I shot one, and made love to another,
A woman, would you believe?
Then we fought again, the thieves and I.
There was no love making this time,
Just a bloody war.
Then I awoke in yet another dream,
Pregnant and in labor.
Would you believe I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy?
I can see his face so clearly, fast asleep in my arms.
A head full of hair, skin much lighter than my own.
Who could your father be,
Even better, when could you be, my reality and not my dream.
I remember deciding on a name, well trying to at least.
I joked that I had to pick one for you became like my sister who went a week without an official name.
Then I awoke. My heart hurt to much. I miss you my little one. Your name is still unknown.
Can’t wait to meet you, whenever you are born,
You’re name will be unique my love, and strong like who you are.
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Oh boy, Eriana Joy!
Jesus here we go again
My heart beats for yet another it’s insane.
Seems like I fall hardest for perfect strangers.
Less likely to be hurt by someone I’ll never know.
For fucks sake I swear I feel like Joe
Everyone’s favorite yet hated stalker from Netflix’s you
Gazing at you through your ig,
Hoping one day we’d get the odd chance to meet.
Trust I’m not your type.
But I’d still like to meet you, to be a friend in your life.
I guess that’s also my problem. Why I’ll never find love.
I settle for friendship from those My heart craves most.
A habit I just can’t seem to shake.
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If if I were to have a real female crush, my dear I’d say it’s you. The absolute definition of love and class and beauty by far is you. Your smile captures hearts, your eyes are seduction, your body is it’s own perfection. I know not who you are but for me you’re a true star, celebrity yes but I mean a galaxy star so unique and bright and stunning...Thank you for being who you are. #awesomeactress #jessicaparkerkennedy
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Truly fascinated by you and I don’t know what to do!
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Yes
You wanna come over and just go to sleep?
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I dreamt of someone last night and I’m not at all sure who. But I know you’re real, really out there somewhere and I want you.
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“I think I’ll prefer you a stranger someday.”
— Sabrina Benaim, “on the last gesture between us”
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Photo
“Dreaded Queen” for the #drawthisinyourstyle challenge.
Tag me so I can see and share it! Use #redrawDQ
Let me see what you can do with her! 😀
#digitalart #characterdesign #queen #blackqueen #melaninart #melaninart
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Fictional Reality
They were all curious about me, but never curious enough to ask.
And although I knew their curiousity, I never wanted to confirm nor deny.
I was comfortable enough with things as they were, unless my new found friends/family finally asked. I never had any desire to answer though I just wanted life to be simple.
I was closeted (as they say) about my sexuality. But the people around me knew. They knew my hearts true desire. They knew the things I thought of at night.
I had several girlfriends before, but of course i told no one about them. As you can imagine, being my secret was never good enough for them. I wasn’t sure exactly what I feared more, finding true happiness or simply just the fear of peopling knowing...of them treating me differently even though most of whom I knew were all in same sex relations too.
Or maybe it was the fear, not of being alone but rather of being left alone. The fear of having met someone and giving my all only to be left in the dust with my heart broken into sheer crumbs. For there is no burn like that of a woman no longer in love (with you).
Then came that time i spent a weekend in a cabin by the lake with friends. A pair of 10 with my date being a friend of a friend. Unbeknownst to me and most of my cabin attending friends, my date was actually seeing G, one of the 10 friends. G had been secretly sleeping with my date Sariah for the last 3months while she was with Alana. As it turned out, Sariah was not invited to help ease my loneliness of being on a couples trip, but rather to sate G’s own sexual desires while her girl, Alana slept at night.
We had all arrived to the cabin on Thursday but by Friday things had taken a beautiful turn. See Alana had known for quite some time about G’s indescresions. Initially Alana thought the cabin would be a good place to talk and fix whatever went wrong, until she saw Sariah. Alana was not only pissed but developed her own agenda.
On Friday night everyone was having a ball and when G disappeared everyone but Alana questioned her and Sariahs whereabouts. Instead she simply sipped her drink and gazed at the stars from the back porch.
I remember walking outside with a blanket to help keep her warm as she sat on the chair all alone. She looked at me and smiled, so much pain behind her eyes, and then, is when my secret became her truth.
“What?” I asked, curious as to what story her eyes held.
“Let’s play a game.” She said.
I looked at her confused and scared because I knew by her eyes this would not end well.
“Truth or drink!” She said.
I hastily declined also reminding her she was already drunk and G would kill me if she knew we played without her, knowing she’d want to make love to Alana right after.
“G’s out fucking Sariah!” She stated.
I stood there unknowing of what to say. I can’t say I was surprised because I guess I knew. But I still never anticipated this...who knew?
“Alana!”
But before I could say anything else, she continued speaking, “I sent her a text telling her I knew about them and what they were doing. Do you know what she responded with Tricia? She said I guess there’s no need to hide anymore we’re done.”
Initially I didn’t know what to say but I knew G was wrong. In fact she had been the worst friend of us all so what I did next didn’t seem wrong at all.
“Truth or strip!” I said.
Alana looked at me puzzled. Her eyes completely shadowed in tears.
I continued to speak, “You asked if we could play truth or drink. I don’t want you drinking anymore. I want you to remember everything that happens from this point on. So we will play truth or strip. For every question not answered, you have to strip.”
Alana’s face lit up with joy and sexual desire. And I knew from this point it would be a night to remember.
“Ok!” She agreed.
So I took her by her hand and drew her close to me... “leave the drink, grab the blankets and follow me.”
I grabbed a bag packed with a few things, then We walked to the boat docked out at the lake (thankfully I had known how to sail and operate any boat thanks to my big brother Nate). Once we were settled and docked out of site we began to play our game.
“So how does this game work Trice?”
“Think of something you’re curious about, ask it, and if I answer that’s truth. If I choose not to answer that’s a piece of clothing to be removed. Though I think you’ve got an unfair advantage since I’m already not wearing a shirt.”
Alana giggled lightly, then removed her shirt.
“Now we’re both even!”
I laughed at the thoughts I was now having. We were definitely not even at all. Just in that moment I couldn’t understand how or why G would cheat, disrespect and dump this goddess. She was stunning. Her body was unlike anything I’d ever seen. Perfect breast (38C), a nice ass. Beautiful smile. Amazing personality. She had her life situated...car, house, career. All she needed was love. And I knew she was only feeling me out of revenge and pain, but if I could offer what she needed for just one night then damn it that’s what I was going to do.
“What’s on your mind?” Alana asked
I laughed at first. Then replied “trying to figure out what can I ask a person I already know everything about!”
“Ok, since you know so much, what is my favorite color?”
“Blue, but you secretly love red!”
“Ok that was easy, tell me something not many people would notice about me?”
“Ok Alana, when you’re nervous you bite your lip and twist your ring around your finger. Am I right?”
Alana knew I was right but instead she stood up, smiled, and removed her short jeans she wore, exposing the blue lace boy shorts she wore.
“Now I’ve got a question for you?”
“Shoot!” I replied
“I know G supposedly brought this girl here for you but no one has ever asked, nor have you confirmed but are you into women?”
Everything in me wanted to say no but instead what came out my mouth was “yes!”
“Why are you so secretive about it?”
I started to remove my pants when she stopped me, stood in front me and kissed me before asking again why.
“Because I’ve never met anyone that I wasn’t afraid of being hurt by.” I replied. Alana simply looked at me, then sat back down. So I asked the next question.
“Why are you still with G? You obviously knew she was cheating!”
“I stayed because I thought I could change her Trice. I stayed because I was afraid of being alone. I have almost everything I could ever want except love. Because of the rough childhood I had I’ve always been afraid to be alone. I’ve always wanted a family of my own. I guess I should’ve settled for a guy...at least I would’ve been pregnant by now.”
We both belted out in laughter.
I then leaned in to kiss her and whispered in her ear “guys are overrated. But I’m not!”
She slightly giggled and bit her lip before moving to straddle my hips and closed the distance between us with a kiss. It was in that moment we both forgot about everything else and intimately learned each other and fell in love...true love for the first time. We made love in that boat for as long as our bodies would last. Then we laid wrapped in each other’s arms under the blanket happy and content with the world.
When morning came, I thought she would change, but Alana held me tighter not wanting to leave where we were but we did. As we got back to shore we both laughed and played around like children. Our friends outside saw us and were confused. We chose not yet to explain but rather to get her things from in G’s room and place in with mine.
When Alana came to my room she joined me in the shower and from that moment both our lives became the truth and power
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July 4 2018
Yesterday was the 4th of July and of course I had to work. I love my job but i just didn’t want to work...at least until I saw the fireworks!
Its crazy, I’ve never been the type of girl who wanted to get married. I never believed in marriage or at least I never believed in love after marriage. Seems like love after marriage I this day and age is only meant for failure and I don’t want that. I just want to be loved.
But for the first time last night, as I watched the fireworks and monitored the surrounding crowd, I had my first image of how I’d want to be proposed to. Whether or not I actually got married. Even if I’m never proposed to I thought, sitting here on a blanket on the lawn with the fireworks above would’ve made a great date.
I envision my significant other and I getting a hotel for that day/night. We’d bike around the city and watch the parade for a bit before exploring whatever was open. We’d eventually head back to the hotel to shower (maybe even have sex in the shower), and relax until we got dressed for the fireworks. If he/she wanted to go out with friends tht day, I wouldn’t mind. As long as they made it back to watch the fireworks with me and have sex/make love after for the rest of the night.
Is that such a bad thing?
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Hate is a strong word
Hate is such a strong word and believe me when I say I wish I didn’t have to use it but you leave me no choice.
I think I actually hate you!
I hate this version of you.
You’re suddenly a terrible friend.
How can you want the world to love, care, and hold you when you’re down but for everyone else all you can do is walk away all while asking if “I’m good?”
Whats wrong with you?
You’re what’s honestly wrong with this world.
Too selfish and heartless.
It takes a lot for me to walk away from a friendship but I’ve honestly reached my limit with you.
You weren’t there when I needed you most when my uncle passed. You were cold and distant. And you knew it because you apologized weeks later. You don’t acknowledge my existence during Christmas or birthdays with a card. You say happy birthday but that’s it. And that in itself seems forceful. I don’t need a gift. I’m not yours to begin with. I’m just a friend. So TREAT ME AS SUCH!!!
Then again, you’ve earned your final strike today as you watched me suffer through a major panic attack and did nothing except tell me I’m good and to shake it off. You opened my eyes to who you are today. Who you’ve become. I don’t know what I did to deserve this but I guess whatever it was it’s worth it I’m sorry.
Let me just say now that you’ve won. I’m done.
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You didn’t need to say you lost feelings or never even had any because I fucking felt it. Jesus Christ you can’t even treat me with respect now so fuck it and fuck you.
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