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dr4kenz · 6 days

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ran haitani x reader

no tw i can think of :)

wc: 5223

Ⅰ. Rindou is four. It’s summer and he is hysterically crying sitting on his mother’s lap in the back of their silver Toyota Corolla. The year is 1991 and he doesn’t want to go to his grandparents yet again, because it’s boring there and there’s just too many mosquitoes in their old dusty house and then they have those weird moving lights in the forest every evening. What is Rindou supposed to do about all these?

He is terrified. He wants to stay in Tokyo.

Ran is five. He sits in the front seat near his dad looking at cars passing by on the highway. He thinks Rindou is acting like a little kid and so he tells his dad just this and is rewarded with a pat on the head and a sweet chuckle. Upon hearing it, Rindou cries even more and Ran is almost annoyed, but not really, because despite his brother being so childish now, there’s still this sweet feeling in his chest and a special place that is Rindou’s only.

So Ran audibly sighs and crawls on his seat turning his body to the back of the car. He sees his brother’s puffy crying face and reaches out to wipe salty tears. They are cold, but he lets his fingers linger on the wet skin until Rindou’s attention is on him. Glossy dark purple eyes staring at him attentively. Swallowing every word before anything is said.

“Do you remember that shrine we visited with grandma?”

Rindou nods a firm ‘yes’, but Ran suspects he doesn’t really remember. He was too small. He goes on anyway.

“Grandma told me it’s haunted so we are going to lurk all the ghosts out and kill them.”

“You can’t kill ghosts.” Rindou protests.

There’s a short period of silence where the wait for Ran’s response transforms into something almost tangible. Even the adults are listening. Too curious to interfere and tell that you in fact don’t kill ghosts. You banish them.

“Are you scared, Rin?” Says Ran so quietly, the sound of his voice is drowned out by the noise of the busy highway. “If you are scared then…”

“I am not scared!” Too afraid to disappoint his older brother Rindou shouts and he is on the verge of tears again. Although, this time for an entirely different reason. “I just think you can’t kill ghosts. Aren’t they dead already?”

“Of course they aren’t. Why would they be still here with us if they were?”

The light of the setting sun intertwines with Ran’s shoulder length blonde hair and Rindou understands that there’s nothing his older brother cannot do. The pride that swells up inside of him is greater than he ever felt.

For the rest of the road Rindou doesn’t cry anymore. Nor does he cry in the years that follow.

Ⅱ. Rindou is five and Ran is six when you meet them for the first time. Their grandma brings them to your parents house and you are forced to play together in the garden while adults are preparing dinner in the kitchen and chatting away.

You wish you were with them because those brothers are intimidating and they aren’t friendly and they are so so so different from the boys in the village. You don’t like them and you hope they will go home right after dinner.

They don’t.

And then you are forced to play together again and you ask your mom if you can sit with her instead, but she tells you not to be rude. There’s nothing you can do so you spend your evening watching them whispering to each other with their backs facing you.

Next day they return again and the day after. On the fourth day the younger brother approaches you. He is wearing thin glasses which he adjusts with his pointer fingers before he speaks to you.

“Can you keep secrets?”

The question is bizarre. Yet, you are intrigued and nod lightly. Behind Rindou - and you know that this is his name because his grandma said it when she introduced you four days ago - is his older brother watching you intently. He is tall and has long blonde hair that reminds you of the insides of the white grape. You can’t believe he is six. Nor can you believe that you and Rindou are the same age. There must be something going on in Tokyo that makes them look older.

Maybe one day you understand what it is, but before that you stay still and confusedly blink at them, trying to figure out what it is that they want you to keep secret. Why would they even want to share something so sacred with you?

“Is it yes or no?” Rindou asks this time harsher.

“Yes.”

“Good. Then follow us. We want to show you something.”

Without a second thought you slip out of the garden and follow them to the woods where the shrine is. The place is familiar and you really shouldn’t be scared, but the small light of fear in your chest is there. You don’t tell them that. You don’t want them to be satisfied because you believe that’s why they brought you here. To scare you.

What else for?

That summer evening of 1992, among the mossy rocks and under the last rays of orange sun, they confess to you that they are terrible terrifying boys who kill ghosts every summer so the Wakasugi Primeval Forest are free of them.

For the rest of the summer, every single day, you kill lost souls together.

Ⅲ. The bus sign reads “Nishiawakura-son, Aida District, Okayama Prefecture” and Rindou who is eleven now believes there’s nothing more boring than visiting his grandparents every summer.

You don’t kill ghosts anymore. All of them are probably well dead and long forgotten by now so it’s quite boring there. The contrast between never sleeping, always bright Roppongi and ever so green village of his grandparents strikes him violently. He wants to stay back and spend his vacation here with his friends. Playing Nintendo and going to arcades. Occasionally of course beating those who question him and his brother’s authority.

Rindou takes a high liking in fighting.

But then he is reminded of you and despite him wanting to be indifferent, his heart clenches. The air is suddenly not enough to comfortably breath and a sharp pain strikes him somewhere under his ribcage. He cares about you. He wants to see you.

He hates it.

Beside him Ran is carrying their huge black sport bag where all their clothes and shoes are stored. Rindou eyes his own brother, imagining what you might think of Ran now. Yes, he is only twelve, but he is already so tall and so handsome and he got his ear pierced a few days before so it’s red and swelling. And still Ran looks so cool, Rindou is almost jealous.

Rindou believes he looks like a kid which he supposes he is, but it’s a bit unfair that he is short and on a chubby side. He and Ran might be brothers, but what is common between them?

Ran is cool and Rindou not really so. At least, that is how everyone perceives them, Rindou is sure of that.

Before the bus starts he wishes you might like him a bit more than his brother.

After all it was only fair because it was his idea to tell you about ghosts all those summers ago.

Ⅳ. Rindou’s wish is granted or so he thinks at first.

You do hang out with him more and seemingly enjoy his company. You three are still friends [best friends even], with the only difference that Ran is unusually silent around you and you evidently avoid him as much as you can. Rindou doesn’t dwell on it. Everything is perfect and he is happy. Nishiawakura-son is not as boring as he thought it would be.

On the last day of their vacation you are over at their house. You sit on the wooden floor before the garden that their grandma is still tending to despite her age and eat watermelon. It’s hot even though it’s evening and Rindou’s shirt is sticking to his sweaty body. So much of the mountain's fresh air, he bitterly mutters remembering his mom’s words. Cicadas screeching is too loud, but when it would annoy him, now he melts into this perfect sound of summer. He closes his eyes and does his best to engrave this moment into himself; become one with it.

No cicadas can he be heard in Roppongi and he already knows that if he ever hears them again he would be reminded of you, Ran and sweet smell of the most delicious watermelon he ever had the chance to eat.

“In winter it’s really snowy and cold here.” You say, sitting on your folded right leg, the left swinging in the air, disturbing gravel every now and then. Rindou catches Ran staring at your leg as you speak. He thinks it's odd. He doesn’t say anything and instead watches your face as you speak looking to the lonely winter that soon will find you. “We don’t really do anything fun here. We go to cafes, ramen shops or stay over at each other’s houses and sometimes my dad or my best friend’s mom would drive us to Okayama or to Osaka if we are exceptionally lucky. We’d stay for a couple of days there. Visit shops, hypermarkets, bookshops and then we are back here. Sometimes I think like I am always going to be here. Just like those ghosts in the forest. All alone and wandering in eternity until someone frees me.”

The three of you don’t say anything for a while. You and Rindou decide to take a bite of your pieces of watermelon. The juice spilling over and dripping down your fingers. It makes them sticky and Rindou being Rindou licks them off, shoving all fingers inside his mouth until they are clean. He only notices that Ran hasn’t eaten when their grandma comes over and scolds Ran for neglecting fruits again.

The rest of the day is spent simply. You go for the last walk into the forest promising not to go too deep and be back before sun sets. Then you sit by a small river where you bathed every single day all summer and finally get back to Haitani’s house where you have a delicious dinner. Just before midnight Ran says he is going to bed. Tomorrow is a big day and Rindou shouldn’t stay up for long either. Rindou sulks, but as usual obeys. You wish them goodnight and then they are off to their room on the second floor and you stay in the spacious tatami room that is nowadays only used by guests.

Soon enough, the house is silent. The night here too sounds very different compared to Roppongi. Otherworldly. Like there are no humans and no cities and no planet and you are somewhere far along in the space to feel anything, to feel like anything.

This state however is disturbed just before three in the morning when Ran opens the slide door of their room and on tip toes goes downstairs. His movements aren’t really loud, but Rindou is Rindou and so he hears them anyway.

As well as he knows that Ran isn’t thirsty, hungry or in need of a toilet. As well as he knows that Ran knows that you aren’t asleep either.

So. Rindou rubs his sleepy eyes and reaches out for his glasses. He follows the footsteps of his brother, careful enough to stop before the corner of the tatami room. Rindou slides down the wall sitting on the wooden floor, his legs stretched in front of him and he listens to his brother telling you all about Tokyo and its lights.

By the end of the summer of 1999, Rindou understands that you don’t like him less or more than Ran. You just like Ran very differently than you’d ever be able to like Rindou.

Ⅴ. They don’t visit for three summers in a row. No one would tell you why.

The first summer is hard. The second one is better. By the beginning of the third when they aren’t here it doesn’t really feel like anything and you hate yourself for it.

Memories fade. Ghosts die. You get older. And once more it seems to you that while everyone and everything moves forward you are stagnant in your village with a population of no more than two thousand people.

Despite you claiming to be devoid of feelings, you cry a lot in the summer of 2002.

Ⅵ. When they are back to Nishiawakura-son you aren’t there.

You spend holidays away from the village at your best friend’s grandparents house in Matsuyama. You were planning the trip the whole year and you're excited and grateful they are generous enough to let you stay.

But when you learn that Ran and Rindou are finally home you wish you were there too.

The whole summer of 2003 is filled with thoughts if this deep regret is eating them alive too.

Ⅶ. The knife in your hand slips when you hear Haitani’s grandmother announcing that they have arrived. Blood seeps through the small cut quickly and you inhale deeply calming yourself down. The pain arrives a tad later. You bite your lip and unnoticed by anyone lurk in the bathroom. Leaning down on this sink you tell yourself you aren’t hiding and you aren’t nervous and you are in the safe space of tile and wood only because you need to bandage your hand. You tell yourself you are perfectly okay with meeting them so many years later. You can be friends again. You can start anew. It’s not like you changed much, right? It’s not like they are totally different people.

You stay in the bathroom for some time until your mother is calling your name so loudly and so fast you are embarrassed. With band-aid in your teeth you walk towards the dining room where everyone has already gathered. What you’ve been supposed to help with is done by your mom and your grandma. The scowl your elders send you is humiliating enough you don’t look nor at Ran nor at Rindou.

Eyes to the ground you move to your seat.

Over the food everyone is happily chatting. Your parents and Ran are the one who speak the most. They ask him about what they’ve been up to and how their studies are going. The conversation is easy and light-hearted. For everyone. Except you. You don’t utter the word.

It’s later when you do the dishes that Rindou approaches you. For some unknown reason you know it’s him and not Ran. He stops a few steps away from you and you tense. Your shoulders stiff and fingers gripping the white plate too harsh. You think you can hear it’s cracking.

He sighs and then chuckles. “Hey. Can you keep secrets?”

The plate did shatter that evening in the beginning of summer of 2004.

Ⅷ. “So what you are trying to say is that you killed a person?” You ask.

It’s pitch dark around and if not for the bleak light of the flashlight the only thing you would see would be tree crowns and star kissed sky above them.

“Yes.” Says Ran. He leans on the tall cypress with his arms crossed around his chest and you can’t help, but think that his white loose t-shirt is going to be dirty from the dry bark.

Rindou is fast to intervene and correct his older brother. He doesn’t want you to be afraid of them or think they are something they aren’t so he takes a deep breath and adjusts his glasses - they are still round shaped just as when he was a kid - explaining.. “We didn’t really kill anyone. It’s just that the bastard died cause we beat the shit out of him.”

“Were you okay?”

“Not a scratch. He kicked me a couple of times in the ribs.” Rindou is confused by your question. Still he answers it the best he can. “Oh and Ran’s knuckles were scraped you could almost see bones.”

Slowly you nod, releasing a breath you didn’t know you were holding. So that’s why they weren’t visiting their grandparents for all those years. They were in juvie. Not because they found you and your little village boring.

You bit your lip fidgeting on the cold wooden floor of the old shrine. Rindou sits next to you and you can feel his intent gaze.

“Your hair looks gorgeous, but what with this inverted look?”

“It was Ran’s idea. I do like it though. Oh! And we have a matching tattoo. Wanna see?”

You do and Rindou eagerly strips off his shirt. You can’t see much. It’s too dark to make out the patterns of black lines. However you can see that the tattoo is huge and it covers the right side of his body. It stops abruptly in the middle of his torso and while Rindou twirls to show you his tattooed back, you think you understand why his tattoo is only a half.

It’s because Rindou is himself half of the Haitani brothers.

“It goes down my leg too. I’ll show it to you tomorrow.” Says Rindou picking his t-shirt up and putting it on. “Hurt like a motherfucking bitch, but it looks cool and it gets me girls so I’d do it again. And it also kinda has meaning to it.”

“Good to know you acknowledge our matching tattoo as meaningful.” You don’t know if Ran is joking or mad or if he is just mentioning it to show you that he too does have a tattoo, not aware that you already have figured it out. He catches your gaze on him and the corners of his lips tug upward. “I am not stripping.”

“I wasn’t expecting you to.”

“Good.”

Somehow it’s you who gets embarrassed and not him. Which of course makes you mad at Ran and for the rest of the evening you only pay attention to Rindou who’s super happy for that. He too does think his brother can be an unbearable bastard, but he senses there’s something else to your anger towards Ran. Something that smells sweet and sugary; like a burnt caramel.

They walk you to your house and you, remaining in your petty mood, wish goodnight only to Rindou. Barely acknowledging Ran’s presence. And it’s the way his eyes are so calm and thin lips part slightly as he feigns a huge effort not to smile that Rindou understands this summer is going to be a mess.

Ⅸ. One morning you are at their house. Your mom sent you over with plum pickles she promised Haitani’s grandma the other day. You don’t really understand why they couldn’t come and pick them up themselves, but when you mention it your mother gives you a stern look. She mutters something along the lines of lost generation and ungrateful children and your only wish is to disappear so you pick up the carton package with jars and run off to the Haitanis.

They don’t live that far. Their house is only some blocks away. Still when you are at the front step you are out of your breath, hands going numb. You whine and curse hoping no one is in the yard. You doubt their grandma or grandpa would tell on you, you just don’t want to make a bad impression.

It’s Rindou who catches you though. He is in the garden working out and listening to music on his Sony Walkman. It’s loud and you can hear it through his headphones meters away from you.

“Oi! Morning. What’s that?” He jogs over to you and with ease takes the carton box in one hand, opens the lid with his free hand. When he sees what’s inside he smiles a pretty toothy smile. “Should’ve told me to help you.”

“Are you saying it because you genuinely wanted to help me or because it’s plum pickles?” He grins at you and you gasp, theatrically and too loud, wanting to sound offended. “Can’t believe you, Haitani.”

Inside the house it smells like fresh steamed rice, miso soup and sour pickled vegetables. Once you greet Haitani’s grandma who’s busy preparing breakfast in the kitchen, you offer to help her, but she shoo you and Rindou away, promising that she’s almost done anyway. Instead she asks you to prepare the table and begs Rindou to go shower and wake his brother up. “That boy. He does sleep a lot and you start thinking something is wrong with him. He is like a bear our Ran.”

“A bear that is built like a stick. Don’t know where all that food he eats goes to.” It’s Haitani’s grandpa and you turn around to bow at him. “He is quite handsome, our Ran, hm. Right, little bird?”

There’s this awful embarrassment inside your chest that ignites a fire and you look at the ground, hiding your confused torn face from everyone’s peculiar eyes. You furrow your eyebrows and pinch the skin of your arm to focus and come up with some good comeback. Something smart that won’t give you away because oh god of course you think Ran is handsome. You aren’t blind to think he is not.

Just when you raise your head there’s loud footsteps coming from the stairs. It’s Ran. He is shirtless and his long hair is messy and loose, eyes barely open. He is wearing an identical to Rindou’s black sports shorts that look twice bigger than his actual needed size. Maybe they are just wide fit. You don’t really know. It doesn't really matter, does it?

“Why do you have to be so loud? It’s literally what… eight in the morning?” He rasps, yawning.

“It’s well past eight, Ran. Go get yourself ready and look presentable. We have a guest over.”

“Yes, grandma.”

You think he didn’t hear anything and return to your task of placing a hot pot with miso soup on the table. But he did and he makes sure you know that as he brushes past you and whispers. “So?”

“So what?”

“Do I look good or not? You haven’t answered, because I saved your ass from embarrassment.”

“And?”

“And now it’s your payback. Do I or do I not?”

He doesn’t get the answer that morning. Only a scowl and a roll of your pretty eyes.

Hours later however when you are waiting for Rindou who forgot his backpack as you were going to meet up with your school friend at Ogaya Shibazakura Park to have a picnic and enjoy beautiful pink moss, Ran asks you again. He's impatient and if you knew him any less you’d think he is worried what you might answer.

For the first time since you’ve met all those years ago Ran looks boyish and uncertain. It kills you, because it looks like he is in pain. Like he is hurting as he expects you to say something.

In the end you give up. You say that yes, he is handsome, but then…

Whatever else you wanted to say was never heard. Ran finds your hand and intertwining your fingers with his brings you closer. He searches your face for any reason why he shouldn’t, why it’s wrong or why it might hurt you and why you might not want him or anything, anything that would halt him and play as if he never wanted to kiss you. But he doesn’t see any of these, only your nervous eyes and so he leans in and kisses you, slipping his tongue inside your parted mouth.

There’s nothing gentle in your first ever kiss. It’s sloppy and messy and it bleeds the prettiest raw adoration you have for each other.

You drown in Ran and he lets you for a very long time.

When Rindou comes running you both sit on the pavement and he notices how unusually calm it is around here. As if the whole world was separated by the thin invisible glass while he wasn’t there.

He isn’t sure where he stands. With you on the other side or with the rest of the world.

Ⅹ. After that day Ran kisses you every chance he gets.

He is shameless about it and he doesn’t care if someone walks in on you. He kisses you in his house when no one is in sight and he kisses you in your house when he slips inside your bedroom while everyone else is busy preparing dinner or talking.

He kisses you on your walks when Rindou says he needs to use the toilet or when Rindou is swimming in the river chatting up your friends so he isn’t paying any attention to you two. He kisses you late at night when you hike the mountain and you two not so accidentally get separated from your other friends and Rindou.

He kisses you when he sneaks out of his house to come see you because that particular day he hasn't kissed you yet and he desperately needs to feel your soft lips on his, unless he wants to deal with the dull pain in his bones.

He kisses you and kisses you and one day he is unable to stop. You sit in the tatami room where many summers ago he comforted you as best as a twelve years old could. And now you sit on his lap and his large delicate hands caress your body. You can’t believe he killed someone with these tender lovely hands that arouse goosebumps all over your skin. The thoughts don't stay for long because soon enough Ran kisses under your jaw and then he bites your neck, sucking too harshly you yelp. He licks the bite as a lame sorry you don’t really believe in.

It’s when his hands slip under your t-shirt and he yanks it off you, you put your hands on his shoulders, stopping him.

Everything feels too much. Everything feels too good. Too bright. Too intense. You are burning in his hands. “Ran, I don’t think we should. They can be back any time now.”

He lifts his hand from your waist then and cradles your face in them, bringing you closer to him. His forehead falls on yours and it’s only now that you notice how fast his breathing is. He licks his lips pecking you twice or thrice or maybe more times, you don’t count. You can’t count. “I think… I believe… You know when you fight the adrenaline is kicking in and you go all crazy. Every move is mechanical.”

You have no idea what he is talking about, but you hum, wanting him to continue.

“With you it’s worse. Ten times worse than in a fight. I get so violent when I am with you. I can’t fucking help it. I think I am…”

You swallow his words with a kiss. Year younger than him you know better than letting him admit that he is in love with you. For both of your sakes. Still your heart hurts and tears emerge in your eyes. Ran kisses them off your face. He doesn’t know why you are crying and he doesn’t want to. He’d hate himself if he knew he was the reason.

So you kiss him and while you do you slip your hands to your back taking your bra off.

After all, you too, are weak before him.

Ⅺ. It’s late. The summer of 2004 is almost over. Three more days and they’ll be back in Tokyo. Until next summer. Or maybe until forever.

It does feel like their last summer in Nishiawakura-son.

Ran smokes the Seven Stars he brought with himself all the way from Tokyo. He isn’t a smoker really. The occasional cigarette is put between his teeth only at parties or in good company. It’s his first time smoking alone and he isn’t sure it does feel good, but it numbs him enough to smoke just one more and the last one until there’s nothing left in the package.

That’s how Rindou finds him outside of their old family house in the small forgotten village. With a lit cigarette in his mouth, shirtless, looking at the small yellow dancing dots.

“Do you remember when you were afraid of fireflies?” Ran asks, taking a puff. The cigarette smells awful. Bitter. “You used to pee yourself, you were so afraid of them.”

“That's cause your mean ass told me it was spirits.”

“Maybe they actually are.”

“Oh come on, Ran. Don’t!”

“Are you still afraid?”

“Absolutely not. You just sound stupid.”

Ran side eyes his younger brother and Rindou elbows him between his ribs. They both laugh and for a good minute it’s the only sound around there. Everything in this village does seem dead until you are the reason to bring life to it. It’s like a domino effect. You do something and your doing provokes a chain reaction.

“So you two are…” Starts Rindou, kicking the dirt under his flip flop.

“Yes.”

“You don’t know what I wanted to say.”

“I do.”

“No you fucking don’t.”

Ran smiles sweetly at his brother. His first favourite person on this Earth. “Okay then. Ask.”

“So you two are together?”

“That’s exactly what I thought you wanted to ask, Rin. And yes we are, but I haven’t asked her out, cause it’s obvious that we are together.”

“How is it obvious? I only knew something was going on because I know you and I know her.”

“It’s obvious because we kiss, we make l… we fuck and we do all shit people who are together are doing.”

Despite his best judgement Rindou grins. “Make love, Ran? Really? Where?”

“In our room, her room, tatami room. Shrine.”

“Disgusting. I am sorry I asked.”

“You are excused.”

Silence falls over them again. This time longer. Ran finishes his cigarette and takes the pack to the steel garbage can a few metres away. He comes back and stands near Rindou. The street lamp provides them with enough illumination to see their surroundings and still be able to see stars. It’s beautiful here, they both think. It’s like you are at the end of the world, they know.

“Wanna know what I am thinking, Ran?” Rindou speaks first again. The curse of little brother to start all conversations. “Next summer she should come to Tokyo. She should come and stay there with us. You should ask her to. Have you ever asked her what she’s gonna do when she finishes school?”

“No.”

“Really? Do you just bang all the time?”

“Pretty much. She’s got nice…”

“Absolutely not.”

They both laugh. The night gets chilly the way it does only in mountains before dawn and so they return home.

Before Ran falls asleep he promises himself to speak with you first thing next - or rather this - day. He believes you have something special and he knows he isn’t the best person to transform his feelings into words he still wants to try. For you. For him. He closes his eyes. Bitter taste of Seven Stars dissolving on his tongue.

Summer 2004 in Nishiawakura-son was good. Everyone was happy.

Everyone was hopeful.

#this is so sweet !!!!! :(((((#— tokrev ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

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