Why

Why do I feel like offing myself. Why am I like this. Why don't I know how to have sex? What is wrong with me. It's like I was programmed only to please my ex and then I don't know anything else?? I feel like even virgins can learn quicker than me ?? WHAT THE DUCK IS WRONG WITH ME. WHY IS J ALSO LIKE THIS OH MY GUCKING GOD

What am I gonna do.

Oh my god

I can't believe this oh my god I. Feel like shit but also so fucking weird

I. Love him, his fiancwnis such a good person oh my fucking god. He was such a good friend and I'm so thankful but also oh my god she knows and shebshoukd know she deserves better oh my god she called me out for wanting to fuck him and I don't even remember what I said

OH NOT GOD

Oh my fucking god

Oh MY FYCKING GOD I

Oh MY FUCKINNG GOD FUCK DUCK DUCK FCUK

I. Don't even knowbwhats happening now

I don't even know what this means. He said he loves me yesterday and then today I was a fucking mess and he took care of me whic 2as great but also he took to to dinner with his fiance. O H MY FUCKING GOD. I JUST HAD DINNER WITH HIS FIANCE WHAT THE DUCK WHY THE DUCK IS SHE SYCH A GOOD FUCKING FUNNY PERSON. FUCK. DO I KIKE HER ??? WHAT THE DUCK IS GOING ON.

Oh my god whereby this going with him oh my god

Why

What. Where when

And again WHY THE FUCK.

I was called a boy today for the first time

Idk why it's stuck with me. What this means. I'm also talking to a ftm guy and I really like them but it's also making me confused about my sexuality? Am I being teansphobic or just trying to figure myself out? They don't seem to think I'm being transphobic???

ANYWAYS yeah so this girl was mad annoying for a bit bc she like overanalyze what I was saying and tried it call me out for being "transphobic" bc I'm "only seeing people as their parts" but like ummm..... YEAHHH IT'S CALLED PREFERENCES. Like idc if you're a guy, girl or none. If you have a fuck I will only have sex with you, I don't want a romantic relationship and if you have a fucking vagina, I don't care if you're a guy girl or neither or both.... I will like you.

Anyways part two. She got me confused and frustrated but then she was like "I'm gonna go wall my boy to the train" and she was talking about me and I got excited ??? Like I told her I'm like "I've never been called someone's boy before but I kinda like it ???" And she was like "well yeah I mean like b o i" and I'm like "whatever"

Idk what my gender is.

Idk what my sexuality is.

The only thing I know is I enjoy people with vaginas and boobs long term but only enjoy people with penises for hook ups. If if someone thinks that's transphobic because that's just my preference. I'm allowed to have sexual preferences. I am valid. I'm fucking valid.

I feel so fucking anxious. I'm supposed to meet up with H today for 100 dollars out of the 150 that R & H owe me. I'm in W Ave Bathroom and I just came to use the bathroom and then get ready to go but I'm anxious, my palms are sweaty and I think I'm dizzy bc I haven't been eating very well. I haven't eaten anything yet today. Idk idk I hust. I feel like I'm gonna die ??? I feel like some shots gonna go down today and idk what to do but I'm scared and I don't wanna be. What the fuck is happening. Why am I so fucking anxious. This is so dumb. They're so fucking dumb. They fucking expect me to just be like okay to when she tells me. SHE TELLS ME that I'm getting less, she's not even talking to me or asking me. She's telling me what I'm gonna take as if I'm her fucking child. Does everyone think that they can just take advantage of me and switch up bc I'm nice. What the fuck do I have to do to prove to people that I should not be fucking messed with. I am not some fucking little girl that you can just mistreat and treat however you want and she'll always be fucking nice

JFC. I want my money. I want my fucking money.

I just had to use pepper spray on my fucking mom because she wouldn't stop fucking trying to attack me. An argument that originally started bc she was mad I was watching the MTV awards and then Catfish

I fucked someone while listening to my ex's favorite band and it's one of the most savage things I've ever done I wish she knew lol She'd turn in her fucking grave 😂

YOOOO OKAY MY EX GOT A TATTOO THAT SAYS "weak messages crest bad situations" LIKE oH mY gOd WEAK MESSAGES ???? 😂😂😂 YOU MEAN LIKE THE WEAK ASS FUCKING MESSAGES THAT YOU'D FUCKING SEND ME WHENEVER I TRIED TO ACTUALLY FIX THINGS WITH YOU ?!?!?! LOL YOUR MESSAGES CREATE BAD SITUATIONS OMFG I BET YOU DON'T EVEN FUCKING REALIZE BITCH LOL she's fucking dense

I'll always think of you at 3:04

I got high today and hung out with a pretty girl. We spent the night in the north end and she told me a lot of personal things and she did coke in front of me. It was fucking wild. I was offered coke. I didn't do it bc it didn't feel right at the time but I kinda regret not taking idk. She showed me nudes and pictures of her lovers and videos of her fucking guys. I kinda wanna start a collection of my own like the one that she has. I want to take pictures of myself getting fucked too. It looked so cool. She also webcam and sells her videos ??? And sells the videos of her fucking people without them. Holy fuck I got high like two or three times.

Why did I just spend the whole night dreaming of you? You were so terrible to me Am I still in love Does this mean our paths are going to cross again soon? What the fuck does this mean Fuck

I want to kill myself

I really want to Everything is crumbling and just falling down around me

My ex posted about being in love with me but also posted about hanging out with a cute boy and I'm just like wow Even now, after months, you're still fucking me over. You purposely watched my story so if check your Instagram where you posted about loving me and shit and you added your Tumblr to your bio. Obviously you did this on fucking purpose. I wanted to find your Tumblr I'm not gonna lie but I didn't expect you to be posting about another guy and posting nudes and shit. I don't know My mind is racing. I'm thinking about you I'm thinking about him Im thinking about my mom I just can't My thoughts are fucking racing

Was I sexually assaulted last night? Idk if that counts but at the same time what he did reminds me of law and order svu and I feel like I'm just telling myself it fidnt count to not feal with it Idk idk idk idk idk Fuck I'm shaking Idk what to do.

This was a fucking mistake I haven't even spent 24 hours with this woman and she's driving me fucking insane This was not a good idea This was not a smart fucking move and she will literally not stop talking like what the actual fuck Now she's talking about if we could go to a family therapist and how she's willing to do that but like we had THREE DIFFERENT IN HOME THWRAPY TEAMS TO HELP WITH FAMILY AFFAIRS AND SHIT AND NOW SHES GOING OFF ON ME

Cats are beautiful.

Kill me kill me kill me IM HAVING A DUCKING ANXIETYY FUCKING ATTACK FUCK MY FUCKING LIFE I GOT DRIVEN OVER HERE FOR THE HEALTH CARD AND I WENT TO WALGREENS BC THEY SAID THAT MY PRESCRIPTION WOULD BE READY AROUND THIS TIME SK I FIGURED ID CHECK IT OUT AND THEN THEY SAY FUCKING TOMORROW I WAS LEGIT ABOUT TO FUCKING BLOW UP AND THEN M AND K FUCKING WALK IN AND CATXH ME THERE AND START QUESTIONING ME AND RUSHINT ME LIKE OH MY FUCKINT GOD LIKE YOU OFFERED TO HELP ME AND I HATE FUCKING GETTING RUSHED LIKE OH MY FUCKING GOD FUCK YOU FOR AAYING YOUD HELP AND NOW YOU KEEP FUCJINT ROLLLING YOUR EYEA AND RUSHING ME LIKE DUDE I HAVE FUCKINT ANXIETY ITS NOT MY FUCKING FAULT THAT EVWEYTHING IS FUCKING SO FUXKING SIFFICULT MY FUCKINT JOB HAS TAKEN OVER MY FUCKING LIFE FUCK I HATE IT I CANT PLAN ANYTHING FUN OR EVEN AN ERRAND BECAUSE IM ALWAYS FUCKING QORKING FUCK THIS JOB FUCK THIS FUCK ADULT LIFE I FUCKING HATE IT I TAKE ONE STEP FORQARD AND THREE STEPS BQCK LIKE OH MY FUCKING GOS NOW THIS FUCKING LADY IS FUCKING SEEING ANOTHER GUY FOR THE INSURANCE IM AHOUR TO DCREAM I WANT TO FUCKING AFREAM FUCK THIS FUCK FUCK I QANT TO CRY SCREAM ABD FUCKINF CUT EVERUHTING WVWRYQHRRE FUCK

Today is the first day of spring, I left work and am not going tomorrow I will probably be fired and or quit BUT I need rest BC I have a bad untreated UTI and I think I'm getting sick I also went to Mrs. G and she put me on a month long waiting list for help and she told me to focus on jobs and that they're going to help me and to focus on working because in the next six months I will be going to school and I'm like WHAT Idk My life is fucking crazy I met Mrs. G while at P. Square and it's just like WOAH I would've never been in this position if things hadn't happened the exact way that they're happening in with the exception of my ex Idk, I'm not checking up on her. I'm trying to keep myself sane.