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dj-ts · 1 year

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AHHHHHHH OUR BABY IS FINALLY HERE IM SO EXCITED!!! working with @reasonsmandy was such a treasure i loved every second and i hope you can tell that from reading!!!

Love Me Again

Warren Rojas x Fem!Reader

Part 2 of: Love Alone || Collab with: @dj-ts

Summary: They say nothing heals like time, but what do we do when that time is not enough to deal with your wounds? What do we do when we are not talking about a wound but a mark, a scar that was shaped by passion, desire and love? You thought that time would make you forget him, but there are things that are impossible to erase. And Warren Rojas, for sure, was one of those.

Warnings: Nothing too drastic, read on and find out. (I believe that anything I put here will be a spoiler)

Word count: 8.5k

🥁 Warren's masterlist

a/n: I was so excited for you guys to read this, I really hope you like it. Special thanks to @dj-ts who wrote this masterpiece with me, thank you so much 🫶🏾. And as always, good reading.

The hours passed slowly, you were almost being devoured by the anxiety that was growing in your chest, you watched the clock on the wall anxiously waiting and waiting in frustration. Your foot couldn't stop tapping against the floor, your hands were sweating and your heart was beating so fast it could leap out of your chest at any moment.

You couldn't wait any longer, and gathering all the courage that was left in you, you got up. Without further ado, you put everything you needed in your bag and decide to walk to Camila's house, if you held that secret any longer you could explode for sure.

The way there, despite not being so long, seemed to take forever. You felt a huge tightness in your chest that wouldn't go away for nothing, you were scared... Very scared. You weren't expecting any of this, everything was going as smoothly as planned, the band had released a song that had blown up all over the country, the label had taken them back and Warren looked happier than ever, you loved seeing him like this and you had no idea what this news would do... How it would be received or how you yourself would deal with it.

You take a deep breath staring at your best friend's door, hoping she would be there to help you. You knock on the door, staring at your feet trying to regulate your breathing, you can hear someone's footsteps approaching and soon the doorknob turns opening the door. As soon as you see the brunette the tears you refused to let out, invade your face.

"Y/N darling, what are you doing here so early?" Camila had her hair tied up in a bun, Julia was sleeping peacefully in a crib behind her, she still hadn't looked at you and when she did and saw tears in your eyes, her eyes widened. "Baby what's going on? Come in."

The woman sits you down on the couch in the living room, crouching down in front of you, waiting for you to calm down. She caresses your knees trying to comfort you, trying to understand what had happened.

"Y/N I don't mean to rush you, but you're scaring me." She whispers after a few minutes.

"I'm pregnant Cami." You say and she sighs, in fact it wasn't something she expected.

Camila leaving the floor sits beside you, hugging you tightly, you stayed like that for a long time until you calmed down. She breaks the hug, looking deep into your eyes. She was scared but she knew her feelings didn't compare to yours, there was something different between her situation with Billy and yours with Warren.

Deep down she knew that she and Billy would make it work, she had confidence in their love and in what they had been building for so many years. But between you and Warren everything seemed so uncertain, at least from Camila's point of view, your relationship seemed to be sustained on the sands of a beach prone to strangely unpredictable tides.

And with that in mind, Camila feared what this child could mean, and not only for them on this journey of being parents, but also how this child would deal with this constant instability in their lives.

"And what do you want to do?" She takes your hands, trying to reassure you. "I'm here to help you with any decision."

"I want to keep it." You couldn't stop crying, tears fell down your face involuntarily. "But I'm so scared of what he would think… We never talked about this before."

You feel a lump forming in your throat as you realize the magnitude of the situation. What if Warren doesn't want the baby? What if he leaves you? You had always been so sure of your feelings towards him, but now everything feels uncertain.

You take a deep breath and try to shake off the thoughts that have been haunting you for so long. The gaps in your relationship with Warren seem to be widening with each passing day. It's as if you're standing on the edge of a precipice, staring down at the dark unknown below, and you can't help but wonder if you're about to lose the love of your life.

Those memories of unrequited love come flooding back, reminding you of all the moments that still haunt you to this day. You remember the way he never said he loved you back, or the way he always pushed you away when things got too close. You can't help but wonder if he'll react the same way to this unexpected news, and the thought alone sends shivers down your spine.

You asked Camila for some time to think, you said that you would stay there in the backyard smoking alone and obviously your friend did not invade your space, making it clear that if you needed it, just call.

As you watched the sky, the tightness in your chest increased, you were in front of something so unknown that it scared you, nothing in your moment brought you a firmament, quite the contrary. But at the same time that the tide of insecure thoughts was taking over you, a breach of warm and crystalline waters showed you a little bit of hope.

You would hear Julia's laughter at one time or another, and when you took your eyes to them you could see the little girl laughing and playing with her mother's hair, your heart racing at the thought of your future child, what would it be like to be a mother? What would the face of your great love's creation look like? You thought of the way your baby's hair could be curled like his father's, the thought of having a child like him filled your heart with joy.

You were afraid, but fear was not enough to quell your longing for this baby, the longing you had for a family by Warren's side. You imagined the way he could be a great father, how he would teach the child to play the drums with the greatest pride in the world, how he would be proud of every achievement of the baby. You knew Warren, he was the most eccentric person you knew and you had no other image of him as a father.

After spending a few hours with Camila, you feel a sense of calm wash over you. She tells you about her own experiences with motherhood and how it has changed her life for the better. As you prepare to leave, you feel ready to face Warren and share the news with him, even though the little voice inside your head told you that something was going to change and not in a good way.

As you walk back home to Laurel Canyon, your mind races with excitement and anticipation. You can't wait to tell Warren and start planning your future together as a family. You tried to ignore the butterflies in your stomach that showed your anxiety, but the more you ignored the more they flew and messed with your cognition.

Despite these doubts, you push them away, determined to believe that everything will work out. But little did you know that the night ahead would be one of the most challenging of your life, and that your hopes and dreams for the future would soon come crashing down.

And every time you visited the memories of that day you regretted not listening to that little voice.

…

One year later

Eddie Roundtree: After she left… Warren was different.

Karen Sirko: He was out of control, at least.

Camila Dunne: I still kept in touch with Y/N for sure! She was my best friend and it wasn't a stupid move by Warren that was going to keep me away from her. But if I'm honest with you he had become someone else when she was gone.

Interviewer: Did you tell him what she told you?

Camila Dunne: *sighs* She asked me not to, I was not in my place to say anything.

Warren Rojas: When she left I... I didn't know what to do, I thought that I would finally have my freedom and that now I could live without owing anyone anything. But her absence left me with more withdrawal than any addict.

Your absence was something nothing and no one could prepare Warren for, he didn't know that losing the woman who was always by his side was going to be so agonizing and torturous, he pretended not to miss you. He hid the frustration that built in his chest every day he woke up and didn't feel you next to him in bed, he tried to ignore the tears that formed every time he remembered the nights you spent hours talking so he could help you with your sleeping problems, he tried to fill the void that your absence left in his chest in all the simple moments of his day, but it was all in vain.

He had lost count of how many women he had been with trying to forget you, imagining that would be what would fill the infinite abyss in his chest. He imagined your lips in place of hers, your hands running through the curly strands of his hair, he imagined your hands providing him that pleasure, nothing compared to having you actually there. Nothing worked, he tried all kinds of things but everyday when he woke up the feeling was still there, like it was taking your place.

As Warren tried to move on from the pain of losing you, he found himself drawn to other women, hoping to fill the void that had been left in his heart. But with every date, every kiss, every attempt at starting something new, he couldn't help but feel like he was betraying the memory of the one person who truly understood him. The only person who made him feel that way, nothing else fit the void you left.

Even though you were no longer together, his heart still belonged to you, and he couldn't shake the feeling that he had made a terrible mistake in letting you go.

It wasn't until you were gone that he realized how much he truly loved you, and now he was left with the regret of his actions and the painful realization that he may never find someone who could fill the void you left behind.

He was laying in bed, the soft sheets crumpled beneath him as he stared up at the ceiling, willing the tears to stop flowing down his face. But the memories of you were too vivid, too overwhelming. He could almost feel the warmth of your body next to his, the way your hand would intertwine with his in the darkness.

He could hear the sound of your laughter echoing in the room, as fresh and joyous as the first time he heard it, he could picture perfectly the way you whimpered under his touch every night when he was making you his, that room held all the most intimate and cherished moments between you two and although he knew that being there was like poke his wound he couldn't leave it behind the only thing that held you - or the memories of you at least - with him.

He remembered the way you would always eat breakfast in the morning together, the smell of the brewing beans filling the room and chasing away the last remnants of sleep. And now, as he lay there alone, he realized that he would never experience those moments again. The pain was like a knife twisting in his chest, sharp and unrelenting, and he needed it to stop. He needed to feel you again, holding you close to him again.

He didn't sleep that night, the cool air from the open window seeping into his bones as he tossed and turned. Despite trying to quiet his thoughts, he couldn't get rid of the image of what he missed so much: a life by your side. A few months after you left, he began to notice that none of the things he achieved or wanted to enjoy were as fun without you there. Little by little, when all the adrenaline from the drugs and shows passed, he felt that tightness in his chest again. And as the months went by, he realized that you were indeed the woman he loved, that he wanted to be close to, that he wanted to call his own and that he wanted to be... And he had let you go.

As soon as he noticed the morning taking over the sky, he got up. The hardwood floors creaked under his feet as he made his way to the kitchen, where the smell of freshly brewed coffee and sizzling bacon lingered in the air. Rojas didn't talk to anyone as he walked through the kitchen, his friends probably noticing the brooding look on his face. He didn't take long to grab the keys to his van and head to Billy and Camila's house. He couldn't do it anymore... He needed to have you back.

As he drove through the streets, he watched the city waking up, the stores opening, people leaving their homes to go to their jobs, families taking their children to school, seniors walking their pets. The world around him was alive and moving forward, but he felt stuck in the past, as if with your departure a pause had held him back in that moment where he was crying, sitting on your bed, staring at your empty closet. The sun was just starting to peek over the horizon, casting a warm glow over everything it touched, but to Rojas, the world was gray and lifeless without you by his side.

Warren knocked desperately on the door without stopping, he didn't think that maybe he could wake up Julia or Billy and Camila, he just urgently needed that address, he needed to know where you were.

"Jeez, I'm going!" He heard Camila's weak voice on the other side of the wooden object.

She opens the door with Julia in her lap, she frowns, wondering why the drummer is at her door so early.

"Warren?" She was interrupted by the drummer entering the house, and as soon as he passed she closed the door. "Is everything okay?"

"No Cami." He answers her in spanish, turning to her with tears in his eyes. "I don't know what to do…"

Camila leaves Júlia in the crib she had in the living room, inviting Warren to sit with her on the couch.

"What's going on?" She asks, concerned in her eyes.

"I need to see her, Cami." Warren looked exhausted, as if all of his energy had drained out of his body. "I can't fucking sleep, I can't eat, I can't do anything without her! I can't stand being away from her anymore…"

"Warren…" She feels her heart ache, he looked really messed up. "You really fucked up."

"I know Cami, I know that I was a fucking asshole and you have no idea how much I regret it." He ran his hands through his hair in frustration.

"She's fine Warren, I don't want you to hurt her again." Camila says sincerely.

"Camila I don't know how to live without her." Warren had tears in his eyes. "Believe me I tried, but every time I tried to be with someone else... I don't know, it felt wrong, like I was cheating on her."

"And why did it take you so long to realize that?" Camila had a calm voice, as if trying to understand if what he said was true.

"Because I'm an idiot, I didn't realize how important she is to me until she left." He confesses, trying to organize the thoughts that have been plaguing him. "I miss her, every detail... The way she loved to talk me to sleep, the way I could tell her about anything she would make it sound interesting, the way she smiled every time I called her doll… I miss the way she would call my name while I-"

Camila stops him. "Okay okay, no need so many details."

"What I mean to say is that I'm empty without her, I can't keep going without her Cami." He played nervously with the rings on his hands.

"I can't Warren, I'm sorry." The brunette said, avoiding looking at him. "It is complicated…"

"I know it's complicated! I'm living this complicated moment since the love of my fucking life left me." Warren exploded in frustration. "Come on Cami, don't you love Billy?" Camila nods slowly, trying to understand what he means. "Then you know what I'm talking about, she's the air I breathe, and you're the only one who can help me."

"Look, she's not the same anymore… Do you understand that?" With every word she said, Warren grew more confused. "I mean that she isn't under the same circumstances as a year ago, she's not alone Warren. And you should know that entering her life again means risking a lot for her."

Warren feels his chest tighten, what he feared maybe was happening, you got over it and were happy without him. He loved seeing that beautiful smile on your face, but he knew he wasn't ready to not be the reason for that smile.

"You mean that…" He doesn't find the courage to say what he was thinking. "Look, I just need to talk to her, and for once be honest about everything. Please Cami."

"I swear to God Warren if you do anything to her, I'll fucking kill you!" She gives him the address. "Please, don't fuck this up"

…

20 minutes later

You struggled to keep your eyes open, your daughter hadn't let you sleep all night, she was a little sick and was demanding a lot from you. So, after spending a sleepless night next to her, you had just put the baby to sleep when a knock on the door filled the house with noise.

“Fuck, shut up, shut up, shut up,” you muttered to yourself hoping that your baby wouldn’t wake up because of the sound. Once you were down the stairs you said “Coming!” in hopes that whoever it was wouldn’t knock again.

Then you opened the door. Never expecting what your eyes would find, Warren was there looking as tired as you, but probably for different reasons. His hands were in his pockets and he was rocking back and forth nervously, you had imagined this moment many times before but experiencing it was a completely different thing.

For some reason you believed your eyes were deceiving you somehow, you stared at that face you've admired so many times before with curiosity and at the same time reluctance. He opens his mouth to say something but you cut him off.

“Warren?” you asked breathless.

He looked at you with his big puppy eyes, he was a little out of breath from the rush of it all, the nervousness of the whole situation, the rush of going to Camila's house to get here to see you without even processing the information taking over him, now that he finally stopped to breathe.

You hadn’t seen him in a year but he looked the same, the characteristic mustache on his face accentuated his beauty, the curls fell over his face in a relaxed way just as you remembered. He looked like the Warren you loved way back when, the man that made your heart beat faster, the love of your life.

“What are you doing here—” you started but were, characteristically, cut off by the ever impatient man standing in front of you.

“I love you,” he stated, his voice unwavering. His eyes were teary and hearing those words that you've waited so long for so many years was like finally breathing after a swim.

Your surprised look was evident, your racing heart was beating so hard that you felt it would jump out of your chest, the emotion was so strong that words would not come out. Should you believe him?

“Warren, I-” You start to say, your voice shaky evident. "I don't know if it's a great time for this conversation."

You try to ignore the tightness that grows in your chest, avoiding looking into his eyes as much as possible, you knew that if you looked a little longer at that paradise you would surrender. You tried to obey your instincts and close the door in his face, close any loophole that would leave an outlet for him to hurt you or hurt your daughter, but something inside you wouldn't allow it.

Warren slowly approaches you, noticing your hands gripping the door tightly, he brings his hand to yours, touching it gently as if he is gradually noticing how far he can go with you. Feeling his touch on you was like an electric shock, a surge of life in a dead body, it was like a guide to what you called and recognized as home.

Your eyes went to his hand over yours, the lump in your throat grew and the urge to cry came, why did everything have to be so intense with him? You wanted to let him in, that much was obvious, but there was so much at stake…you had gotten used to getting along without him.

"Warren, this is not a good time." You repeat, trying to sound more firm in your decision this time.

He smiles a little, averting his gaze downwards. “Y/N, listen to me, Please…"

Before you could say anything, the cry of your baby girl answered for you. She had woken from the commotion downstairs. The declarations of love, the tension… maybe she knew it was her father. Maybe she knew it was time.

You feel your entire body go cold, your legs weaken and your knees tremble threatening to give out. You close your eyes hoping that this is all a nightmare, obviously it wasn't your little one's fault, but it was surprising how she had chosen the worst moment to cry.

Warren glanced up the stairs where the cry came from and looked back at you in utter shock. People always thought him the airhead of the group but you knew just by looking at him that he caught on immediately what was going on. His face was pale, he seemed to be thinking a thousand things at the same time and he was actually thinking, trying to understand if he had heard correctly, but the continuation of the baby's cry leaves no room for any further doubt.

“Wh- Y/n… When Camila said you weren’t alone, I thought she meant… Well, I thought she meant you were dating someone or married or something, I didn’t think… You have a baby?” Warren thought out loud, it was hard to organize his jumbled thoughts.

You squint in frustration, sighing heavily, you feel trapped. “You have one too. We have one.. a baby, I mean” You responded, ripping off the bandaid once and for all.

For minutes his world changes, it was as if everything around him froze and your words constantly reverberated in his mind, a baby... He had a child. "It 's mine?” Warren asked, still choked with the information.

His eyes seemed to sparkle, and you can't help the smile that breaks out on your face, “She’s yours, yes."

He sighs, feeling and processing everything he had just heard, he had a daughter, and he had spent all this time away from her... His chest tightens at the thought of the lost moments, the consequences of his bad choices.

You observe his frustrated expression, trying to decipher what to do from then on, he already knew everything, nothing fairer than letting him meet his daughter, right? Your wounded heart had the tendency to protect your girl from him, not to let her suffer the same way you suffered through her father's attitudes, but she had to make that choice, not you for her.

“Would you like to meet her?” you ask, opening the door slightly.

“I don’t want to intrude, I mean obviously there’s a reason you didn’t tell me,” He whispered, still shocked by the revelation

“Warren, please. She’s your kid, of course you can meet her,” You answered, deliberately ignoring the fact that you didn’t tell him. You open the door wider and let him in. “Her room is just upstairs.”

Warren flashes a grateful smile, as if he knows he's being given a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Stepping on eggshells, he approaches you, entering the house.

You guide him up the stairs, he observes your cozy home, the frames with pictures of you with family members he knew very well, others with friends he had in common with you, others with some people that he didn't know. He stops on a step, looking at a picture of you pregnant, he feels his chest tighten and you just notice him stop out of nowhere, and turns around to understand what happened.

"You look stunning." He says, almost in a whisper.

You look fondly at the image, you never thought to have him looking at it one day. "She didn't want to be born at all, I was about to explode." You say with a laugh, remembering the circumstances in which the photo was taken.

Your belly was huge, you were wearing a flowery dress lying on a sofa, a doll on top of your belly and a genuine smile on your face.

You don't continue the story, you just keep going up the stairs, he accompanies you.

Warren shakily made his way towards you. He was shaking so he grabbed the railing of the stairs, his knuckles going white. You pretended not to notice. Or maybe you just didn’t notice, you had your own nerves to worry about.

Your nerves were a live-wire but you knew it was only an opportunity. You didn’t let him in on the pregnancy, but that didn’t mean he shouldn’t get the choice of being a father to his child. That didn’t mean the baby should grow up without a father entirely. You were wary, of course you were wary, but you had to think for the both of you— rationally.

He had hurt you so much that night, the pain of a broken heart wasn't easy to deal with, and carrying his daughter was a constant reminder of the love that could work. But besides that, your girl had shown you that what you felt for Warren wasn't crazy, that from the beginning back in Pittsburgh things had a purpose because they would lead you here, where you would hold your little girl in your arms for the first time and feel complete.

Giving Warren access to something so protected by you was difficult, you were so afraid of what it would unleash. You stop at her bedroom door, gripping the doorknob with all the strength you have in you, before opening it, you turn to him.

"You know this is a once in a lifetime chance, don't you?" The fear in your eyes was evident, and he understood that. "Please Rojas, don't fuck this up."

He doesn't say anything, and you don't waste any more time, opening the door to the crying baby’s nursery. You didn’t even wait for him to walk in; you went straight to the kid and tried to calm her down. You wanted somewhere to put your arms so Warren couldn’t see you shaking. He wouldn’t have minded but you didn’t care.

You wouldn't let him see you vulnerable, not now.

You nap the little one on your lap and when she finally calms down you notice the man approaching you slowly, as if he didn't know how to deal with this situation. The little girl had her eyes closed, her curly black hair was disheveled, probably due to the nap she just had.

You kiss her forehead, still holding her close to your chest, reassuring the baby in your arms. You take your gaze to the man huddled in the room, indicating with your head for him to approach.

Rojas takes light steps towards you, watching the baby in your lap, feeling his heart racing in his chest. When he finally comes to you and looks at the baby's face he feels complete, she was sleeping peacefully the curls on her head were messy, black strands similar to her father's, her nose was identical to yours and Warren doesn't stop smiling when he notices such a detail, she was the perfect combination of the two of you, the result of what the universe always wanted for you.

“Holy shit,” Warren said, his voice shaky and eyes watery, “She’s so cute. Like little raviolis put together to make a little baby,” he chuckled.

You laughed at that and realized exactly how much you truly missed him. Your laughter fills his ears like a tune from a perfect symphony, he feels the butterflies in his stomach wake up and dance to the effect that someone special is nearby. He's been missing this so much, feeling complete with you by his side.

He takes his gaze to you, it was inevitable, your laughter brought him closer and closer to you. And seeing you laugh while rolling your eyes, he remembered what it was like to feel complete.

“Only you, Warren,” you said, wishing that you could have this with him all the time. You notice his eyes glazed over the baby, and after struggling a lot with the inner voice of wisdom within you, you question. “Do you want to hold her?”

“Is that ok?” he asked in response, his eyes never leaving the little girl.

“Of course it’s ok, silly, she’s your kid,” you reminded him. Carefully, you handed your baby over to her father and watched him melt at the feel of her in his arms. You felt like your knees might give out at the sight of your daughter with him like that— it was just such a tender moment.

“What’s her name?” he asked without looking away from her. You knew every detail of him, you knew he was trying hard not to cry.

The little girl finds the different contact strange, moving in her father's lap, she frowns and you smile with the expressions that this little being was capable of making.

“Liz,” you said. His eyes snapped up to you. "Actually, Elizabeth.” Watching him with her in his arms was an exciting and at the same time triggering scene, you had imagined this moment many times during pregnancy and after her birth, having your thoughts come alive was at least something.

For a while you remained in a soft silence, Warren didn't take his eyes off little Liz as if he memorized every detail of her. You waited for her to sleep, and when she finally did so, you led Rojas to the living room of your house, offering him something to eat.

You felt the silence consume you both, the questions, the anguish, the longing, the yearning all hovered between you as the water boiled for the coffee you made. Warren stared at your every move, your presence was something he wanted so badly he was afraid of doing something to lose it. But silence couldn't remain forever, he waits for you to sit on the couch next to him.

“Doll… Why didn’t you tell me?” He questioned as a tear fell down his cheek.

You sigh, as many times as you thought about this conversation, having it was something else entirely... Everything you thought to say, all the ways you thought to act, slipped from your mind as you looked straight into his eyes.

“The day that I saw you kiss that other girl." You clarify, he nods, embarrassed by the matter. "That was the day I found out, earlier. I couldn’t bring myself to tell you after all I saw."

You thought that after a year it was going to be easier, but the knot that rises in your throat is proof that it wasn't.

Your hands were shaking and when he noticed that he wanted very much to take them in his, to show comfort, but your withdrawal indicated that it was better not.

"We had never talked about kids before, I didn’t know how you’d react. I had just seen the love of my life kissing another woman, I didn't have the courage to tell you. I also didn't want you to think this was my way of keeping you close."

"I would never think that…" he cuts you off, not offended but trying to explain himself somehow.

"But, can you blame me for thinking that Warren?" You laugh wryly, rolling your eyes slightly. "Through all the years we dated you never said you loved me." You shrug, he feels your chest tighten and you continue.

"Of course I didn’t want to do it on my own but I knew I could manage, and I have,” you replied, “I wanted to tell you, I did, but… I don't know, I needed my time.”

“Were you going to tell me?,” he asked, afraid of the answer.

"I was going to, I just didn't know when." You sigh, feeling the surroundings weigh.

There was a beat then— a tension that hung in the air with words both of you wanted to say but only one of you had the courage.

"I know I hurt you a lot." He started to say, your chest tightening as you realized he was going to bring up the subject. "But I would like to redeem myself, I would like to be part of this child's life... Your life."

"She is your daughter, you can certainly be part of her life." You assure him, this certainty brings him comfort, but when he notices that you were not included in that speech, he feels afraid. "I just hope you know that I'm her mother, and that's all, I'm your daughter's mom."

He felt his chest tighten, he knew this was possible, the chances of rejection were high and he was dealing with them now, but it hurt not to have you. It hurts to have failed you so much. He tries to ignore the tears that are reluctant to come out of his eyes, he takes a deep breath, trying not to let his frustrations out on you.

"I love you doll." He says, looking deep into your eyes, the words echo like magic inside you. "And I understand, but I want you to know that I want you as my girlfriend, my wife, my forever."

"Warren, please." Your words came out in a whisper, too many emotions for one day. "Would you mind leaving me alone now? You can come back tomorrow."

He already expected this reaction, and always aiming to respect your space he gets up.

"Of course." You guide him to the door, and before he leaves, he turns around. "I'll be back tomorrow, and I promise you that every day I'll show you that you made a great choice in giving me another chance."

"Have a great night Rojas." You say, closing the door, and as soon as you hear the click of it the tears in your eyes fall. You still loved him, and a lot.

As the door closed, you leaned against it, tears streaming down your face. The weight of the day's emotions crashed over you like a tidal wave, leaving you feeling both relieved and overwhelmed. Part of you wanted to believe Warren's words, to trust that he could change and be the man you had always hoped he would be. But another part of you, the part that had been hurt and betrayed, was hesitant to let him back into your life so easily.

You wiped away your tears, determined to stay strong for your daughter, Liz. She was the most important person in your life now, and you couldn't let your own feelings cloud your judgment. You took a deep breath and walked back into the house upstairs, where Liz was sleeping peacefully in her crib. Gazing at her tiny, innocent face, you knew that everything you did from this point on would be for her.

Over the next few days, Warren kept his promise. He showed up at your doorstep every morning with a bouquet of flowers, a gift for your daughter and a sincere apology. He understood that it would take time to earn back your trust, and he was willing to do whatever it took. Warren didn't just want to be a part of Liz's life; he wanted to be there for you too. He wanted to make things right, to have his family with you.

Slowly, you allowed Warren to become more involved. He spent time with Liz, learning how to change diapers, feed her, and soothe her when she cried. You watched as he held her, his eyes filled with love and tenderness. It warmed your heart to see them together, and you couldn't deny the bond that was forming between them. Watching him become a father was beautiful, he was always willing to learn more and do everything for his daughter, you slowly didn't remember how you had managed all of this without him.

As the days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months, Warren proved himself to be a changed man. He showed up more often at your house, spending the morning with Liz while you got some work done, in the afternoon he helped to organize the house while you took care of the little one, offering to help with chores and cooking. He listened to your concerns and fears, providing a listening ear and words of comfort. Slowly but surely, he was showing himself to be the man you had always wanted him to be.

You never stopped loving him, not even when he broke your heart, the way love works is ironic and funny, you didn't understand and probably never would. From the first time you saw him, you knew your heart was his, and despite your fears about letting him into your life again, it didn't undo the love you had for him. It only made you more cautious, you avoided too much intimacy, you avoided any kind of excessive physical contact, very intimate conversations, you tried to keep him just as the father of your daughter, and that's all.

Warren was your addiction, a potent drug coursing through your veins. Since the age of sixteen, he became your illicit substance, an intoxicating elixir that both exhilarated and devastated you.

Like a drug, he captivated your senses, igniting a fiery craving deep within your soul. His presence was a double-edged sword, a tumultuous blend of euphoria and despair. Just a glimpse of his smile sent waves of ecstasy through you, leaving you craving more, yearning for the high only he could provide.

But with every high came the inevitable crash. The pain of betrayal cut through your heart like a searing withdrawal, leaving you trembling and broken. Yet, even in your shattered state, you couldn't resist the allure of his presence. Like a desperate addict, you found solace in the numbness he brought, an escape from the reality you desperately wished to forget.

You knew you had to protect yourself, to guard your heart from the dangerous allure of his touch. You constructed walls, built barriers around your emotions, and numbed yourself to his effect. Yet, the more you tried to resist, the more his influence seeped into your veins, overpowering your defenses.

His constant presence became a merciless temptation, testing your resolve with every passing day. The longing within you grew stronger, pulling you back into the abyss of emotions you fought so hard to suppress. It was a dangerous dance, a relentless struggle between the desire to indulge and the need to break free.

Just as a drug addict battles against the chains of addiction, you battled against your own yearning for Warren. You knew the pull he had on you was both your downfall and your weakness. And yet, despite the turmoil he caused, you couldn't deny the undeniable truth: you were still madly, deeply in love with him.

…

Liz had already slept for a few hours, the clock said two in the morning and you and Warren shared a grapevine in the living room while talking about anything. Matters go, matters come and soon you're talking about your old relationship and the day he showed up at your door after a year.

"What did you come to do here, huh?" You question, your words scrambled by alcohol.

"Didn't I make it clear that day, doll?" He asks, a smile playing on his lips.

"You said you loved me." You said laughing, and killing the rest of the liquid in your glass. "Don't ever call me a doll again!" You exclaim awkwardly, now that you've processed the sentence he's just said.

He looks down, lying down better in the armchair in front of you, how the fuck could he be so handsome?

"You used to like the nickname." He says, shrugging, instantly regretting it when he sees your withering gaze on him. "I'm sorry, is that... I got used to it, but if it bothers you."

You interrupt him, your senses being stunned by the liquor. "It bothers me precisely because of that, because I fucking love it."

Rojas feels his body surrender, he wanted you so much. "Y/N listen…"

Still under the influence of the drink, or so you prefer to believe, you interrupted him again. “One thing has been on my mind since the day you knocked on that fucking door." You say pointing to the wooden object. The drummer watches you closely “Warren, you came here to tell me you loved me. I need to know that you mean it—”

Warren gets up from where he was sitting, he approaches you, kneeling in front of you to show himself more intimate with you in some way. “I do, of course I do!”

"You know Rojas, I've loved you since I was sixteen years old." You sigh, trying to hold back the tears in your eyes. "When I met you, I knew that I had no escape... My heart was already yours, and I never demanded that you love me the same way, I think I was always very innocent dreaming of the day that you'd finally tell me those words…"

He watched you intently, feeling his heart sink, he let you continue, so you do.

"I never expected you to love me the way I love you." Hearing the words in the present tense he held himself back from smiling, you still loved him. "I just think I hoped you had at least enough affection for me to respect me."

He knew you were talking about that night, he condemned himself so much for his wrong, childish and extremely rash actions. "I guess what I'm trying to say is, I know you've been a wonderful father to her over the last few months, and I know you love her." You settle down on the couch, staring into his eyes after so long, he feels exposed, vulnerable.

"But I've waited a long time to hear this." You say, looking down at your lap you see a drop of water fall and only then do you realize you've been crying. "If you love me, I need you to know how important these words are to me."

He observed you intently, his love for you palpable in his gaze. He had experienced the emptiness that came with your absence, realizing that living without you was an impossible feat. With a tender gesture, he gently brushed away the tears cascading down your cheeks. Helplessly, you found yourself surrendering to his touch, feeling an innate sense of belonging. Perhaps, deep down, that's where you truly belonged.

His eyes, like an infinite abyss, held a captivating allure that enticed you to delve into uncharted territory. Within that unknown realm lay your destiny, your purpose, your frustrations, and your deepest desires. He embodied your destiny, your missing piece, your soul mate. No matter how much you resisted, you always found yourself returning to this very place—where your hands intertwined, where each embrace felt like coming home.

In his eyes, you saw the reflection of a shared journey, a connection that defied logic and surpassed all obstacles. The bond between you two was unbreakable, as if it had been woven into the fabric of the universe itself. With every passing moment, the undeniable truth emerged: you were meant to be together, entwined in a love that transcended time and space.

"I have never loved and will never love anyone the way I love you." Warren slowly approaches you, as if testing limits. "I love you Y/N, and I'm so sorry it took me so long to acknowledge and say that."

His words wash over you like a tsunami, it's not like it made things any easier or took you back to the beginning but it was a relief, feeling like you weren't the only one feeling all of this. He leans closer, holding your face gently, feeling his touch again was relieving.

“Doll, when I came here to tell you I love you. I meant that." You knew this man like the back of your hand, you knew he was telling you the truth. "And Elizabeth is just an extension of both of us, so I love her by default. That sounds oversimplified, I know that," He was nervous, you could feel his cold hands against your cheeks. "My point is: you’re my family. Both of you. I’m ready for this, I promise,” He pleaded. He needed you to understand, and you did. You understood completely.

You smile, unable to contain it, you roll your eyes. "I'm really drunk right now, I'll probably forget about it all tomorrow, so you have a chance to change your mind huh."

Warren rolls his eyes this time, he sits down on the couch, holding your hands this time. "I won't change my mind, I know what I want, I've always wanted you. It 's you, my love."

You take a deep breath, it's all the drink's fault, you repeat a hundred times in your mind.

"I love you Warren Rojas." You confess, he smiles, a sincere smile that conveys relief and pure joy.

"Can I kiss you? Please…" His voice was barely a whisper, he yearned for you, and you for him.

You sit on his lap, wrapping your arms around his neck. He looks at you with longing, curiosity, and need. "You must."

As the weight of your confessions hung in the air, a charged energy enveloped the room. Time seemed to slow down, the world fading into the background as you locked eyes with Warren, your hearts beating in sync.

With a mutual understanding, you eased yourself onto his lap, your bodies aligning as if they were always meant to fit together. Your arms encircled his neck, pulling him closer, while his hands found their place, resting gently on your waist.

In that moment, everything around you ceased to exist. The soft glow of the room seemed to intensify, illuminating the space between you. Anticipation crackled in the air, the weight of unspoken desires making the atmosphere electric.

As your faces drew closer, the warmth of his breath mingled with yours, a tantalizing prelude to the intimacy that awaited. His gaze bore into your soul, his eyes filled with a mixture of longing, curiosity, and an overwhelming need that mirrored your own.

Closing your eyes, you surrendered to the inevitability of the moment, allowing your lips to meet in a delicate collision. It started with a tender brush, a hesitant exploration, testing the waters of this newfound yet known connection. But the sparks ignited, and the kiss deepened, fuelled by a shared hunger and the unspoken promises of a love rekindled.

His lips moved against yours with a fervor that mirrored the intensity of your emotions. It was a dance of passion and tenderness, a symphony of rediscovery and forgiveness. Each touch, each caress, conveyed a multitude of emotions that words could never capture.

Time lost all meaning as the kiss deepened, the world outside fading away. In that singular moment, it was just the two of you, locked in a timeless embrace. The weight of past mistakes dissolved, replaced by the sheer bliss of being in each other's arms once again.

You are interrupted by your little girl crying in the room upstairs, you break away staring at each other for a moment, you can't hold back and start laughing at the situation, hiding your face in his neck. He holds you tenderly, not wanting to let you go.

"Alright tiger, go get your kid." You say patting his shoulder, getting off his lap.

Warren goes upstairs to his daughter's room, he finds the little girl crying propped up in her crib.

"Hello there kitten." He whispers, the little one seems to calm down with the figure of her father, opening her chubby arms towards him. "Wanna get downstairs to mommy?"

The baby hides her face in the crook of her father's neck, which makes him smile as he remembers her mother's act a few seconds ago. He goes with her to the breastfeeding chair with the little one in his lap, and stays there making her sleep.

You notice the man's delay, and decide to go after him, going up the stairs slowly so as not to make too much noise and wake up Liz, who had probably already gone back to sleep. You arrive at the foot of her bedroom door, finding Warren asleep with the little one in his lap, her head resting on her father's chest, he hugged her gently like a treasure.

Your heart melts through the scene, these two were your everything, you never thought you would love someone as much as you loved them. You enter the room, taking the little one in your arm gently, she makes a face threatening to wake up but you calm her down before that, you put her in her crib then turn to Warren.

"Hey pretty boy." You call him out, gently stroking his knee. "Come on, let's go to bed and sleep."

He yawns, opening his eyes slowly, he is startled to not feel Liz in his lap, but you reassure him by pointing to the crib.

You leave the room, letting the door ajar after you leave. You start to head towards your room, but stop when you notice Warren going down the stairs.

"Where are you going?" You question yawning, leaning your body on the stair railing.

"To the couch." He clarifies, You roll your eyes, taking him by the hand and leading him to your room.

"You will sleep in our bed." He smiles and kisses you tenderly, you lie on the bed and talk until you fall asleep.

You took a chance on him then, just as you did when you moved to California. And you never looked back.

...

Hi, I hope you enjoyed it... Just so you guys know my requests are temporarily closed, so I can work on what you guys already asked me and also write the Warren's mini series I'm working on :) xoxo

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Taglist: @lantsovcolors, @quezadaas @boredshit-shadow @jaidaschampagneproblems @warrenrojaswife @94namkooksworld (I couldn't tag you for some reason, send me a dm so we can try to resolve what might have been)

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dj-ts · 1 year

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WHY IS HE SO IYFDKYRKHDDMUGKDTERWRUAMHCYRURHOYDSKNDUOYSTKOURDGIDTEIRFBKHSUTWYLELITFNFISSURKTMHDMOUITEWKTMHJCI7OSURSKYDXMH

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dj-ts · 1 year

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Nikolai Lantsov x inferni!reader : Traitor

It was the same nightmare over and over again. Making her wake up in the middle of the night in tears with heart beating way to fast and ragged breath.

If only it was just a nightmare.

But it was more.

It was a memory.

Flahsback

“Here she is. My favorite Inferni.” Darkling smiled with his brightest smile, greeting Y/N as she entered his chambers.

“General Kirigan” she acknowledged him without any hesitation in the voice, and yet screaming inside. He was nice, too nice and she knew exactly why. He needed something from her. More precisely, he needed her.

While everyone at court were fooled by Kirigan’s charm and well put-on pretenses, Y/N was the only one to see right through him. The king, the queen, all the Grishas…. So silly when confronted with his bright smile and practiced speaking.

If only Nik was here…

But “the puppy prince” left few years prior, leaving her alone to deal with the potential enemy of the state and it hurt like hell. Firstly, because it seemed like Nik never cared about her at all, secondly because all the court and royal family believed her to be insane and mentally impaired the very second she even hinted at Darkling’s intention being dishonest. Y/N knew he was searching for the sun summoner and why was he doing this, but had to keep it a secret. It was like being torn into two opposite direction. She had to protect the royal family and Ravka she swore an oath to and that came with exposing Darkling, but at the same she had to protect herself and that meant getting into general’s good graces to avoid getting hanged for treason. And still protect the Lantsov, even that fool or a price Vasily.

Being some sort of double agent came with a heavy price.

Poor girl.

This was why she was called upon Kirigan every night and walked into his chambers. He always wanted something in return for keeping her secrets. Sometimes he needed her big brain and Inferni skills, sometimes it was .... more .... but it always, always left her with scars.

“Please Y/N. There is no need for formalities here.” He eyed her with those predatory eyes

“Why am I here tonight, general?” Y/N asked, still keeping her head high, back straight and gaze hardened.

“I….” he took a step closer and waved a hand towards the guards dismissively. The men bowed and left immediately “I have needs tonight.”

“Why… why don’t you ask Zoya?” she hissed “she’ll be more than happy to help you with those.”

“Oh, yes, Zoya…. You are not really in the good terms lately, are you?” he smirked, grabbing her hips and pulling her closer. “but then, you are not really anyone’s favorite Grisha, even in your own order, am I right?” his grip became unbearable “do not worry, dear. It’s a fair exchange. You give me that fire of yours and I keep you protected from anyone else” he muttered into her ear and she knew she was trapped for that night.

***

After everything she was left with pure hatred towards herself. She knew this was just a begging since intimacy was the first step. And after he made her a sobbing mess on his mercy, there were more …. practical tasks. Fires, strategies and plans she was always good at making.

But even with her help, Kirigan was slowly slipping. Slowly, yet consistently, and soon enough Grisha started seeing past his charm. Especially when he brought the sun summoner to the little palace. Y/N though herself to be smart enough to warn her about general’s purpose and tried to reach towards Alina.

Sadly, she was not.

And her attempt to warn miss Starkov ended up with the real, physical scars on her back. Those that could never properly heal even with Genya’s help. The tailor was probably the only person in the palace who knew who did this to Y/N, but never said a thing. At least she was a bit of support.

However, the pain coming from the cuts was unbearable and was following her for days.

And so she made a decision to flee and search for Nikolai to bring him back to the country. She escaped during the night and when it was discovered the next morning she was quickly announced the wanted traitor.

***

She found Nikolai a few moments later, by accident, while walking the streets in some small village. She was exhausted and was slowly losing hope for the future when she heard noises coming from around the corner. A man and a woman, Shu, judging by the looks were laughing and bantering with each other and when Y/N raised her bloodshot eyes she saw the person she was so desperately looking for.

“Ni….” she started, but he was faster.

“Leave us.” He commanded his companions and only when they left he came towards her, wrapping arms around her. “Y/N” he whispered, breathing her in but quickly pulling away “you look terrible. And you could definitely use some cleaning.” He smirked “Why are you here?”

“Nik….” She sobbed desperately, tears falling from her eyes like a fountain she could not contain once they started “I….”

“Hey, hey, it’s ok. Sh….” He hugged her tightly against his chest “you can tell me. Although I may have to warn you, no one here, except Tamar and Tolya knows my real identity. I’m Sturmhond.”

“The pirate?” she frowned, looking at him with surprise in the eyes

“Privateer….” He hissed “Now come on, whatever happened to you, you are safe now.”

He took her upon the ship and listened carefully to her story. She told him everything, except for the part how Darkling damaged her. It was not important, the country had to be put first. And it was, since they both created a plan to save it. First, get the sun summoner, secondly get Nik back to his prince-self and third, defeat the Darkling.

***

They were spending too much time together on the Volkvolny. There were to many jokes, silly fights and tension. And soon the crew started making ambiguous allusions to the character of their captain and the Inferni’s relationship. And Y/n soon had enough of it so gathering herself she confronted Nik about it.

“Captain, can I have a word with you?” she entered his cabin, not really caring what the answer would be.

“My favorite Inferni….” Unknowingly he used the same words as Darkling and it made her flinch “missed me that much?”

“With all those comments I hear all the time it feels like you are always with me” she rolled her eyes

“Is that why you are here? Came to make the rumors a reality?”

“Not exactly. I came to remind you I will never….” She never get to finish when with one long stride he was right in front of her, grabbing her waist and connecting their lips. At first she froze, shocked by the unexpected action but when he tried to pull away, she grabbed his shirt and pulled him back to her.

“You were saying….?” He muttered

“Oh, shut up…” Y/N locked her hands around his neck, wanting more and knowing he could give her that. She did not protest when he lifted her and walked her to the bed, laid her gently and slowly started to undress her. Saints, she wanted more and more and more, getting so greedy. “Nik….” Her little moan only spur him on.

“Tell me what you want…” Nikolai’s lips moved onto her neck, hands getting under her coat, caressing the skin on the sides and stomach.

“I want….” She panted and smiled lightly, teasingly “I want you to show me if you are truly as good as you are bragging to be.”

“Hm…” she smirked “not sure if you ready for this, love.”

***

As much as she hated to admit it, he was good. Really, really good and left her fully satisfied when she fell asleep in his loving embrace and woke up in them a couple hours later. Her back to his chest.

“Where did you get those scars?” he muttered kissing along her neck and shoulder, avoiding the damaged skin.

“I…. I don’t really want to talk about it.” She sighed deeply “at least not yet.”

“That sentence just confirmed you see us together in the future. I mean, of course you do, you caught a prince, fireball. A big fish, am I not? ”

“You are unbelievable….” She turned to the other side to face him

“But you love me, don’t you? You admitted that quite a few times …”

“I hate you.” she punched his chest “what time is it? Isn’t your crew going to look for you?”

“Maybe. But those marks I left on you will be enough of the explanation.”

“Marks?” her eyes widened “oh my…..”

“Besides, I am also sure they heard you scream my name.”

“I’m going to kill you, Nik!”

“Come on, it was good, wasn’t it?” he caressed her shoulders “you can admit it, I won’t judge. After all, I am the one who lost his mind for you.”

“You lost your mind when you were a kid, and never found it since.”

“And all of it, because of a certain Inferni which I feel in love with.”

“What….?”

“I’m serious, Y/n.” he looked straight into her eyes “I love you.”

“I love you too, Nik.”

“Great. Now that we got this covered, time to get up and get back to work!”

***

Besides that little unplanned thing, everything went smoothly. Soon, Alina and Mal joined the crusade and they all returned to Ravka happily, ready to stand against Kirigan. Sad part, old rumors did not die and soon, the prince heard about Y/N’s past and about her apparently being a traitor.

End of flashback

She was with Kirigan again. He was too close, causing her so much pain and she could not endure it all. Her skin aching, reddening and bruising. Again and again and again.

And that made her woke up. Sweaty, shaken and terrified, turning around and trying to reach to other side of bed but she found it empty. He was probably in the adherent room, listening to all his advisors and Grisha filling him in on the country situation.

“Nikolai?” she came thought the door and surprisingly found him alone, sitting on the chair, head hung low, running a hand through his hair. “What happened, my love?” in a second she was next to him grabbing his hand and caressing it gently.

“I… I’ve spoken to some people.” He started “about the country.”

“Is it that bad?”

„Were you conspiring with Darkling?” he said suddenly, his voice cold as ice and she could not recall any time in the past he was so indifferent towards her.

“What?” she gasped taking a step back, utterly terrified by that simple question. No,no, no, no. Oh, saint, please no.

“Answer me, Y/N. Were. You. Scheming. With him?” now his tone was angered, he was clenching his teeth to prevent himself from yelling.

“How could you even ask me that?” she stuttered, her heart breaking.

“I have every reason to suspect you have not been loyal. First of them being the fact you never told me about your past here. You were not ready to talk about it, huh? Now it would make sense why you have those marks on your back. This was punishment, wasn’t it?” he stood up, towering over her and suddenly she felt so small, so vulnerable against his rage. How could she ever explain it to him to make him understand?

“Nik…” poor girl trembled, hurt beyond any recognition “you don’t believe the rumors, do… do you?”

“Give me a reason not to.”

“You have no right to judge me! You don’t know what it was like! What is felt like to be forced to do things you don’t want to just to keep yourself alive!”

“Don’t I?” he looked straight into her eyes and that struck her with the force of lightning.

“You…. You really think what they say is true…. You….Oh my god, you think I am a traitor!” she cried and hid face in hands to avoid looking at him. He thought she betrayed the Lanstovs, so how come at this moment it felt like he was the one to do exactly the same to her.

“I’m not accusing you of anything. “I just don’t….” he took a sharp breath and closed his eyes “I don’t want to see you right now. I need to think.“

“Nik….” She cried “Please, you have to listen to me…. It’s not what …..”

“What I have to is for you to leave.”

“Please!” she tried again, reaching for his hand, but he just turned around “Nik, I love you, I was nothing more than loyal, all my life and this is what I get in return?”

“Leave.” he commanded with his price voice

“No.” Y/N was not going to give up so easily

“Don’t make it any harder than it already is.” He warned coldly, but his eyes showed that it was painful for him as well.

“Let’s just talk about it, love, I’m begging you. Darkling, he….”

“I’m sorry Y/N….” his voice broke a bit “you leave me no choice….”

“So what, you are going to call your guards to escort me? Put me under lock and key until you clarify the situation?” she mocked “Don’t bother. I’ll make it easy for you. Might as well save any remnants of dignity I have left. “

“I promise, you will get fair judgment if you cooperate.”

“Fair judgement? How…. How is this fair?” she sobbed “how is this fair that you believed them against me? I….. you know what? Fine. I’ll go.” Y/N angrily wiped away the tears and fixed her pants “You may not have Lantsov blood in your veins, moi tsar, but you surely act like one.” She turned around and walked away with the guards, missing that utterly broken and hurt expression on his face. But he had it coming.

***

He regretted treating her this way the moment she walked thought the door.

He was torn.

He was a king, he was supposed to be firm, unwavering and deliver objective justice by not being biased by personal likings and feelings.

But it was so damn hard.

He loved her, like no one before, with all his heart. Nik had already forgiven her for everything or at least desperately wanted to do so, but King Nikolai had duties, obligations and had to protect Ravka and put it first. He could not tolerate any symptom of not being loyal. Not under the current circumstances.

But she was so broken…. So hurt and scarred. He was the reason tears showed in her eyes and that urge to just run after her, grab her, pull her close and kiss the pain away was overwhelming.

Nik would believe a single word of denial of those allegations coming from her mouth, but king Nikolai needed hard proof.

He had no idea what to do apart from running hands through his hair in despair.

As if that could help

***

“I don’t envy her. First she was used as a Darkling toy, now got into the black books of the prince”

“She should have been more careful. Playing double with Lantsov and Kirigan couldn’t have ended well.”

“But still, in addition to those scars on the back she will have some mental damage. I pity her. Truly.”

“I don’t. She always had too big appetite and ambitions for her own good and…..”

“What are you talking about?” Nikolai peeked through the door, overhearing the guards chattering

“Moi tsar” they both saluted and bowed in respect

“What is this about?” he insisted, demanding explanation “Talk. Now.”

And that was how he learned the other side of the story.

And it left him heartbroken and full of unimaginable amount of guilt.

She was never going to forgive him for treating her this way, but he was ready to beg on his knees just to see even a glimpse of warm feelings from her.

***

While Nikolai was listening to the story and swimming in regret, Y/N was lying on her bed, back to the door, curled up, sobbing and shaking. It was just too much. It felt like she was accused of so many terrible things, since she was 15. First by Lantsovs, then by Kirigan, then by her fellow Grisha (give or take a few exceptions), and now by Nikolai. The last one hurt the most.

He should have believed her, not the gossip.

He should have listened.

He shouldn’t have ask her for explanation of the matter.

He broke her heart with the use of one little word.

Traitor.

How could he think she would ever betray him or his famliy. Even after everything the Lantsov did to her?

She got scars because she never lost hope he will return and put Ravka back together.

She was used, manipulated and laughed at, just because she saw more than anyone else.

And now….

Now he wouldn’t want to see her.

“Y/N…..”

“Genya?” Y/N propped herself on the elbow, meeting with the scarred face of her best friend. “What…. what happened to you?”

“nietchevo’ya……”she whispered looking down onto the floor, hiding her damaged face behind hair

“Oh, Genya!” the Inferni stood up and hugged the tailor, both of the girls started crying even more “I am so, so, so sorry. You did not deserve this. None of us ever deserved this.”

“I….” Genya stuttered “I should have taken your side. Back then….. But I chose to be silent and …..”

“Sh, sh….” Y/N caressed her hair “It’s in the past. We cannot dwell on that. We need to stick together now, that;s the only way….”

“Please, forgive me for everything …..”

“You did nothing wrong, my friend.” Y/n looked her straight into the eyes “you hear me? Nothing. We have to make hard choices sometimes and carry the results with us. But it doesn’t make us bad people. It does not make us monsters.”

“Is that what you truly believe in?” a small, broken male voice came from behind and both girls turned around only to spot Nikolai, with disheveled hair and reddened face.

‘moi tsar” Genya try to bow, but Y/N stopped her from this

“not until the coronation.” He simply stated

“I will leave you two alone….”

“Y/N…” Nik whispered taking a step forward trying to make her back away “I… I don’t even know how to begin expressing …..”

“Why are you here, Nik?” she fixed her gaze on the floor, not ready to look into his eyes

“I know everything now.”

“Which is?” now she raised head, single droplets falling down her cheeks “You know how I got the scars? Did they tell you how I was treated by everyone here? By Darkling? By your mother? By Apparat? Like no one.”

“I know….”

“Did your informer told you I created dozens of plans and strategies in case of any attack from Darling attack on your family and shared them with generals and they called me insane? Did they tell you I was a playtoy? Did you believe them only because you saw Genya damaged in similar way? Did they tell you…..” she broke and fell onto the ground, clutching her heart desperately. It was all coming back and she could not breathe, feeling the panic attack taking over her.

“My love.” In a blink of an eye, Nikolai was next to her, embracing her, hoping she would not push him back. Luckily she clung to him tightly, searching for that safety and protection she always felt in his arms. He messed up. Really bad. And yet she wasn't figthing him. “Saints, I swear I never meant to cause you any harm.”

“I…. I…… I know….. I.... need to tell you the whole truth, you deserve it."

"You don't have to say a single word, darling."

"I want to..... I....." she took a sharp, shaking inhal ready to go on, but was stopped.

“No. Hush. I’m so sorry.” He kissed her head and pulled her closer “I can’t even tell you how, love. I was torn between being your Nikolai and the king everyone wants me to be. Guess I failed at both.”

“No.” she shook her head and slightly moved away, but still staying in his arms “you… did not....”

“I did, my love, if it puts you in such state.”

“No.” she gulped “you, Nik, have the power to make Ravka a better place. To make everything better. I know it. And it comes with hard choices and …..”

“And you should never be one of those. You are my priority and I;m sorry I was blinded.”

“Heavy is the head who wears the crown….” She quoted the poem they used to know and mock as children “guess we only understand the true meaning behind it now.”

“I love you….” he cupped her cheeks and wiped the tears away

“I love you too….”

“Can you forgive me?”

“As long as you promise to never doubt me in the future. And to talk to me if something bothers you. I will never cause you any harm.”

“Guess now you will have to.” He smirked “You’re gonna have to make us even.”

“Idiot.” She rolled her eyes “you are an idiot, moi tsarevich. Here, I just offended the head of the country. Is that enough for you?”

“That’s a start.” He smirked and captured her lips in his, slowly, gently, caressing her scared back at the same time. “I swear to you, everyone who ever hurt you will be punished. I will hit Kirigan with everything I have. And as for my mother.... mother of Ravka" he muttered "I should have known what my family was capable of. I am sorry, my love...."

"Just be better."

"I will do the best I can as long as you are by my side." she nodded" now, come on, we got job to do and I need you with me.”

“Ugh! After a kiss like that I was expecting a bit more of an apology..."

“I solemnly swear to continue once we are done. Is that worth waiting for?”

“Let’s hope you can live up to your promises, prince.”

@bradleyroosterbradshawfr

@hauntedenthusiasttragedy

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dj-ts · 1 year

Text

Love Alone

Warren Rojas x Fem!Reader

Requested by anon: Idk why but I really need some heartbreaking angst for Warren or Eddie rn where it's unrequited love.

Summary: Warren Rojas is the love of your life, and you knew it from the first time you met. But he didn't, he wasn't that sure.

Warnings: A lot angst, I mean it...

Word count: 4.0k

a/n: You asked me for angst and I brought you everything I had hahahahaha. I got carried away on this one and it's a little big... I hope you don't mind. Let me know if you want a second part of this one.

Warren Rojas is the love of your life, and you knew it the first moment you saw each other, it was like something pulled you to him and ever since you saw those brown eyes you never got rid of them, not even If you tried.

You met the drummer in Pittsburgh, when you two were still teenagers, you were always close to Eddie's family and consequently became friends with Chuck, Graham and Warren over time. You weren't part of the band, after all you weren't very good when it came to music, your thing was writing and that's where you entered the Dunne brothers scene, when Billy had some writer's block or something you helped with the lyrics and, it always came out spectacular.

So along with Camila you were the audience for all the rehearsals, you didn't understand anything about the musical part of it. You were happy to deal with just the lyrics when you could. And of course, being able to spend afternoons next to your favorite drummer was always nice.

Gradually you were madly in love with him, and he didn't seem to notice anything. You didn't have the courage to go up to him and confess your feelings, so a few months went by with neither of you talking about it.

Warren knew you liked him, Eddie had mentioned it a few times but he decided not to mix things up, after all he liked how things went between the band and the last thing he wanted was a mess. But as you were growing up, the drummer noticed that you were prettier, more confident about your desires, and little by little you stopped being shy around him.

That night you were celebrating Graham's birthday, everyone was in the backyard of the Dunnes' house, singing, talking and smoking after their mother had gone to bed. Billy was holding Camila's who was in his lap, Graham and Eddie were playing one game you never understood to this day, Chuck was already gone. He was strangely distant the last few days but you guys decided not to worry too much, and Warren was watching the sky while he smoked.

He seemed to have noticed your gaze on him, because he motioned with his cigarette beckoning you to join him, so you did. He took another cigarette from the pack offering it to you, you accepted by putting it in your mouth and asking him to light it.

"You look like your mind is somewhere else War…" You say blowing the smoke to the opposite side.

"Just thinking." He says looking into your eyes, making you a little nervous. "You look gorgeous, doll."

The butterflies in your stomach felt like they were going to fly you away, you watched the curly man trying to maintain your posture but your cheeks flushed giving it away. You look down at the floor, smiling.

"Thanks." You smoke the cigarette, trying to keep calm.

"You always look really gorgeous, actually." You couldn't tell if he was high or not, Warren always had this calm way of talking.

"Well, you don't fall behind one bit." You say taking confidence, two can play this game.

That night you ended up kissing before he dropped you off at home, you could scream with so much joy you felt that night, it was like you were in the clouds. The feel of his lips still vivid in your mind made you sigh so many times that night.

After that day you were still together, you always went behind Chuck's garage in the rehearsal break to enjoy each other, you exchanged glances throughout the rehearsals, he winked at you sometimes making you embarrassed when you saw that he noticed you staring at him. You believed that was the beginning of a wonderful relationship between the two of you, but maybe you were wrong about that.

Chuck had decided to leave the band, he was going to go to college to become a dentist, the thought of it sounded funny but that was his decision there wasn't much you could do.

It had been a few days since they had played their first gig without Chuck, Eddie had switched to bass which was clearly not something he enjoyed, but it had been enough for them to be able to make a good presentation.

Camila had invited you to spend the afternoon with them, which made you notice that these invitations never came from Warren, it was always Camila who requested your presence with them, but you decided to ignore that thought.

You were sitting between Eddie and Warren, Camila was sitting on Billy's lap and Graham was next to them. You ate some snacks in the park while chatting away, some children around were playing with a ball and making noise with the birds.

"Oh by the way, everything ready with the van?" Graham excitedly asks Rojas.

"Yeah, I took it to the mechanic to have a look yesterday." He smiles, wrapping his arm around your waist. "She's ready to go."

You frown, not understanding what the subject was. Everyone seemed excited about something you had no idea what it was, so you asked.

"Ready to go where?" You look at the drummer, who stops smiling.

"You didn't tell her?" Eddie raises questioning eyebrows at the drummer.

"Tell me what?" Your chest tightened, you didn't know what was going on but being left out wasn't the best of things.

Camila dropped her gaze to the floor, she also looked upset about the situation, you couldn't be more confused. An awkward silence took over the place, you felt extremely uncomfortable, an anxiety taking over you.

Billy sighs, looking right at you.

"We're going to LA." His words made the tightness in your chest grow, you tried to pretend that tears weren't starting to well up in your eyes.

"You guys are leaving?" You question, already sure of the answer just wanting not to believe it. "Will you Excuse me..."

You stand up, holding back your urge to cry, walking away from them. Eddie glares at the drummer, and tells him to follow you.

Warren stands up, taking a deep breath, he walks towards you, by this time you were already crying. He sits next to you, you turn your back to him, if he said anything you would probably cry more.

"Look doll, I'm sorry." He says softly, reaching for your hand.

"Are you?" You look at him, he can't look you in the eyes.

"I am, I just forgot to tell you." He says, patting your hands. "I was getting the van ready for the trip, packing my things, I had a lot on my mind, that's all."

"You were leaving without telling me…" You were very upset, but deep down you wanted to believe him so badly.

"Believe me doll, I just forgot." Warren says, pulling you close to him, you don't try to fight the contact you loved having him close.

You stand there in silence for a while, he holds you tighter, giving you time to process everything.

"Why didn't any of them tell me?" You felt forgotten by everyone.

"I was supposed to tell you" he says, letting out a sigh. "Billy was going to talk to Camila and I was going to talk to you since…"

"Since?" You let go of the hug, looking at him with a small smile.

"Well, since we're together."

You can't contain your smile, he smiles to see you looking better, he enjoyed your presence and you were very dear to him. He just didn't know that your feelings for him were more intense than that.

He cups your face in his hands, caressing your cheeks and then kisses you.

"Come with us..." He asks, and you immediately nod your head.

You were madly in love with him, and love makes us do crazy things, including moving to another place without any planning for you. The fact of being away from him was something much worse in your head.

Then you moved to LA a few weeks later, having Camila go with you made everything easier, having her always around was wonderful. A while later Graham invited Karen to join the band and you guys hit it off incredibly well, your little family was growing and your heart filled with joy to be with so many incredible people.

But little by little things started to unravel, the tour of The Six started and you and Camila stayed at home thinking about what could be happening. Neither Billy nor Warren answered your calls and their absence left you both anxious and missing them.

Camila had decided to go after them, you were left to take care of everything, there was something in you that was very afraid of what you would find if you went with her. And when she came back devastated, with her eyes swollen from crying, your heart broke to see her like this and the anxiety of what your boyfriend could be doing also took over you.

You learned that Billy had gone to rehab when the band returned, Eddie was devastated, Graham worried about his brother and Karen didn't show many emotions about it.

But when you saw Warren come back it was like you got air after a swim, like you finally found the missing piece to fill you. He smiles when he sees you in the room, opening his arms to envelop you in a hug.

"My doll!" He says squeezing you tighter into the hug. "How have you been?"

"Missed you so much." You say in the hug, feeling him close was relieving.

"Well, you won't have to miss me anymore." He says tickling you.

Rojas liked you, he loved your company, spending nights talking with you, spending time with you was good. He also loved the connection you two had, he loved kissing you, feeling your skin and well the sex was wonderful too. He had nothing to complain about you, but there was something missing… and he couldn't tell what.

The months until Billy got back from rehab were rough, Camila missed him a lot and being a mother wasn't easy, you tried to help her with what you could Eddie also was always there for her. You all were trying to keep it together, the newborn didn't make it easy, y'all weren't used to the crying at all, it messed with your sleep.

"Can't sleep?" Warren says from behind you, making you jump a little.

"Poor Cami…" You say when you hear Julia cry even louder. "If we can't sleep, imagine her."

"Do you think she'll stop soon?" Rojas looked tired, bags under his eyes.

"I don't think so." You laugh at his frustrated expression, you hug him around the waist and he places his chin on top of your head.

Nights like this where it was just the two of you, dealing with everything seemed so much easier. Everything was so uncertain since Billy left that feeling safe for a few moments was perfect.

"I love you." you say in the hug, you feel him freeze and instantly regret saying it.

He breaks the hug and places a kiss on your lips. And although that calmed you down, you never forgot that he didn't say it back.

…

The day Billy and Camila had the party to celebrate the new house you were radiant, After so long things seemed to be coming back together, they had the best music in the country and the record company had taken them back, you only had reasons to celebrate.

You had a big smile on your face when you walked in the house, the decor was wonderful, the food smelled great, and you had your "family" there for that special moment.

Karen was with you sitting at one of the tables in the backyard, from afar you could see Graham and Billy laughing at something, Camila was holding Julia while talking to another group of people, and you couldn't find Warren anywhere.

"Have you seen Warren?" You ask the blonde next to you, while drinking some of the beer you had in hand.

"Now that you mention it, I haven't seen him around here." Karen shrugged. "But don't worry, he must have been late with something, or he's just around the house."

Even with your friend's words you decide to get up to look for the drummer, he seemed distant in the last few days and that worried you. Walking among people you can recognize that curly hair, soon you approach eager to congratulate your favorite drummer, but something's stops you.

Your heart races, your hands start to shake, a shiver takes over your body and you feel your breath disappearing every second longer you watch that scene. There he was, the love of your life, holding another girl by the waist, kissing her the way he does to you.

You can't hold back the tears, breathing became more and more difficult, you needed to get out of there. Gathering the rest of the strength you had, you turn to leave, and when you're finally at the door, you feel someone grab your arm.

"Hey, you're leaving already?" Camila's voice takes your ears, you turn around trying to stop crying but you can't. "Baby what's wrong?"

You can't answer her, you just let the tears fall down your face, it was like your heart was giving up. She hugs you tight, trying to comfort you somehow, she takes you out of the house to a place further away from the crowd.

You are silent for a few minutes, she never let go of your hand as she looked at you worriedly.

"What happened Y/N?" Camila watched you waiting for you to have the courage to speak.

"Warren was kissing another girl." You say in a choked voice.

"What?" Camila was in disbelief. "Are you sure?"

"I know what I saw." Your heart broke when you remembered the image. "He doesn't love me, I'll never be enough for him."

Camila hugs you, she understood the frustration and pain you were going through.

"Maybe you guys should talk." She says fixing your hair. "Sometimes things aren't clear between you…"

"What isn't clear Cami?" You had a lump in your throat that wouldn't go away. "I left my home, my family to be with him. I say I love him everyday, what am I doing wrong?"

"Oh baby, you're not doing anything wrong." She had teary eyes too. "Sometimes you can love someone with all that you got, but it doesn't mean it'll be enough for them."

"I can't deal with this right now." You say getting up, leaving aimlessly.

Camila didn't try to stop you, she knew you needed your time. She gets up going back inside the house with a tightness in her chest to see you like this, Warren would have to hear a lot from her!

She storms into the backyard to find the band assembled laughing at something she doesn't hear. Billy is the first to notice her presence, he gets a little tense when he notices his wife clearly angry.

"Everything alright baby?" the older Dunne asks, pulling Julia closer to his lap.

"Not really, quite the opposite actually." She crossed her arms, looking directly at Warren. "You and I have to talk seriously, ahora!"

"Jeez, she spoke in Spanish. Good luck!" Eddie whispers to his best friend.

"Me?" Warren asks with the cigarette dangling between his lips. Camila nods, he gets up following her.

Those left behind were confused, but they knew that if Camila was dealing with this it was better to let her.

"What's on your fucking mind Pendejo?" Warren's body froze, if Camila was mad at him he had screwed up a lot.

"Why do you say that?" He asks, fidgeting with his fingers nervously.

"Didn't you miss anyone among us?" With each word spoken by her, the drummer became more confused.

"Cami, I'm way too high for metaphors." He scratches his head, frowning.

"Y/N saw what you did." In addition to being angry Camila looked disappointed and that messed with Rojas.

"Niña, I don't know what you're talking about." He actually looked confused.

"You fucking kissed another girl tonight Rojas!" Warren looked away, a little embarrassed. "Look at me! What is on your fucking mind to do that?"

"Cami…" He started to say but didn't know how to explain.

"You don't even have an excuse." She chuckles. "She loves you Warren."

"I know." He says, she arched her eyebrows.

"So why did you do this?" Camila had her hands on her hips. "If you know she loves you, and that you would break her heart. Why did you do it?"

"I want to live, don't get me wrong I adore Y/N. She's great!" He says, little by little he realized how fucked up was what he said. "But she holds me back, I want to experience the best of everything I'm living now."

"Warren, you've been together for years." Camila didn't understand his words.

"That's where you're wrong, we never agreed to date, I thought we were having fun…" Warren starts to say but she cuts him off.

"Para, don't be an asshole!" She says, hearing those words coming from her was a shock to the drummer. "Y/N moved here with us for you, she left her family for you…"

"I never asked her to do that!" Rojas tried to explain, but with each word she got angrier.

"She did it for love Warren!" She looked deep into his eyes. "You didn't have to ask her for anything, that girl is madly in love with you. She would do anything to see you well, and it's very cruel of you to play with her feelings like that."

"I'm not playing with anyone's feelings Cami, ya te lo dije!" He wanted to convince himself that it was true, he didn't want that weight on him.

"Warren, you act like her fucking boyfriend." Camila says, trying to keep calm. "But I'm not your mother, I'm not going to stand here lecturing you. You are already too big for this shit, I don't know where she went, but I swear to God Warren If she's not at home by the time I'm there tomorrow. You'll have a problem! Fix this."

...

You had managed to stop crying a few minutes ago, you watched the dark sky trying to understand how to deal with all this. You loved the drummer so much, but you knew that continuing in this might not lead to anything, even if you loved him body and soul.

If you walked a few blocks more you would arrive at the house in Laurel Canyon, but something prevented you from going there, firstly because you would remember everything you lived with Warren there, what frustrated you the most was thinking that he treated you wonderfully there, it was you two against the world always, you felt loved, cherished by him between four walls.

Secondly, because you knew that going back there would make you doubt whether or not that was your place. Just thinking that everything they lived there was false hurts more and more.

You take a deep breath trying to take the courage to go there, then after a long time standing still you walk there.

…

Warren felt horrible, he knew he had done wrong and he couldn't stop thinking about how to fix it. He liked you a lot, but he knew he didn't feel the same way you did about him, and because you were so dear to him he hated that he had done you harm, even though he tried his best to preserve your feelings.

He didn't want to tell anyone about the conversation with Camila, he was too embarrassed, and he knew that Eddie would probably punch him if he found out about it. So he was quiet for the rest of the night, thinking about how to solve it.

When they arrived at the house in Laurel Canyon the lights were on, so you were probably already there, the drummer's heart raced he was afraid to face you. He was afraid to see you sad and disappointed gaze on him.

It's been a few minutes since he was standing in the doorway of the room you shared, afraid to step in and talk to you. He puts his hands to the door to ask permission to enter, but the door is opened before he can.

He's face to face with your puffy eyes, his heart sinks, he can see you were holding back tears, embarrassed he drops his gaze to the floor.

"Look Warren don't worry, I'm packing my things…" You say in a broken voice.

"What?" He says trying to hold your hands, you step back. "Doll, please don't be like that. You don't have to leave."

"Are you serious right now?" He could hear the pain in your voice. "Enter the room, no one needs to hear our conversation."

You ask and he does, sitting on the bed next to you.

"Warren, I love you…" You say, not holding the tear anymore. "And although leaving you will hurt me, I can't just let you hurt me even more."

Rojas had tears in his eyes too, he felt really bad about it all.

"We made things work until now…" He says holding your hands.

"No Warren, I made things work until now." You release your hands from his.

"Don't say it like that doll…" He says, his heart aches to see that the nickname doesn't make you smile like it used to. "I like you, I really do… and I'm sorry for what happened tonight, I messed things up I know but…"

You look down, crying more, he doesn't understand what he said wrong and on impulse he takes your face in his hands. When he saw your teary eyes he regretted it, it was like facing the grossest consequence of his actions.

"What can I do to make it up for you?" He speaks almost like a whisper. "I promise you it won't happen again."

"Warren…" You wanted to say yes, but you knew him. "I can't love alone."

He remained silent, he had nothing else to say to you, and lying to you saying that he loved you too and that it was only you that he imagined in his future was not an option.

"Forgive me Y/N…" His hands were still on your face, forcing you both to look at each other.

"I forgive you." You say crying. "I never thought leaving you would be so hard."

"Stay." He begs you, one more time.

"I need time." You remove his hands from your face, getting up to get your things.

He watches you walk away from him, he cries too, it was like doing something you both needed to do but when the time finally came... It was more painful than ever.

When you approach the door to go, he gets up quickly, you turn to him waiting for him to say something. He doesn't, he just moves closer to you, making your breathing uneven… You kiss him one last time and he holds your waist kissing you tenderly.

"I'll miss you doll." He says with his eyes closed, his forehead resting against yours. "Please, take care… and if you need anything."

"I know." You smile weakly, pulling away from him. "Don't blame yourself, maybe we just met at the wrong time…"

"Yeah, maybe…" He says with a tight chest.

"Can you do me a favor?" You ask, and he nods. "Give this address to Cami, tell her I'll be alright."

He takes the paper, tucking it into his vest pocket, you smile weakly at him getting your bags ready to leave.

"I hope to see you again, doll." He says, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear.

"I love you." You say as an ending, leaving.

Warren sits on your bed, already feeling your absence, he watched your part of the closet empty, your side of the bed without you, it was like nothing fit.

Warren Rojas: She had to leave me for me to realize that no one would love me more than her, and also for me to notice what love really was about, months later I found that paper once again and… I went after her, Cami told me to fix things, and I was finally going to do it.

...

Hi, I hope you enjoyed it... If you wanted to ask for something my requests are open, and if you want to ask and don't have any ideas check out my prompt list :) xoxo

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