dixieanna
"Untold Stories in the Dark: Come to Light"
A poetry book by: Dixie-Anna Ortiz Flowers
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Difficult Enough ( a poem about rape)
written by Dixie-Anna Ortiz Flowers
Would you lie to me
if I looked you
right in the face?
or would it be
denial,
that you know nothing about?
Would you even believe
what I have to say,
after all these years
finally coming clean
about the dark truth
of what men
have done to me?
This is why rape survivors
stay closeted—
safer behind closed doors.
No one believes
the people on the other side
of the story.
but it’s our story
to tell or a note to tell
so listen well—
Never question
a rape survivor
for our stories are
difficult enough to live
let alone tell.
Why is it that no one
ever questions the rapist?
It’s automatically assumed
that they could not have
possibly done something
so horrific.
I’m here to say it is possible.
it is possible that person
gave an underaged someone
too much to drink,
then tried to sober them up
and get into their bed
by giving them a massage.
Shame gets misplaced by guilt.
Which that person did not deserve to feel,
As the only thing they did was trust the wrong person.
Over and over…
Time and time again,
the person in this story is me.
I was too drunk to consent.
My own husband did not believe my story
when I finally came clean
After a whole year of living a lie.
now I am living my truth,
Except no one believes me.
Apparently, this gives an excuse for said husband
to cheat on me repeatedly over the years.
I keep taking him back
because I feel guilty for that one night
so many years ago…
That wasn’t even my fault.
I feel like screaming
when I find my husband at home
with another woman and her two-year-old child.
I am calm.
I still can’t find the words
to make him go away for good…
I feel as if it’s my fault.
He makes me believe it’s my fault with his lies.
But now I know better.
I know my worth.
I’m worth more than my husband raping me at 2 am
on New Year’s Day.
Yeah, I said no at that time,
but it wasn’t enough for him.
I’m worth more than 18-year-old me
being raped by
a so-called friend at a party.
I am worth being believed.
So when I tell you my story
do not question it.
My story is hard enough to live with,
let alone tell
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A Haiku for Graduation
You have made it here.
Across the stage, you will walk.
This is a milestone.
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