i'm so alone. in the big moments and the small moments. i never notice things getting bad again until im too far gone. no one i care about values me in the way i value them. i add little to nothing to their lives. as soon as i'm out of their site i cease to exist until the next time they need something -- a kind word or some money or a body to fill space where i stand in for anyone who could've filled that space ; it just happened to be me this time. i have been so deeply sad and lonely and wounded my whole life and i truly think that i'll always feel this way. i wish there was a sufficient way to repent for whatever vile act i committed in this life or the one before that put me on this path of being perpetually miserable and devalued. i'm so tired. i know i've done plenty of shitty things to deserve this but i am so exhausted. i'm tired of existing this way.

roar

follow my art account : apathiquexindecise on ig

I feel like my life can't start until I'm thin,

I'd like to go out, make new friends try new things but not until im like "presentable"?

You know what I mean?

I wish I would be good at restricting Again.

have finally been losing weight and our whole dynamic changed lol

it's crazy how i can feel and tell that i'm everything this man wants -- we have so much in common, he tells me that. tells me how funny i am. we've had such good times together. the sex is amazing. our conversations are amazing. he's told me endlessly how im pretty and how my body is sexy -- but at the end of the day i know the only reason we aren't together officially is bc of my weight. if i had been disciplined earlier, or never fell off, things would be so different. i know we'll end up together regardless but lol would've happened so soon after we met if i was thin again

this photo will live in my head for the rest of my life.

i wish things were different. i wish i was different.

seeing pictures in my memories of when i was sick and beautiful and desired by every person i ever wanted and then looking down at myself and seeing i'm bigger than i've ever been in my life is the most jarring and upsetting experience of my life

yeah im not hungry

Think about how you could look like.

Think about looking into the mirror and seeing a porcelain doll

Think about people calling you an angel

Think about people calling you delicate

Think about how all the tiny dresses will hug your figure perfectly

Think about all the girls who will wish to look like you

You can do this… You can skip one more meal, you can keep on fasting, you can resist the urges to eat.

Make yourself happy

these are some of my favorite thinspo

Thinspo #1

the fact i have the structure for a thigh gap yet continue to throw it away bc i can’t stop stuffing my face

note to self: not eating enough is a goal that needs to be achieved no matter how bad it hurts. if it hurts, it means that it’s working.