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Faith
Dear God,
I am doing something drastic again. I can’t continue on this miserable life. I need you to be with me as I transition onto my next venture. I need you to help me stay afloat. This life is a joke and I’m over it. I can’t continue down this path at 30. If all else fails, I’m cutting my life short. I am tired. Help me. In the name of Jesus I pray. Amen.
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Dame
He lied about having bed.
He lied about his age.
He pushed me up off the couch.
He kept tapping me to get up.
He said he only said he let go of the other girl just to
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Damon
Why am I hurting over someone that I only knew for 23 days?
Is it because he said “good morning beautiful”? Is it because he said he wanted to love me? Is it because he said he liked me? Is it because he texted me everyday? Is it because he was interested in my alternative lifestyle and cared enough to consider it when deciding where we would go for our date? Is it because he added both of my instagrams immediately? Is it because we danced and we both loved R&B music? Is it because he was so inquisitive and caring? Is it because I was actually falling for him despite his asshole and sarcastic condescending ways? Is it because he made me feel something that I’ve never quite felt before? He literally made me feel like a queen. He was down for whatever I wanted. He paid for everything. He always knew what to say. But he did have downfalls...
He said he didn’t have the patience to deal with me beating around the bush.
He hated that I wasn’t direct.
He hated that I was reserved.
He wasn’t used to me.
He called me weird and hinted that I was awkward.
He could tell that I was holding back from him.
I was nervous around him.
I needed alcohol to take to him.
He snapped on me for no reason when we were talking about catholics.
He called me nerdy.
He said I had thick eyebrows.
But he loved my gap.
He stood up when I entered the room.
He greeted me with a hug when I came and when I left.
He was willing to do karaoke with me.
My heart fluttered whenever I saw his text.
I was scared to talk to him.
I was overwhelmed by him but I wanted him.
When I look at my tweets about him this isn’t what I see.
He pissed me off.
He made me angry.
He shook me to my core.
I didn’t like his personality.
How can you treat me so well but piss me off so badly?
He tried to ghost me.
He lied about his phone just randomly deciding to upgrade.
The only reason we met up was because I wanted to meet up.
The only reason we met up again was because I wanted to meet up.
But he was willing to go see whatever movie I wanted to see.
But he was pushy about sex.
He forced me to talk about sex.
He poked himself against me.
He made me touch his penis.
He wanted me to take off my jacket.
He made reference to my boobs.
He called me sexy.
He rubbed the sides of my body.
But he hugged me from behind.
He held me.
I wanted him.
But I wanted him to commit to me.
I felt like we could have a lot of fun together both inside and outside of the bedroom.
The good outweighed the bad.
He called me.
He video messaged me.
He constantly texted me.
He cared about me.
He made me feel something that I hadn’t felt in a very long time.
Something I don’t ever think I felt.
He liked Kathy Griffin.
He made me feel stupid about being scared of a mouse.
He made me feel stupid about reacting to messing up my Michael Jackson sticker.
He made me feel stupid about forgetting to eat.
And he made me feel stupid about using his bathroom.
He made me feel stupid about not being able to find his apartment.
But when he rapped to me he told me he was trying to love me and he didn’t mean to piss me off.
But why did he leave me?
Was it because I wasn’t vulnerable with him?
Was it because I wouldn’t sleep with him?
Was it because I drank too much?
Was it because I was so busy?
Was it because I never knew what to say to him?
Was it because I beat around the bush?
Was it because I was so indirect?
Was it because I was awkward?
Was it because I was weird?
But he took a picture with me and he was going to take it with him phone.
He sent me a bunch of pictures of him.
He commented on the pictures of me that I sent to him.
But he asked me if I was ready to ride his pony.
He brought up the fact that he said that and how I said it was too soon.
He tried to take back saying it but he had already said it.
But he was so sweet.
But he was an asshole.
He made me angry.
He was impossible to have an actual conversation with.
But he listened and he heard me.
But he didn’t hear me when I was trying to explain my experience with the catholic culture.
He cut me off and wouldn’t let me get a word in edgewise.
But he walked away from me.
But I blocked him.
I never saved his number.
I deleted his threads.
But I found his number on Sprint.
But he clicked over and never clicked back over.
I called him and he never called back.
I felt the disconnect.
He said he wasn’t avoiding me but he was.
He said he didn’t know that I was married, he thought I just said that.
But he also said that another woman lied to him about being divorced.
But he said he’s talking to someone else and wants to focus solely on them because they’re more compatible with him.
He isn’t used to someone like me.
He didn’t want to see Acrimony.
But he said he loves movies.
He loved music.
He was a musician.
He could actually rap.
He liked the arts.
He liked to have fun.
He likes comedy shows.
He’s from Michigan.
He’s a family man.
He’s a gentlemen.
But he’s not the only one.
He’s just the only one I’ve ever attracted.
I liked him.
He didn’t get a chance to like me.
I held back from him.
He didn’t hold back from me.
He was an open book but he seemed dishonest.
Why does this have to hurt so much?
He wanted me to have a baby
He said I couldn’t get pregnant because I hadn’t found the right one yet
But Peter said he’s 37 without kids, he’s probably just out there messing around.
But he could be right.
But what does Peter know?
It’s hard for me to see past the part where I lost out of someone that I kind of wanted
I wanted the good morning beautifuls
I wanted the dates
I wanted the chivalry
I wanted the worship and adoration
But he wasn’t tall enough
He looked like someone’s father
But for the most part he made me smile
He was attentive
But he didn’t listen
He was rather critical
He made me feel uncomfortable and even a little scared
I was always nervous around him
I always questioned what I said to him
He always thought he knew the answer when in reality he didn’t
He talked about putting a ring on it
He was into tattoos
He wanted a tattooed wedding ring
He made me feel like he was all about whatever I wanted
But he wasn’t that into me
I could tell
Even while talking to me he was still looking for other people
And clearly he found them.
It’s over and done but the heartache lives on inside.
Goodbye Dam. It was fun while it lasted.
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Dear God I am so overwhelmed. I know within a matter of 7 days things are unlikely to change but I am putting forth much effort. How do I not give up when Peter has already thrown in the towel? Dear God please reach out to Peter. Please send people to reach out to him. Please instill his values back into him. Please help me God. I am so overwhelmed. I'm not sure I can do this. I know I have the strength of Jesus Christ but my strength is wavering. I am exhausted God. This marriage has exhausted me emotionally since day one. I want to fight for my marriage. I am trying. Please help me Lord. In the name of Jesus Amen.
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Dear God,
I am really stressed out about Peter. You said what hour can worrying add to your life? It can’t add any hour but how am I supposed to focus when this is constantly lingering in the back of my mind. I believe in you. I trust in you. I know you would never fail me but I also know that Peter has free will and he is incredibly stubborn. Please God get through to Peter. Please let this issue be resolved sooner rather than later. I don’t want to lose my husband. I don’t want to lose our marriage. I want to fight through this. He once loved me. We used to make each other happy. Getting wet isn’t that much of an issue, we just need to use more lubrication. Please God forgive me for constantly complaining and being negative and critical and disrespectful. I am truly a horrible person because I’ve pushed my husband away. Just a few months ago he said he never considered going anywhere. Just a few weeks ago he was truly to have sex. Please open up his heart and mind and help us Lord God. We both need you in this critical time. Please give me rest, give me peace, give me solace. Please God help me. I really don’t want to lose Peter as my husband. I really don’t want to lose Deter, Pilar, and Piala as my children. It has nothing to do with pride and everything to do with my vows. I want this to work. I’m so sorry for being so difficult. Please God help me, I am begging you. My focus does not exist because I am so stressed out by this. Dear God please open his heart and change his mind. Please God be with me in my actions and help me change. Please be with him and his thoughts and help him realize that the only place he needs to be here is right here with me. I really do love him God. I really do. Please God help me save my marriage. Please God. I am literally begging you. In the name of Jesus Amen.
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Dear God,
Instead of going back and forth with Peter, I will go back and forth with you instead. Every time I feel this intense need to cry and pour out to Peter, I will cry and pour out to you. I am literally at my wits end God. I do not want to give up on my marriage, I do not want to give up on my husband, I do not want to give up on myself, and most importantly I do not want to give up on you Lord God. Dear God please help me. I need you more than ever right now. It is about way more than just me. It is about me, Peter, Peter's family, my family, and Deter, Pilar, and Piala. I want these children with Peter and Peter only. Please God help me repair my marriage. I am so sorry for what I've done to ruin it. Please help Peter forgive his perpetrator. Please get back into his heart and mind and place me back in there as well. Please get through to him Lord God. Please help us in this desperate time of need. Please help his father get better. Please elevate us to a better place of health, wealth, and prosperity. Please Lord God. I am crying out to you. In the name of Jesus I pray Amen.
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Dear God,
I do not want my marriage to end. Please God help us. Please open Peter's heart. Please shut down his ability to pretend like he has lost feeling for me. Please God open him back unto me. I have no idea what to do. I know the blogs say to treat him with kindness and win his heart back. Please help me God. I know that it is almost completely my fault that there's a breakdown in my marriage. I have been so selfish not only to him but to you God. I want to be with my husband. Please help us. I can't focus. I can't think. I can barely even live. Help me God. I am begging you. Please give me peace and rest. I am seeking your face. I am so sorry to only come to you in my time of need. I have always needed you dear Lord. I will always need you. I love you forever and ever dear God. You are my life. I am no one without you. There is nothing too hard for you. You said to delight myself in you and you will make all of my dreams come true. Please help me God. I am at the end of my rope. This is not a boyfriend or a lover that doesn't want me, this is my husband. He had feeling for me just last week. He said this was never something he ever considered. He thinks this isn't working and that's because of me and how I've been acting. Please God help him reconsider and come back to you. He is so stubborn. I need your help, I can't do it on my own dear Lord. Jesus please help me. I am begging you. I am on my knees. I am crying out to you Lord. Please help me. Please. In the name of Jesus amen.
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Dear God,
Your will be done but I want to fight for my marriage. I am a Christian woman, I said my vows on March 4, 2014 and I want to stick it out. I do not want to leave Peter. I love him. We can work through this. Please God help us. The battle is not mine, it’s the Lord’s. Lord I believe that you will do everything that you can. Nothing is too hard for the Lord. Please God help me keep my husband. I do not want to lose him. I do not want divorce. He is not an unbeliever, he is a believer. Please God help us believe together. We need you now more than ever. Please forgive me Lord God for forsaking you. I was fighting my own battles with Peter and now they have gotten out of hand. I do not want my marriage to end. I love Peter and all of his idiosyncracies. I hate that it took this to help me realize it. Please God place your hand on our marriage. Please stay with us. Please keep us going. Please show me how to guide him back to you Lord. Please God show me how to be the wife that he needs. Please God help me. I feel incredibly burdened by this situation. It is far too much and I already feel like I’ve said all of the wrong things. I do not want my marriage to end. Help me God. Please!!! In the name of Jesus amen.
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Our father who art in Heaven
Hallowed be thy name
Thy kingdom come
thy will be done
on earth as it is in Heaven
Give us this day our daily bread
and forgive us our trespasses
as we forgive those who’ve trespassed against us
and lead us not into temptation
but deliver us from evil
for thine are the kingdom, the power, and the glory forever.
Dear God,
Please help Peter with this spirit of homosexuality that has come over him. Please allow him to see that your hand is upon his life and that you do not want him to follow this destructive path. Please God help us in this tough season. I’m really not sure what to do. I want to be still and know that you are God. Please God fight through his bullheadedness. He needs you Lord. I need you. Please help us and guide us. Order my steps in your word dear Lord, lead me, guide me everyday, send your anointing father I pray. Order my steps in your word. In Jesus name I pray Amen.
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Our father who art in Heaven hallowed by thy name
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done
on earth as it is in Heaven
Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses
as we forgive those who’ve trespassed against us
and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil
For thine are the kingdom, the power, and the glory forever and ever
Amen.
Please God help me fix my marriage. I do not want it to end. I want us. This is not a mutual decision. I want us to work out. I don’t want to beg him. I am asking you to move his heart back into my direction. I am so sorry for being such a disrespectful wife who doesn’t know how to communicate. I do not want this. I want my marriage to last forever. I want to be a loving, loyal, honest, wife. Please God help me. I want your will. Please forgive me from being absent from you. I was really frustrated God and now you see where that has gotten me. Peter believes in you God. I want a believer. Please speak to him and speak through him Lord God. Give him the peace he’s been looking for. Please help him open his heart to me. I know he hates me for everything I’ve done. I didn’t mean to do it. I love him with an unconditional love that I do not want to perish. I can overlook his faults. We are two different people from two different cultures and that’s okay. No matter what I say, I want your will God but dear Lord please help me. He is my peace. He is my protector. I do not want him to leave me. Come back into my body dear God. Save me from myself. I am sitting here suicidal and internally dying. Please pick me Lord. Help me. I am begging you. In Jesus name I pray Amen.
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Is it over?
Dear God,
I don’t want my marriage to end. Please help me save it. In the name of Jesus amen.
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Anxious
Our father who art in Heaven hallowed be thy name
thy kingdom come, thy will be done
on earth as it is in heaven
give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses and we forgive those who’ve trespassed against us and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil for thine are the kingdom the power and the glory forever and ever amen
God please let these patient’s go to sleep. Please don’t let anymore patients cause problems on third shift. This does not give me an adrenaline rush. It actually stresses me completely out. Please help me Lord.
I hate having anxiety.
Please God find me money for school and money for my pockets as well. I really thought I was about to come into some money. I shouldn’t have thought ahead like so.
Please God bring the passion, intimacy, friendship, and love into my marriage. i feel like the little that we had is dwindling away.
Please God let me win this scholarship money.
Please God let me lose weight.
Please God let my period stop.
Please God help Patrick and Tempe and Tameka get their lives together.
Please God give me, Portland, Terry, and Tempe rest about Gabbi.
Please God bless and be with Ashley and her family during these tumultuous times Lord God.
Please God get rid of my social anxiety and my anxiety. I don’t need it Lord God. I’m tired of feeling so incredibly overwhelmed.
I believe that you will do everything that I request and more Lord God for you are the alpha and the omega.
in Jesus name I pray
Amen
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Anxious
Our father who art in Heaven hallowed be thy name
Thy kingdom come thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven
Give us this day our daily bread and forgive our trespasses as we forgive those who’ve trespassed against us
and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil
For thine are the kingdom, the power, and the glory forever and ever amen
Dear God I am feeling incredibly anxious.
I feel overwhelmed.
I feel afraid.
I am anxious because there are too many patients awake.
This unit has the possibility of becoming like first or second shift.
I feel overwhelmed because I feel out of control. I don’t know what to do or what I’ll do if things start to escalate any more.
I feel afraid because of the possibility of having to do a seclusion or manual hold and possibly ripping my pants or being attacked.
I also feel afraid because I am intimidated by these teenagers. I know I said I wanted all teenagers but I was more so thinking the timid, depressed, and socially anxious type.
Dear God this job freaks me out tremendously and I don’t want this job. I don’t want to do this anymore. I hate my anxiety. I hate having social anxiety. I hate being overwhelmed. I’m so terrified right now. I’m feeling sweaty. I can’t breathe on the inside. I’m trying to hold my shit together and I feel like it’s showing on my face. I don’t want these teenagers to attack me like a pack of wolves because they feel my fear.
Please God let these children go and stay asleep. We are not adequately staffed and it’s more than I can bear. I know that I have the strength of Jesus Christ but I have the anxiety of DTLO. I love you Lord and I know that you’ll do all that I ask and more. Please Jesus be a field and come onto this unit and get control of it in the name of Jesus. Also please let me find a job in Computer Science much sooner rather than later. Thank you so much Lord.
In Jesus name
Amen.
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Another job
Dear God,
I want another job. This one is too anxiety-provoking. I’m really over it and I want nothing more to do with it. Please God give me something meaningful, enjoyable, relaxed, reputable, long-standing, with great benefits, and opportunity, and fun coworkers, a place where I can be forever, making a lot of money, traveling, bonuses, raises, stipends, sign on pay, the whole chabang Lord God. I know that you are able to do exceedingly more than everything I could ever ask you Lord God and I look to you to do so in the name of Jesus. Amen.
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Help
Our father who art in Heaven hallowed be thy name
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done
On earth as it is in heaven
Give us this day, our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who’ve trespassed against us
And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil
For thine are the kingdom, the power, and the glory forever
God, this job scares me.
I don’t know what I’m doing and it gives me grave anxiety.
Thank you so much for giving me a job where I’m no longer bound to a phone but please give me the confidence and ability to make it through these shifts.
Please God get rid of my social anxiety. I’m tired of being riddled with it. I’m tired of being bound by the memories of my past. I’m tired of remembering every painful memory and feeling them all over again. I’m tired of watching people enjoy their lives while I sit back and let mine pass me by. I want to live too God. I want to find purpose and enjoyment and I want to enjoy being alive. I don’t know what it’s like to enjoy living. All I know is what it’s like to hate it. Ever since I was 11 I’ve wanted to commit suicide and I still have my moments. I’ll admit things are a lot better these days, so I’m not entirely sure why I’m still stuck. I just wish this anxiety would go away because it completely holds me back. I’m tired of feeling like I can’t perform in the midst of people. I’m tired of feeling as useless as the g lasagna. The only thing that comes naturally to me is expressing my feelings. Is there a job where I can express myself for a living without having to stick to some kind of agenda? I don’t like being bound to a particular subject, I”m better at jumping from place to place as you can tell.
God you made me and you know me. Please help me know myself. I’m tired of feeling this everlasting feeling of nothingness. Please help me be better at this job. Please give me some guidance so I’m not anxious about the 6 am to 745 am hour. I want to feel happy about working here again. It used to be so exciting. Now it’s like how do I get out of here?! I look forward to having an office job where I do something computer-related. I just like to complete tasks. But I’d also like to be able to do some kind of written correspondence.
Dear God thank you for everything that you’ve done for me and everything that you’ve given me. I am grateful even though it doesn’t always show. It’s an internal gratefulness that lives inside of me. I know what you’ve done and I know what you’re capable of and I’m really appreciative of it all. You’ve really helped me a lot dear Lord. You’ve really gotten me to a place that I never thought I”d be. You’ve really answered some of my prayers even when I thought you never would. I love you Lord tremendously. Thank you once again.
I do have a few requests.
Please give me more money.
Please give me a better job.
Please help me with this job until I find a better job.
Please give me a career.
Please give me purpose.
Please give me passion.
Please allow me to lose weight.
Please allow my skin to clear up.
Please allow Portland to find love and marriage if that’s really what she wants.
Please allow Temperance to find love and happiness.
Please lead and guide Brilliance and Patience.
Please help my friends find themselves.
Please help Ashley find love and happiness.
Please fix my car.
PLEASE help these keloids stop growing and go away.
Please get rid of this cough.
Please let my armpits heal and stop itching.
Please relieve Aunt Denise of her mental health issues.
Please relieve me of my mental health issues.
Please help Peter find gainful employment and happiness.
Please help Peter be more of a protector and provider.
Please make me a better wife.
Please get rid of this PCOS.
Please get rid of this Acanthosis Nigricans.
Please God give me an outlet that brings in income.
Please God help me find real, true friends.
Please God give me something to say.
Please God help me communicate better.
Please God clear my mind and relinquish my soul.
Please God continue to lead me and guide me.
Please God let us find a better place to live.
Please God give me motivation.
Please God bring my grandmother, brothers, sisters, nieces, cousins, aunts, uncles, in laws, and extended family the gift of you and the gift of life in the name of Jesus.
Thank you for everything Lord in the name of Jesus I pray AMEN!
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2015
Dear God, Please help Peter find better, fruitful, stable employment. Please help me lose this weight. Please let the keloids stay away. Please give me a desire for life. I don't think i'll ever truly like living. Thank you for your blessings In Jesus name I pray Amen
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