Prompt #3041

“You know,” the sidekick said softly, “with the amount of sidekicks you lose, anyone would think you were sacrificing them to [supervillain].”

The hero flinched.

And the sidekick sighed. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

Conversation Prompt

“I thought you died?”

“Maybe, that sounds like something I did. I do that a lot. Doesn’t seem to affect me like it does other people. Maybe I should look into it.”

I'm having the opposite of a 'thank goodness that's normal' moment

Like, 'thank goodness there's some weird human thing that I don't do'

Snapping awake with random instinctive reactions that have fuck-all to actually do with you is weird as hell. Like you're just faintly drifting from shifting dreams into consciousness, vaguely aware of your softly sleeping lover next to you, and suddenly you jolt awake with the startled few second stream of thoughts like

Shit, I didn't mean to fall asleep. What time is it, how long until sunrise? It's still moonlight. How will I get out of here unseen, when do the rest of them wake up? When does the morning mass-

And within the next few seconds you process that hold on. You're in your own bed. You were supposed to be here, and asleep. It's 2023. That's not moonlight, that's the blue glow of the clock on the microwave (and it's 5:46 am on a monday by the way). The love of your life works in IT, and you have literally never in this lifetime or another one snuck inside a monastery through the shadows of the night to fuck a monk.

You’ve just joined an adventuring party. The rogue wordlessly gives you a handkerchief and slinks away. “Ah, it’s his way of handling his kleptomania. Instead of stealing things at random, he’ll be going specifically for that.”

The ship was a sitting duck, the pilot AI core had been destroyed, the ship cannot be piloted manually, you look at the last spare core in front of you, it’s covered in notes “priorities set up wrong, do not use” “training failed” “Persistent delusional personality” “send to lab for study”

An overwhelming sense of calmness descends upon the Disco.

Girl you post like something pretending to be human. Follow

You’re a hitman who has just taken his first contract. After a long day of trying and failing to kill your target, you eventually come face to face with him. You both just look at each other, and he shrugs before asking “First day on the job, huh?”

hot take but i actively miss when tv shows were like 20 episodes a season. slow down. let me get to know the characters. let them do something dumb and not consequential to the plot for one fucking second i'm begging you.

A bride recently asked me to make her a necklace for her wedding that looked like a fancy throat slash. This was a really fun project.

the realest Discworld reading order is simply 'whatever the hell the local library has available, in whatever order it becomes available'

Fantasy idea:

Goblins do not have a concept of personal property or privacy. They're often labelled simply as thieves, but they genuinely do not understand why a group of travellers would be upset by waking up to someone rummaging through their camp to see what they'll find, pocketing whatever looks cool, and eating their rations. A goblin feels perfectly fine walking into another goblin's house to do so.

They will also tell you everything about themselves to introduce themselves. Not only their name and where they live, but also what they do for a living, how many spouses and children they have, their parents and siblings' names, what they have done with their lives and who their best friends are. A particularly accomplished goblin can and will take 20-30 minutes to fully introduce themselves.

Travellers who manage to start a polite conversation with a goblin instead of immediately resorting to violence to defend their property will soon - to their great confusion - be invited to the goblin's home to meet their family and be welcome to stay as long as they need. This might feel strange to them, but deep down it's a cultural misunderstanding.

The goblin list of things to include in one's long introductions isn't a standardised list, but goblins have a general idea of what they expect to hear in them. They don't have a concept of private information any more than they have genuinely private property, and if someone's list doesn't involve spouses and children, that can only mean that they don't have any. If a goblin won't say where they live, that means they don't have a home. If they don't list who their friends are, that can only mean they don't have any friends.

If a traveller only introduces themselves with their name, perhaps profession, and "this is my stuff", then naturally that must be all that they have in the world. If they had friends, family, or anything else in life, obviously they would have said so. How horrible that someone doesn't have anything but a name. And if you won't tell them your name they'll assume you don't have one of those, either.

literally imagine being an alcoholic loser failson with nothing going on except drinking yourself to death in some bar and then this guy shows up and is like “hey we’re best friends in another timeline and i could use your help” and you’re like “go fuck yourself” and take a swing at him then he bends you over a pool table and you’re not even listening to what he’s saying as he keeps you pinned there all you’re thinking is “oh my god i think i like men” and “holy shit i have the hugest boner of my entire life right now” then he leaves and you immediately decide that you need to die for him

You should try to overcome the desire to be perceived by strangers as cool as early in your life as possible b/c if you're still doing that in your 40s the government will force you to coach high school baseball

Turns out wishing on a star does work, it just takes about 81,000 years for the wish to get to the star and back, and for the future civilisations of earth, its pure chaos.