𝙙𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙡𝙮𝙣𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩𝙨𝙝𝙘𝙙𝙚 . an independent multi-fandom, multi-muse blog featuring characters from dragon age, the hunger games, twilight (anti-s.meyer) and more. written by hales, 29, she/they. discord is available upon request. ©

                            carrd.                rules.                 mobile muses.

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i’ve been thinking long and hard about this, but i think i might retire from roleplaying.

i’m not trying to be dramatic. but it just sucks because it feels like i’m doing something wrong when i get on here. like i’ll have a bunch of people reach out saying they want to write. and then they stop responding and start writing the plot we discussed with somebody else. i think i’m just extra vulnerable, given what i’ve been going through this last year. as many of you know my partner of five years and i are splitting up. he was unfaithful for the last two years of our relationship and it’s made me develop a bunch of new found insecurities. maybe i’m just projecting those onto this. it’s not a good feeling. and it makes me sad because there’s so many talented writers on here who i’d love to connect with. but it’s really starting to feel like i’m just not good enough. i feel so stupid even expressing all of this. it’s just really been eating away at me the last few days. which sucks because this is my escape from the shitshow that is real life right now. idk what to do.

when you’re on the verge of death, but still gotta clock in for work. pray for me today lol.

WHERE THE CRAWDADS SING (2022) dir. Olivia Newman

Send ♡ if you'd be interested in discussing a ship between our muses

it still felt a little surreal, casually standing in a kitchen with the finnick odair. it wasn't as though they hadn't crossed paths these past few weeks. though his attention had been much more focused on that of her district partner, kai. thinking of the boy made her heart sink. while she knew that it wouldn't have been possible for both of them to make it out of the arena, she still felt guilty that she was the one who emerged victorious. kai had trained religiously for the games. he had been so confident in his abilities and, during their time in the capitol, annie found herself believing he genuinely stood a chance. what happened to him in arena was unfair. what happened to all of the tributes was. still, she could vividly remember the look in his eyes. the way he mouthed the word 'run' as he tried to buy her some time. and then, the boy from one raised his sword—

it took annie a moment to realize she had completely zoned out. lost in her own thoughts, as she often was these days. she tried her best to ground herself. to focus on her current surroundings. the way the hardwood felt beneath her bare feet, the cool sensation of the knife against her palm. she was starting to wonder if she herself should even be in the kitchen. yet alone holding cutlery. she hoped that finnick hadn't noticed. setting the knife back on the counter, she took a few steps back towards the refrigerator. trying to further compose herself. maybe this was a reason mags still brought her breakfast in bed most days. but she wanted to do this for her mentor. as little as it was, she wanted to show mags some appreciation for all that she had done.

❝ oh, um. ❞ she honestly hadn't had much of an appetite. still, given that finnick was going out of his way to help her prepare the meal, she felt compelled to try and eat. ❝ how about one? ❞ opening the fridge once more, the girl retrieved a carafe of orange juice. setting it on the counter and then retrieving three glasses from the cupboard by the sink. she glanced at the knife once more. still a little uneasy about using the utensil. people had made such a big deal about her being around sharp objects these last few weeks. it's only bread, anwen. she scolded herself. returning to her original spot at the counter and quickly cutting a few pieces off of the loaf; making sure to only toast enough for her and finnick. ❝ anything else mags doesn't like? ❞

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ 𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐢𝐦𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐞'𝐬 𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞; he'd just spent the last couple of hours on the train where his team fussed over him. they all chatted away, speaking at him, as they plucked the ridiculous outfit from his skin, complaining that they had to do it here rather than at finnick's fancy hotel. before that he'd spent all night at a party, what it was for and why he was invited he didn't bother to remember, it would be more surprising if he weren't invited to one of these events. he thinks it was a modelling thing, maybe something for the designer; both explained the night's extravagant get - up. he'd been forced into small talk for hours on end when one conversation partner excused themselves; another promptly took their place. he hadn't always minded these things; he remembers briefly a time when he used to fish for compliments before compliments were the only conversation he ever had, before they had become a way for people to put him in the red and tell finnick that he owed them. he used to drag mags along to all these events too, claiming she was a victor who should be celebrated aswell rather than just admitting he was a little nervous about going alone. now he refused to have her accompany him, now he grinned and accepted the compliments, never bashful about it because that's what was expected of him. sitting silently with his mentor had always been as much of a breath of fresh air as stepping off of his train cart and back into district four had been.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎not caring to add any milk or cream, he adds enough sugar to make up for that before taking a sip. finnick actually wasn't allowed to drink coffee; his personal stylist had forbidden it. things like coffee, alcohol and smoking could stain and ruin his teeth — reminding him that he could always get his teeth whitened never helped — so the drink was a small home - only luxury. if he needed to stay awake while in the capital, a pill was shoved into his hand instead. he liked the drink, not as much as others, but he used to steal sips from mags cups, so it was something he'd gotten used to. it didn't taste half as bad ( even black ) as most of the liquor he was allowed in social settings; it wasn't as if he could decline to drink at parties even if his stylist insisted that he could.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ❛❛ that works ❜❜ he nods, agreeing that mags would probably like it if her two victors did something small like this together. if the older woman is worried about annie even a fraction of the amount she did finnick, he guessed she probably wished for cresta to do everyday activities with other people. he knew she always insisted on finnick going back and trying to make friends again. one of the very few pieces of advice from her he had unfortunately never tried to do.

‎ ‎ ‎ retrieving a large pan from the cupboard, he suddenly wonders if annie is even allowed to be cooking with the stove. she was a danger to herself last he had heard, but it wasn't exactly his place to ask, so he decided to take the actual cooking part himself. she could be in charge of plating and toasting the bread. ❛❛ probably ❜❜ holding down the knob as he turns it; there are a couple of loud clicks before one of the stove spots erupts in flames, heating the pan he'd placed on top. ❛❛ I definitely do ❜❜ finnick hums; bacon and eggs were simple to cook, so he headed to the fridge, stocked with all sorts of foods like usual, and retrieved the carton of eggs along with a plate with bacon wrapped tightly in clear plastic. ❛❛ mags doesn't like her bread toasted, but throw some in for me ? how many eggs would you like ? ❜❜

I do. I need you.

❝ i know it's easier said than done. ❞ annie frowned slightly, concern washing over her features. ❝ but, johanna, you're not the one who did this. they did this. and i know for a fact that peeta would say the same thing. ❞

@deadlynightshcde : don't beat yourself up over this. be kind to yourself, it's not your fault.

"Be kind to myself?" Johanna repeats, a lilt of hysteria in her voice even as she tries to keep herself just above a whisper. "I failed, Annie. We were supposed to get out of there in one piece, and look at Peeta! I failed that kid. I failed all of us."

it was getting harder to stay positive. the days had turned into weeks. and, seeing how hard they were being on johanna and peeta, annie wasn't sure how much longer this could go on for. she was glad that peeta still at least had his sense of humor. ❝ they haven't yet. ❞ she replied, a small smile spreading across her lips. ❝ but, hopefully they do soon. if anyone needs to eat it's you. you need to keep your strength up. ❞

peeta will swallow and smirk softly. the one thing that was keeping him going was hope. the hope that him and annie held. there was no way that he would believe that he's going to die in this place. not after everything. ❝i know. guess they're short staffed,❞ the blonde laughed, ❝did they bring you something to eat yet?❞

Hi

hello!

sorry to everyone i owe replies to. i woke up with a high grade fever this morning and can barely swallow. and i still had to work. 😭

what emotion are you? LONGING.

your longing is like a ghost, a haunting presence that follows you wherever you go. it is a feeling that slips in and out of your mind, a reminder of what you have lost, what you will never have. don’t you wish to feel their touch again? it’s too late, so let me guide you. you can resist, it’s expected. the passion of your heart is like a wound that never heals, a scar that won't fade. not even you can stop it.

tagged by: @sleeplesswork (thank you!) tagged: @isdeathlystill (peeta), @florietiae, @mvndrvke (johanna), @daughterofhighever-blog, @aetherianxarchive, @luminescenc1e (edward)

i would legitimately look at this and ask the person, “who hurt you?” 😂

when you’re too embarrassed to share your spotify wrapped to insta bc it’s all breakup songs. 💀

In honor of SPOTIFY WRAPPED,  send me a number 1-100 and I’ll write you a starter based on the song.

when you’re too embarrassed to share your spotify wrapped to insta bc it’s all breakup songs. 💀

somebody refuses to get off my desk and let me work today.