Gonna be super honest

I'm thinking about cutting. Thinking about that knife I have sitting in the bathroom and all the lovely little marks I can make. Thinking that if the pain is physical, maybe the demons will quiet down. I'm so dark, so abysmal. I need my light. But it's been extinguished. You promised to always be there...but you left. You left me alone in the dark and it's all I have left. I feel so numb. I'm terrified. How can I breathe when there's no air? How can I live when there's nothing to live for? I am empty.

Can I Fall Any Deeper by thesweetdangerparade ❤ liked on Polyvore

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Kinda feeling depressed by laughing-jacksgrl on Polyvore

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Self harm cuts Broken Dreams..Broken Hearts..Broken Bodies3 Self… ❤ liked on Polyvore

Wow

I feel special today for the first time in over 4 years. Idk what to do. -sigh- I'm so tired of crying, but you make me smile.

This is me

I Am whatever you say I am.... I’m so annoying. I’m so stupid. I’m so immature. I’m so childish. 
Lemme ask you a question….did you EVER think that there might be a reason that I am the way I am? I’m either 100% or 0%. I love hard, I love fast. I give you my all, or nothing. I am childish because my childhood was ripped away from me by a drunk bastard. He liked to hit my mom, and I had to be the fucking adult for two drunks. That meant cooking, cleaning, getting myself to school, babysitting, and crying myself to sleep to the sound of fists meeting flesh. Yes, I take joy in the simplest things. Cows, ditch lilies, pretty colors, bugs, fishes, water, baths, coloring books, beads, and a ton of other things. Yes I’m clingy….YES I need reassurance that I’m loved on a regular basis. Why? Because I grew up thinking love was pain. Now, I want that fairy tale crap. I want forehead kisses, hand holding. I want to listen to your heart beat. I want TIME, not money. No one ever listens to me. Because I talk too much. Do you think that’s because my dad told me my whole life children should be beaten, not heard? That I never had a voice as a child, so I force myself to be heard NOW? ‘You call yourself fat too much and put yourself down…’ no shit. The man who I’m supposed to model all others in my life over…all I ever heard was 'that fat cunt eats everything in the fucking house’ 'that fat bitch’ 'the fat whore’ and so on, and so forth. YES I’m damaged. I do my damnedest to hide it, but I’m broken. No one will ever change my opinion about myself, because it’s all I know. I’m sorry I’m clingy, I’m sorry I’m stupid, I’m sorry I’m fat, I’m sorry I’m childish, I’m sorry I’m annoying, I’m sorry I love too much. I’m sorry I’m……..me.

You don’t get to choose who handles your heart. There are simply people who were born with it in their teeth. When you meet them, it is best to build a bomb shelter.

Tara Hardy (via feellng)

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!

Why am I so fucking irrational and stupid? I'm so insensitive and uncaring. I'm mean. Flat out cruel. Even if it's only in my head, and it never comes out of my mouth, that makes me a bad person, right? Don't people always say 'it's the thought that counts?' What the fuck is wrong with me?

Still

Under her spell. It'll never end. None of it. It's going to continue like it always has. So nothing will change but the address. You'd think by now I would be smart enough to keep from letting it bother me. But I'm not. It still kills me that you're that willing to let someone keep destroying any chance at happiness you may ever have. Well I can't save you from yourself. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink.

My stomach feels like a pit of acid And I have blood crusted under my nails All I hear is the screaming and yelling and I can’t escape it I call for you but you’re not there I’m consumed by the bitter darkness And the thought that I’m alone

(via radio-transitions)

You

Don't listen even when I flat out tell you what's wrong. Then KEEP ASKING. Stop insulting me but the continued asking. You obviously don't give two flying fucks.

A thousand times again and yes. Still this. So. Much. This.

Thoughts

I’m dying for romance. Flowers, candles, love notes. ANYTHING. I just want to be shown that I actually mean something to you. Would it kill you? It doesn’t have to be expensive… A picnic at the beach, a long romantic drive, a walk through the woods. Tell me you love me in the sunset. ANYTHING. I’m tired of never feeling good enough. I just need to be shown I am.

I can't even tell you how I'm feeling anymore. You don't listen, and you blame me. I just want to give up.

Fuck being poise and rationalizing what you are to me and how we should act with one another. You were the love of my life and I would make every mistake I ever did with you in front of everyone and still not regret a second.

//3:26 (via theproblemswithmissingyou)