Also,,,, Neil and Jean telling the FBI that they intentionally and willingly switched Neil's looks back over winter break bc "what's the worst that could happen? 🤪" like it was a boys will be boys moment sent me

idk why but i'm obsessed with this scene. like neil is smiling the butcher's smile and he knows he is, and tries to hide it !!!!

Yes, Neil ordering a hit on Grayson in the middle of a restaurant was The Move™️ of all time, BUT let's not forget that it wasn't the first time Neil ensured someone's death in public.

He might not have officially ordered and paid for this one, but he sure did sick Stuart on Proust to make sure he died in the middle of a crowd at championships.

[43] pov you’re a little snail

neil josten loses his chill like a few chapters into book 1 and just never finds it again

we used to have normalized whump. remember what they took from you....

Perhaps my favourite description of the Foxes from Jean's POV

Are there any heirs apparent or new entries to the cluster of beloved-by-tumblr plot-driven Children's cartoons (SU, GF, Amphibia, TOH, ATLA, Infinity Train, etc.) or are in something of a dry period for that kind of thing at the moment?

Neil got his unhinged, mental, bullshit-spewing mouth from his mama. Stuart was in the book for all of 4 pages in tsc and was just as blunt, unfiltered, making the same off the wall comments his nephew does. shit runs in the family clearly

our discord unanimously agreed that ratatouille is a mecha and I cried laughing after making this joke

i always thought it would be interesting to have a story where the aliens are using a universal translator so all the humans had their names translated from old english or greek or whatever. if you did this with homestuck fic, it could be especially interesting if the trolls got their names through an automatic six-letter name generator, so they didn’t mean anything but ‘this guy in particular’, while the humans were: God Is Gracious (john), Usually Greenish Metamorphic Silicate Rock (jade), Romantic Flower (rose), Beloved, Cherished (dave), Bright Dawn (roxy), Long Stabbing Knife (dirk), God Is Gracious, the Girl Version (jane), and then it turns out that jake could be a hebrew name or an english diminutive of john or a regional pronunciation of jack and therefore his name translates out to everything from Supplanter, to Joke, to Male Person, to God Is Gracious Number Three.

like can you imagine karkat being like, ‘OKAY, I HAVE TO ASK. WHY THE FUCK DO YOU GUYS HAVE SUCH PHENOMENALLY STUPID NAMES’ and Usually Greenish Metamorphic Silicate Rock is like, ‘hey, fuck you too, buddy!’ and the pornographically titled Beloved, Cherished is like ‘okay like you’re really one to talk, Feline Composed From Or Associated With a Small Self-Propelled Vehicle,’ and karkat realizes once more he has created the worst of all possible species of alien and has to go and lie down and hate himself

Ok so I was looking for historical slang terms for penis (gotta be era-accurate when writing vintage dick jokes) and I came across….something

some linguist compiled a literal timeline of genitalia slang–a cock compendium, if you will–that dates back all the way to the fucking 13th CENTURY. This motherfucker tracked the evolution of erection etymology through 800+ years, because if he doesn’t do it, who else will? Thank you for your service, Johnathon Green.

big thank you to jeremy knox for finally verbalizing what we’ve been thinking for an actual decade now

kevin taking jean's hand in his and turning his arm around to assess his wounds and asking him to make a fist and sighing in relief when he can like he's done this song and dance a million times before with jean. checking him after an incident and making sure he's still in one piece and jean allowing it because he loves him desperately and it's the only reprieve he has from all the abuse. the only time someone handles him with care. and it stings because he has to tell himself that kevin only cares because if jean can't play exy he's no use to anyone and if he's no use to anyone he'll be killed and kevin will be left alone and kevin desperately doesn't want to be left alone. but he's also the reason jean gets to keep his language even if it was only ever whispered in secret. and he's the reason jean had a collection of something to treasure, even of it was just magnets and postcards. and he's also 90% of the reason jean is alive because he made a promise and he couldn't bear to leave kevin even though in the end kevin left him behind. and even after that kind of betrayal he still has unwavering trust in kevin and goes where he tells him to so he'll be safe and defends his name when he needs to. because it's kevin. and maybe he can't be everything to jean but he will always be something to him.

just so everyone knows, jeremy has nothing to be defensive about.

Literally sobbing my eyes out because Jean wanted Neil to stay at The Nest so. Bad. Someone barrels into his life—the "what could have been" of Jean Moreau if his mother had saved him instead of sold him—and tells Jean that he doesn't deserve to be treated this way. Jean-Yves "Starving Dog" Moreau doesn't deserve to starve, doesn't deserve to spend his whole life chasing safety and approval. For the first time in a long time, Jean has someone to protect and be protected by—a partner who won't throw him under the bus the first chance he gets. Someone to hold his fucking hand.

And then Neil leaves. Neil leaves, and Jean shatters into even more pieces than before. His partner—the one and only bright spot in Evermore's relentless sea of bad—has gone back to the Foxes, a group of people that would never treat someone the way Jean has been treated. Jean has been abandoned, yet again, by the only person capable of being there for him. Kevin got out. Neil got out. They find homes and lives and families while Jean is forced to stay and let Riko beat him into the ground, day after day after day. What makes Jean so different? So unworthy? Why can't fate hand him the same cards?

He watches Neil flourish from behind black walls, watches Kevin grow and heal and thinks why not me? And he's glad they are safe, but Jean can't help it—he wants them back. Wants someone to bear witness to his pain, even if it means putting them in danger. And is that so awful to crave? A partner in punishment? Someone to promise him hope when all he can see is black?

Kengo dies, and what little bit of hope Jean had allowed himself to cling to dies with him.

I am going to die here, Jean realizes, bleeding out onto the dormitory floor. I am finally going to die here.

When he spots Renee, he thinks he has died. Who else would come for him but an angel without wings?

But no, this is real. Jean is alive, and this is real—after years of battering, it is finally his turn to be saved, and it's all because of the Neil Josten. Jean may have been left, but he was not abandoned. He was in the back of Neil's mind the entire time. Jean watches from behind the Foxes' safety net as Neil takes Riko's resolve and dismantles it with unforgiving hands, as Neil helps return Kevin to his former glory. Watches as Neil drags Riko's life to a screeching halt. Neil cuts a deal for Jean with the Moriyamas—gives him a place outside of Evermore for the first time since Marseille—and Jean can barely breathe under the weight of himself. It's real, but it doesn't feel like it.

And then Kevin—that beautiful, unattainable piece of bitch—sends Jean to the Trojans, repayment for helping Kevin escape all those months ago. Neil takes care of the last piece of Jean's painful past, repayment for Jean's life-saving support at Evermore. And perhaps there is no real way to settle the score between the three of them, but they're free. They're safe. They're alive, and they never could have done it without each other. Maybe that's enough for now.