do you think hoffman saying "epic bad luck" is his version of john kramer backwards baseball cap that's meant to make him look younger and more hip

genuinely one of the saddest parts of this new era of the internet is how hard it is to rick roll someone now. with people's attention spans shortening so much, they wouldn't even get through the first few bait seconds before clicking off the video. like i saw a comment that ended with "btw i made all of this up" and the replies kept treating it so seriously because none of them finished the entire 4 sentence comment. and We're no strangers to love You know the rules and so do I (do I) A full commitment's what I'm thinking of You wouldn't get this from any other guy I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

“but what if i’m being annoying :(“ everyone’s annoying dipshit it came free with fucking being alive and existing. now go talk to your friends

lotion is a substance that exists to make your skin not feel gross and dry by making your skin feel gross and wet <3

we all have our own crosses to bear. for example. sometimes i enjoy a panic at the disco song

they should make a body that isnt constantly in pain or sick or has health problems forever

been really getting into music lately. has anyone else discovered this music thing. there's sounds in there.

bro ur interupting my "pacing around pointlessly and listening to music" time can u not

a "midwife" you say... tch. such a foolish word. a wife could never be mid. all women are epic

“we need an alcohol free queer space for adults with no friends to meet each other”

so sad that in america the only options after a terminal cancer diagnosis is either to make meth or make saw traps

this is how every saw movie looks

banned from the clock app for making too many alarms. you set too many alarms girl! banned from clock app.

“i just like my alone time” i say as if loneliness hasn’t been all i’ve known since childhood

phone is my best friend she would never betray me. what do you mean my brain is being fried by the constant dopamine hits. she just wants me to be happy

they sentenced me to another 2 hours of looking at my phone in bed