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cxxtra · 7 months
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acting ingredient
i see why you
Snatched me up
Like a life vest
In turbulent waters
I see why your touch
Ignited fireflies on my bare skin
And I see why your rare compliments
Meant so much.
I see why
You were all i saw,
And i see why i chose
To fall.
You convinced me
That your arms were open
For the catch.
I see what…
I induced in you
And what you released for me…
Dopamine.
So if our acting ingredient was dopamine
Then can we really say we loved?
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cxxtra · 7 months
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“Indulgence”
The way the sun hits your eyes
Ahhh
It’s gorgeous
Let me capture you in this light
The way your limbs move when you stretch
Mmm
It’s glorious
Let me swoon at the sight
The way your hands capture mine
Its security
Like secret service level tight
The way your lips move on mine
It’s exquisite
It’s something I can’t fight
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cxxtra · 2 years
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1am Shadows
Believe me,
When I say...
They haunt me
Its 1 am and
I cant sleep
Fuck, I cant...
I cant sleep.
They're crawling in the corners
They're calling for me
My demons...
I mean,
These shadows.
What did I ever do to them?!
Do you believe me?
They haunt me.
Oh god,
What's that on the wall,
On the floor,
Why is it so dark?
And ...
Has it always been there?
I've never been scared of my own shadow
Until they overlapped it with theirs.
My shadow is pure,
Why won't they let it,
Just be me.
I never asked for this.
But maybe I need the insanity
So that I can learn
To be sane.
Now its...
2 am and I still cant...
Sleep.
Now i have these,
Expensive bags
Under my eyes.
I tried to get rid of them
But like a tight rubber band
They just
Snapped back.
The invisible ropes
Have never been so
tight.
Why won't you believe me?
They haunt me.
On and on
Our story goes
Now its 3am...
And I'm just waiting,
To see what happens next.
Place your bets,
Look at the angles,
Is the lighting, in my favor?
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cxxtra · 2 years
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Tumblr media
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cxxtra · 2 years
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“You will burn and you will burn out; you will be healed and come back again.”
— Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov
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cxxtra · 3 years
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Emergence
The stars
Cry tears
Called rain
They fall
From the Sky
And drown the earth
With the Vengeance
Of a thousand dry nights.
Lightening strikes,
From the emotion
Of a bottled
oppression
And lights up today,
With the hope
Of a brighter tommorow.
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cxxtra · 3 years
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I Keep an item of yours, because it was never a lie that I loved you. It just wasn't my greatest truth.
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cxxtra · 4 years
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The Claim
Men, in their inherent ways, Are so quick to claim, But not quick enough to be claimed.
I am yours, but... You are not mine. You belong to, The world. A trophy, To be polished. a masculinity, To be put on a pedastol, For all your admirers, That you collect.
You See it, Then Conquer it. You Touch it, Then Claim it. You are not... Mine. In the same way that you made me... Yours. Equality, Is not the way of the ego, I guess.
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cxxtra · 4 years
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When?
When will it stop?
And by "it"
I mean,
The hunting,
That disguises itself ,
As the law,
And perches,
In the distance ,
In wait...
Of black skin
To kill,
And take home as prize.
When...
will they stop beating us down?
Biuld on a black man's back,
And shoot in a black man's face.
Because this is America.
Pow! goes the blue man's gun.
Ow! says the black man's soul.
Again and again.
We're Crying out for help,
Again.
When will it stop?
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cxxtra · 4 years
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Motions
I'm walking.
Up a path. It's long.
It's lonely.
And the end,
I envision it clearly
It's a mountain top.
With endless views of beauty,
And gratitude.
But why is this mountain so high?
Why is every step
Weighted
With uncertainty?
The wind here is cold
Unforgiving
nipping at every inch of skin
It has access to.
I'm... Fighting for every
Breath
As oxygen evades me.
Sometimes I feel like,
Im choking on my own negativity.
I need the heimlich.
Broken
Again and again.
Beaten,
Beyond recognition.
It hurts, yes.
I'm fighting all the elements.
Fuck. why am I even fighting?
The pain numbs itself.
Only So that I can function.
I Put on my smile
When it's necessary
Laugh on command
Keep walking
Keep breathing
Go through
The motions
Even when...
My emotions are tearing me up.
Are you okay?
I'm not.
But I'll make you feel okay,
Even if it kills me.
I put on my cape.
It's time to go save the world from
My tears again.
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cxxtra · 5 years
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When the builders of the bridge
have all gone home
and you must cross
in the dark, alone
.
When the valley is too arid
and all you know is thirst,
when every well has run dry
and the sun can only scorch
.
When circumstance squashes chance
and hope is neither noun or verb,
and your only experience distress
and forward movement is repressed
.
You've reached the end of yourself,
the place God loves to stand
with open arms to draw you in
and then carry you across.
.
D W Eldred
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cxxtra · 5 years
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Waters
I'm here for a reason
Aren't i?
Thrown,
With an arm,
That knows no bounds...
Sinking is easier,
Than fighting
To keep my head above the
Relentless currents,
But swimming,
Is my only option.
When will I learn
How?
The deep end,
Is so deep,
That i can't find my tears anymore
Can't see the sky,
Anymore.
This isn't a place for mercy
Because mercy isn't given
To the survivors.
I can't breathe.
Help.
I don't understand.
Help.
I need a lifejacket,
I need a
Lifegaurd,
I can't...
Breathe
Tears of silent oppression
That I can't....
See.
Help.
I think,
I'm drowning.
God save me.
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cxxtra · 5 years
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Shaking off our youth
we don a cape of wisdom
slowly gained with age.
D W Eldred
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cxxtra · 5 years
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Remember
In the days before 
They cared about us, We were ants On the ground to them. Look at you now. A giant amongst Commoners. Remember, when they kept Us on a tight rope... Because their lack of faith In us Meant we couldn't leave their side So we remained By our master For food, For comfort. We swam in their mud, Ignorant to the fresh waters Just beyond our reach. Until the day came, When freedom whispered For us And the message was delivered On the soft lips Of a powerful wind. And up we rose Together, Like foam to the surface. And now we call The world, Our own. Remeber, When it lived our hearts? As a dream too big to build? Remeber when the crumbs they fed us Barely kept us alive? Now we eat, What we reap, And not what we were begrudgingly given. Now we build, Stone by golden stone Until it touches the sky Because we've earned that power. It sits in the palm of our hands, Like the sunset sits In the palm of the earth. Remember when they said the sky Was the limit? I forgot. Because we surpassed that. Now we gaze At our creations From up here. And we laugh At how long it took. Remember, When all we had was each other? Remember, When we had nothing? I remember. I'll always remember. And I'm ever grateful, For what we sculpted From the mud.
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cxxtra · 5 years
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The Kings Crown
The Kings crown is broken The king is missing a diamond.
I think we Should check the closet He might have lost it In the heap, Of buried skeletons Or, I mean, In his closet of trophies.
Or maybe we should check With his mistresses It might be lost underneath The lace, That carries the tears, Of an endless servitude.
It might be In that man's pocket His apappearance is so. .. Unusual. he might have, Stolen it. If so, The king will want him Chained to the block For a public execution.
Let's look in the streets Where the masses bleed And beg For mercy, That is never given.
Mouths agape With the need for food, Flies swarm Over a sea of Sadness Visualized as a mountain of bodies. Mass murder.
A river of blood Soperates The innocent From the greedy.
Despair exists As a silent cry On the lips of the children.
Meanwhile a wizard is In the background Searching for a cure To save their humanity, Always searching.
The greatness, Of the people is evident. In the way they dance Around fires for warmth But don't stray too close Because it burns. The cold persists Through the rags They wear. And they've managed to convince themselves That all is well.
Stealing from each other, Because your king Is not King enough, To open his eyes.
The king is waiting At the top of his empire state of mind At the top of The bodies And ashes And tears. He wears his broken crown.
Hey! Don't forget the job. The Kings crown is broken. The king lost a diamond. You should find that.
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cxxtra · 5 years
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Why are you Here?
How dare you think That you can take away something, That belongs to me? Like grade school petty thefts, From your neighbors desk... Is it fun for you? How dare you think, that my emotions Have buttons? That if you push hard enough, You will be rewarded? This is not a gameboy No.
.
I am... Decadent like the berries That make fine wine Patient  like the time It takes for perfection. And you are... Deceitful Like the sun's rays On a winter day. Unreliable, like The the illusion of safety That cops give... And I'm sorry, But why are you here? You are unnecessary to me An accessory, to me. And don't they say, That less is more? So, Go So that I may have peace. Please. And on your way out... Slam my door Open, So that good things, May this way come.
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cxxtra · 6 years
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The High
Ohh, I'm loopy Low key trippy. What is this? What is that? What is life?
I flow with the wind. I am one with the dew On the green of the grass. I am one with the sky, the clouds are free Within it, And so am I.
Overstimulated like, I graduated now Like, I've ascended, like, Show me the way back home now Or am I already there?
Now you see me, And now you don't. I fear no more The fear of falling... Is the greatest fear of all, And I already fell... Up.
Nobody  told me, the Side effects of you... Of this. Nobody told me, I would lose my mind. Nobody told me, You would show me. Us, As one. They said, take it as suggested. But, I think, I might have took too much.
Said we'd do anything for the high.
And then we realized, That life is the high. And we are the at... The heights, Staring at ourselves.... As we wander, And continue to wonder. The journey does not end Because this high, is truly infinite.
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