Something I don't see talked about a ton in the chronic pain community is how physical pain stresses out the body and mind. It's harder to think when in pain (brain fog), and because your body is under a lot of stress, it can lower the threshold for other stressors.

I know that if I'm in pain, I can't handle as much stimulation or mental/emotional stress. It's a lot easier for me to break down crying on my high pain days—not just bc I'm in pain but because it's harder for me to process things emotionally while my body is under stress from pain. For the same reason, it can be difficult to think as quickly or clearly. I can even have a hard time speaking.

I feel a lot of pressure from society to push through the pain. To keep going despite how hard it is to think or to process the world or my feelings while I'm in pain. Today, when I was in lots of pain, my friend told me to relax, to take it easy. And it was really, really hard. I needed so much reassurance that I didn't need to keep pushing. That everything would still be okay if I stopped treading water and just floated instead.

I'm not totally sure what my point here is, if there is any. But I think we need to be especially kind to ourselves on high pain days. And we need to let ourselves know when it's time to rest, even if it's the last thing we want to do.

I got groped outside of a train station today except they groped my head ? Which was bizarre and I still felt extremely violated and I cried

You are not an inconvenience. You are meant to be here. You are meant to take space, to have a voice, to express your feelings.

You are not an inconvenience.

I don’t feel like myself and it’s scary

who else mourning the person they could've been if they were treated kindly as a child

"yOuR trAuMa mAde yOu sTroNger" no bitch it made me prone to disassociation and afraid of loud noises

fetishizing how miserable you are wont help you get better. try fetishizing blood instead

The memory loss as a feature of ptsd and dissociative disorder is rarely talked about. It’s not only ‘big holes in memories’ or ‘blank periods of time’, though of course that happens too. But you lose people from your memory too.

Relationships, friendships. People who once meant everything to you, you can’t recall their names anymore. People you only casually knew during a period of trauma can fade from your mind completely. You can’t remember what you said to someone, what conversations you had together, even the fights and the lows, it all becomes a blur, and then completely fades away.

Your life is sorted into periods of whatever trauma was going on at the moment, but you can’t recall what else took place. What you learned, what experiences you had, the normal things you did that later feel bizzare for a person in your situation to do, to be able to do. Or you don’t remember the trauma, and it’s difficult to put things into any kind of context.

And for your childhood, it’s impossible to make a timeline out of it. Events mesh together, there’s no before or after, to link an event to a year is almost impossible, for any event you can’t tell if you were 5 or 8 or 14, you try and make sense based on what else was going on in your life, except you can’t quite remember what it was. You lived one life at home, a whole another life in school or public space, another one online, and they don’t seem to be connected at any point, and to link it all in a timeline feels impossible.

The memories that don’t hold strong emotions fade first, but eventually, the ones with strong emotions fade too.

Your short term memory becomes difficult as well, it feels like an incredible strain to remember anything you did 2 weeks ago, or 2 days ago, or yesterday. If you’re reminded of something that went on a year ago, it’s a shock because you no longer remember it as something that happened at all. Your brain erases anything that ended as something that never happened, or isn’t worth recalling, or would only stress you out to think about, so you don’t, and it goes away.

Having a memory surge back is stressful, because you realize you never thought about this event, or this person, for years, and this meant something to you, it formed you and shaped your life, it made you feel something. But it was gone for so long, and probably, the second you forget it, it will be gone again. It’s hard to see who you are when you no longer know who you were. You don’t know how anyone perceives you because you don’t recall your experience together.

Remember that the right person will never get tired of you even in the worst times

I come on tumblr to talk to myself publicly

[image id: 4 kittens sitting upright next to each other looking at the camera. from left to right, the orange cat has the text bubble of "i'm bpd". the light colored cat has the text bubble of "i'm hpd". the black cat has the text of "i'm npd". and the gray cat has the text bubble of "and i'm aspd" end image id]

[gif id: pink sparkling text that says, "we are the cluster b brothers!" end gif id]

🎶 Where were you when everything was falling apart? 🎶

I am loved I am loved I am loved

anyway i love u "losers" and "boring" people in ur teens and 20s i love you anxious people i love you autists i love you disabled people i love you chronically ill people i love you immunocompromised people i love you people who can't go out and do stereotypical teen/20s activities and i love you people who don't want to. forever!!!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I thought I was fine.

I thought I could handle this but I can't.

DO I SEEM ANXIOUS TO YOU?

DO I SEEM BACKED INTO A CORNER?