cpd5777
CPD❤️Upstead
Ellie. Chicago PD and Fire. Fic cheerleader. Upstead addict.
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“She hasn't been protected a day in her life. Doesn't know that she can be, that she should be.”
I just do not understand how a show and a writer’s room that has been building this protection arc for Hailey from literally her first DAY on the show would find that it makes any sense at all to do this.
I get that Jay is not coming back and they want some kind of fresh slate or “phoenix rising from the ashes” story for Hailey now. That they want to start fresh (I don’t agree with it, but I see that’s their current ridiculous angle).
Thinking we’ll believe she’ll emerge from this stronger and better is insulting our intelligence. They took two of the most reserved characters and built trust. She was still trusting and loving him in this last ep. So you took a woman who has a history of abuse, brutalized her for an ep, kicked her while she was down, and then forced her through Voight to question the “one good thing” after you destroyed that thing by assassinating Jay’s character.
Tracy is the best actress in a generation and the writers are relying on her to act them out of a corner again and again. She’ll make us believe whatever they put on a page.
But, it’s the most amateur of storytelling. I feel like I am reading a “choose your own adventure” book vs. watching one of the top rated shows on network TV. As much as I adored Jay, this is not about wanting him back.
The main tenet of shows is to realize that strong shows respect the stories and the characters they built. So keep that loyalty to the ones on the screen still, like Hailey. Even non-upstead stans and casual watchers are perplexed. That’s a sign that no one gets it.
I’ll watch this show as long as Tracy is on it because I enjoy watching a masterclass every week even if she is in the background, but the direction of the storylines on all fronts feel decidedly amateur and that’s a shame. We could have continued with an enjoyable procedural post Jesse exit, and the OOC character plays are just downright distracting now.
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i miss you, i’m sorry
Hi friends! The season premiere of PD was rough to say the least for the Upstead fandom, so here is a post-ep fix-it/rewrite of it because in no universe do Hailey and Jay not end up together. Hope you enjoy! 💕
The title for this fic is taken from the song, “I miss you, I’m sorry” by Gracie Abrams.
Read on AO3
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do you think Hailey will get a redemption arc?
Redemption for what? All she needs is for Voight to stay away from her and for Gwen to not turn her arc into trauma porn.
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What she said!
dear opportunist Jay/Hailey anon,
I'm not going to answer the ask(s), so please stop sending them!
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Completely agree with this. I remember just staring at the screen with my mouth hanging open!
Battle of the opening scenes: 804 VS 811
Who do you choose and why?
Oh god this is a cruel battle.
There are many things to love about the 8x11 opening, but I think I’ve gotta go with 8x04. I’ll never get forget what it was like watching it live. It took me a good while for my brain to fully function again. Also,
Need I say more?
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Do you think Hailey still talks to her mom?
I think they occasionally text and talk on birthdays.
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Do you think Hailey could be a mom one day?
Yes with an upstead child of course
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do you think that Hailey is a opportunist?
Yes she takes every opportunity she can be a complete badass and look hot while doing it.
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I love this scene too!
do you have a favourite underrated underrated upstead scene? like a scene that is not a big moment you don’t see people talk about much?
I feel like there are a ton but this one from 6x06 comes to mind
It’s the same scene Jay says “nothing good comes out of a workplace romance” and right after he says “you should get some rest.” She has this little moment of pause and stops herself from saying something (also her eyes definitely flicker from his eyes to his lips for a second). Most likely, it was her wanting to tell him about Adam. However, my delulu brain has convinced myself she was going to ask him to stay. I think about this moment often, and her asking him to stay is actually an idea that has lived in my WIPs folder for a long while now
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This!!
New characters? As long is not a new love interest.
That would be such a slap in the face to us the fans that I don't even have the words. But I don't think she is that stupid.
Introducing new characters is such a funny concept to me considering she can’t seem to manage the ones she already has very well.
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holy ground - part 2
Summary - Her fingers twitched, brushing against soft warm skin. But it wasn’t her own.
Hailey’s eyes fluttered open, taking in the sleeping figure beside her. He was still there.
It hadn’t been a figment of her imagination. It hadn’t been a dream that she had conjured up in her subconscious. It had been real.
And he had stayed.
Chapters - 2/2
Notes - I couldn’t resist adding a little of Jay’s POV to this so please enjoy! AO3 Link
Jay was dozing in and out of consciousness, a pleasant dreamless sleep filling his mind when felt something twitch against his skin, fingers warm against his bare shoulder. Hailey.
Hailey was here, with him, in her bed. His hand was curved protectively around her hip, confirming her presence and her hand was resting on his shoulder.
It had been real.
Her confession. Their kiss. Their night together. All of it had been real.
He had known for a long time that he wanted to cross that line and take the next step with her, and for a brief moment he had thought she wanted it too when he had gotten shot. But then she had clammed up, changed the topic and walked away from him with tears in her eyes - he had thought she had changed her mind. Decided it wasn’t worth it.
That he wasn’t worth it.
And then she had told him she’d had an offer for a job in New York. He wasn’t surprised the Feds wanted to keep her. He wanted to keep her. And he had said ‘cool’. That’s a perfectly rational response when the girl you are mad for who only sees you as a friend says she might be leaving the state, isn’t it?
But then at the bar, she had said she didn’t want to take it. Didn’t want to take it because of him.
He had wanted to say something, say anything as she spoke but it was his turn to clam up and watch as once again her blue eyes brimmed with tears. But there was a spark in them this time, a glimmer of hope, of possibility. So when she finally said the words, he hadn’t even thought about it, just pulled her into his arms and kissed her.
He’d waited far too long to kiss her and the fact they were in the middle of a bar, well he didn’t care.
He felt like a hormone fueled teenager again, pushing her up against his truck and sealing his lips to hers and finally feeling what it was like to run his fingers through her hair. He should have been embarrassed about how many times he had dreamt about that very moment but when he felt her mouth open under his and her fingers slide under his shirt, holding him to her, he realised that he might not have been the only one dreaming about it.
He was finally kissing Hailey Upton. And she was kissing him back.
He knew they should probably talk about it, about what this meant for them and their partnership but there was a tiny part of him that worried if they did, she would pull back. Pull back from him. Put the brakes on and slide it into park.
And he didn’t want that.
He wanted all of it.
He wanted her and he wanted the job.
He wanted her as a partner, by his side at home and on the streets.
His partner on the job and his partner in life.
He needed her.
But as he felt her slide a little closer, her hand across his chest and her head now resting on his shoulder, he knew if she ever didn’t want that, didn’t want him - he would let her go.
He wasn’t sure he would survive it. But he’d do it.
He’d do anything she asked of him.
But as he lay there, he prayed to a God he didn’t really believe in that she never would.
He knew she loved her job, hell she was probably the best cop he had ever met and he was proud of the cop he had become by working alongside her day after day. But he also knew how hard she had worked to get to where she was now, and the battles she had had to fight to be taken seriously.
And he just hoped that when she woke up, she decided that they were a battle worth fighting as well.
Screw Voight’s rule about no in house dating. Jay knew they were both professional enough to be able to keep their heads on calls and keep their private life private and out of the bullpen. It was worth it.
They were worth it.
She was worth it.
He had been worried that at some point in the night she would wake up and realise it was a mistake, that he was a mistake and try to pretend nothing had happened between them. And he would have gone along with it and waited until she was ready. He would wait forever if it meant one day he finally got to call Hailey Upton his.
He felt her soft lips press against his shoulder and suddenly all of the worry that she might not want him enough to stay, vanished. He remembered how those lips felt as they had explored his skin a few hours before and he never wanted to feel anybody else's lips on him ever again.
He was ruined for her, completely head over heels gone for her.
And the fact that instead of pulling away from him this morning, she was pulling herself closer, it brought him immeasurable amounts of joy.
As much as he loved being her pillow, he wanted her to know he was also awake before the alarm woke them from their blissful bubble. He brought his other hand up, the one not resting on her hip, and threaded his fingers through hers. He dropped a kiss to her forehead, letting his lips linger against her hairline not wanting to pull away.
‘Good morning,’ he whispered. His voice was still thick with sleep but he couldn’t help but smile at the possibility that this was the start of numerous good mornings with Hailey.
He knew it might not be easy, knew not only had his own heart been damaged in the past but that Hailey kept her own guarded for many a reason. They both had their own scars, physical and mental, their own battles they fought inside themselves. But right now, it didn’t matter, their pasts didn’t matter. The fact they were partners on the job didn’t matter. All that mattered was that they were together. Their whole future was lying in front of them. Their future.
At this precise moment in time, Jay thought he could take on the entire world, so long as Hailey was beside him and they tackled it, together.
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This is so good!! Can’t wait to read more!
All of My What Ifs - Chapter 2
She sees him. At first, she thinks her eyes might be playing tricks on her. She saw him everywhere, everyday for months after he left, but that hasn’t happened for years. Hailey knows those broad shoulders and that resolute stance. There is no mistaking the body she knows as well as her own. She couldn’t forget it if she tried- and God, she tried. For the first time in two years, six months, and twenty-eight days, she sees him.
Hi!
This was a mistake in planning on my part, but just a heads up that posting is going to be a little different next week. I will be traveling so I am going to *try* to have the next chapter up on Thursday morning. If you don't see me post on Thursday, that means plans got away from me a little bit and I'll be back the following Friday. Either way, thanks for sticking around!
Also, yes, I renamed last week's Prologue into Chapter 1. I want the numbers on AO3 to match. Speaking of, Read on AO3!
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Can’t wait to start this!
All of My What Ifs - Prologue
She sees him. At first, she thinks her eyes might be playing tricks on her. She saw him everywhere, everyday for months after he left, but that hasn’t happened for years. Hailey knows those broad shoulders and that resolute stance. There is no mistaking the body she knows as well as her own. She couldn’t forget it if she tried- and God, she tried. For the first time in two years, six months, and twenty-eight days, she sees him.
Hello, everyone!
I'll just start by saying that if you're one of the people who has seen me state that I would never write a long (for me) story, look away. This one will probably be around 14 chapters, but that has potential to change. This is my first go at a story like this, so the pacing might be a little funky. It might have some growing pains. It's all part of the process. I've been having fun putting the beginnings of this one together over the past handful of weeks, so I hope you all have fun reading. I think Fridays are going to be my day of choice. This week's intro is more of a prologue than anything, so I'll be back next Friday with a longer Chapter 1. Thanks for reading!
Read on AO3
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Homebodies unite!
JESSE LEE SOFFER as Mister Rogers
Variety Interview (2023)
Stay in or go out? Stay in, I'm a total homebody.
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Loving this fic!!!!!
It Seemed Like a Good Idea - Chapter 10
Summary - Hailey’s US visa was due to expire, which normally wouldn’t be an issue as the CPD would get it renewed but due to a backlog of paperwork, this wasn’t possible. This meant Hailey was faced with the real possibility of having to leave the country, her job and everything she held dear. That was until Jay offered up a solution which would allow her to stay in Chicago, in Intelligence, with him - they could get married. Getting married was a good idea, right?
Chapters - 10/20
Chapter Title - The Party
Notes - just wanted to give a heads up that the posting schedule for this may change if I get my move sorted but I will post to let you know if it does. Happy Reading ❤️ AO3 Link
What happened next was a blur, there were congratulations from everyone but all Jay was focused on was the feeling of Hailey’s hand tucked snugly into his. She had said loved him. He knew she did, in a friend-kind of way anyway. You don’t become best friends with someone unless you love them but it was the way she had said it. That she loved him and she always would. It had sounded like she meant it.
But she couldn’t have.
She was just playing into the persona that they both had adopted to get her to stay here. It was an act and the words were just that, just words, without the meaning they normally held. But still, his hand was in hers, he was her husband, and the added benefit, he had got the chance to kiss her again.
Adam announced loudly that they were having a party at Molly’s, it didn’t matter that it was barely past noon, they were having a party and it was non-negotiable. Jay could hear Makayla cheering until Adam said that she could only stay for a bit before Jordan, Kevin’s younger brother, would come and pick her up. Even her argument that princesses like parties was falling on deaf ears.
‘We will meet you there,’ Jay said to the group when he realised he hadn’t heard Hailey say anything on the topic of the party. He squeezed her hand gently and she smiled up at him, the gratitude clear on her face.
‘Let’s give the newlyweds a bit of privacy and we will see you at Molly’s,’ Kevin said with a grin.
‘If you don’t show up, we will be coming to find you so be quick, we don’t want to find you in a compromising position,’ Adam said with a smirk and was rewarded with a slap to his arm from Kim.
‘We will see you there,’ Jay said firmly with a nod before tugging Hailey towards the exit of the building.
Hailey had arrived in Kim’s car but Jay’s truck was parked just a block away having driven himself to the courthouse with Will. Hailey was still quiet as Jay held the door open for her and she took a seat. It was their wedding day after all, what kind of groom let his bride open her own door, patriarchal connotations or not.
He took a brief second to steal himself before climbing into the driver's seat.
‘You alright?’ He asked her softly once the doors were closed.
‘We’re married,’ was all Hailey said, her gaze focused straight ahead but not on one thing in particular.
‘Yeah we are,’ Jay agreed, not sure if she was happy or sad or maybe even angry at the situation. He was struggling to read her right now, normally he was the only person who could read Hailey.
‘We’re married,’ she said but this time she giggled. Hailey Upton was giggling at the fact that she had married him - he wasn’t sure how to take that. She looked over at him, and Jay realised his worry must have been painted across his face. ‘No, I don’t mean it like that,’ she said quickly, reaching across to put a hand on his leg. ‘I just mean it’s a bit weird right, like we are actually married.’
‘I guess,’ Jay said, attempting to focus on absolutely anything but on her hand and its warmth against his thigh.
‘I know you said I’m not supposed to say it, but thank you Jay. I guess I never thought we’d actually go through with it but thank you,’ she said and before Jay knew what was happening, she had leant across the centre console and had pressed her lips to his cheek. She lingered for a moment, longer than she had done when she had previously kissed his cheek. When she pulled back her cheeks were a little rosier than they had been before and Jay couldn’t help but smile.
All the other times they had kissed, both on the cheek and when he had actually had the opportunity to taste her lips, it had been part of the act. Either in front of people or as practice for being in front of people. But this was just them. This was Hailey kissing him because she wanted to. She wanted to. And he wanted her to.
‘I think we have a party to get to,’ he said, clearing his throat a little and when she grinned at him, he had to grin back.
‘We should have guessed Adam would do something like this,’ she said, reaching up to pull her seatbelt across her chest.
‘We don’t have to stay too long if we don’t want to, we are the newlyweds after all,’ he said with a wink, shifting his truck into drive and pulling out, Hailey’s giggle still ringing in his ears.
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Jay drove the long way to Molly’s; they both agreed that the slight delay in their arrival would add to the image that they were madly in love and couldn’t keep their hands off each other. They also discussed that their wedding day would likely be a chance for them to be more hands-on and open about their relationship than they had been in the past.
‘So if we need to kiss?’ Jay asked, wanting to be absolutely clear so neither of them got caught in an awkward or a compromising position.
‘We kiss,’ Hailey said with a nod. ‘We can just stick together and go with the flow.’
‘Go with the flow,’ Jay agreed. ‘Let’s go face the music then,’ he said with a chuckle, climbing out of the vehicle and jogging round quickly to her side. ‘M’lady,’ he said dramatically with a bow when he opened her door. He didn’t look up as she took his hand but when he heard her laugh he had achieved his goal.
He’d never tire of the sound of her laugh.
They walked into the well known bar hand in hand and were immediately hit with a wall of noise; cheers, wolf whistles and a sea of people. Everyone they could think of was standing in front of them; their teammates obviously and everyone from the courthouse, the 51 lot were also there along with officers they knew from the district who wanted to give their congratulations.
Jay felt Hailey’s hand tighten in his slightly as they both took it all in but he squeezed it gently and then pulled her into his side, giving her the opportunity to bury her face into his chest under the guise of being overwhelmed - which is exactly what she was and exactly what she did.
‘You guys!’ Jay exclaimed when Hailey had reappeared, her smile back in its position on her cheeks.
They moved towards the group, happily accepting congratulations, best wishes and the odd slap on the back. He could hear people complimenting Hailey on her dress, and he couldn’t blame them, she looked like a goddess. Her cheeks reddened anytime anyone did, her embarrassment clear but they were all speaking the truth.
‘Let them breathe guys,’ Stella said loudly to the group and Jay was silently thankful for it, he loved their friends, he really did but having them all here like this, it was a lot.
Stella led them over to the bar and passed them each a glass of Champagne, ‘only the best for my favourite bride and groom,’ she said with a grin. ‘But seriously guys, congratulations.’
‘Thanks Stella,’ Hailey said but Jay could tell there was something playing on her mind. He assumed it was just being the centre of attention, Hailey was never a fan.
When she was awarded the Superintendent's Award for Valor and had to accept it in front of a room full of white shirts and big wigs and she had been trembling as she took to the stage. Platt had organised a congratulations party for her afterwards but Hailey feigned a headache and didn’t make an appearance. When Jay had shown up at her apartment later that night she had let him know how much she hated it.
A couple of glasses of whiskey later she had opened up and explained how it stemmed from her childhood when being the centre of attention would always lead to questions about her home life which was something she avidly avoided. Jay knew enough about her past to be able to read between the lines and understand why young Hailey would have preferred to stay in the shadows. But he also wished she could see why people wanted to celebrate her now, she was an incredible cop and a wonderful person. She deserved all the awards and accolades but he also knew that old habits die hard.
‘You okay?’ He murmured into her ear on the pretence of giving her a kiss on the cheek, his lips brushing against her ear.
He pulled back so he could see her face and she gave him a tiny nod and a shy smile, he wasn’t sure he believed her but Violet had come over to congratulate them and prevented him from asking any further questions.
——————————————————————————
The next hour or so continued in the same manner. The biggest drama was when Jordan arrived to pick up Makayla and the little girl refused to go before she had a photo shoot with Hailey. She demanded that since they both had pretty dresses on they had to get some pictures. Jay watched from the side as Makayla directed Hailey into various poses and Kim happily obliged to be their photographer. It was adorable to watch and he intended to get Kim to send him some of the shots - the one of them both holding out their skirts as if they were curtsying was precious and he needed a copy of it.
Once Mak had left, getting a round of applause from the group as she walked out waving like the Queen, the music was turned up and the party got far louder than it should be for 3pm on a Saturday afternoon.
Hailey and he stayed away from the dance floor, happy just to watch others indulge and lean against the bar, his arm still firmly around her waist and both of their hands not without a drink at any point.
Suddenly Hermann’s voice came through the AV system, ‘seeing as they are both avoiding the dance floor, maybe they were just waiting for the perfect song for their first dance. I am pleased to introduce the newlyweds who I have reliably been informed are not taking each other’s names but I’m old fashioned so please welcome Mr and Mrs Halstead for their first dance!’
Jay’s palms suddenly went sweaty when the music changed from the dance music that had been playing to a slow acoustic song he didn’t recognise. Hands were pushing him and Hailey towards the space that had been cleared for a dance floor and he realised there was no way they were getting out of this one. He glanced down at Hailey and she smiled up at him with the ‘it’s okay’ look that he had gotten familiar with since they had started this charade. He reached down and gave her a quick peck on the lips and then dramatically offered her his hand.
She blushed but accepted all the same and let him lead her on to the dance floor. The crowd was cheering and clapping for them but he chose to focus only on the woman holding his hand. He spun her around before pulling her into his arms, smiling at the childish giggle she let out. He held her close, an arm around her back, the other holding her hand tight to his chest, swaying in time to the music, letting the words wash over him.
You felt like home
Something so right in your eyes
Starting to believe we were always meant to be
He felt Hailey lean her head against his shoulder and couldn’t resist dropping a kiss to her head. He may be mistaken but he thought he felt her pull herself just a little closer when he did.
What are the chances you and I would be side by side
And I could never count the millions of miles in the world, but somehow
What are the chances you and I would be side by side.
As the music picked up, he was glad when others joined them on the dance floor and everyone was no longer solely focused on him and Hailey. Neither of them made a move to let go of each other however, nor to amend their dancing style to the faster beat of the middle of the song. They continued to sway slowly, their bodies as close as they could be, neither letting go.
Must be more than just right place right time, baby
As the music came to an end, he realised that Hailey had gone stiff in his arms, her hand no longer holding his comfortably but clutching it tightly as if her life depended on it.
He leant down so he could whisper in her ear, ‘Hails, what’s wrong?’ But he just felt her shake her head against him and press herself up against him even further, but it was no longer providing him the joy it was before. It was as though he was her life raft and she needed him for survival.
He was about to ask her again, no longer believing her when she said she was okay but a chant of ‘speech speech’ had started up as soon as the song died down.
‘Come on, time for the groom to give a speech,’ Will said loudly into the mic, having clearly wrestled it from Hermann’s grip. Jay shot him a glare but Will just winked back in response.
Hailey pulled back and pushed him gently towards his brother, the smile on her face small and Jay wasn’t sure it was completely genuine but he couldn't ask her about it now.
‘Fine fine,’ Jay said in defeat, his arms flying up in the air as he accepted the microphone from his brother.
‘I’ll have make it short and sweet because my darling brother here didn’t see fit to warn me in advance,’ Jay said to a smattering of chuckles from the crowd.
‘As many of you know, Hailey and I have been partners for a long time,’ Jay started, thinking quickly on his feet to say something that would appease the group, his eyes fixed on Hailey as he spoke. Kim had come up next to her and had wrapped an arm around her but he could still see that Hailey’s smile didn’t quite meet her eyes. ‘Somewhere along the line, she stopped being just my partner and became my best friend and then we fell in love.’ The crowd oohed and Jay blushed. ‘Yes, we’re adorable. But seriously, asking Hailey to marry me was the easiest and best decision of my life and I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with her by my side,’ he finished with a smile, and passed the microphone back to Will.
‘To Hailey,’ Will said, raising his glass in the direction of Hailey. The crowd echoed it back.
Jay strolled back towards Hailey and pulled her into a hug, she responded in kind and wrapped her arms around his back but he heard her whisper into his ear, ‘can we go home please?’ Her voice was quiet and shaky, unlike Hailey’s normally steady tone and her heads were holding on to back tightly, the fingers digging into the fabric of his jacket.
‘Okay,’ he said, not wanting to put her on the spot and question what had changed in her mood from a few hours ago. Taking off his jacket and wrapping it around her he tucked her back under his arm and headed towards the door. It was too much to think they could sneak out unnoticed but he was prepared to take the comments and the snickers as they bailed on their own wedding party, anything to get Hailey out of somewhere she was clearly uncomfortable.
As usual, she was his priority and something was obviously wrong right now.
Lyrics from Side by Side - The Shires
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