coywolfling
sn❄wflake
hi, i’m Aisling (she/her). 33 years old, queer (as in leftist and inclusive), trans, Autistic, coywolf therian with DID. pro self-diagnosis and endo friendly. I’d like to make some friends, but I’m pretty shy
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I think that we should stop criminalizing pirating and I wish the government would give everyone $50,000 every month no matter what and I think that people should stop treating sex workers like they're scum of the earth and I wish that we all cared a little more about artists and musicians and dancers and writers and I think we should stop acting like gender and sexuality is the same for everybody and I think we should all steal a little more
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ALOK VAID-MENON
Getting Curious with Jonathan Van Ness 1x03 (2022)
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here is your gentle reminder that there are dandelions growing through cracks in the sidewalk. there is a fence lizard on the porch who is growing a new tail. there are trees growing through an abandoned house, branches tearing through the ceiling, ferns carpeting the floor. there is life pushing forward, pushing through.
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While I’m at at, why not bring out all the old fandoms!?!
I started reading the Cirque Du Freak books nearly 20 years ago (…jfc…) and I still think about Evra from time to time. He was actually my first email address that I made for myself when I was 13. Mhmm…
Anyway, I was thinking about him wandering off from the Cirque and coming across all the little snakes in the woods. He’s a bit younger here than he actually would have been when he joined the Cirque (in the book he joined when he was 11, he’s probably closer to 5 or 6 here) but the idea stuck with me so I went with it.
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Tiny little inch worm is determined to make it across a gap
(via)
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Building a treehouse is the biggest insult to a tree. “I killed your friend, here hold him.”
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when you tell a girl her outfit is really cute and she does a little pose thing then smiles, reblog if u agree
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old gods of appalachia is an extremely good podcast and i would recommend it to anyone who likes cosmic horror
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let’s talk about tough, brave, scarred and bitter characters whose voices soften and whose hands move patiently when they interact with someone terrified and hurting
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comic about the intersection of my transness and my autism, & how i don’t really understand or connect to either gender or neurotypical behaviors.
the text reads:
“Girls have long hair & boys have short hair.” “But why?” / “It’s rude to not make eye contact when talking to people.” “But why?” / “You were born with this body which makes you this gender” “But why?!” / “You’re the only one bothered by the noise, you’ll have to deal with it.” “But why?!”
Growing up, I felt weird, different, and like an outsider because of my neurodiversity and my gender. But I was just a kid- / I lacked the vocabulary and information to understand or explain myself. All I knew was there was something wrong with me. This lead to a lot of suffering for a lot of years. As I got older, I learned that neurodiversity & gender nonconformity are not bad things. There are lots of people like me, and these things make me who I am. My experience of transness and autism are contingent upon each other.
I navigate social situations and gender in unique, non-conventional ways, and these are inextricable. My lack of understanding/compliance with social norms is also how I am with gender. To me, gender is just social norms…and social norms are confusing & made up. There are some recent studies showing the higher rates of autism and gender-diverse people, which is a correlation that applies to me & others I know. Basically, I’m trans and autistic and proud!
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on “female autism” and why it is transmisogynist
(tl;dr at the end)
i have written posts about this on my personal account before, but now this subject has reached the autpunk blog so i am making a post with more explanations here. i am not a trans woman, however i have talked about this subject extensively with my dear friend (hi!! <3) who is an nb trans woman and they say i can good words. so here goes.
so there are a lot of articles and posts and lists of symptoms for this “female autism” thing. they say: autism presents differently in women and girls, and this is why it is often not recognized by professionals.
now there are several issues with this:
it’s not a different kind of autism. the actual symptoms as listed in the DSM 5 or ICD 10 are still the same. the only thing that is different is that “women and girls” (probably only cis women and girls?) do less often show the kind of behaviour that has become a stereotype for autistic behaviour.
so the professionals who recognize or diagnose autism based on those stereotypes or their absence are actually pretty bad professionals and that is the actual problem, not the fact that autism looks different in some people.
and of course, not all people who are “women and girls” according to those articles are, well, actually female, and not all women and girls actually display the “female autism” traits. this is what this post is about.
so some people recognize this: obviously, not every person who gets labelled a “girl” as a child by doctors is actually a girl. many of them will later find out that they are nonbinary or trans men or another gender.
so many people say: so, that means that this is actually not about “female autism”, it is about autism in AFAB people! this is nice for trans afab people who recognize themselves here.
but this is also where it gets transmisogynist because it erases the fact that trans girls will also often display the “female autism” traits. it uses the concept of gendered socialization to explain the differences in “boys” and “girls” and just pushes trans girls into the “socialized as male” box.
this connection might be hard to follow (took me a while too), so i will explain it in more detail now:
the difference between “female autism” and “standard autism” is explained by female socialization. that means: adults are teaching kids that they think are girls to be quieter, friendlier, more socializing, to fit in better, and other things like that. this is often named “female socialization”.
adults are not teaching kids that they think are boys those things. this is often named “male socialization”.
however, this is sort of a very generalized statement and it does not consider trans kids at all. because trans kids often (not always!) observe already as kids that there are different roles, and recognize that they do not fit into the role they have been assigned. they (consciously or subconsciously) adopt behaviours from “the other” role, or mix them up, or choose to behave completely different.
and another thing is that, even if a trans kid completely learns the role that was assigned to them, it would be very hurtful to give this role a gendered name which does not fit the kid. that means, if i was assigned female at birth, it would be very hurtful for me to say that the socialization i received was “female”. because what i actually got was “closeted nonbinary socialization”.
and what trans girls actually get could be called “closeted trans girl socialization”.
so.
this “socialization” is used to explain the difference between the way “girls” and “boys” present autism.
and this is why you are being transmisogynist if you simply replace “female” by “AFAB” in this context.
now you might ask: “but if trans girls might also display those atypical traits, why are professionals not talking about “boys” who also display those traits?”
to this i could only reply with a question: do you think they are even looking?
they have found their binary-gendered, bio-essentialist perfect explanation. it fits their world view and so why would they question it? so as a result, many autistic trans girls are ignored even harder because they are labelled “boys” so even while now at least there IS some awareness of atypical autistic stereotypes, it is gendered. many autistic trans women never get diagnosed.
so, in conclusion, this division of autistic stereotypes by gender is over-simplified and apart from being transmisogynist, it carries the danger of doing even more harm to gender noncomforming and trans kids. so please do not categorize autistic traits by gender and for goodness sake, do not categorize them by gender assigned at birth.
an alternative would be to talk about “atypical autism traits” instead, as for example done in this nice post.
-lhmod
TL;DR:
atypical autism traits found in kids are often called “female autism traits”.
this is a link to a post listing some atypical autism traits.
it’s not a different kind of autism, the symptoms are the same, just displayed differently because of the rules and pressure imposed on girls in particular.
so the difference between the way autism presents in “boys” and “girls” is explained by gendered socialization.
gendered socialization is real and happens, but assuming that AFAB kids receive “female socialization” and AMAB kids receive “male socialization” is very very much not cool, i mean it’s bio-essentialist and cissexist and please do not do that.
assuming that this kind of socialization happens only to AFAB kids, and therefore saying that this kind of autistic stereotype is not “female autism”, but rather “AFAB autism” is transmisogynist. Do Not Do That.
please do not caterogize autistic stereotypes by gender. you could call them atypical autism traits or anything else really, just don’t gender them, it harms trans people, especially trans girls and AMAB nonbinary people.
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when i'm not hating myself for being so awkward, sometimes i feel proud of the way i communicate. Internalised ableism is a struggle
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Is it wrong to purposely be nonverbal sometimes? What I mean is I know that if I try really hard I COULD be verbal but it would be much easier and less stressful to just stop speaking in situations where I feel I have to force the words out. I know there's so many people who can't help being nonverbal so I feel bad that in most situations I can force myself to speak, I just didn't know if it was ok to let myself be nonverbal to help myself deal with the situations where I feel like I need to be
Hey anon-friend.
Is it wrong to purposely be nonverbal sometimes? Is it wrong to purposely be nonverbal sometimes? What I mean is I know that if I try really hard I COULD be verbal but it would be much easier and less stressful to just stop speaking in situations where I feel I have to force the words out.
Nah. It’s not wrong. Just like how it’s not wrong to sit when you could stand, or put down your bag when you could keep holding it. Like how it’s not wrong to use a wheelchair when you can technically walk.
To expand on that last example using my own experiences; there are some days when I might be able to walk a bit, but I would be able to go farther, do more, and be in less pain at the end of the day if I use my wheelchair.
So, if I know I’m going to be out for 4 hours, I could:
a) Force myself to walk for an hour before switching to my chair because I’m tired and in pain, which makes for the next 3 hours being kinda sucky, or
b) Intentionally use my chair from the beginning, even if my pain is manageable and I have energy. This option saves me future pain and potential injury, and also lets me use my energy for other things.
As an autistic person, it’s a very similar situation with speaking. It’s an energy suck and you should feel free to toss the expectation of spoken speech overboard if that’s what is best for you.
As for myself, I do choose not to speak at times, or I choose to use a combination of AAC and speech.
I know there’s so many people who can’t help being nonverbal so I feel bad that in most situations I can force myself to speak, I just didn’t know if it was ok to let myself be nonverbal to help myself deal with the situations where I feel like I need to be
It is okay to save your words. It is okay to choose AAC over speech. It is okay to dedicate that brain power and energy to things you consider more important and living life in general.
Forcing speech can lead to meltdowns and shutdowns. It also contributes to burnout, which sucks, so choosing not to speak can be a way to recover from or prevent those things.
It’s okay not to force yourself, just like it’s okay when I choose to take my wheelchair on days when I might be able to force myself into walking a bit. You should do what you need to do.
I hope this was helpful.
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