consumedarkness-blog
STRENGTH;; to protect what matters.
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Forever my favourite quote. Forever a lingering thought.
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Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
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returnstolight:
… Oh.
Sora froze as it registered that Riku actually agreed with going back to Destiny Islands. Hardly any hesitation, either, and it made a lump begin to form within the boy’s throat, both with something hard to describe and a kind of nervous anticipation. Why was Riku so ready to agree here? Did that mean that he didn’t really plan on spending time with him, but rather just wanted to get him out of his hair?
Had he been that incessant?
Riku made his way back to where Sora was standing, who stared at his boyhood friend with a kind of glazed look to his eye. ❝R–really…?❞ His voice trembled with its hesitation, and his hands fidgeted along each other. ❝You really wanna go? You’re not just agreein’ to get me off your back?❞
Because it could very well be that case, knowing how Riku was as of late. It hurt to think about, of course, because it hurt to think about Riku in any context other than positive, but he knew better than to get his hopes up with him anymore. He’d been there to save him in his dreams, and certainly he was grateful for that, but that hardly meant that Riku wanted him around.
Was it really that much of a shock, that Riku would agree to go back home? Did Sora also see how much he deserved not to tread even a toe on that soft sand? It wouldn't surprise him, Sora should be able to see through every inch of him, see the darkness that boiled beneath his flesh. He could never understand how Sora didn't banish him, even as a master, even as he apparently had control over both the light and dark, Sora should banish him and claim the title that was rightfully his--
Or... Riku was over thinking and Sora simply had a bad memory.
He couldn't help but crack a small smile at himself at Sora's question. "Sora," he breathed, fingers pinched the bridge of his nose before he allowed his fingers to inch closer to Sora and skate over the ends of his hair, still not daring to let himself touch something so precious. "I was the one who offered to spend time with you. If I just wanted you off my back, I wouldn't have offered. Is your memory really that bad?"
Perhaps it was, maybe that was a side effect of having his memory shuffled. And clearly the boy was nervous, with how he fidgetted and shuffled before him.
How did Sora not realise that Riku would give up the worlds to spend the rest of his life besides him? How did he not hate him for being that selfish?
"I want to spend time with you." Oh, he hoped he wasn't giving away too much. "You seemed upset that I didn't have ice cream with you earlier, so I want to make that up to you. So... Can I?"
I know I don’t deserve to, but please, allow me one more chance...
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returnstolight:
Sora wanted to pinch himself. Surely he was dreaming? Riku had been so avoidant for years upon years that he’d been beginning to get accustomed to the rejection – a thought that hurt an awful lot. To have the other boy change his mind so suddenly, it made Sora wonder if there was something to this, something that he simply wasn’t getting. Ordinarily he’d dismiss such a thing as silly overthinking that was better reserved for other people less impulsive than he, but this was Riku here. Anything could be possible with him.
Oh, well. No sense in attempting to figure it out now, right? Sora hadn’t the faintest clue. Plus, he was exhausted as all get-out. No matter how much he mused, he doubted he’d be on the same wavelength here. He’d just have to wait and see what it was that Riku planned, if he planned anything at all.
Plus, he was too busy reveling in how much of a blessing it was that Riku allowed him to pick the location.
❝Oh! Well, okay!❞ And for lack of much else to do, the boy already trailed after Riku like a puppy as the elder went to grab his things within his room, something that Sora noted with a pang still remained separate from his own. It kind of made sense, given the size of the tower, but… Ah, better not think too much on it. It’s not like they ever lived together back home, anyway.
Speaking of which.
❝So, uh, I was thinkin’, then,❞ Sora babbled, ❝if we really could go anywhere… Could we maybe…stop by our old home?❞ The word ‘old’ sounded poisonous on his tongue, ached in a way that Sora himself hardly understood, but it was true. They didn’t really live there anymore. Couldn’t, in the wake of their destiny coming fast upon them. ❝Or–or if not there, then Twilight Town’s okay, too! I mean, I kinda miss Hayner and those guys…❞
He only offered the latter because a sinking suspicion brought him to worry that Riku would just flat-out leave early if he went with the former.
That word was poison to Riku, infecting his bloodstream with poisonous guilt when he heard it as Sora shouldn't think that way. That was an ideal he'd forced on the boy, to leave behind the place he'd grown up and move along into the other worlds to find where they belonged, but Sora had always belonged at home. He followed Riku's ambitions because Riku conditioned him too, he judged him upon his own goals and not Sora's.
And yet he claimed to care for Sora...? He really was a sham.
Now even he craved home, the lapping of the waves against his pale flesh, sand beneath his toes, but he didn't deserve it. His place was where he was, as a master, training and defending the worlds and those that mattered, not on the island paradise he'd grown up and shunned like the spoilt brat that he was.
If that was where Sora wished to go though, Riku would oblige. "Home sounds good." He agreed as he gathered all that he required, jacket and wallet and his keys in case he decided to return home and see his mother. He doubted he would. "You all set? I'm not coming all the way back once we set off just because you forgot something." It was a light teasing scold to keep up appearances, just as always, no doubt Sora would fall for it.
Unlike Sora, Riku didn't note their separate rooms. He had no right to believe that he deserved to share a room with Sora. He hadn't had that right since childhood.
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to finally follow ppl or to not,, that is the question?
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returnstolight:
Sora expected some acceptance of the apology, for him to turn around and say they should get to training – and he would’ve said yes to that, too, even if it wasn’t what his heart truly wanted. After all, it was important and Sora was practically beating himself up for being selfish about the whole ordeal anyway. This was beyond him and Riku, it was beyond their islands; it was something that involved all of the worlds, and he needed to respect that. Still, he struggled with the fact that all he’d wanted at the end of all this was to go home, and the break that they’d taken then hadn’t lasted long enough for his taste.
What he hadn’t expected was for Riku to call himself dumb, something that Sora immediately objected to, ❝What? You’re not–❞ But then for Riku to continue talking, and this time to cancel their training as he started to walk away from him. Sora’s eyes widened, and for a beat he considered asking what the heck Riku was talking about, but he noticed a rather palpable pause; and the wait rewarded him as…
As Riku asked to hang out with him.
It didn’t take away from the exhaustion. It didn’t take away from the confusion. But some kind of tension within Sora’s shoulders melted away upon hearing it as a flutter went through his chest, even as he couldn’t help but wonder what the catch to it was.
❝… Y… Yeah! I’d love to!❞ The boy already picked his step up, starting to fall in line by Riku’s side, a weightlessness beginning to carry his feet over to him. ❝Where are we gonna go, then?❞ He’d let Riku pick because he didn’t want to ruin this amazing fortune by somehow turning the other teen against him without knowing.
Something was still between them, distance and exhaustion, things that Riku was slightly glad was there as he certainly didn't deserve to have Sora as close as he could be. Even with those still between them though, Sora shone so brightly at the mention of them spending time together, that had been the right thing to request even if guilt already buried it's way into Riku's body as he didn't deserve to have that light near him.
He most certainly didn't deserve to be looking down on it, he wished he could grab Sora, lift him high into the sky and hold him up there forever, let him shine as bright as he did and cast aside everything that was dark. Surely Riku himself would wither away in that light though, and perhaps he was selfishly scared.
Who knew? It was difficult to keep those thoughts when Sora was making him smile, just as he always had, always so hard not to smile around him. It's those eyes, it's the way his cheeks bunch up as he smiles, still soft and as round as they had been as children with that reddish tint to them. It was his voice, loud enough to chase away the thoughts that plagued Riku constantly, it was everything he was.
Sora would never truly understand how wonderful he was, would he? And Riku supposed he was partly to blame for that, as usual.
"Anywhere you'd like," even it required unlocking pathways and traversing other worlds when they technically weren't supposed to do that. "Just let me grab a few things first." Namely his jacket and his wallet, before Sora suggested they go to Twilight Town and spent all his munny on ice cream and had nothing left for train tickets home.
He's already begun taking the steps up to his room, pushing past doors with large star and moon shapes on them, eyes never failing to glance over the wispy colours of light that surrounded the stairs. Even now, after staying for a couple of months, Riku never got used to the tower. He was too used to run down sofas at that old mansion, creaky steps and broken glass.
That place felt more fitting for him.
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best friends are my ultimate weakness :’)
on a side not i’m finally a real fan! i started playing kingdom hearts today :D
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returnstolight:
The hurt, the guilt, everything about Riku’s expression ate Sora up inside, and he bit his lip, instantly regretting having snapped at him like that. Sure, he had a good reason for it, but that didn’t mean Riku didn’t have a good reason for behaving the way he was – after all, Sora did need to pass that Mark of Mastery. A big war was coming up, the worlds would be in jeopardy…
…and here Sora was, getting upset simply because his best friend hadn’t spent proper time with him in a while.
Was Sora just being selfish?
❝… I’m sorry,❞ he murmured, looking down. And he was sincerely sorry. He shouldn’t have snapped like that. He swallowed.
And the worst was yet, with Riku asking him that question, it forced him to confront the fact that the other boy wasn’t the only one hiding things. But… Surely it wasn’t much to ask, was it? For Riku to spend time with him? For the two of them to be friends again?
❝It’s… It’s nothing, really. I’m just out of it.❞ That wasn’t a lie, anyway. ❝You’re just trying your best to help me and – well, here I am, being dumb.❞
The worst part was the fact that acknowledging it didn’t make it hurt less.
Not a lie, but not the whole truth either. Riku had known Sora long enough to be able to tell when he was holding himself back from him, usually when he was, he had hurt him.
So what was it? Forcing him to spend time with the most precious person to him? No. It was foolish to believe for even a second that him and Kairi would fall out or argue, the two were practically crafted by the gods for each other, they slotted too perfectly to argue. Riku had always noticed that, ever since she came to islands...
So was it him forcing Sora to go in general? Refusing to spend time with him in favour of training? He liked to believe that their training was them spending time, but why would Sora get upset for Riku saying no? He used to force him to spend time with him as a child after Kairi came, all his 'you promised you'd do this with me.'
'You can't do that without me, Sora.'
'She'll just turn it into a game of house! You shouldn't play with girls!'
He'd been awful from the start.
And now he'd conditioned Sora into believing that spending time with him was something to desire, even after all he had done.
"You're not the dumb one out of the two of us," he murmured, then turned his back to Sora to begin taking steps towards the tower. "Training's cancelled," he paused and ducked his head, sucking in a shaky breath. "Would you... Wanna hang out with me instead?"
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returnstolight:
Sora knew what Riku was trying to do – spur him on, and indeed it did that. But that was partly because of existing frustration he already had toward the other boy. Something vicious stirred in his chest, almost vindictive; in a way, he wanted Riku to hurt just like the boy was making him hurt. But he refrained from taking that bait, because he knew better than anyone how much Riku beat himself up, no matter how hard the other teen tried to hide it.
He just… Wished Riku wouldn’t hide anything. Sora wanted to make him smile again, and genuinely. Not these half-placed ones meant to appease him.
❝It’s not an excuse!❞ Sora sighed, his eyebrows knitting together. ❝Look, Riku, if you wanna train that badly we can go ahead. Whatever.❞ His tone was a great deal more scathing than it’d sounded in his head.
He'd fucked up.
It's there in Sora's voice, biting at him, an rightly so. There he was, smirking away and pushing Sora when something was clearly upset about something. Some best friend he was supposed to be, ignoring how Sora was hurt to push him to train. Even if Riku's intentions were good, even if he was pushing to get Sora to succeed, none of that mattered because Sora was hurting.
He was damaging what he was supposed to protect again, was it any wonder that Riku couldn't bring himself to touch the boy?
"What's wrong?"
Now it was time for Riku's eyes to give away the hatred he felt for himself and the guilt that welled inside of him, only for him to quickly cover his eyes with his hair.
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I heard the old, old, men say ‘all that’s beautiful drifts away, like the waters.’
W.Yeats
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returnstolight:
Sora’s lip twisted the more and more that Riku stared at him, once again not voicing what he was thinking. He was almost tempted to leave again, just to diffuse his temper somewhere instead of taking it out on the other boy – but then Riku spoke, shattering the silence, and his words made a dark pit grow within Sora’s stomach.
Was Riku just. Not paying attention. Ever? At all?
Gee, I wonder why! Maybe it’s because I was asking my best friend if we could go do something, and he blew me off! Hmm!! HMM!!
But Sora didn’t want to start an argument, and in his age he’d managed to clamp down a bit on reacting so impulsively to the boy.
❝… You asked about Kairi, not me,❞ he said instead, attempting to keep the huff out of his voice (and kind of failing). ❝But yeah, I’m fine, too. Just tired.❞
Well, the latter wasn’t untrue, at least.
"It's called making an observation, Sora." He didn't look fine, those eyes were dark and distant, not glowing like they should be after Sora went to visit Kairi.
Had Riku made another mistake? Had Sora argued with Kairi lately and he forced him to spend time with her instead? He wouldn't be surprised, trust him to fuck up as usual. Still, he shouldn't linger on it. Lingering brought about intense self loathing which Riku had learned only hurt Sora even more. It was best to keep it all under wraps, smile when he had to, laugh when he had to, frown when he had to. Don't let anyone in, don't let them know how badly he wished to claw out his throat.
Now was a moment he should smile, or smirk at least. "Is that the excuse you're going to use to worm out of training today? C'mon, Sora. I know you have more in you than this."
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HOW YOUR MUSE LOVES
Based on the Color Wheel Theory of Love.
Repost don’t reblog.
Bold the traits of each type of love that are most relevant to your muse.
ALL TYPES OF LOVE ARE VALID WITH BOTH BENEFITS AND PITFALLS. PEOPLE EXHIBIT THEM IN DIFFERENT WAYS WITH DIFFERENT PEOPLE, BUT TEND TO FOLLOW TRENDS. EVERYONE EXPERIENCES MORE THAN ONE.
PRIMARY LOVE
[ STORGE - FAMILIAL LOVE ( Loyalty, Siblings and Friends, Commitment ) ]
is not looking for love but is ready if encountered || is quietly possessive but not overly jealous || believes love comes from friendship but not a goal of life || only has sexual desires after commitment is declared
[ EROS - ROMANTIC LOVE ( Sensuality, Intensity, Passion ) ]
feels strong physical and emotional connection through the relationship || begins with a partner who is a stranger and evokes immediate excitement || may be exclusive but not possessive || seeks early sexual adventure, variety and technique || is ready for love and the risks
[ LUDUS - COMPETITIVE LOVE ( Teasing, Attention, Fun Before Commitment ) ]
is not ready to commit to anyone || has no intention of falling in love || is anxious about a partner who is too intimate || allows early sexual activity only for fun, without emotional connections
SECONDARY LOVES
[ PRAGMA - PRACTICAL LOVE ( Rationality, Realism, Collaboration ) - Storge-Ludus ]
is certain of their preferable “types” || begins a relationship with an already familiar person || believes a loving relationship is desirable for a happy life || expects reciprocation with feelings || believes sexual compatibility can be worked out
[ AGAPE - ALTRUISTIC LOVE ( Unbreakable, Forgiveness, Wholistic ) - Eros-Storge ]
is attracted to several types of people || meets people easily so most likely will begin with a stranger || feels concern and care for each partner they have || is neither jealous nor obsessive || enjoys sex and is willing to improve it
[ MANIA - OBSESSIVE LOVE ( Obsessions, Possessiveness, Jealousy ) - Ludus-Eros ]
is anxious about falling in love and has expectations of pain || quickly becomes overwhelmed by thoughts of their partner || forces partner into showing affection and emotion || is easily frustrated and does not enjoy sexual intimacy || is very possessive and jealous
Tagged by: @miragessplit
Tagging: still not following anyone lol....
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weep for yourself, my friend,
you’ve changed since then
&& you can’t get back your heart.
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[ @returnstolight || x ]
Praise holy that Sora had been and always would be easy to read, especially to Riku. His eyes gave everything away, always had, and perhaps that was why they were able to break down every wall around Riku's heart if he stared too long into them. He'd always been unable to resist them, unable to leave them when they were filled with tears or brimming with light.
It didn't help that those tied to him shared the same eyes. Naminé, Roxas and... Wait, was there someone else? Never mind.
"You don't look fine." Those eyes had broken him, he'd looked too long, worry clear in Riku's expression as he lifted a hand as if he wished to touch Sora's face again. Try and wipe away that fake smile, wipe away all the anguish, everything, return that real smile. Riku was worthy to touch him though, and instantly fingers withdrew once he realised what he was doing.
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