i think a lot of people are forgetting that taylor wrote a lot of these songs while she was having her manic phase and felt like dying and was ignoring joever and was channeling everything into matty, and not with hindsight and perspective. and this is not me saying that she’s lying about how she actually feels, rather i think she’s never been this honest. maybe she feels differently about it now (we have songs laced with regret and hate on the album too). what i am saying is that you can’t want to know her life and then get mad when she reveals just how dark and twisted it was.
‘and sometimes it gets me when crossing your jet stream, we both did the best we could do underneath the same moon in different galaxies’ is so fucking devastating bc not only does it allude to call it what you want, but also all of the references across her work implying that what they had was fate, sent to her by the universe, divine intervention. all the imagery of ‘starry eyes sparkling up my darkest night’ and ‘once upon a time the planets and the fates and all the stars aligned’ and ‘he’s passing by rare as the glimmer of a comet in the sky’ come crashing down into the reality that they were always just outside of each other’s orbit
‘CAUSE I’M A REAL TOUGH KID I CAN HANDLE MY SHIT THEY SAID BABE YOU GOTTA FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT AND I DID LIGHTS CAMERA BITCH SMILE EVEN WHEN YOU WANNA DIE
ttpd is like... this fucking sucked... it was my fault... fuck joe... this also fucking sucked... fuck matty... i thought i was gonna die... straight up commit me to an asylum... FUCK matty... fuck joe... no one knows me... fuck kim kardashian... i created every problem and every consequence i have to face... please see me as human... i am exposing my flaws so you see me as a real person... fuck jake gyllenhaal... if you're gonna be so up my business you better realize how fucked up my business is... also hi killatrav ily... there is nothing redeeming about this chapter of my life... hi mom ily... this ALSO fucking sucked... there may be good in the world... here is every sin i have ever committed... i was promised love and forever repeatedly and no one ever delivered... my reaction to trauma was awful... i made so many bad decisions... if you're gonna crucify me do it for good reasons... are you not entertained?