Males wouldn't achieve shit if women weren't there for them. And yet, it's women who are considered inherently incapable.

When you let your Jewish grandfather babysit your dog...

(Source)

I worked at a cancer treatment center for several years and during that time we naturally lost a few patients (fortunately we had very good remission/recovery rates, but death still happens) and let me tell you…..it never gets easier trying to figure out what to say. Six years of consoling widows and family members and I would still just….. “I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry. Do you want a hug?” I never knew what to say, because even though you might think “Oh well, just say ‘_______’ and be done” the fact is….each person who died was their own whole unique self with special unique ties to the individuals in their life. Each loss was a new entity, each pain was unique to that individual feeling it, and there are no magic words to fix that pain, and even if there were, they’d be different for each and every situation.

Pain and loss are weird. I have laughed at more funerals than I’ve cried at. I don’t know why. Hysteria, maybe? My own mothers celebration of life was basically a party where the whole town came together to share stories of her wild life and celebrate how she had touched so many lives. I didn’t ugly cry about her loss until months later, but my sister couldn’t make it three minutes without breaking down. We all process things differently, and I like to think that anyone who has gone through death and loss understands that. The best thing, I think, is just heartfelt honesty.

“I don’t even know what to say, but I want you to know I care.”

“I’m at a loss for words; I can’t even imagine what you must be feeling.”

“I’m not great with words, but if you need to talk, I’m a great listener, and a fantastic hugger.”

This is a time when it’s okay to be raw and vulnerable. It’s okay to fumble words and not know what to say. Just be present and honest and do what you can to ease the burden of those most closely affected by the death.

hey neil idk if you’re the best person to ask but i would like to think you have some sadge advice or something. as an introvert how do you deal with going to funerals and that whole interaction with people trying to support people and people trying to support you? It’s all strange and weird to me. thanks.

You remind yourself that this is not a usual thing for anyone, and that everyone is dealing with their own personal reactions to what's happened, with grief or loss or just the weirdness of it all. And you look after yourself.

And take refuge in things that people say. "I'm sorry for your loss", or "May their memory be a blessing" or "Thank you so much" when people offer their own condolences. It's formulaic but it works.

Being able to age is such a gift. One of my childhood friends just suddenly passed away from cancer at 42, and I’m still reeling. Nothing is promised to us, not today, not tomorrow, and it can be ripped away at any moment. This isn’t a reason to live in fear, however, rather it’s a reason to embrace life and live it as fully as you can.

And this doesn’t mean partying and going out, necessarily. It can mean being more present for the people in your life, diving deep into your hobbies and passions, taking on that daunting project you’ve been putting off for years until you’re “ready for it.” Hint: you’ll never be ready for it, you just have to do it as best you can with the tools and skills you have at hand.

And oh…….the fucks you will stop giving. Turning 40 was like turning off the “what do people think of me and my actions?” anxiety switch in my brain. I just…..truly do not give a single fuck. At all. But as stated above, the things I DO give a fuck about now sometimes shocks and surprises me.

Aging is amazing. Growing up we are fed this lie that growing old is something to fear, to be repulsed by (especially amongst women), and to fight against with anything we can. This is one of the biggest lies we’ve been sold. Each decade brings more to learn, to enjoy, to share, and I wouldn’t give up this inexorable march towards the inevitable end for anything.

Life is the ultimate example of “It's not the destination, it's the journey.”

I turn 30 next month so here’s what I learned in my 20s:

—don’t work for startups, they’re always one ‘innovative idea’ away adding ‘sell your kidneys on the black market’ to your job description.

—keeping a collection of basic OTC medicine on you will save your life one day. I recommend Advil, Imodium, and TUMS.

—those little single-use glasses cleaning wipes are 1000% worth the money

—overly self-depreciating jokes just make people uncomfortable, wean yourself off of them

—you can buy dehydrated mini marshmallows in bulk online and they’re a godsend for hot cocoa

—people don’t care if you have fidget toys on your desk they just want to play with them

—try to go to bed BEFORE the existential ennui kicks in

Big 3 5 Life.

Northern Caiman Lizard (Dracaena guianensis), family Teiidae, found across NW and north central South America

Aquatic, feeds on large snails

photograph by BryGuy Reptiles

One of my most controversial opinions is that although male suicide statistics are often thrown around in an attempt to elicit sympathy for men, I almost never feel sympathy. Each time I hear the male suicide stats, I imagine a venn diagram where one circle represents demographics that are overwhelmingly male, and the other circle represents demographics with extremely high suicide rates.

And do you know what demographics often make up the intersection? What demographics are both overwhelmingly male and have extremely high suicide rates? School shooters. Child rapists. Terrorists. Those who murder their wives and children. Violent criminals.

There is often this depiction that men who commit suicide are merely lonesome victims of ‘misandry’ who could not fulfill the harsh standards of masculinity. And yes, many of them might be. However, no one ever mentions the flip side of it, which is that male suicide statistics are often just an extension of male degeneracy—that men who commit suicide are not always victims, but rather victimizers seeking to escape the consequences of their actions. Don’t you ever wonder what the male suicide rate would be after subtracting all the pedophiles, murderers, and terrorists?

i'm sorry but this is the only submission to this trend that i'll consider giving any thought to

There are ten trillion pictures of flowering trees to the point where they sometimes seem trite and overdone. But then you see a tree in full flower and go holy shit this rules and I've gotta show this to everyone so they can experience the same magic and wonder and there are ten trillion and one pictures of flowering trees

Okayyyy might be a hot take, might not, might make people mad at me but:

Sex work is not and has never been empowering. I need all of you who say corny shit like “a blow job is better than no job!!” To shut the fuck up. Stop glamorizing this shit. Sex work and the porn industry is mostly trafficking, kidnap, or rape. And is it really a choice to become a sex worker when it’s either that or you and your kids starve to death? No it’s not. Is it empowering that you’re playing into a violent fantasy for some fucked up guy?? Shut up. It’s RARELY EVER a choice. Porn creates false ideas of sex and often the target audience is YOUNG men who don’t yet know what sex is realistically. They grow up thinking it’s violent and create fake expectations. It’s not empowering. Behind the scenes it’s all drugs, abuse, and depressing.

Is supporting this what “feminism” has become?

I used to have a neighbor whose gaming setup was right next to the window facing my homes back yard.

When I tell you this man would SCREAM BLUE MURDER at the TOP of his lungs ALL DAY LONG……you could hear him through the window. And during spring and fall when the weather was nice? He’d open the window and I shit you not, it was like he was standing at my back door just yelling “FUCK FUCK FUCK YOU SHIT-ASS COCK-SUCKING FUCKER GODDAMMIT YOU PIECE OF SHIT FUCK YOU DICK ASS MOTHER FUCKER FUCK YOU!!” through the screen door.

Meanwhile, me and my infant are trying to enjoy the day while being bombarded by increasingly filthy obscenities being screamed into our home.

I curse like a sailor, so I’m not like clutching pearls here, but good fucking lord man. I listened to him scream for 10 hours solid one day and was like “Why the FUCK does he PLAY this game if it makes him SO FUCKING MAD that he has to disrupt the ENTIRE NEIGHBORHOOD with his anger??”

It got so bad that one day I was in the backyard and saw my other neighbor grab his hose, set it to jet, and sprayed it up through the loud neighbors second floor window where he was cursing up a storm.

Seriously folks. If I’m reading a book and it sucks and makes me mad, I PUT IT DOWN.

It really is that simple. If your blood pressure is through the roof and you find yourself constantly angry at the recreational things you’re doing…..THEN STOP DOING THE THING.

i will never risk saying this in an actual gaming server but I don't think constantly screaming out of anger when you're playing is good