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cityweeping · 6 years

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“i wish i was like you” he says. heaves a sigh that blows up into the air and tries to claw my face open. i hide my eyes by staring at my coffee cup. “uh,” i said. “what does that mean.” under the little cafe table, i jiggle my legs enough to start an earthquake. why did i even agree to meet up. “what does that mean?”

he said it was a professional thing. i don’t know why i bought that. my mom says i always trust tigers too much, am gonna end up with a mauling.

“you know,” he sighs, “you’re in love. and you’re happy. and it’s not even like i need that kind of thing, but i want it. i want someone who tries their best to keep me happy and who is always there for me and will be in my bed at night and wake me up with coffee in the morning. i want that.”

“uh,” i say. i think i’m taken aback, but i am not enough of a white middle-aged woman to feel valid in the emotion. i settle for shuffling the papers we still haven’t gone through. “okay.”

he leans over. “i know you’re like, gay, or whatever - but how did you find her? where do i find somebody like her?” deep breath. “someone for me, like that. someone romantic, that remembers all my plans and ideas and desires. who gets me the right gift even when i wasn’t expecting it. you know. true love.”

there’s wrong, and then there’s this. and he’s not the first person i’ve heard say basically the same thing. i tear up a piece of croissant. “you want love,” i say.

“yeah,” he says.

“then how come,” i put the croissant down. i pick up the papers. “everything you just wished for is what someone can give you, not what you can give someone?”

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cityweeping · 6 years

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You get a penny every time you help someone. You notice nobody else has ever gotten a penny when they helped others, so you asked. But the person you asked didn’t answer, they just responded “You’ll know when you’re 30…” You’re 30 now, and your parents threw you a surprise party. All the people you ever helped were there. Your mother goes up to you, “So. You wanted to know why you got the pennies, right?”

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cityweeping · 6 years

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well i got mad every time a dancer had ballet slippers that weren’t pointe shoes but still had ribbons, or the ribbons went all the way up the calf muscle, or worse she obviously didn’t have the ankle flexibility for pointe but doing it anyway, or the foot was turned in, or the fingers were touching incorrectly, or her hair was - why! - not slicked back and she was wearing jewelry. and people patted my hand and understood my anger because i wasn’t a professional but come on, twenty long years of this. i simmered and sighed loudly and said “youtube is free and dancers are all over it.”

nobody blames my brother for getting heated every time the big bang theory is on. he and my sister both bow their engineer heads and go through the stages of grief en repeat. we pat their hands. “we aren’t like that,” sighed, frequently. they mourn a show that features scientists, supposedly written by “nerds”.

i sit down at a coffee where for two hours us five friends all loudly discuss the science that goes wrong in popular media. we allow each thing to have five loopholes, one for each of us. my friend goes red in the face talking about the bbc sherlock series. she has been dealing with “sociopath” following her in her footsteps since her first spectrum diagnosis. we let her yell about it. we all feel like yelling about it. “i’m not like that,” she says, even hours later, and i look at her while she is shaking, her hands in fists. “we aren’t like that.” and i want to tell her, yes, i know, i know - but it isn’t about me. it’s that some people who watch that show never figured out it’s badly written fiction.

okay.

“Actors should play whatever they want to play it’s fiction.”

when you’re mad that your new hero isn’t cast white, your anger is justified. when rey is a girl, your anger is justified. but when i ask “don’t take the space that belongs to me we already have very little,” i’m reminded: it’s just fiction. it doesn’t matter who represents it.

does it. in a better world, we could say that the writers always do the research. always try to make something true, honest, and intricate. good writers do. they listen and listen and listen. in a better world, we can complain about the little things like untucked ribbons and no rosin, about how she’s clearly not in Freeds even though that’s the company branding. we can pick apart these small parts that don’t deny us our identity, that only annoy us, that don’t ruin the movie or promote an idea about People Like Me.

instead, i am watching another bi girl written by a straight man. her hair is dyed, because obviously it is. she makes a homophobic comment. says it with a repressed shudder. when she talks about her experiences, it is not untucked ribbon. it is watching the ballet from a distance, with the music only echoing. it is a kaleidoscope of that’s-not-the-fuck-what-it-is. it is a farce. it is a funhouse mirror. a parody of representation; taunting me with the reminder: but you are like that, aren’t you, because we see you like that, don’t we.

a straight cis woman, i’m told gently, is basically the same thing as a trans man. there’s no trouble in who plays him, because, like, what’s the difference? why are we so triggered? it’s just fiction, even when it’s about a real man. it’s not transphobic, they’re finally representing us, right, why are we always asking so much from people, can’t we just get a life?

i’ve heard, now, about six hundred different canonical problems with actor choices and writing choices from Infinity Wars. About what is Right and what is Wrong, how fictional characters wouldn’t do/say/think a certain way, how the writers Really Fucked It Up. don’t even talk to me about how many people told me “i’m not sexist but the ghostbusters can’t be played by men.”

but we say “this is wrong and bigoted” and we’re told “calm down. close your eyes. this isn’t about you, it’s about us.”

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cityweeping · 6 years

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you know, tiny love. when she turned around my tongue stopped working and i forgot how to make sounds. i know someone was talking but at the sight of those eyes i completely tuned it out. i think i told her i liked her tattoos but all i could think was nobody has any business being that beautiful. you know, wondering what-could-have-been. wondering if you noticed too. hoping you didn’t fuck it up. you know. that instant gone-in-a-second holy-shit-i’m-in-love.

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cityweeping · 6 years

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A Guide to Orange County, California

Shows like The OC and Laguna Beach have brought Orange County to media attention. I feel like those shows don’t really accurately portray Orange County so here’s a guide to life in Orange County. I grew up in Orange County, so this is all just from personal experience. Also, I’m homesick.

Keep reading

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cityweeping · 6 years

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Mr. Rogers had an intentional manner of speaking to children, which his writers called “Freddish”. There were nine steps for translating into Freddish:

“State the idea you wish to express as clearly as possible, and in terms preschoolers can understand.” Example: It is dangerous to play in the street.

“Rephrase in a positive manner,” as in It is good to play where it is safe.

“Rephrase the idea, bearing in mind that preschoolers cannot yet make subtle distinctions and need to be redirected to authorities they trust.” As in, “Ask your parents where it is safe to play.”

“Rephrase your idea to eliminate all elements that could be considered prescriptive, directive, or instructive.” In the example, that’d mean getting rid of “ask”: Your parents will tell you where it is safe to play.

“Rephrase any element that suggests certainty.” That’d be “will”: Your parents can tell you where it is safe to play.

“Rephrase your idea to eliminate any element that may not apply to all children.” Not all children know their parents, so: Your favorite grown-ups can tell you where it is safe to play.

“Add a simple motivational idea that gives preschoolers a reason to follow your advice.” Perhaps: Your favorite grown-ups can tell you where it is safe to play. It is good to listen to them.

“Rephrase your new statement, repeating the first step.” “Good” represents a value judgment, so: Your favorite grown-ups can tell you where it is safe to play. It is important to try to listen to them.

“Rephrase your idea a ﬁnal time, relating it to some phase of development a preschooler can understand.” Maybe: Your favorite grown-ups can tell you where it is safe to play. It is important to try to listen to them, and listening is an important part of growing.

Mr. Rogers Had a Simple Set of Rules for Talking to Children - The Atlantic

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cityweeping · 6 years

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Broke af?

But still interested in feeding yourself? What if I told you that there’s a woman with a blog who had to feed both herself and her young son…on 10 British pounds ($15/14 Euro) per week?

Let me tell you a thing.

This woman saved my life last year. Actually saved my life. I had a piggy bank full of change and that’s it. Many people in my fandom might remember that dark time as when I had to hock my writing skills in exchange for donations. I cried a lot then.

This is real talk, people: I marked down exactly what I needed to buy, totaled it, counted out that exact change, and then went to three different stores to buy what I needed so I didn’t have to dump a load of change on just one person. I was already embarrassed, but to feel people staring? Utter shame suffused me. The reasons behind that are another post all together.

AgirlcalledJack.com is run by a British woman who was on benefits for years. Things got desperate. She had to find a way to feed herself and her son using just the basics that could be found at the supermarket. But the recipes she came up with are amazing.

You have to consider the differing costs of things between countries, but if you just have three ingredients in your cupboard, this woman will tell you what to do with it. Check what you already have. Chances are you have the basics of a filling meal already.

Here’s her list of kitchen basics.

Bake your own bread. It’s easier than you think. Here’s a list of many recipes, each using some variation of just plain flour, yeast, some oil, maybe water or lemon juice. And kneading bread is therapeutic.

Make your own pasta–gluten free.

She gets it. She really does. This is the article that started it all. It’s called “Hunger Hurts”.

She has vegan recipes.

A carrot, a can of kidney beans, and some cumin will get you a really filling soup…or throw in some flour for binding and you’ve got yourself a burger.

Don’t have an oven or the stove isn’t available? She covers that in her Microwave Cooking section.

She has a book, but many recipes can be found on her blog for free. She prices her recipes down to the cent, and every year she participates in a project called “Living Below the Line” where she has to live on 1 BP per day of food for five days.

Things improved for me a little, but her website is my go to. I learned how to bake bread (using my crockpot, but that was my own twist), and I have a little cart full of things that saved me back then, just in case I need them again. She gives you the tools to feed yourself, for very little money, and that’s a fabulous feeling.

Tip: Whenever you have a little extra money, buy a 10 dollar/pound/euro giftcard from your discount grocer. Stash it. That’s your super emergency money. Make sure they don’t charge by the month for lack of use, though.

I don’t care if it sounds like an advertisement–you won’t be buying anything from the site. What I DO care about is your mental, emotional, and physical health–and dammit, food’s right in the center of that.

If you don’t need this now, pass it on to someone who does. Pass it on anyway, because do you REALLY know which of the people in your life is in need? Which follower might be staring at their own piggy bank? Trust me: someone out there needs to see this.

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cityweeping · 6 years

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Attention anyone who needs hairstyle references

I want to introduce all of you to this amazing place called the ukhairdressers style gallery.

It’s basically a massive database full of high-quality images of different hairstyles. I mean, look at all the options in that sidebar (and part of it’s cut off):

In total they have 976 pages of hairstyles with about 17 styles each, that’s about 16592 hairstyles to look at.

Look at all the stuff they’ve got! Long hair:

Short hair:

Straight hair:

Curly hair:

Afro hair:

Men’s hair:

Hair on older models:

Extra-fancy hair:

Even crazy avant-garde hair:

So if you need help with designing a character or you just want to practice drawing hair, this is a fantastic resource.

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cityweeping · 6 years

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i didnt realise ao3 was started in response to lj deleting account relating to p//edophi|ia and they explicitly support the posting of such works yikes

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cityweeping · 6 years

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he is the worst man i have ever known

hey when i looked at you in the full roundness of your eyes i said i could find a part of you that i liked, right. because my mama always said that i should give men more chances, and that’s kind of fucked up but it’s the way things is. you know? girls are always always always bitches, but a man gets another chance no matter how many times he’s got no reason to be pardoned.

and i felt bad whenever i said no, or “i don’t like that” or “you move too quickly” i felt bad when i shifted away or went home or ran with my heart still locked in me. i felt like i had to make excuses for saying things, for being not-with-you, for not liking your opinions. give me a chance! you hollered at every intersection.

you’re right and i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m a bad person - i got a “gut feeling” and that’s not fair, is it, i’m supposed to have a hand of cards all full of your guilt or else it’s my fault, and it’s my fault, and i’m a bitch, and you’re actually a great person, and this is a dream, but god, when i flinch, i feel the crack in my teeth.

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cityweeping · 6 years

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im killing myself tonight. felt like telling someone, but i dont have anyone someones of my own.

please don’t. tomorrow we might meet a horizon we have never known. in six months might be the best night of your life.

six years ago, i used to picture a silver tie around my neck, and a closet door, and my throat caving in. i used to promise myself: tonight, tonight, the bite of forever, a silver knife. nobody would miss me, or else they’d get over it.

i forgot about me.

i forgot about the tattoos i wanted or the piercings. i forgot about the classes i wanted to take and the places i wanted to visit and the songs i wanted to sing and the people i wanted to meet. i thought about the albums i havent heard (hozier, are you with me?) and the memories i hadn’t made, unchecked on my bucket list. no skinny dip, no singing in public. no learning guitar. no books, no puzzles, no nothing. no last episode of that tv show.

it took me six years. not months, not the passing of the moments. but in six months, i’m happy in a way that i felt impossible. i remember sitting on the floor thinking: there’s no undoing what has been done. we are coming apart, us, the one. and when i died, it would make no impression. a satisfaction, in the end, the ending. the only mark i could make, the secret ending.

but in six years, i remade friends. i found my best friend. i caught my family so tight that i remembered them. i found family where family wouldn’t make itself.

what if the next poem i write is the one that saves your life. what if in a few years you hear an album that tells you where you’re going.

please don’t die. there’s so much worth living.

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cityweeping · 6 years

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So I started watching this Japanese dating show on Netflix called Rea(L)ove, where every contestant is looking for love and each has a “dark secret” that they have to reveal to the other contestants at random times, and hope that the others still accept them. Some are addicted to sex, some have a lot of debt, some have a criminal record and so on. So there is this one girl who likes one of the guys despite him being rude at times, and he choosesto go on a solo date with her. Towards the end of their date, the hosts make her share her secret with him, and it goes as follows:

he had an almost speechless and shocked response, he didn’t say anything negative or positive really, just the two hosts kept laughing and saying very rude remarks. The scene just kind of ended with them walking away and then their individual thoughts on the date that pretty much boiled down to:

and

So the next day, the girls, this time, get to choose a guy to go on a date with…

WILL HE????

HE DID!

So now, on the date—–

Sorry for the long post, but this was one of the sweetest things I’ve seen in a long time, and I was literally crying and just needed to share this with someone

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cityweeping · 6 years

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Ojisama to Neko: “Fukumaru-chan” [Original comic can be found on Twitter HERE]

I don’t know if my heart could take working in a pet store, taking care of animals and seeing them go like that… ah, I’m too sentimental. Maybe that’s why I prefer a profession where I can work with animals that have already been dead for millions of years. As a side note, I actually laughed while translating this- I translated it as “gentleman” because that seemed most appropriate in-context, but the word that the clerk actually used for Ojisama is “ikemen,” which refers to a “ladies’ man” or a generally handsome/charming guy. I love that even in-universe, everyone loves Ojisama.

PLEASE SUPPORT THE ORIGINAL ARTIST ON TWITTER AND PIXIV. VOLUME ONE OF THE OFFICIAL MANGA CAN BE PURCHASED ON AMAZON HERE.

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cityweeping · 6 years

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More often than not I’ll crack into a sprawling fantasy series and, while I appreciate the luscious descriptions of furniture, landscapes, and clothing, all I’m focused on is that I don’t actually know how this world works. I only know what it looks like.

Including some functionality to your universe can add to immersion and give your reader a strong foundation on which to build their mental model of your universe.

You certainly don’t need to use all of these questions! In fact, I recommend against that, as all of these certainly won’t make it into your final draft. I personally find that starting my worldbuilding off with 5 to 10 functional questions helps pave the way for glittery and elaborate aesthetic development later on.

How is the healthcare funded in your world?

How does healthcare functionally differ between the wealthy and the poor? (i.e. can only the wealthy go to hospitals? do poor families often have to rely on back-alley procedures?)

Where are health centers (i.e. hospitals, small clinics, etc.) organized in your cities?

Does it differ in smaller towns?

How does this affect people’s ability to get healthcare?

Is healthcare magical, and if it is, how does that affect the healthcare system?

If healing is instantaneous, how does that affect people’s views on injury, illness, and chronic ailments?

If you have both magical and physical healthcare, which one is deemed superior and how does that affect society?

What illnesses are common in your world?

How does this affect daily life?

What do the people in your world think illnesses are?

Is it a miasma theory?

Humor theory?

Demons?

Do they know about biological viruses and bacteria?

How does this affect healthcare?

How do people get water?

Is the water sanitary and if not, how do they sanitize it?

How does agriculture work?

Is it large corporations or individual farms?

What sort of agricultural technology exists in your world and how does it affect food production?

Are farmers wealthy or poor?

What sort of natural resources does your world/country(ies) have and how are they obtained?

How does this affect the average wealth of the country?

How does this wealth affect the culture?

What livestock or beasts of burden are most valued? Least valued? Why?

What is considered a luxury good vs. a regular good?

What forms of transportation does your world have?

What classes use what forms of transportation?

How far has the average citizen traveled, given your transportation limitations?

Which cities are the most accessible and which are the least? Why?

How do popular transportation methods change how cities/towns are laid out?

Does your world have public transportation? What is it?

Is there a coming-of-age aspect to travel?

Describe your world’s postal system or whatever equivalent there is.

Who pays for it?

How reliable is it?

Are there emergency methods for transporting information?

How does your world keep time (i.e. watches, sundials, water clock, etc.)?

Does your world have a currency system, barter system, or something else?

If you have multiple countries, do different currencies have different values across said countries?

How does this affect travel?

Do you have banks in your world and if so, how are they run?

Who owns the banks? Government? Wealthy? How does this affect the economy and/or class system?

How does credit operate in your universe?

Does your world operate more on big corporations or small business? Something in between?

How are workers/labourers treated in your world?

Are there workers unions and if so, what are common views on unions?

Describe your tax system. If you don’t have a tax system, explain why and how your world is affected by that.

Can certain social classes not own property, certain livestock, certain businesses, etc.? Why?

How are business records kept? Are business records kept?

If your world has technology, does your world prioritize developing entertainment tech, communications tech, transportation tech or something else entirely?

What does this say about your world?

How does this affect your economy?

To the closest approximation, what type of government does your world have?

How are rulers/presidents/nobles put in place?

How much power does an individual ruler have?

Is there a veto process?

If you have multiple countries, do they have different types of rulers?

Describe any large-scale alliances (i.e. countries, factions, etc.) that are present in your world.

How did they come about and how are they maintained?

Are they strained or peaceful?

How does it affect the greater politics of your world?

Describe how wars are fought both internationally and nationally.

Do methods of war differ between countries/races?

What about philosophies about war?

If there is a military, what is its hierarchy structure?

How does the military recruit?

Is the military looked upon favourably in your society?

What weapons are used by each country/type of people during warfare, and how does that affect war strategies?

Describe the sentencing system of your world.

Is your accused innocent until proven guilty, or guilty until proven innocent?

How are lawbreakers punished?

If you have prisons, describe how they are organized and run, and who owns them.

Does differing ownership change how the prisons operate?

What are the major ways in which laws between countries vary?

Do laws between cities vary? If so, how and why?

How does citizenship work in your world? What rights and privileges do citizens have that others do not?

Can certain classes or races not become citizens?

Are there certain taboo subjects or opinions that artist/authors/musicians are not allowed to depict (i.e. portraying the official religion in a negative light, explicit sexual material, etc.)? What does this say about your society?

How do people get around these censorship laws?

What is the official hierarchy of duty in your world? (i.e. is family the most important, or patriotism? What about clan?)

How many languages are there in your world, and how many languages share a common origin?

How many people are multilingual?

Which language is the most common?

How is multilingualism viewed?

How are different languages viewed? (i.e. is one language ugly/barbaric while another is romantic and sensual?)

Feel free to add your own questions in reblogs or in comments!

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cityweeping · 6 years

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I started Hebrew, which is why I’ve been dead on this blog, but I don’t think I can ever properly convey to you guys the sheer cultural whiplash of spending years learning Japanese from Japanese teachers and then trying to learn Hebrew from an Israeli

Japanese: you walk into class already apologizing for being alive Hebrew: you walk into class, the teacher insults you and you are expected to insult her back

Japanese: conjugates every single verb based on degree of intended politeness, nevermind keigo and honorifics Hebrew: Someone asked my teacher how to say “excuse me” and she laughed for several seconds before saying we shouldn’t worry about remembering that since we’ll never need to say it

Japanese: if you get one stroke wrong the entire kanji is incomprehensible Hebrew: cursive? script? fuck it do whatever you want, you don’t even have to write the vowels out unless you feel like it

Japanese: the closest thing there is to ‘bastard’ is an excessively direct ‘you’ pronoun Hebrew: ‘bitch’ translates directly

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cityweeping · 6 years

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There’s this weird culture of telling kids when they stress about school “u ain’t seen nothin yet hun! Wait till u do tax returns! Hahaha adulthood is fucking hell!” And i hate it b/c

1) it’s flat out untrue. Adulthood is a breeze compared to school. I have time to myself to do what I find fun and can make my own choices. Like, yeah, I’m poor and have to take care of myself, but the central activity of my life– work – is waaaaaay easier than school, mentally and emotionally.

2) Part of the reason school made me anxious to the point of considering suicide is that I had this wrong idea, drilled into my head by YEARS of people saying this, that if I didn’t do well in school, I would be a useless member of society, unable to be productive or do anything meaningful. Failing a class meant I might as well be dead. That’s the false equivalence this culture creates. But grades don’t mean SHIT in the workforce unless you’re trying to become a college professor or do something that requires a hella advanced degree.

3) it helps no one to say this! All it does is give mentally ill children, most of whom are already struggling to get through the DAY, the idea that it will only get much, much worse. I know I couldn’t cope with that thought. Any future planning past my 20s was blocked out in a haze of terror at the thought of having to persevere that long, only to get a shittier situation at the end. But it’s not shittier. I have to be more responsible, but this is a piece of goddamn cake compared to even High School. The only reason to say this to a teenager is to inflate your own sense of superiority over someone who is still learning how the world works.

So like. Can we kill this culture? Please?

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cityweeping · 6 years

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The tactic of invoking the other person’s blog description to discredit them in an argument really serves to show that conservatives fundamentally don’t understand what it means for something to be embarrassing.

Whenever rightists throw out another person’s description for cringe points it’s usually something like “Skye. 20. She/her/hers. Pansexual socialist. #BLM” meanwhile rightist blog descriptions are like “34-YEAR-OLD PROUD STRAIGHT WHITE MAN (GASP! HOW DARE I?), AK-47 GENDER PEW/PEWS/PEWSELF, AMBASSADOR OF KEKISTAN. PREPARE TO BE TRIGGERED, TUMBLRINAS”

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