deer in the headlights

CE QUE TU VEUX / WHAT YOU WANT

starring Arnaud Ménard music by Moses Sumney - Bless Me

random captions as photographs

tying other people’s testimonies with my own narrative was a way for me to take back my power. as simple as it sounds, it has been the rockiest road. I got to a point where both felt so separate it felt like I could not go on ; the whole thing felt just like when both your feet are on two different chairs being pulled apart.

expressing the deep-rooted consequences of oppression from a personal point of view not only validates the pain but also made me feel like I was playing the victim card, which was the exact same reason that kept me going from the start. being a victim was going to be the solace within the battle cry. this position was forced onto me and I was going to use it against them.

portraying myself through others was not enough.

eventually, it all made sense. the pain, the worth, the battle, all the love. I understood that it was a struggle that had to be led on two fronts: the personal and the collective. it is also about knowing when to back off in order to come back stronger. I took the anger, theirs and mine. the action in retaliation to all this anger became rage.

and so I fuelled myself with it, with no shame. I figured that I had to channel the personal through the collective in order to amplify it. it also made me embrace the confusion within the frustration as the more I let it consume me the less I was able to think straight. being in the moment instead of the bigger picture happened to be the only way towards the future.

this platform enabled me to embrace confusion by putting it on the frontline. I laid it all out by curating my work in a way that felt like, as a friend told me, instead of seeing the bigger picture from far above, we experience a puzzle by walking on it. as I do.

all the pieces I was seeing as separate and independent ended up breathing together as one body of work, creating dialog and dependance between each of them. I plan on presenting this platform at a certain point in time, because it purposely represents how I navigate within this journey myself.

galleries are an already existing system. although using my own open space as a platform or showing space for the videos, images and testimonials that make up my piece of work felt closer to me, and way more accessible for the audience. this system of delivery was also here for me to upload 24/7 which I believe is an essential part of my work.

my multi-media approach comes from my need to layer my consistency, and from my inability to accept the idea that identification has its own limits. this was expressed in this piece: https://chtarlie.tumblr.com/post/618827867460108288/hards-feelings-bounce-back-gentle-testimonies

being able to visualise my as well as our own struggle satisfied me. it does reflect on my original intentions as it sits in this in-between where personal and collective energies meet. the main shortcoming I had to face was the difficulty to reach this unique place. it turned out that this place had always been there to welcome me and us.

notes from tutorials

toothpaste, blood, shaving foam, skin pores

queer people don't grow up as ourselves, we grow up playing a version of ourselves that sacrifices authenticity to minimise humiliation and prejudice. the massive task of our adult lives is to unpick which parts of ourselves are truly us and which parts we've created to protect us.

in your face 02

« it’s nice because your activism isn’t in your face »

it is not your choice to determine what kind of activism should be rewarded. yes, riots feel uncomfortable because they are uncomfortable. when you say « violence is not the answer », you are saying « peaceful protests and negotiation are the answer ». you are denying the fact that marginalised groups often aren’t heard. implying there are other ways minimises the frustration and provides no answers, or solutions. it just points, with privilege, to just do things a different way that doesn’t disturb your comfort. people seem to forget that others died because people were trying to follow the law and negotiate peacefully. riots are not the problem. riots are a symptom of the problem. this means your privilege has protected you from being put in a situation where you feel you have no other choice. how far does someone have to be pushed to risk it all? if reading this makes you uncomfortable, check your privilege.

“Fight for your rights, but do it peacefully”.⁣ “I support you, but I don’t support your methods”.⁣ “I want you to have equal rights, but be patient”.⁣ “I understand your anger, but don’t express your anger”.⁣

once again, I was rewarded for being quiet.

queer people don't grow up as ourselves, we grow up playing a version of ourselves that sacrifices authenticity to minimise humiliation and prejudice. the massive task of our adult lives is to unpick which parts of ourselves are truly us and which parts we've created to protect us.

in your face 01

« it’s nice because your activism isn’t in your face »

it is not your choice to determine what kind of activism should be rewarded. yes, riots feel uncomfortable because they are uncomfortable. when you say « violence is not the answer », you are saying « peaceful protests and negotiation are the answer ». you are denying the fact that marginalised groups often aren’t heard. implying there are other ways minimises the frustration and provides no answers, or solutions. it just points, with privilege, to just do things a different way that doesn’t disturb your comfort. people seem to forget that others died because people were trying to follow the law and negotiate peacefully. riots are not the problem. riots are a symptom of the problem. this means your privilege has protected you from being put in a situation where you feel you have no other choice. how far does someone have to be pushed to risk it all? if reading this makes you uncomfortable, check your privilege.

“Fight for your rights, but do it peacefully”.⁣ “I support you, but I don’t support your methods”.⁣ “I want you to have equal rights, but be patient”.⁣ “I understand your anger, but don’t express your anger”.⁣

once again, I was rewarded for being quiet.

marc

how to grip a hammer