childofthestarsx
B A B Y G I R L
// audrey //
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THIS ONLY HAPPENS ONCE EVERY FEW YEARS, REBLOG WHILE YOU CAN
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1 emotion at a time?? lasting longer than 15 min ?? u fuc kngngn wot ???¿¿
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not to be dramatic™️ but I literally don’t know who I am
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ok universe, i’m ready to feel good things. make me feel good things.
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things abuse survivors think/say
maybe my trauma wasn’t bad enough
maybe what happened was just my fault??
but what if I can’t hold that person accountable? what if they meant well
what if I don’t have the right to be angry?
but what if they didn’t know they were hurting me? maybe its my fault for not saying it
it’s my fault, i’ve always been hiding how badly things hurt me
i’m just weak and pathetic and everything hurts me it’s not their fault i’m like this
hey this this thing actually happen or did i make that up
if i ask abuser they’ll tell me i made it up that must be true they do say i’m delusional
maybe if I’ve done something differently this wouldn’t have happened
guilt guilt guilt guilt
what if abuser is right tho? what if they’re telling the truth and it’s okay to tell it in insults then?
i’m garbage, i knew it
yeah everyone deserves compassion and comfort but me? no.
I am the sole person who is just bad enough to deserve everything that has happened to me
no this person didn’t mean to hurt my feelings i’m just too sensitive!!!
maybe someone else wouldn’t be hurt by this, this means its my fault
i hate myself
how long until everyone realizes i’m just a fake and there’s nothing valuable inside of me
yeah they like me now but i’m going to fuck it up and they’ll hate me like everyone else
was that abuse? no it can’t be. its my fault. if I wasn’t the way I am it wouldn’t have happened
everything people do to me is just what I deserved
what this person is doing bothers me so I have to try harder not to be bothered by it
this person is wrong but everyone believes them so it must be okay
yeah they hate me but i don’t want them to leave me maybe i can get them to hate me less
yeah this person is hurting me but i still need them in my life maybe if i change myself
it doesn’t matter if they hurt me, i’m used to it
what if everyone abandons me and I die alone
this person scares me but I can’t let that affect me
I shouldn’t be feeling this way, I need to get over my feelings
I can’t let anyone notice how I feel or they will hate me
how does everyone just stay calm? why can’t I do that
I’m a burden on everyone, I bet they’d all be happier if I wasn’t there
if I disappeared right now wouldn’t everything be better?
*these are not truths, this is after-effect of long term abuse
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like if you were long-term abused and all you got out of it was a mental illness and a life long trauma
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