tfw you finally start consistently fronting again after months of just the depression alter and youve gained 15 lbs

a lil funny that the most definitive proof we have of this disorder is someone keeps playing my cat tower game and i remember none of it

Hey future me if your curious about how ur mates have been doing so you want to scroll through this blog and give it a read; don't. Stop scrolling

BARGG WTF so 🍰 got trigger out (dk why I think it's cause we went to this little on demand counseling service on campus and we wanted to see what they could provide in way of couceling but we were just pussy footing Round it so hard 🍰 was like FINE SCOOT OVER ILL DO IT) and made us an app to get a flu shot and to go to the counselors but when. We went to the flu shot she lifted our sleeve up and were like !!!! Don't look at that lol!!! But the nurse didn't say anything so??? Anyway then we go to the fucking counseling and it's nice or whatever like the lobby's nice but THEN when we actually get to here 🍰 s like ok we need to actually stop pissing around fr and makes ME COME OUT N TALK and FUCK IDK I just talked??? And of cause H is like plz plz dony get us kicked off campus rn bruh so I'm tryna not be too uuu myself ig but then the lady is like... Hey you would be a great candidate for our new study it's basically a study to see how we can. Better treat students dealing with suicidal ideation and you get paid for it like BRUG HELL YEA SIGN ME UP anyway moral of the story is uuuu idk 🍰 is still out just trying to get us to deal with the test of today cause we have an exam later and our tooth hurts really bad but it's wack when u do stuff and then stuff happens lol

Coworker gave me a cake pop for my b day :)

so we have a lil who's whole job is to come out when we're upset to sorta chill us out and gutz got hella set off but was so mad he kept pushing the lil out if the front but was still rebloging stuff for him

Idk who's upset right. Now or why but I can just feel it. It's like the people in the apartment below me are being noisy as fuck

tryinng to make 🤎 in a picrew but it doesn't look right

yet someone insisting thats what they look like

goes back to a picrew another alter made a little while ago

They look the same

Oh

Fuck I'm tryna let 🍰 and 🧪 do hw because we need to start catching up very badly but I'm just so fucking triggered and upset that I keep shoving them out of the front and I have no motivation to do anything other than c////t myself and scroll through tiktok

so we might have just figured something out and let me tell you holy shit if this is working

huh isnt it funny that I've always been a decade older than everyone else age wise haha... oh

One of the things that feel really difficult to explain to singlets is how sometimes our emotions just.... appear or disappear. There's no slow build up, no riding the wave. And we've now figured out that these emotional "mood swings", as we used to call them, were almost always accompanied by a switch in who's fronting. We could be axiously shaking and crying one moment, then something abruptly triggers another alter out and we appear happy and playful the next. Our friends always found these moments to be incredibly unnerving, especially when they would bring it up with us and we'd act as if nothing had happened or even forgotten the very emotions we were feeling not even 5 minutes ago. It's especially frustrating when we know something's wrong, we know we were upset earlier, but now we don't feel those emotions at all and have no idea why we were upset and so we end up feeling like a liar and doubting our own experiences.

someone in the head space rn

Shits gone to, well, shit. I've been pretty much locked out if the front for a while and now that I'm back here I'm just going to sit here until we're better. I don't care if it burns me out or kills me or what the fuck ever we have come to far to fall here. They can't help but fall apart but I can

uuugghhhh someone wanted to go to a party earlier but by the time it was time to leave they had switched out with me and I uuuuuu don't want to go

as much as this blog was helpful making everything private I feel like helped a lot. I try so hard to encourage everyone to just talk. No acronym, no censoring, no vague references. It's still tough but the knowledge that everything is private helps. No need to feel worried about using an alters real name because the only people who will ever see it already know their name.

But now that communication is open we've been getting so much more info. maybe too much. we've been turning into alter soup a lot recently because i guess we all just start taking and looking and doing stuff. But it may also be because we are so super triggered lately and things are uhhh rough. Like yea I know why an alter is doing *that* now but I have no clue how to make them stop

well since I'm out again (it's been a minute) Im gonna keep pushing towards helping. Trying to get a therapist right now I think is the number one priority. I also want to be ready though. No going in and floundering, I want each session to matter. Make a list of what I want. Goals. And go in there. And don't be afraid to talk about what's wrong. Love being a health alter haha.